Chapter 2: This Day Was Going To Be Perfect
Disclaimer: I don't own My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic or any of the characters, nor do I own Team Fortress 2 or any of it's characters. I do, however, own Copper Head.
"Ah, ain't this a beautiful day, Big Mac?" sighed Applejack as she tilted her trademark hat up slightly so she could feel the warm rays on her freckled cheeks.
"Eeyup," stated her older sibling as he hefted a barrel of freshly picked Red Delicious from Sweet Apple Acres onto his back. The day was indeed something to be admired, the weather team had been hard at work all week to keep the skies clear for the upcoming Grand Galloping Gala.
The warm weather also meant that there were a lot of thirsty ponies wandering the streets, which meant that apple juice and cider sales were up, which meant Applejack was happy. And her mood was only brightened all the more when she spotted her dear friend, Twilight Sparkle, trotting rather hurriedly down the square as she placed a package wrapped up in her magic within a pair of unfamiliar saddle bags.
"Well howdy, Twi. Whatcha got there?"
Twilight looked up from her path with a strange look on her face; a cross between surprise and annoyance that drifted into one of distain. She raised an eyebrow at the orange farmer before heading back along her obviously-more-important-than-her-friend errand with a huff.
"Now just what in tarnation was that all about?" Applejack said aloud, causing Big Mac to look up from his job of juicing apples by applying brute force onto the red fruits over a strainer. True, it wasn't the most glorious way of producing juice, but when a sudden heatwave strikes while out at the stand, anything that fills customer demand is acceptable, even for Sweet Apple Acres' high standards.
"Uh, AJ? Ain't that Twilight a' runnin' up over there?" said the usually silent Big Mac as he pointed down the road towards the sea of moving bodies.
"I don't see anything. Are you su-" Before she could finish her sentence, the same violet unicorn that has just given her the cold shoulder rocketed by her stand with Spike hanging off her mane and Pinkie Pie in hot pursuit.
Applejack was dumbfounded. Had she just seen Twilight…chasing Twilight? She just sat there, stunned, for what seemed like minutes before shaking her head and tilting her hat back down into the grove it made on her blonde mane.
"Hey, Big Mac? Are ya sure that nothin' else is gettin' inta the apple juice? No bugs or anything like that?"
"Eenope," he said checking his hooves for any mud or other type contaminate.
"Huh, must be the darn heat then…" With that, the orange earth pony tipped her hat and decided it was best to rest a spell under a nearby tree to avoid anymore mirages.
+++++
Twilight panted as she bobbed and weaved in-between the various candy-colored ponies that mingled and shopped for all manor of things, nearly side-checking Cheerilee as she made a sharp turn. Pinkie took a slightly less aggressive approach at tracking down Twilight's impostor by bouncing merrily above the crowd before diving back down into the mass of Equestrians.
"TWILIGHT! SLOW DO-O-O-OWN!" Spike pleaded as he clung tightly to the manic mare's mane, thrashing about as she dashed to and fro.
"No time, Spike! We have to catch that impostor and get back The Bombinomicon before they open it!"
"But wouldn't they have opened it by now!?" yelped Spike as he fought to keep down what he had eaten that morning.
"Trust me Spike, we would have known if they had opened it." Actually, that was a lie. Twilight hadn't the faintest idea of what terror that tome may tell. It could still be harmless albeit rude, and that's what Twilight kept trying tell herself, she'd believe it too were not for her brain pointing out all of the terrible things it MIGHT be capable of. "We just have to keep looking until we-"
*WHUMP*
Twilight crashed onto the ground as Spike continued along the path they were traveling and ended up crashing head-first into a produce stand.
"My cabbages!" cried Fresh Pick as he held a few pieces of what used to be his beloved stand in his hooves.
Twilight groaned, she sat up rubbing her head as her dizzied vision returned to her. What did she hit? It must've been something big…
"Uhhh…ow…"
Or, somePONY big.
Twilight gasped, "Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry, I wasn't looking were I was going! Are you alright?"
Copper Head, a larger-than-most stallion with a mane and tail to match his namesake, got on his grey hooves and cricked his neck with a loud pop that made Twilight fear that she may have hurt him in her recklessness.
"I'm alright, Twilight. I've taken much harder hits than that," said the white unicorn as he swept some dust from his Cutie Mark; an orange Lambda symbol inside of a grey circle comprised of segments. "Why were you in such a rush anyway?" he said raising an eyebrow over one of his emerald eyes as he telekinetically placed his saddle bags across his back.
"I was uh- looking for somepony. Hey, how'd you know who I was? I think I would have remembered somepony like you. I mean; somepony as big as you…I mean; I don't have many coltfriends, so they're kinda short…my friends I mean! They're all mares, I don't have that many colt-friends…I mean…ohhh!" Twilight buried her face in her hooves from sheer embarrassment in a way that would have made Fluttershy proud.
"Err, it's okay. I know what you meant. Sorta. Anyway, I'm Copper Head, and how could I NOT know who you are? You're Princess Celestia's pupil, you're the librarian, you're one of the Elements of Harmony, you've saved Equestria twice, and you're Shining Armor's little sister; you're practically a Princess yourself!" said the white colt, who took his turn to blush a bit under his freckles.
"Oh. Um, wow. And I know almost nothing about you, heh. Well, Spike and I have to be going now. I'm sure the pony I'm looking for is…a ways off by now. Nicemeetingyoubye!"
The last bit of Twilight's sentence fused ungracefully as she levitated Spike up from his cabbage cage and broke into a dead sprint in the direction she saw herself go in. Copper Head, a little confused himself, decided it was best to just wave her goodbye and be on his way.
"Uh, Twilight? What was that all about?" asked Spike, still floating within the lavender mare's magical grip.
"Some weirdo who seemed to know everything about me," she said rolling her eyes and sighing.
"I heard some of that. It is common knowledge, besides, you're best friends with Pinkie Pie, and she knows EVERYPONY, I'm sure she's mentioned you to him at one of his birthday parties or something."
"I guess- wait a minute," Twilight skidded to a halt, this time keeping Spike from slingshoting into yet another vegetable cart. "Just where the hay is Pinkie Pie?"
As if on cue, a ballon that had been drifting lazily around a tree, popped to reveal the aforementioned pink earth pony. She tumbled down the tree's trunk and stopped in front of Twilight and Spike with a flourish. "Hiya Twilight! You find you yet?"
"Sadly no, I bumped into some stallion named Copper Head on the way and got held up. Actually, that reminds me; do you know anypony named Copper Head?" asked Twilight.
Pinkie scratched her chin as an uncharacteristically thoughtful look adorned her features. "Hmm…let's see; there's Copper Tone, Copper Kettle, and Copper Wire, but I don't know any Copper Heads. Isn't a Copperhead a type of snake? Maybe Fluttershy knows one! Honestly, Twilight. Is now REALLY the time to be thinking about snakes?"
Twilight shuddered at the the mention of snakes. She had never been what one would call fond of reptiles (except for Spike and Gummy), but ever since she accidentally awoke a large nest of snakes during her first Winter Wrap-Up, she had acquired an ample fear of serpents.
'If I never see another snake again, it'll be too soon,' Twilight thought. "Wait a minute; Pinkie, if you don't know anypony by the name of Copper Head, then…just who did I bump into?"
Twilight, Spike, and Pinkie all glanced back towards the swarming crowd, but sadly, no large unicorns with metallic manes where to be found. Little did they know the stallion was already on the other side of Ponyville, making his way into the clutches of Everfree Forest.
+++++
The Everfree Forest; not a place ponies usually wander into by choice. The few that do, only do so out of necessity and try not to linger within the bizarre forest for too long. In contrast to the rest of Equestria, the plants grow all on their own, the weather around it changes regardless of whatever the Cloudsdale Weather Chat may say without any aid from pegasi, and the creatures that dwell within could make even the most hardened Royal Guard quake in their armor.
If the natural dangers weren't bad enough, Everfree is also one giant maze that any non-pegasus would have a horrible time trying to free themselves from. Thorns and other nasty plant life encompass the vast majority of the trails that aren't dominated by monstrous trees and thick vines, and hazards such as quicksand or white-water rapids can spell doom for even Daring Doo herself.
But Everfree is nothing compared to what lays beyond: The Badlands.
A Celestia-forgotten place of nothing but rock and caverns where the only resemblance of plant life is that of the withered trees and dying weeds that dot the otherwise empty desert. The rock basin that commands most of this wretched place is by no means solid, boulders the size of Ponyville's Town Hall fall at a regular pace down into the fissures that crack open at random and engulf everything in the immediate area.
No creature, let alone pony, would be crazy enough to venture into such a danger zone…except for a white, orange-maned unicorn.
Copper Head glanced around the unforgiving landscape. The crackle of rocks tumbling down into the valley made his ears twitch in response but was given no second thought from the wandering colt. His head remained still as he scanned the sun-scorched cliffs. He was being watched.
However, Copper Head had been aware of that ever since he left the Everfree Forest and had been gaining popularity among his mysterious followers all throughout Dodge City. As he continued into a large cave that ripped the rock face in two, his sensitive ears detected a faint buzzing beginning to close in around him. A smile crept over his face, he was getting close.
As he trekked further into the darkness, the emerald glow around his horn grew brighter to keep his path moderately lit. As his illumination spell reached its limit, a throbbing glow gleamed in the black void told the wary traveler where to go. As he approached, the pulsating green light revealed just how large the cave really was.
Copper Head looked up and up to see cocoon-like growths hanging from the celling that emitted the guiding glow. A large cocoon rested in the center, sending pulses of light throughout all of the others like a heartbeat. The walls were nowhere near as impressive to look at; they were black, shimmering…and moving about in response to the glow streaming from the unicorn's horn.
One small part of the wall swiveled to reveal two large, segmented eyes attached to the head of an insect-like creature that screeched and bared its sharpened fangs at the traveler. The shriek echoed throughout the the cave, causing the thousands of Drones to elicit similar responses. They creaked open their exoskeletons, the roar of thousands of wingbeats shook the room as they swarmed around the central cocoon which grew ever brighter.
The massive hive-like growth suddenly engorged itself before splitting into fourths and released a gas that blocked out the Drones and everything else from Copper Head's sight. As he looked up to where the gas originated, a large object fell from within.
The large mass plummeted towards the ground, but somehow slowed its decent to a crawl before landing with nary a sound. The defining roar suddenly stopped, leaving only the sound of clacking hooves coming from the still gas-covered being that grew closer to Copper Head.
"Have you brought what I requested?" asked a female voice from within the greenish fog.
"I have," said Copper Head in a high-pitched, echoey voice as he levitated a wrapped package from his saddlebags. "It was easy, they had no Idea!"
A maniacal laugh rang out as the package was enveloped in a different aura. "Excellent! With this, my revenge on Equestria shall be legendary! So say I; Queen Chrysalis, ruler of the Changelings, and soon, THE WORLD!"
The gas was blasted away as Queen Chrysalis unfurled her torn, nearly translucent wings. She was just tall as Celestia herself, and much like her Drones and Soldiers, her body was encased in a black exoskeleton that reached all the way from her crooked, bent horn down to the holes that riddled her long, slender legs as smog continued to drift through them. Her stomach and back sported turquoise membranes as did the bulbs that decorated the natural crown growing atop her head, which was almost covered by her dark cerulean mane.
Her piercing green eyes looked hungrily at the package as she tore the wrapping away with her magic. "You have done wonderfully, Ditto," she said to Copper Head who kneeled as a green aura swirled around him. Upon standing, he had returned to his natural form of the Changeling Soldier known as Ditto.
"Thank you, my Queen," he buzzed as he too flew up to rejoin his siblings along the Hive's interior.
"Yes, with this stolen Canterlot Spell Book, we shall have our just desserts!"
The rest of the Changelings began to cheer, performing ariel acrobatics and high-hoofing each other. In the commotion, a pair of beady red eyes opened and began to take in their surroundings.
"WHAT? WHERE AM I?" Everyone else within the Hive, including Chrysalis, froze at the sudden exclamation. "OH, YOU LOOK LIKE A FUN GROUP. ANYONE WANT TO LEARN HOW TO MAKE THINGS GO 'BOOM'?"
"W-What? It talks?"
"W-WHAT? YOU SPEAK BASIC ENGLISH?" snorted The Bombinomicon as it ignored Chrysalis and returned to looking around the Hive. "THAT STUPID UNICORN REALLY LET THIS PLACE GO…"
Chrysalis brought The Bombinomicon closer and inspected the strange tome. "A TALKING Spell Book? I had no idea that Celestia sent such powerful artifacts across Equestria in such an unprotected manner. Crazy hag. She must be slipping in her old age," Chrysalis snickered as she continued to rotate the book.
"HEY, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A PICTURE? IT'LL LA- AND JUST WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE? IT LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE COULDN'T 'OUT-SMART BULLET'" it said mimicking Heavy as its face rotated around and was meet the glare on Chrysalis'.
"Silence! You shall watch your tone in the presence of a Queen!"
"A QUEEN? EXCUSE ME, LET ME JUST TAKE A KNEE HERE SO I CAN- OH, WAIT, THAT'S RIGHT I'M A DAMN BOOK…"
"…You are a magical spell book from Canterot, correct?" said Chrysalis as the strong possibility that her master plan may not be as watertight as she originally thought began to dawn on her.
The Bombinomicon said nothing for a moment, its eyes seemingly starring off into space. "CANTERLOT? OKAY, THAT DOES SOUND FAMILIAR. WAS THAT THE NAME OF THAT DONUT SHOP WE STOPPED AT?"
Chrysalis' jaw dropped. This wasn't happening, no, it couldn't be. No no no no no, this HAD to be a Spell Book from Canterlot, it just had to be! Unless…
"DITTO!" the frightened Soldier quickly returned to his Queen, "I thought you said that this was one of Celestia's Spell Books!" she yelled stamping her hoof.
"I-I-I did, it is! I did just as you commanded: I took the guise of Copper Head, I observed that meddling pony for weeks as per your request, and I saw this exact book leave her library with that ditzy grey pegasus and return with that same mailmare. I even saw the postage that said 'Rush Delivery to Canterlot' with the Royal Seal!"
Chrysalis looked down at her quaking Soldier, he wouldn't dare lie. So that meant that this…thing, was indeed from Canterlot. "Very well; book! I command you to tell me your secrets!"
"EXCUSE ME? I'M SORRY, I MISSED THE PART WHERE YOU HIT YOUR HEAD HARD ENOUGH TO THINK THAT YOU CAN ORDER ME AROUND."
Chrysalis' pupils thinned until they were but barely visible lines dividing the otherwise green pools of her eyes. She violently tugged the troublesome tome over a pit filled with an unknown bubbling liquid and held it afloat mere inches from the rising bubbles, one of which popped and lightly sprinkled The Bombinomicon's leathery jacket.
"HOT! HOT! VERY HOT!"
"Yes, it is. And if you don't want to be submerged in it, then I suggest you OBEY. MY. COMMANDS!"
The Bombinomicon looked at the boiling pit and then back at Chrysalis, "ALRIGHT. WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU DESIRE OF ME, YOUR MAJESTY?"
Chrysalis smiled and pulled the defeated book to safety. "Well, isn't that a nice tone. I suggest you get used to using it around me." She set The Bombinomicon down on a desk made of the natural rock and began to flip through its pages. "Let's see; 'How To Make Bombs', 'Expert Bomb Crafting', 'Blast Radius Calculations', 'Magical Bombs'…why would Celestia even HAVE a book such as this? Was she planning something? Wait, what's…'MONOCULUS'?"
"HMM? OH THAT OLD THING? ITS NOTHING SPECIAL, ITS JUST AN ENCHANTED CREATURE THAT ONCE WIPED OUT HALF OF ARIZO- ER, CANTERLOOT."
"You mean 'Canterlot'?"
"YEAH, HIM TOO."
Chrysalis tapped a hoof to her chin: If the book was telling the truth (and if it wasn't it was going straight in the pit), then she had in her possession the means to summon a fabled beast of old! "Book! I command you to summon this 'MONOCULUS' at once!"
The Bombinomicon just sat there. MONOCULUS, here!? No, that would be disastrous. It knew it couldn't let this crazed…whatever the hell she was get control over something like that. She would have no more use for it, and that could mean anything from being chucked into that boiling pit to being shot into space.
Suddenly, an idea popped into The Bombinomicon's bindings; since it couldn't summon MONOCULUS here anyway, maybe there was a way it could save itself AND get rid of this pesky Queen.
"AS YOU COMMAND, QUEEN. BUT, I WONDER, WHY MONOCULUS? WOULDN'T YOU RATHER HAVE THE ORIGINAL?"
"…'Original'?" asked Chrysalis as she eyed the mystical book quizzically. "What do you mean by 'original'?"
"ALLOW ME TO EXPLAIN. YOU SEE, MONOCULUS TIS BUT A SINGLE PART OF MUCH MORE TERRIFYING MONSTROSITY. BUT, YOU'RE THE QUEEN, SO ONE MONOCULUS COMING RIGHT-"
"Wait! I-I've changed my mind! I want this other creature you speak of."
The Bombinomicon chuckled, "BUT OF COURSE: BAZBO BADARBA!!!"
The Bombinomicon's eyes lit up as shot into the air. It flew open, releasing a purple haze that quickly shrouded the upper tiers of the Hive causing the Drones and Soldiers above to rush into the catacombs for safety. Blue wisps started to revolve around The Bombinomicon faster and faster until they appeared to be rings wrapping around the floating book. Its tiny red eyes glowed brighter still as the wisps shot towards the ground. As they continued to strike the same spots on the cracked floor, a portal opened and a gust of air pressure shot forth.
Chrysalis was beside herself with joy. Her war beast was almost here! Although the dense fog stopped her from getting an eyeful of her new creature the amount of magic she felt from her horn told her that it must be immensely powerful. After a few moments the portal, the wisps, everything but the haze, had faded and The Bombinomicon began to drift back down.
Chrysalis wrapped the falling text in her magic, "YES! The moment has finally arrived! Now I can-"
"SHHHH! QUIET! DO YOU WANT TO ANGER IT!?"
Chrysalis quickly covered her moth with her hooves. She glanced up at The Bombinomicon with a puzzled and annoyed look. "Then what would you have me do!?" she said in a loud whisper.
"THE BEAST IS VERY TEMPERAMENTAL. ONLY THIS INCANTATION CAN SOOTH IT'S SOUL; THE ENEMY HAS CAPTURED THE INTELLIGENCE!" exclaimed The Bombinomicon in a flawless imitation of the Announcer.
"Wha? Ach, bloody hell!"
"And what did that-" before Chrysalis could finish, a small spiky ball stuck into the wall behind her, followed closely by several more. Each one of them was painted red with yellow stripes along the edges, and they all emitted a throbbing red pulse similar to that of the overhanging cocoons.
"OH THEY'RE GONNA HAVE TA' BURY WHAT'S LEFT OF YOU IN A SOUP CAN," The Bombinomicon said snidely. With that, and a small electronic beep, the Hive erupted into a maelstrom of defining explosions, fire, falling chunks of rock, Soldiers and Drones flying for dear life, and a lone brown bottle breaking against the ground.
Stats
Page generated in 0.024 seconds
Total duration
913 users online
526,762 hits today, 2,004,447 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
HMM, GEE-WHIZ, COPPER HEAD SURE LOOKS FAMILIAR. I WONDER IF HE'S SOMEONE'S PONYSONYA? NAW, PROBABLY NOT.
HELL YEAH! NEW CHAPTER!
ahhhhh drunk demo...funnyest person...ever!
Ohhhh, there gonna have to glue her back together. IN HELL!
...i fucking love this.
1064468 I saw copperheads description and was going to put it in the comments. You, nameless and totally not awesome and popular pony have beaten me to it.
Seems very short but I love the ending nonetheless. But are we going to have a showdown between monoculas and Demo like pyro and the horseless headless horseman or are you going to change it up?
DIDN'T YA SEE THE BLOODEH BOMBS?
That book is a great-A smart ass. I like it. also, I wonder how spy and mono gets involved, since chrysalis and demoman is already dragged into it.
1032177 My life's dream.
Bombinomicon is best pony
Oh my GOD that was amazing.
I had the Bombinomicon speak with Wheatley's voice.
static.tumblr.com/squ8xqv/PVhm3xvx4/wheatley_in_space_by_lomoco-d3f9bds.png
While i was reading this I had my nuckle in my mouth and I was sucking on it. (Don't judge)
And after a while it started making a squeeking noise that scared the shit outa me when I finished the chapter.
I jumped out of the chair and landed on my side.
Why am I telling you this? BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY BITCHES!
1064818 YEAH! Me too! Bro-hoof!
img-cache.cdn.gaiaonline.com/917ae5427c153fe4cf972316b8e9f929/http://i1198.photobucket.com/albums/aa456/Herp-a-derp-/1292057360023-n1292475595998.jpg
as all should say; DiS GON BE GOOD
HELL FUCKING YES!
And That;s why you never piss off a talking book.
KA-BOOOOUYM!
1064940 i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/293/590/6f6.gif
FUCK
UPDATE
I have been waiting, and you haven't disappointed
Hopefully when they glue them back together in Hell, they'll be able to fill in those holes.
HAHA, BOOM
So... T'all you fine ponies so proud, so cock-sure. Prancin' aboot with your head full of eyeballs! Come and get me I say. I'll be waiting on ya with a whiff of the ol' brimstone. I'm a grim bloody fable... with an unhappy bloody end!
Oh they're going to have to glue you back together... IN HELL!!
I like the bombinomicon reminds me of my family, sarcastic and somewhat dangerous when provoked.
The bombinomicon should have summoned hale instead of demo, then convinced hale that chrysalis was a hippie, then she would be dead...DED!!
The moment I read this I could not stop thinking aren't the holes in a changeling's legs close enough to the same size as some of demoman's explosives to get stuck?
so, the badlands are that little space between the Everfree and Apploosa?
I wish the Bombinawhoopda said stuff while you wore it...
If Pyro brought all of his stuff along with him in a sack, did Demo bring his items too? I hope he brought the Sticky Jumper with him, that's sure to cause some chaos.
1065859 But of course!
Hehe, good ol' TF2 humour! Cant wait for next chapter!
fc01.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/047/e/c/what_makes_me_a_good_demopony__by_death_driver_5000-d4pydj3.png
Oh, this is going to be fantastic.
1065412
This. This is a very good point. Very, very good point.
He's gonna blast 'em into a thin gruel!
Of course, there is the question of ammunition... Eh, that's what the bottle of scrumpy and various haunted blades are for.
Fantastic entrance by Mr. DeGroot. I'm definitely looking forward to his reaction to his new surroundings once the smoke clears.
fc03.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2009/350/c/0/Demoman__s_Soup_Can_Poster_by_Autonomous_Ink.png
Eh. Picture's close enough.
The Demoman has arrived (hopefully)... But where could the Spy be?
I've got a good feeling about this!
1065618 Actually it's closer to Dodge Junction than anything else, Copper Head/Ditto went the long route and walked through Everfree down past Dodge Junction, I made an amendment to clarify.
1068931 Gotchya. Good thing he didn't take the train. Bringing the source of many an explosive onto public transportation tends to be frowned upon.
1068965
Tell me about it, getting my umbrella outta Japan was hell in itself...
Those bombs are harmless. They're from…well, I forgot the name of that Stickybomb Launcher, but it's meant for practicing sticky jumps. And he can't grab the intelligence with that thing.
Oh, I remember! It's the Sticky Jump!
Some errors.
Strangle look, fawned of
1073673 Thanks, my spellcheck only goes so far
I got around to reading this after going away! This is awesome! Love the talking voice with mimics. Good job. Godspeed and goodluck.
1081833 Thanks
Hey guy.
The Mann vs. Machine update.
Will it have any effect on this story?
At all?
1084758 Maaaaybe...
Oh my god the cabbage dude from The last airbender. You're a fucken nut and I love you for that.
1089958
YES! Finally! I wasn't sure if anyone got the joke or if they just weren't saying anything.
1090202 because vegetables.
1090258 A-HA! Now it all makes sense...
Yah! I can't wait until Demo and Spah arrive! Chapter 3, please! Pretty please? :c