this concept is interesting... i will leave a real comment after i read it...

I like the picture.

I know that you're going for a more disjointed prose style intentionally, but this is too jarring and too out there. Who does what and says what is all thrown into a mix. It's a conversational style, and that writing choice is neither a good nor a bad thing inherently, but it's too confusing here. And, for goodness sake, what's with the paragraph formatting? You seem to space things out randomly. Sorry.

I like the use of a Deus Ex poster for a Devil May Cry crossover.

Why is a crossover with a fucking shitty game serving as the picture for a crossover with a great game?

>>993081993081

Deus Ex cover for a DMC crossover? Fuck logic.

Their isnt enough MLP/DMC crossover fanart, the author had to improvise, which I can understand if he/she had to.

Grammar wise, look it over a couple read it to yourself and find some of the mistakes you made.

I like the concept, and you write it well. I want to see more. Don't waste this fav.

>>993099993099

I'd say Deus Ex is mediocre at best, but that is a good question

WHY THE HELL IS THE COVER FOR A FLUTTERSHY AND DMC CROSSOVER THE COVER FOR DEUS EX!?!  

Image: http://i46.tinypic.com/2rpa0x5.jpg

FYI, I'm not disliking this fic. I'm just gonna have to just say that I'm not a big fan from what I've read so far.

I hope you can fix it up a bit, but I won't be cruel or harsh.

So... I assume it's a Devil May Cry crossover, heh? Sorry, I don't read these, they're rickety unstable. No exceptions.

>>993068993068 So this was basically Fluttershy writing in her diary, as she needs one to remember things due to her amnesia.

>> timaeusTestified Fluttershy just looks so badass in the pic, right?

>> Dusk Stalker I try to experiment with different writing styles, and, while working on a fic where I'm doing a pretty good job, everyone can see the flaws. I'll gladly take your words into consideration. Thanks!

>> Madara XIII I actually didn't think that people would really pay attention to that.

Recommendations?

>>994021994021

I do remember a picture of Fluttershy with Dante's coat. I'll see if I can find it and private message it to you.

THat was just me being a nitpicky bitch though.

Your story does show promise regardless of cover art.

>>993099993099 Firstly, Deus Ex Human Revolution is arguably the best game in the last decade, with fantastic stealth gameplay, great shooting, great story, great graphics and great sound design (which is second most important to gameplay). Secondly... what was I talking about again, I had a fanboy black out moment there.

>>993987993987

>>993996993996

>>994001994001

>>994021994021

You know, you can just copy and paste the reply onto an edit, therefore you don't have long strings of comments. I wish I had known that when I wrote my fic. Approximatly half of the 150 comments of my fic were my own.

>>994146994146 And the other half are retards yelling for more poorly written crap... and then there is the .01 percent that hate it completely... AKA me.

>>993575993575 No, vanilla Deus Ex is god tier. HR is shit.

>>993996993996 Maybe.

*sniff*

Maybe.

>>994128994128

Image: http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0smg41y5J1r3k1m8o1_500.png

>>994281994281

Ah I was waiting for someone to bring up Vanilla Deus Ex and you are right that it was better.

I'm just sad that Deus Ex HR failed like it did.

>>994281994281 Picture didn't load properly. Good ol' trollestia pic

>>994293994293 ...I have a ring. Right here. I don't care what gender you are. Marry me now.

>>994321994321

As honored as I feel by such an offer, I must decline.

Image: http://i48.tinypic.com/msf483.jpg

My Buns just cannot accept your Wienie  

>>994146994146 I've yet to even think about using that. Thanks!

>>994293994293 What makes it terrible exactly? Yes the main character sounded a little too much like Nolan's batman. Yes the lip sinc on the helicopter chick was all off. Yes you couldn't avoid bosses like the originals. It was still a FANTASTIC game, and easily my favourite game of all time due to the incredible story, immersion (mainly thanks to the AMAZING sound track, since good soundtrack is the main requirement for immersion and good gaming) a good 20 hours of gameplay, and great graphics, what was so bad about it?

>>994836994836 I'm just a spectator here. You're talking about DMC, right?

>>994836994836

Oh storywise I had no trouble, but as Yahtzee stated before to quell my rage was that sometimes the bosses felt like it was lacking innovation. The way it was set up was almost as if you could take the boss out in a creative fashion, boss comes and BAM, simple minded combat.

Now I wouldn't mind this in a regular hack and slash game, but Deus Ex isn't a hack and slash.

It just didn't meet my standards. I could care less for lip synching and what not, but it was just at times the game felt lacking.

Trust me, I'm hard to please when it comes to gaming seeing how I do reviews and rarely enjoy most any game immensely

>>994313994313 It was Pinkie Pie saying GET THE FUCK OUT.

>>994599994599

Image: http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/02353.gif

>>995006995006

Aside from the fact that I love Tavros, what is this picture implying!?!?

I MUST KNOW!!!

>>995139995139 Sadness.

>>995444995444

Ah. I'm sorry to hear.

Let me help alleviate that

>>994983994983 No Deus Ex Human Revolution, never played devil may cry, I only wen't here to talk about the fail picture.

I am interested.

>>10274931027493 Hooray? X3

>>10429761042976 That's not what you were going for? Okay, I feel a part of my soul will explode twice if this does not continue..... that's probably too much.

>>10433691043369 Oh, rest assured, it will continued.

Have you ever had a good amount of projects going on at once? Yeah, I'm afraid that's my primary issue here. Glad to know some more people like this; thanks!

No problem. I luckily have limited myself to one story at a time (granted I've only written two) because with my job and such I wouldn't have the time to give more than one the attention it needs. Take your time and the end result will benefit greatly.

>>10434581043458 That's been my theory for the longest time, I can tell you that much. Ehehe...

It's actually been advised by another individual that working on multiple projects is actually beneficial, though I don't quite understand how.

Thank you for your support.

Can you tell me what you think about the rest of the story being written in Third-Person perspective upon reading the first chapter (which I take it you have)?

Of course. I wouldn't comment on a story I haven't read yet. I actually prefer third-person in most fics. So I think its a great idea, but that's just me.

>>10435651043565 I just think it makes sense; because she's not writing to herself anymore, you know? (plus, my first-person ability sucks.)

As does mine. I think third person is the way to go.

>>10436751043675 All this debating has finally been settled. Well, actually, there was no debating. I wanted to do this in the first place anyway.

Once I'm done with my schoolwork for tonight, I think I'll take a few hours and works on it.

(Truth is, I'm just building off of a Pokemon fanfic that I wrote a while back. But even so, that was a really nice story, I guess.)

Good to know. I look forward to it.

>>10438401043840 Again, thank you for the support. I means way more than you could possibly understand (no offense)

Oh I fully understand (from my perspective, not from yours. No offense taken) Any and all feedback I get on my stories, positive or negative, is truly amazing. And you're welcome.