I shall deconstruct, make fun, and parody everything in existence. And whether you like it or not, I don't care.
43w, 1dI will be writing again 19 comments · 307 views
56w, 2dStory got Rejected =( 23 comments · 206 views
79w, 5dPuns Puns and Puns 10 comments · 74 views
80w, 6dthis site really needs a new mod or something 3 comments · 51 views
81w, 2dI get the award 4 comments · 64 views
81w, 4dTROLAOTLAFHNLDJFKGASLDMC<SZS 5 comments · 75 views
Inside of the town in which the ponies lived, the weather was neither splendid nor horrid on the specific day that this story describes. After some general chit chat between the six friends, all of whom belonged to the pony species, they came to the conclusion that a certain activity must be carried out before the day's end in order to engage in the act of "fun". Thus, the ponies exited through a device in the wall of the home of one of the ponies and proceeded down a thing. The thing brought them to another thing in which, after a certain amount of time, opened and allowed the six previously metioned beings into the establishment. Inside the establishment three of the total of six ponies engaged in an activity.
In the activity there were a certain set of rules of which must be followed. The game also dictated objectives in order for a winner to be declared. After an unspecified amount of time of engaging in this activity it was stopped and the winner was declared. After a short moment the six friends decided to have a fun time doing something. Obtaining the necessary objects to start the something they did it. It was fun.
A couple unspecified time units later, the unspecified beings engaged in yet another unspecified activity. In this activity an unspecified round thing was bounced of the things of choice of the beings that engaged in the activity and tossed around a circular ring of beings in which fun was obtained. The being of unspecified color being won the thing.
One of these beings had a name. They also had a gender: female. This female being of a certain species had a name that began with the letter T. She enjoyed doing things that required another thing to transfer information to the other thing in an act that required both the things to do something, therefore allowing her to do the thing. She loved doing the thing, she even owned a thing in which she kept all the things which were used to do the thing that she liked so much. After winning the thing that the beings were engaging in, the being whose name begins with T felt an emotion. This emotion led to an act which expressed the emotion in a visible way for the other five of her friends to view and determine which emotion was being expressed.
Suddenly the cloudy skies are cleared, and everything is no longer foggy. It becomes apparent that the six beings are actually Twilight Sparkle and her friends, and the unidentified place is Ponyville, and the unspecified time is 4:30 on a Monday. The temperature is exactly seventy-eight degrees Fahrenheit and it is sunny. There are exactly 432 residents in Ponyville and exactly 500 bird residents.
On this very specific day at this very specific time Twilight Sparkle and her friends went to Sugar Cube Corner to engage in some fun activities which included talking, eating, and waiting for something interesting to happen. Suddenly the door bursts open. It's George W. Bush, he's wearing a beret.
"Why are you wearing a beret, George?" says Twilight. Cupcakes start flying from the counter of Sugar Cube Corner. They're everywhere, engulfing Bush. Suddenly the roof turns into soup and drenches the ponies. Twilight is a cat now. She's allergic to cats. She reaches out for the magical pole of wonder but misses and falls into the boat. Inside the boat there is a map.
Who said that.
The cat takes the map but it melts into a dozen doves. Applejack falls from the sky. She's a whale now. The boat explodes and Twilight falls backwards into my house.
"Hello Twilight," I say. She's a cat, but she's allergic to cats. Twilight starts to sneeze Pinkie Pie. I don't understand what's going on because I'm typing the story but I'm staring at Twilight at the same time. My fingers keep typing while Twilight continues to sneeze. I can't stop, the words keep coming.
Twilight trots up to me, she has stopped sneezing. Now I'm a cat. We're both allergic to cats. A rock flies in through the window with the message "Kill yourself" on it.
"Thanks mom!" I yell.
She responds, but I'm a cat. Cats don't talk. Twilight is a cat. There is a short moment where we both start to lick our fur but then Pinkie Pie becomes a lion. I don't know what's going on anymore. I jump for the closet but the earth is already tearing apart beneath me. The door opens and I jump, barely clawing my way up onto solid ground and sprinting out the door. I'm not a cat anymore. I make my way to the nearest grocery store. Twilight follows me. Twilight is a cat.
Inside the grocery store the food is laughing at me but there is no time for shenanigans. I fall into a shopping cart and it starts to move. I start to move. The moms are staring at me because I'm in a shopping cart while simultaneously not in a shopping cart. A cute girl walks up to me but I ignore her, she was ugly.
Four minutes later I'm outside the store with cat Twilight and we're both singing the same song. Twilight is a little flat but the cars are going about 120 miles per hour and there's no time to stop. We sprint across the highway. Twilight is a cat.
My socks start to fall off. I'm allergic to socks. I start to sneeze but only manage to spin around in a circle. For a moment I'm a marmoset but then it fades to grey and I'm back to being a human. Twilight jumps into the portal but I stay, I have a family to take care of. I wipe back the tears and take a shower. I hug the nearest tree and it hugs me back.
There's no time to waste, the storm is coming. I run as fast as I can, my heart is pumping, there aren't any street lights but that's okay because I brought my jar of fireflies. It isn't night yet. There are no cars on the street so I make it back to the warehouse safely. The drug dealer is waiting for me there. I slip him a twenty dollar bill and he slips me a kazoo. I play the kazoo and hear the cry of four thousand eagles. The eagles swoop down and eat the roof of the warehouse. Four of them fly down and grasp my jacket, lifting me into the sky.
I don't look down, looking down is for the weak. I am not weak. I look down and see my parents in a hotel playing a game of Scrabble. My father is winning by three points but it's my mom's turn and she has the opportunity to spell the word "eyebrows" and shoot ahead, but also has an opportunity to set herself up for a triple word bonus if she can hold it until the next turn. It's a risky situation. I start to sweat. My shirt starts to sweat. A beach ball hits me in the face and I blink twice. I lose sight of the game and never find out who won. I shed a tear, but it's made of ketchup. The eagles let me go and I activate the parachute.
After the short fall down to earth I run back into my house. Pinkie Pie did something while I was gone.
"I need to tell Celestia!" I yell, busting down the door to my house and running in carrying my battle axe and wearing my fanny pack. I rush to the computer and type something, opening a program titled "PEN15".
Inside the program there is a cracker. I eat the cracker. I think about how the 115 calories from the cracker might be bad for my diet but recall healthy breakfast and allow the treat as a reward for eating healthily this morning. Unluckily the cracker was a cat. I am a cat. Twilight is a cat. We're both allergic to cats.
The portal opens and I jump in. Now I'm in Equestria. I run for the castle but one of the clouds falls out of the sky and blocks my path. The cute girl from the grocery store is back, but now she's a cat. I push her aside and say,"This is too dangerous for you. Tell my kids I love them."
I reach into my pocket and pull out a rifle. The monster is approaching. I wipe away another tear and run forward. The monster whips me with a vine but I shoot it in the eye and it explodes. My hearing is lost for a short moment but it comes back. Twilight is there. She's a cat. The other ponies are there, including Applejack. I check my breast pocket and pull out my packet of crayons.
"Only thirty-two crayons left," I say despairingly,"There isn't much time left."
Applejack nods her head and so do the other ponies. I put the crayons back into my breast pocket and look at the castle that is far away. I pull my hat over my head a little bit more to hide my eyes, and then in a flash I look back up and start to run. I run as fast as I can. I jump and the bridge starts to close.
"NOOO!" I yell. Twilight uses her magic to teleport me to the other side. She jumps over the gap and joins me with her friends by her side. We run to the castle. I feel my fingers turn into sausages and then back into fingers. I toss a crayon into the portal and it completes the complex. We are safe for another two minutes. My crayon box slowly starts to empty.
Canterlot looks really big, but there's no time to lose. I grab hold of Twilight's tail and say the magic words. Bright lights shoot down from the sky and I grow angel wings. I flap them powerfully and push myself forward. The ponies follow me. Celestia is on the balcony and sees me coming. She flies down from the castle to meet me.
I land on the ground, pounding my fist into the grass and make cracks go everywhere. Twilight and her friends land next to me. Celestia lands in front of me and my eyes become dinner plates. Twilight is a cat.
I'm allergic to cats. Celestia opens her wings. I sneeze three times. I fall backwards and the spaghetti flows from my pockets. Celestia backs away as the spaghetti flows out of my pockets. I take of my shirt and try to clean the spaghetti but it just gets worse. I'm crying now. My mouth starts to foam and my tears mix with the spaghetti. I try to unzip my pants but I can't. All I can do is roll around in the spaghetti while crying. Twilight falls over.
I curl up into a ball and cry more, the spaghetti falling out of my pockets still. My t-shirt is covered in the meat sauce that trickles down my leg. Suddenly my underwear becomes uncomfortable from all the sauce in it. I cry some more and ask Celestia to eat my t-shirt. She says no. I'm sucked down into the spaghetti.
Suddenly I'm back in my house, with my t-shirt back on and everything is back to normal. I take a step forward but Twilight the cat is there. I trip. I fall backwards and the spaghetti flows from my pockets.