“A terrible fate?” I echoed.
“Yes. I have been watching you,” Luna said.
My head cocked to the side, I tried to place this strange pony. She had both wings and a horn, and her strong resemblance to my Mistress made me somewhat suspicious. Could this be some trick of the mind, trying to make me doubt myself as it had not so long ago? “Who are you, really? Are you a princess?”
The ragged pony hung her head. “I... do not deserve such a title after the blasphemy I have wrought.” She paused for a few moments, clearly lost in some inner reverie as we stood there in silence. “But this is not about me, Twilight Sparkle. This is about you. It is too late for me, but you may yet be freed.”
“Freed? From what? Nightmare Moon—” A smitten sigh escaped my lips, unbidden. “—is going to take care of everything. Those weird ponies, my confusion: my Mistress will make it all better.”
Luna's right eye twitched, and her lips tightened as though to restrain a small fit of rage. She drew in a quick breath and calmed her quivering eye, then said, “Very well. Consider this before you cut me to the quick. Ponder, Twilight Sparkle. Think back. Have you always depended on your...” She paused, her quivering lips almost choking on her words as she continued, “Mistress... quite so much as you have recently?”
The love-struck smile that had adorned my features faded. “Well, no...”
“And do you not think it strange that suddenly your mistress, your mentor, was suddenly so eager to leap in and help you directly?” She began pacing, circling around me in the dusky haze surrounding us. “Was she not always tasking you with solving things on your own? Finding your own solutions? Not using her as a cheap apothecary’s panacea?”
“Well, you do have a point there. I guess she does seem awfully willing to act right now, but that's because it's an emergency! Equestria is in danger!”
Luna, her eyes widening in fear and hope as she glanced around at the suddenly more oppressive darkness, shook her head in an emphatic no. “Thou art too sharp to live a falsehood. Think. Have any other oddities arisen? Does anything seem out of place?”
A sharp keening grew in my head as unbidden memories of laughing and adventuring with rebel ponies rose to the forefront of my mind. “I...” I reeled, overcome with nausea; somehow, I didn’t think vomiting was any more common in dreams. “I...” I shook my head. “N-no! I trust Her! She would never lie to me or deceive me! Stop... stop trying to confuse me.” I took a few steps closer—close enough that I could have reached out and touched her haggard face—and smiled. “I know me. And this is what I want. I want to be with my Mistress. I do not deserve to be the student of such a great pony, but I would never, ever desert Her. At Her side as Her faithful student is where I belong.”
Luna's face hardened, her brows furrowing downward as her ears lay flat against her head. “Student, or slave?” she barked. “Look at thyself, Twilight Sparkle! Remember who you truly are! Cast away the illusion of happiness and see what truly transpired. Who was the pony who, as a filly, pushed boundaries and overcame impossible odds to pass a magic test most grown unicorns could not hope to pass? Who was the pony who felt joy at seeing her teacher bring forth the dawn?”
The gloom surged in, so thick that I could barely see Luna's blazing eyes. “Where is your fire, Twilight Sparkle? Where is thy wit and will?” Tendrils reached out from the darkness, lashing about her legs and wings, but her gaze never wavered. “Wake up. Wake up, and see what she has made you, see what she made me. Wake up, lapdog!” The tendrils, desperate to drag her from my sight, tried to force their way into her mouth and gag her, but she thrashed about. Her voice rose to a lion's roar. “Wake up, expendable pawn!” She faded from sight, dragged off by the omnipresent, inky blackness, but as I stood there, trying to make out what had happened, one final scream reached my ears: “Wake up, thou simpering slave!”
“Wake up, my faithful student,” a melodious voice admonished, as though I was hearing a mother trying to rouse her child who had overslept by just a few minutes.
Feelings of dread and joy washed over me as I shifted, feeling a soft, downy surface beneath my back. My eyes fluttered open. “P-Princess?” Lying next to me atop the covers of a canopy bed was Princess Celestia; Her billowing mane and concerned eyes were mere inches from my drowsy gaze. “P-Princess?!” I scooted away, my face aflame as my mind raced. Princess Celestia was the enemy of Equestria. No, She was its savior and my teacher. No, Nightmare Moon was my almighty Mistress. The jewelry I wore pulsed, and as my mind cleared, I once again knew that Princess Celestia was my teacher.
Tears gathered in my eyes as the memory of what I had done returned to me—in sharp contrast to what I’d believed I was doing. “Oh... oh, Princess! It was terrible! I... I...”
“Shh...” She held me close, running a soothing hoof through my frazzled mane as Her wings folded around me. “It's okay, Twilight. I know that it wasn't you. Nightmare Moon was using you.” My cheeks burned all the hotter; I couldn't remember the last time I had been this close to Her, close enough that a sugary-sweet scent floated into my nostrils every time I inhaled—the smell almost reminded me of waffles, or any comfort food a mother would make for a daughter the morning after a trying day. “I know you're probably still confused, but don't worry. Everything should become clear in time.”
“Princess, I...” The tears ran freely, no doubt staining Her flawless coat. My voice dropped to a hoarse whisper. “I betrayed you. I... I failed you. I failed Equestria.”
Her hug tightened. “Don't you believe that, Twilight. Not for a moment. You performed admirably, my little pony.”
I buried my shame deeper into her coat, but I couldn't stop myself from a few muffled mutters. “But... you said to make some friends, and right when I made some friends... I abandoned them.”
“Oh, them?” Her voice dropped to an uncharacteristically low tone. “They weren't important.”
“W-what?” I pulled back.
A strange, sardonic smile graced Princess Celestia's face. “As you can see, I was able to escape on my own. The Elements of Harmony really were nothing more than an old mare's tale, I'm afraid.” She winced and averted Her gaze. “You and your friends were a distraction so I could have time to escape. I must apologize for deceiving you, Twilight.”
My eyes widened in appreciation. “No, no, not at all! I'm just glad you're back...?” My voice trailed off to a confused whisper as my eyes—having had their fill of seeing Her again—wandered to the window. Night still reigned outside, and a few flowers in the window had begun to wilt, no doubt from a lack of sunlight. “Princess, why haven't you raised the sun?”
She chuckled and rose from the bed, moving to the window and gazing out at Her country, Her face an unreadable mask. “I'm afraid escaping from my prison took more out of me than I care to admit, Twilight.”
The cold claw of fear seized my heart and mind, throttling them. “Are you okay?!” I rushed to Her, my eyes darting to and fro over Her flawless body in search of some wound, some burn caused by Her ordeal. “Oooh, what can we do now? If you can't raise the sun, then all the plants will be in trouble, and everypony's still going to be living in fear of...”
Laughter, laughter like the tinkling bells of a Hearth's Warming Eve display soothing a saddened filly on a cold evening, sounded from the magnificent mare before me, easing my panicky mind. “Twilight, I'm not stuck like this forever. But... I do need to ask you to do something for me.”
“Anything, Mistress,” I replied without thought, dropping into a low bow that sent my tail high into the air. After a few beats of awkward silence, I rose with a cough. What was wrong with me? “I'm... I'm sorry, Princess. Something still isn't right with me...”
I fidgeted, avoiding Her gaze. “Nightmare Moon... did something to me, made me believe I was her faithful servant.” I shivered, remembering the dark thrill of surrendering my body and soul to my lustful, insistent doppelganger as she snaked her way into my mind and body. “It was horrible... yet it kept feeling so right.”
My aimless eyes wandered to the window, and I stared listlessly out at Equestria, still shrouded in an eternal night. “I wanted... I wanted to never leave her side. I wanted to make her happy in whatever way I possibly could. I never questioned. I only obeyed.” Almost imperceptible shivers ran through my body. “She could have done anything to me, or had me do anything for her.”
I turned back to a patient Celestia. Tears pooled in my eyes as my voice dropped to a hoarse whisper. “It was like... like...”
My brain fumbled for a word, a word that I somehow knew didn't exist in any language spoken in Equestria. An ugly, horrifying word. A word that meant someone dominating you in every way, forcing themselves upon you, just to prove that they could, just to show that they had power and you did not. In the face of such power, I had wanted it. She had made me want it.
Or had she? Would I have let Princess Celestia treat me in such a way just as readily? Obeying Her without question, carrying out Her will wherever I went, with nary a thought to my own goals and dreams? A student without will, one who eagerly obeyed Her every desire without ever thinking of herself: a servant who only thought of the whims and wishes set before her by another.
A slave. A happy, willing slave, willing to never do anything for herself if her Mistress commanded it. Was this what I truly was? Nightmare Moon's magic had only brought my true self to the surface. Had this servile, appeasing pony lurked in me all along, yearning for the day when the nobler princesses of my mind abdicated, leaving me a dutiful serf happy to never make another decision for herself? For all I knew, this was what my purpose in life was: my cutie mark was ambiguous enough that no comfort could be found there.
Come to think of it, my cutie mark had appeared the moment I met Celestia and accepted being Her student.
For all my drive, all my gumption, all my will, this apparently was the core of my being: a pony happy to serve, grinding herself down until the nothingness of the grave's call became impossible to resist and her mistress found a new servant.
I heard, rather than saw, Princess Celestia approach and slowly drape a wing over me, careful to not startle me. “Twilight, it's okay. I know what Nightmare Moon did to you, and I'm sorry to ask so much of you so soon, but I really have no choice. Please, Twilight. Help me save Equestria.”
I sniffled, willing the tears back. As though casting off a heavy weight, I lifted my head up until I was staring directly into Her soft eyes. “Of course. But... how do I know I'm not under some kind of residual effect? What if somepony says some kind of trigger phrase or something, and I go back to...?” Fresh convulsions came over me; not even Princess Celestia pulling me in for a gentle, warm hug quelled them.
“Twilight, I examined the magic she placed on you. Fully reversing it without causing permanent damage to your mind would take more power and time than I have right now, but I did what I could. Anything I couldn't remove, I just changed so you would feel towards me rather than her.”
“W-wait.” I pulled away from the hug, grateful that Her wings parted to allow me to distance myself. “So you're saying... you changed me so that you're my... Mistress... now?” The word came out in an ugly, choked whine, as though I couldn't believe my own mind.
She nodded, Her eyes downcast. “It was the only way, Twilight. Please believe me.”
I chuckled, feeling the sheer weight of irony come crashing down on my head. “I'm not sure what disturbs me more: that I didn't care that I was under mind control then or that I don't care that I'm under mind control now.”
She winced. “That is such an ugly phrase, Twilight. Think of it more like... like a state of suggestion. Nightmare Moon's magic essentially just switched her place and mine in your memories, while amplifying your feelings for me.” She chuckled. “If anything, I should be thanking her—right now, you're the only one I can be sure I can trust, thanks to that.”
I took a concerned step forward, not noticing when I bumped my hoof against a coffee table. “Trust? What do you mean?”
Her expression darkened, a cloud briefly passing across the sun. “Twilight, what I'm about to tell you pains me very greatly, but it must be said. There are members of my court here in Canterlot who would see Nightmare Moon triumph.”
I gasped. “No! Who would do such a thing?”
“That's what I need you to find out. I know I can trust you, my faithful student. Under the pretense of being too ill to govern, I will appoint you as my regent. I'll need you to sniff out the spies in Canterlot as best you can, while I do some work of my own behind the scenes to work on restoring my own power and setting a trap for them.”
I reeled: me, ruling Equestria? What madness was this? “I... Princess, I can't. I'm... I'm still just a student! I'm not worthy of the throne, even if it's in Your stead!” My knees gave out on me as thoughts of Equestria—all of Equestria—rattled in my brain. Everything from the woes of Ponyville's weather squad to ensuring the Frozen North didn't spread south would be my responsibility. I would be assigned a job that one pony, a magnificent pony, had been doing for all Her long life. Millions of ponies had passed through Canterlot's throne room under Her loving, watchful eyes, and each life had been Her responsibility. Was I up to such a task? Could I possibly handle being the one pony responsible for the lives, the safety, and the well-being of untold thousands I'd never meet?
I plopped on the floor; the dull clang of my moon emblem necklace provided a fitting exclamation point to my conclusion. “I can't do it, Princess,” I whispered. “I-I'm just a unicorn who writes papers and studies magic. That's all. I can't... I can't be you. How could I be?” I curled up into a ball, grabbing my tail with my forehooves. “What would I do? What would I say? How would I know what was right? If I did something wrong, thousands, millions would pay the price.” My hooves twitched uncontrollably, tousling my tail hairs. “I'd be remembered as the pony who ruined Equestria!” I wailed. “I'd undo all the things You've done, Princess.”
I gulped and steadied my frantic breaths, trying to look at least a little composed. “I'm so sorry; I can't be You. Maybe... maybe I wanted to be. Back then.” When I had been just a foal, reading book after book about Her exploits and history, then I had thought that I could become just as great a pony. Now, after experiencing firsthoof being the pawn of one of Equestria's greatest enemies, I knew that my foalhood dreams had been just that: dreams. “But now? I know my limits. I'm not You, and I never could be.”
Silence gripped the room. I couldn't bear to look up, to see the disappointment no doubt writ large all over Her face. In a barely audible squeak, I addressed the tiles. “I'm sorry I wasted Your time.”
I lay there, awaiting Her departure so that She could find someone more worthy of Her attentions. I was just a lowly unicorn. Even if I had just been meant as bait, I had failed Her by falling to the enemy at a critical moment. Even if it were under manipulation, I had happily let the poisoned words of one who was set to ruin Equestria fill my mind with madness. I had nuzzled a bringer of darkness, even when five who were trying to bring the light stood just before me. I had been willing—eager, even—to do anything my Mistress required of me.
A more cynical part of me pointed out that it could have been worse; in the condition I was in, Nightmare Moon could have ordered me to beat the life out of the five ponies who only wanted to save me, and what would I have done?
I was not worthy of my true Mistress' trust.
“Twilight. Look at me.”
I clamped my mouth shut against a “Yes, Mistress,” that struggled to escape my lips and looked up through a film of water at Her. The moment I saw Her, the phrase escaped anyway, which only made the growing emptiness inside me accelerate. “What, Princess? What can I do?”
“You can help me. Please, Twilight, I do wish there was some other option, but this is the only way.” She lay on the floor, bringing Her eyes—Her beautiful, reflective slits—level with mine. “Help me, my faithful student. Help Equestria. You’re the only one who can.” She leaned in.
For a brief moment, She leaned in, Her lips almost brushing mine, and my foalish heart soared on winds on anticipation; my lips tingled with anticipation, wanting nothing more in the world than to be caressed by one who would wash away the memory of their last partners. She went over my lips, however, and planted the briefest, daintiest, most innocent peck on the tip of my horn. Heat shot to my cheeks as my tail shot straight up in surprise. “P-Princess C-C-Celestia! I-I-I-I…” I averted my eyes out of sheer terror… clearly it was terror that was causing me to hyperventilate and not excitement.
Who was I kidding?
“Twilight, please.” Her silky voice settled over me like a familiar bridle guiding ever onwards towards the correct path. “I need you.”
“You… you need me?” My eyes shone as I turned back to Her. Maybe that was all I needed to hear: that the most important pony in my life needed me. A feeling of calm washed over me, eroding all my worries. Part of myself whispered that sudden shifts in mood like this were hardly healthy, but that voice faded away, drowned in the gentle pools of Her eyes.
She didn't ruin the moment with words; She merely nodded, Her eyes shimmering like the sun's reflection in two rippling ponds. I would quell them. I couldn't bear to see Her upset. “Okay. I'll... I'll do it.”
A smile warmer than the dawn alighted on Her face; I basked in its radiance. “Take this, Twilight,” She said, levitating a scroll sealed with Her signet mark towards me. “This gives you authority to act in my name. Don't worry: I'll send messages to all my advisers, and you can just read them what that scroll says and they'll understand.”
“Okay,” I murmured, unable to focus on much other than Her face.
“In the meantime, rest, Twilight. Rest.”
My eyelids grew heavy, and She floated me over to Her bed. “Will you...?”
She left the room before I finished my sentence, and all faded into darkness.
I awoke, not from any change in the light—the moon still hung high in the sky—but from a rustling. I glanced over, only to see Her smiling face staring at me as one of her hooves stroked my mane. “Good morning, Twilight.” She grimaced, and her smile turned down at the corners. “Or it would be if I could raise the sun.” She shifted on the bed we were sharing.
Ignoring the shameful heat coming over me, I shimmied out of bed and onto my hooves. “Don't worry about it, Princess. I'm sure that the next dawn you bring will be all the brighter for the sun's absence!”
A shadow of a grimace—like an instinctual reaction nurtured over years beyond counting of habit—passed over Her face for a brief moment, but vanished as quickly as it came. When she spoke, her voice took on a silky tone that I wasn't accustomed to hearing from Her. “Oh, and it will, my little pony. Just please—my court has been gathered in the throne room by my guards.”
“Okay! I won't let you down!” I was so filled with excitement I was sure I was going to explode at any moment; not only was I taking on an important mission for Her, but I was going to be the only pony in years to sit on Equestria's throne. I'd go down in history! “Twilight Sparkle: Loyal Regent of Equestria under the Merciful, Magnificent, All-Knowing Princess Celestia of Equestria” did have a nice ring to it. Although doubts about my ability to act as caretaker lingered, Her faith in me gave me strength. I was nothing on my own, but with Her guidance, I could do anything. Anything for Her. Anything for my Mistress, the most perfect pony in Equestria.
The door to the outside loomed before me, imposing upon me the massive weight and size of what I was about to do. My knees shook despite themselves, despite my attempts to quell them—didn't want to seem any more unworthy in Her eyes. The door, like the throne, was so much bigger than me. Than anypony, really.
“I...” I coughed, trying to clear the sudden lump in my throat. Could I do this?
The most beautiful, powerful voice in the world sounded from behind me. “Twilight.”
“Y-yes?” I turned, fearful of having disappointed Her with my apprehension.
“I believe in you.” Her smile—so simple, so stark, so powerful, just like the celestial body She ruled—blazed with a power that I drew on, a plant desperately trying to draw all the sustenance it could from a faraway star.
“O-okay. I... I am not worthy of...”
“Oh, just get going already.” Her smile grew a tad impatient, and I scurried to do Her bidding.
“Y-yes, Mistress!” I scurried off, not thinking twice about my instantaneous obedience.
In moments, I found myself before the entrance to the throne room. The usual crowd of petitioners had been turned away today—something I was very grateful for—so all that remained was a cavernous hall with only myself and two guards.
These guards looked a bit different than the norm. Their coats appeared black as the night—although I knew that without the armor on, they'd have normal coat colors—and their eyes... something wasn't quite right with their eyes. Their eyes were golden, which wasn't unheard of in ponies, but their pupils appeared narrowed and catlike, or even a bit draconic in nature. On top of that, leathery bat wings were folded at their sides. A half-forgotten memory, like a history book I'd been forced to forget, stirred in the back of my mind, whispering tidbits about a banished princess, but I dismissed the foalish thoughts.
I had more pressing concerns.
“Hello, sirs. Is the court gathered?”
They nodded, both moving in one fluid motion. It was a little creepy to watch, actually—had the guards formed some kind of hivemind when I'd had my back turned? “It has, Miss Sparkle,” they answered in unison.
“Okay. Thank you.”
They opened the doors for me, and I strode through.
A small herd of ponies had gathered around a well-appointed, solid table placed just below Her throne. They all looked up—a collage of coat colors, manes, horns, and wings—as the grand doors creaked open, signifying my arrival. It was difficult not to feel small in the presence of such important ponies, in such a critical place, but I had to believe in Her faith in me. It was all I could cling to.
A multitude of hushed whispers erupted among the ponies upon seeing me. I couldn't tell what they were saying, but I couldn't let it bother me. I kept walking, the distance feeling like dozens of miles, towards the front of the room, where a choice of two seats awaited me: Princess Celestia's throne or a simple, plush pillow.
After a moment's deliberation, I sat on the cushion, feeling it sink under my weight somewhat. I spotted a few nods around the table—most of them seemed to approve of me sitting with them rather than putting myself above them. Well, that was a start.
“H-hello, everypony. I'm Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia's student. She... She sent me here with a message for you all...” I levitated the scroll, hoping that seeing Her seal on the scroll would calm my nerves. A few murmurs went around the table; they knew as well as I did that Her seal was difficult if not impossible to duplicate. Although a simple thing in appearance, it required tremendous amounts of magic to create, far beyond even my abilities. I had tried once as a joke; thankfully She had forgiven me, as She always had.
“Why hasn't she raised the sun?” one of them asked.
“It should all be explained in this.” I broke the seal, unrolled it, and began to read.
“To my court: I'm sure you're all wondering why Twilight Sparkle is before you, reading this proclamation. I'm sure you've heard rumors and unofficial reports, and a full one will be made available to you soon, but I was attacked by Nightmare Moon—the Mare in the Moon—just before the Summer Sun Celebration. I was left weakened, but thanks in large part to the efforts of my pupil Twilight Sparkle, I was able to escape banishment in the sun...” I paused; my pupils shrank to tiny pinpricks. “She... she was trapped in the sun?” I shivered. Being bound, helpless, in the very thing you were born to guide across the heavens? What a horrific fate.
Noticing a few urging motions to continue, I did so. “I was able to escape banishment in the sun and re-imprison Nightmare Moon someplace a bit more secure. However, doing so left me in an extremely weakened state. I will recover, given time, but I will not be able to raise the sun for a brief period.”
Worried murmurs broke out as expressions of hope on equine faces turned to alarm. I lowered the scroll. “Don't worry, everypony. I spoke to her not too long ago, and She'll recover. She has a plan.”
I returned to the scroll. “In order to focus on my recovery, I am appointing Twilight Sparkle as regent of Equestria until such time that I can resume my duties. I expect you all to help with the day-to-day business of the country as much as you can—Twilight will need to spend a lot of time reassuring worried ponies that I'm okay. I'd do this myself if I could, but I think seeing a sunrise again needs to be my main focus.” Another burst of worried chatter came from the table.
“She'll be fine, everypony. Trust me.” Once they stopped fretting, I returned to the final portion of the letter. “As you may have noticed, the Royal Guard looks a bit different now. They should now be much more capable of functioning at night, which sadly might be necessary for some time. They're still the same ponies who have served Equestria loyally underneath that new armor, so don't worry.
“Stay strong, my little ponies. I'll be with you again soon. I'm counting on each and every one of you. Signed, Her Royal Highness Princess Celestia of Equestria.” I emphasized the last part, quickly surveying the table for any guilty looks that might clue me in to a traitor. However, I saw nothing but sincerity... unless court intrigue was so new to me that I couldn't see past their masks of concern.
“Would you mind if I took a look at that, Miss Sparkle?” a bespectacled unicorn asked. I recognized him as one of the “regular” teachers at Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. Since I'd always had Her as my mentor, I didn't know his name, but something about the tone of his blue fur seemed familiar, as though I had seen him years ago.
I relinquished my grip on the scroll, only for it to be caught in his magic. He floated it over and examined it closely, poring over every word. “It's Princess Celestia's writing, all right, and the seal appears genuine.”
A cold feeling of hurt throbbed in my chest. “Don't you trust me?”
“I'm afraid it's not a question of trust, Miss Sparkle. It's more... a question of caution. And, forgive me for saying so, but showing up here wearing, well...” His eyes traced downwards on my body, and for a moment, I thought he was thinking something obscene, before I realized what he was getting at.
“Oh, this?” I brushed the moon collar with a hoof, feeling an electric thrill shoot through me from the contact. “I wear this...” Don't say, “I wear this because I'm under a mind control spell put on me by the Mare in the Moon that's still kind of in effect, but it's okay because I think of Princess Celestia as my Mistress now and obey her at the drop of a crown,” Twilight. What do I take these ponies for, crazy? Sudden inspiration struck. “I wear this because... to remind me of what I must fight.”
“Fight?” a noble asked.
“Yes... fight.” I nodded. “I wear this as a reminder of the temptation to take the easy way out, the temptation to just give up and let those who would see Equestria fall win. Just think: right now, crops are withering in this long night, and everything and everyone who depends on those plants—us included—is in greater peril the longer this lasts. Sure, I could just roll over and meekly submit to a malevolent force, letting it have its way with me and Equestria, doing... d-doing whatever it wants.”
My voice warbled as the memory of my corrupted doppelganger forcing herself on me rose from the depths of my mind, lavishing kiss after loving kiss upon me regardless of my feelings; I summoned all the willpower I had to force those thoughts away. I had to focus. Had to be strong for Her.
“But no! I will not yield so easily to that seemingly gentle night. The night has its place... but we need the sun. We need Princess Celestia. And I'm going to do all I can to make sure she can focus on getting healthy again by doing the best I can at what she has asked me to do. Are you with me?” I felt a bit cliché, pointing a hoof at the collected government officials of Canterlot (minus Her, of course), but it seemed like the thing to do.
For a few tense moments, nopony moved. Then, slowly, one by one, each pony stomped their hooves in approval; a few even cheered! I had always prided myself on my speaking abilities.
“Not bad for a novice orator!”
“Inspiring.”
“Equestria is in good hooves until Her Majesty recovers.”
“I'm behind you all the way, Miss Sparkle!”
A frown came over my face as I realized that any of those ponies—these ponies who were cheering my heartfelt speech—could be one of the traitors She was trying to find.
What followed was a flurry of activity; there were forms to sign, regalia to be made (even though I insisted She would be fine before long), and many hurried lectures that were essentially a crash course in Equestrian government. I knew the basics of how our government worked, but my studies were on magic, not civics, so many of these facts were new to me. More than once, I found myself wondering how I was going to handle being regent with so many things to remember.
Time and again, when I'd voice my concern, the pony speaking to me would smile, offer assurances, and say to not worry about the section of the government they oversaw. This made me worry. If all these ponies were to intend to try anything to seize power, I'd be none the wiser; yet they all seemed so trustworthy, knowledgeable, and honest! Was this the sort of thing that Princess Celestia had to deal with on a daily basis?
The rest of the “day” was a blur of different coats, manes, cutie marks, and races of petitioners, all with the same questions: “Is Princess Celestia okay? When will she be coming back? Will the sun rise soon?” All the while, I remained on a throne I was not worthy to sit in, feeling inadequate. Still, I reasoned, it was good to know my place.
I smiled as best I could and offered reassuring answers, but as the hours—I assume they were hours, at least—dragged on, I found myself inwardly growing more and more impatient with these ponies. When could I see my precious Mistress again? Still, I soldiered on. I had to do my best for Her.
Finally, the end of the “day,” blessed relief that it would be, arrived. I knew I had a few more ponies to deal with, but I was exhausted.
I turned to one of the guards perpetually standing near the throne. “Sorry, but could you start informing ponies that I won't be seeing any more petitioners?”
He nodded and moved towards the door; several of his fellows joined him, and they began gently herding protesting ponies out of the throne room.
I climbed down off my Mistress' too-large throne with a sigh of relief. It had felt strange—wrong, even—to have sat on that throne, unable to fill it properly, for hours on end, pretending to be as wise as Celestia. Gratefully, I shuffled away from the seat I was unworthy of filling, off to Her chambers to see what She had discovered. No doubt all of Her court wanted to pat me on the back for my “stupendous” and “amazing” job I had done filling Her horseshoes. Well, I wasn't going to have it. Nopony was as important as Her. Nopony.
Soon, I found myself before the impressive double doors that led to Her chambers. The guards posted outside both gave me a nod, recognizing my new rank. It still felt strange, getting deference from everypony; I was nothing compared to Her magnificence. Less than nothing, even.
I lifted a hoof and knocked, figuring I'd keep up the charade. “P-Princess? I hope I'm not disturbing you... are you well enough for me to come in?”
In what was probably an affected tone, She answered with a rasp, “Yes... Twilight. Do... do come in.”
I slipped inside, careful not to let the guards see even a hint of the room. As ever, they stood somberly, staring into their silent surroundings. I smiled. Those guards... they'd never change.
I closed the door behind me and stared into the darkened room. “I... Princess? Are you here?”
“Of course, Twilight. I knew you'd be coming.” With a flash from Her grand horn, light flooded into the room, revealing its familiar trappings of cushy comfort. She Herself sat on a pile of cushions. With an incline of the head, She invited me to join Her. I gratefully did so, flipping my tiny crown off my head and flopping onto the cushion. I nuzzled into Her warm, welcoming coat, relishing the feeling of safety and security from being so close to Her.
“Twilight,” that melodious, perfect, angelic voice said.
“Yes?” Regretfully, I removed my muzzle from Her sweet coat to stare upward into Her beautiful purple eyes.
“About the traitor hunt...”
“Oh... I'm sorry. I couldn't find any! Everypony seemed honest enough. I'll try harder, I promise!”
A smile more radiant than the dawn and a light chuckle as airy as a breeze answered my plea for clemency. “Oh, Twilight, it's quite all right. You see...” She lowered Her voice to a whisper. “I found the traitors myself.”
My eyes widened and my ears shot upwards. What ponies would dare try to disrespect Princess Celestia like that? Who could be so despicable, so low, so heretical? “Who is it?”
She leaned in further, so close I felt hot blasts of exhalation from Her muzzle. She glanced around quickly, as though expecting an assassin to leap from the shadows any moment. “My entire court,” She whispered.
My mouth hung open. “Wh-what?”
Her eyes glanced downward in shame. “Yes, Twilight.” She turned her head away minutely, as though ashamed that She had led some of Her ponies astray. “I'm afraid I misjudged them all. Every last one is plotting to take you out of the picture and have my caretaker 'tragically' misdiagnose me so I die in my sleep.” Her grin—an out-of-place, predatory curl of dark pleasure—spoke volumes of victory. “Little did they suspect that there were no nurses or doctors to bribe, so they were making inquires just so I could catch them red-hooved.”
“B-but... my... my brother is... is... he's one of those ponies...” It seemed impossible. Shining Armor, party to a plot to murder both his little sister and Her? I turned away, sniffling. It was all too difficult to process; what had my life become?
“Twilight, look at me.”
I obeyed instantaneously.
“I know it's hard. I know it's downright cruel to ask you to do more than you've done... but I need you to help me stop them. Help me save Equestria... and our lives in the process.”
“Of course. Anything. What do you need me to do?” My crisis of faith aside, self-preservation—and preserving Her life, of course—still ranked pretty high on my “to do” list. Even beyond my own puny life, I would die for Her. My life would eventually end anyway, but Hers had years and years—perhaps all the years that would ever happen for all I knew—left. The world would not be the same without such a perfect pony.
“I need you to meet with my court—they probably want to talk to you anyway, advance their plan—and call them to a secret meeting here in three hours.”
“I... here? Are you—”
“Yes. Tell them that I have recovered enough to see them all again, and I have joyous news to share with them all.” A wan smile played over Her face. “Most joyous news.”
“Oh, it's a trap! I get it. I suppose you'll be recruiting members of the Guard to storm in?”
Her smile grew warm as She directed it at me. “As ever, you catch on quickly, my faithful student. I will, of course, want you there as well—I may need your help if they try to resist. Can I count on you?”
Not one thought flickered through my mind before I settled on my answer. “Always, Princess. I'll go tell them.” I rose, feeling downright giddy. This would all be over soon.
I stood next to Princess Celestia, anxiously awaiting the arrival of the traitorous court. I had, for the purpose of this rank I still disliked, donned my miniature crown and stood poised to welcome all Her “guests.”
Two platoons of Royal Guards were waiting on standby just down the hall, and an emergency squad was lurking in Celestia's voluminous closet. How all four of them had managed to fit in there, I'd never know. Still, some anxiety refused to die: what if things got violent? I was no soldier; I'd never even had to defend myself. My hooves quaked; all things considered, I had led a pretty sheltered life in Canterlot. Danger, real danger, had lurked right here in the castle, and I had never known.
I shifted, nuzzling Princess Celestia briefly. “I'm... I'm scared, Princess.”
She turned to me, quirking an eyebrow. “Why, we'll be fine, my little pony. Don't worry—they won't know what's going to hit them until it's far too late. And we'll be safe. Trust in me, and in the guards—both have protected you and Equestria since before you were born.”
My shoulders slumped as I let out a tense breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. “Okay. You will go easy on them, won't you? I mean... I know my brother is a good pony, at least! I'm sure there's some reason behind him doing this!”
My fear returned tenfold as She said nothing, instead fixing Her face into Her usual mask of serenity.
We waited for several minutes in silence. Abruptly, She spoke. “Come to think of it, Twilight, maybe you should be the one to greet them.” Upon seeing my terror-filled look inspired by the thought of being alone with all those dangerous ponies, She chuckled. “Oh, I'll be just on the balcony, and the Guard team will come out of the closet and help you if things get dangerous.” She raised her voice. “Right?”
“Yes, ma'am!” the four stallions chorused.
I chuckled in spite of myself; they hadn't caught one of the Princess' famous jokes. “Okay. Just... don't go too far, okay?”
“I promise.” Suddenly, she vanished before my eyes.
“Wh...” I shook my head. It was probably just some advanced form of teleportation, or maybe She could bend the light around Her magical aura to hide Her magic. I couldn't risk any early arrivals hearing me talking to myself and getting spooked.
So I sat, listening for the faint, muffled sounds of the nearby guards breathing. Shining Armor had once told me that they had a special breathing exercise for situ—no. Best not to think about him. That would only make this harder. But how could my brother—my kind, gentle brother—be one of the traitors?
Eventually, the ponies started filtering in. I nodded to each of them in turn as they gave me slight bows. They all took up various positions around the room, clearly unused to meeting here. Judging by the gawks on some of their faces, they had never been in Her chambers before.
Either that, or they were just looking for places to hide an assassin.
Shining Armor arrived and made a beeline for me. I winced inwardly; would I have to lie to him? “Twiley, the crown looks good on you,” he whispered, sitting down on a nearby cushion.
I gave him an awkward smile. “I just hope I don't have to get used to it. Today's been exhausting... well, if I can even call it a day.”
The smiles on both our faces vanished. “So what's this all about? Has Celestia recovered so soon? Is she going to raise the sun right here?”
Those wide blue eyes of his begged for answers. Answers he wouldn't like. Answers that I could not give. She would not allow me to give them. “Sorry... She doesn't want me to talk about it. The Princess would explain it better anyway.”
“A surprise, huh?” He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Well, okay then.” Thankfully, he seemed content with that and relaxed as others filtered in.
I gazed across the room, taking in all the curious glances directed towards me. I kept a friendly—or what I hoped passed for friendly, given the mortal terror that beat through my veins—smile on my face, nodding when they would offer some small gesture of deference in return. I just wanted to go back to how things used to be—none of this regent stuff, none of this “fearing for my life” business: I was ready to be done with it and just go back to being a faithful student of magic under Her watchful protection.
One of the door guards gave me a knowing nod. Everypony had arrived.
I motioned for him to shut the door—against eavesdropping, of course, not because I was setting a trap for ponies who were plotting to kill me for their own personal gain, such a thing would be completely ridiculous and oh Celestia was I really doing this? I inhaled and exhaled deeply to calm my nerves. Everything would be all right. She had said so, and She was never wrong.
“Hello, everypony. I'm sure you're all wondering why you were called here today—tonight?” A few of them chuckled at my unintentional joke, although a few fearful eyes flicked over to the windows' view of the eternal night. “First of all, I must thank you all for preparing me for my duties as Regent on such short notice. I am forever in all of your debt.”
Faint murmurs of “It was nothing,” and other such sentiments arose from prideful mouths.
I continued. “I know it's been a long night for us all—Celestia knows I could use some sleep—but I felt that we all needed to hear what I and the Princess have gathered you here to hear. Princess Celestia has shown remarkable improvement since I spoke with you all and read Her proclamation, and She's eager to speak with you all.” I coughed, hoping nopony thought my over-emphasis of “her” and “she” was strange. Cursed magic. “And so, without any more delays or ados, it is my great pleasure to introduce my teacher, Her Royal Highness Princess Celestia of Equestria!”
I threw open the blinds and windowpanes She was hiding behind, expecting to hear polite applause and some cheers. Instead, a room full of shocked gasps answered me. I took a quick glance, but all I saw was Princess Celestia. Sure, She had a rather stern expression on Her face, no doubt in preparation for a stern talking-to, but there was nothing to be afraid of.
“N... Nightmare Moon,” a pony breathed.
I rounded on him. “What are you talking about? Have you gone crazy? That's Princess Celestia, as sure as I'm talking to you!”
Princess Celestia advanced into the room, and all pandemonium broke out. Terrified ponies screaming insanity about Her being the Mare in the Moon ran for the door, only to be met by the Royal Guards who had been lurking just outside; the reinforcements surged in to support their comrades. The loyal guards, I noted with satisfaction, were holding back the traitors well. Other nobles went for the windows, but I quickly slammed those shut with magic fields, trapping them between my Mistress and Her guards.
Shining Armor, looking furiously everywhere, kept screaming, “Stand down! Stand down!” at the guards who were starting to haul away some of the more panicked ponies. None heeded his order, and he rounded on me.
“Twilight Sparkle, what have you done?! Are you crazy? You've betrayed us all!”
I glared back at him, matching him intensity for intensity. “No. I've saved us all.” I softened my gaze. “Don't worry, I know you probably didn't want to be in on this. We'll stop them.” I spread my forelegs, offering him a hug. “It’s okay now.”
Instead, he rushed the space between us and started shaking me, rattling my unprepared body to and fro with his strength. “Twilight, what's happened to you?! Why are you helping Nightmare Moon? Wake up... wake up! Twiley, please!”
“M-Mistress, help me!” I cried in desperation. For all I knew, he was going to start choking me.
Shining Armor was hefted off the ground effortlessly by Her magic, and She stepped forward, gazing at him with a smug expression. “I'm afraid your sister can't help you. She knows who her princess is.”
Shining grit his teeth, rage building behind his normally placid face. With a cry, he lit up his horn and tried to break free, but a smug Princess Celestia held him fast. His desperation growing, he took a quick glance at me before saying, “You monster! What have you done to her?!”
I rushed to just below him. “She hasn't done anything to me! Please, stop this craziness—you're scaring me! It’s okay now! You don’t have to pretend to be their friends any more. You’re safe!”
She smiled, stressing and emphasizing Her words more forcefully than I had ever heard Her do. “Why, what an inconsiderate brother you are. Making his sister fret like that... can't you see the poor thing is distressed? You should just declare your allegiance to me and calm the poor thing's nerves.” A small wisp of Her magic reached over and stroked my mane gently.
He spat on Her face. “Never!”
It was true. I shuddered in fear. The one pony I thought would never betray Equestria was in league with its enemies. What had happened to my life? To everypony's life?
He turned to me, ignoring my quailing. “Don't worry, Twilight. I don't know what she's done to you, but I'll save you! Nightmare Moon won't—“
Something inside me broke. “That's Princess Celestia! Have you all gone blind or do you just think I'm an idiot?! It's like I don't even know you any more! Don't talk about saving me.” I walked up to my Mistress, who draped a protective wing around me. “I'm fine right here. This is where I belong. I thought you of all ponies would understand that.”
“Oh, Twilight,” he whispered, tears pooling in his eyes.
“Take him away!” Princess Celestia commanded, glee resounding in Her voice as She released him from her magic. All the other courtiers had been hauled out of the room, presumably to the dungeons, where She would give them a stern talking-to once they'd broken free of their mass hysteria. Forty guards surged forward, swarming my brother and ensuring he could not break free.
“That's Nightmare Moon! Please, believe me!” Shining Armor cried, his eyes frantically searching for somepony, anypony to help him, before settling on me. “Twiley—please. Help your brother,” he whispered as the guards started to drag him through the door. His lips quivered; misery was etched into every line of his face.
I stepped forward, motioning for the guards to stand aside. They did so, although they remained tense and ready to spring into action if needed. Shining stood under his own power, his ears standing straighter as I walked to him. “Twiley...”
In the midst of Her guards, I hugged him, offering him my support. “Don’t worry, big brother. I forgive you.” I felt him tense in my forelegs, and suddenly the guards shoved me away as they sprang to restrain a panicking Shining Armor. My brother was strong, but not even he could fight forty Royal Guards at once. Eventually, his bruised body was held in their triumphant hooves.
His head hung in defeat, the former captain of the royal guard was hauled away to answer for his sins against Her.
“I win,” Princess Celestia whispered behind me. “I win!” She laughed, gently at first, but it grew into a cackle of terrible power. Lightning crackled in the sky, silhouetting Her triumphant form.
My heart skipped a beat—She was so authoritative. I liked it. Daring to let myself revel as She was, I joined in Her laughter. Once She stopped, and nothing but pure joy was written on Her beautiful face, I said, “We win, Princess! We... we stopped them! Equestria is safe.” Daring even further, I darted up and nuzzled Her, expecting an affectionate return from Her. My eyes closed, letting me immerse myself fully in Her scent, the feel of Her coat.
However, I felt nothing but the air on my back in return.
“Get away from me, foal.” My mentor's voice cut the air, a sudden blade of ice thrust into the warm body of my happiness.
I acquiesced, backing away and casting my opened eyes downward. “W-what did I do, Mistress?”
“Nothing. You have done well.”
I looked up, eyes shining in gratitude. “Oh, thank you, M—”
“I have no further need of you. Begone.” Her stare, as emotionless as the very walls of the room we stood in, shook me to my core.
“W—but I—b-b-but I—”
“Did you not hear me? I said... begone, foal!” She rushed forward, blinking through the distance between us in an instant. Before I had time to even breathe again, one of Her hooves slammed into my midsection, sending me skidding across the suddenly burning carpet before my spine slammed into a wall.
I looked up from my prone position, my tail and legs curling underneath me meekly; I shivered despite myself, feeling cold and abandoned. “M... Mistress, please... what have I done to displease you? Have I... haven't I done everything you... you wanted? Please, I just... I just want to make you happy...” I swallowed, feeling my shame slide down my gullet as tears broke free of my eyes. My voice took on a rasp as desperation tinted my voice. “You've always been the most important pony in my life. I... please, I don't know what my lowly self has done to anger you, and I'm sorry I failed you, but I... I... Please, just let me go on being your faithful... faithful...” A foreign voice whispered the word “slave” in my mind, but I simply let my plea trail into silence, hoping my mournful expression would do the rest.
She turned away from me without so much as a shadow of regret passing over Her glorious face and addressed Her guards. “Remove this miserable excuse for a pony from my sight.”
As the hard hooves of the guards resounded softly on the carpeted floor, I closed my eyes, resigning myself to my fate.
I didn't know how, I didn't know why, but I had failed Her.
Double meaning? Nice!
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Woah, that ending was heavy. I like it!
-Minty
Bleh.
Despite, sort of seeing it coming. The execution was just...
Not as tasteful as your previous chapter.
And the direction is somewhat leaning towards murky waters.
Anywhooooo.... with that all said... Best of Luck with the Story.
THAT PRINCESS IS A SPAH!
I thought that the description meant Twilight was a retard.
Oh damn
Right. You want general comments or the whole notepad full of subjective, microscopic nitpicks? I'm not sure if you're willing to change individual words after publishing or not.
It begins!, Oh boy this is going to be good.
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The longer, the better. If you spotted small derps in grammar and such, I am more than willing to fix them. Give me everything you've got, and thanks in advance; long comments (like the ones shortskirtsandexplosions tends to leave on my stories) make my week.
Welp. I more or less saw the big "twist" coming, although I guess I might be a bit presumptuous to assume it was meant to be a twist and that I got it.
This is... kind of intensely dark. Way darker than the first chapter. I really see no way out of this cluster fuck right now.
I'll keep an eye on it... but yeah, this hasn't been a fun read.
1277582
"SPAH! THAR'S A SPAH CREEPIN' ROUND HERE!"
on another note, i really feel sorry for Twilight. after being so thoroughly mind-raped by NMM, even if she does get out of this mess, she'd no doubt have a huge paranoia complex for the rest of her life. i know that if i was in a similar situation, i'd be having an existential crisis on a massive scale, constantly second-guessing myself and every thought i've had, trying to think of some way to truly be certain of the correctness of my perception.
Microscopic nitpicks! Some of these are very subjective; in other cases I have no idea what I'm talking about!
I found three jarring word repetitions: suddenly, truly, and anticipation. A simple word search should take you to where these bitches are at, and you can decide whether to remove them. The last one was particularly irritating, though.
Finding your own solutions?—Sentence spoken by Luna near the beginning. It's right after a clause that means essentially the exact same thing, which makes it feel extraneous.
Twilight says do not at one point when a contraction would have felt more Twilightey to me.
about. her voice rose—Missing capital! This one you have to fix!
Microscopic nitpicks! Some of these are very subjective; in other cases I have no idea what I'm talking about!
I found three jarring word repetitions: suddenly, truly, and anticipation. A simple word search should take you to where these bitches are at, and you can decide whether to remove them. The last one was particularly irritating, though.
Finding your own solutions?—Sentence spoken by Luna near the beginning. It's right after a clause that means essentially the exact same thing, which makes it feel extraneous.
Twilight says do not at one point when a contraction would have felt more Twilightey to me.
about. her voice rose—Missing capital! This one you have to fix!
Wake up, expendable pawn!—Chess metaphors are just so overdone. Really now. (I'm kidding. Teehee!)
her child who had overslept—This one I'm not sure of. It would feel better with a comma after child to me, but I'm not sure whether or not that comma is mandatory. It may be, just because you used a pronoun instead of an article and so are, in this case, referring to a specific child.
Oooh, what can we do now?—I think you were going for a long, draw out "Oh" here, but this reads like "Oooo" as in a ghost wailing. I would say either italicize the two letter form or multiply the aitches.
his blue fur—Fairly certain both their manes and coats are hair.
I'm an idiot?!—Really subjective, but I hate interrobangs. Just having a question mark here, given the way the question was worded, would convey the same amount of emphasis.
You have Shining call her both Twiley and Twily. Be consistent!
Concerning the grand design:
There's something about your writing, stylistically, that's putting me off. I think it has something to do with your use of commas, but I can't place it or put it into words. I'll look for it come next chapter and see if I'm not just being strange here.
When the artifact of doom reigns her back over to Celestia's side, I wasn't really feeling it. You mention her vision clouding and stuff, but it didn't really disturb me or make me feel as thought Twilight should be particularly uncomfortable, which I think is what you wanted.
Finally, I have no idea where you're going with the plot, and right now there is not an inkling of hope for the good guys. An abundance of bad is good because it raises the stakes without increasing the scale, but right now it feels as though Nightmare has already won. No one is in a position where they're still fighting, so there's no one to root for as I carry on with the story. This isn't as huge to me as I'm making it sound—obviously Twilight is still in the game—but it does strike me as an issue.
I loved the bit with the word rape. It was great for the story, gave me the chills the way just flat-out saying the word could, and also made me smile a bit because of my meta-knowledge.
I like the way you aren't being totally clear on how much Twilight is under duress here. Obviously she's somewhat affected still—she's not an idiot, after all. But then you also have me questioning just how much she would do out of devotion for Celestia. S'good.
Oh, and thanks for spending words on the stuff that matters. Not naming ponies on the council, not dragging us through a day in the life of a ruler of Equestria—these are things that really ruin fanfiction for me. Instead you spend words on the things that matter—Namely Twilight's internal monologue and her interactions with the princess. Good stuff.
Anyway, that's all I've got. I had a really good joke about you breaking the mold and not sadding up the place with Twilestia but I deleted my comment halfway through and had to retype this. Fucking sucked, man.
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When I tag something in a particular genre, I don't joke about it.
Twilight... YOU DON GOOFED
1277775 Yes, you just keep on believing that. Life is normal. This is Earth, third planet from the star Sol. Barack Obama is president. There is no such thing as aliens. You are not in a generation ship orbiting Ganymede. Keep calm and carry on.
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Bleh. It's late. I'll look at the missing capital now and the rest in the morning.
Thanks, B. As for commas, I tend to abuse them almost as much as I abuse Twilight in this story, so odds are good that I'm misusing them.
1277812
"We are all aware that the senses can be deceived, the eyes fooled. But how can we be sure our senses are not being deceived at any particular time, or even all the time? Might I just be a brain in a tank somewhere, tricked all my life into believing in the events of this world by some insane computer? And does my life gain or lose meaning based on my reaction to such solipsism?"
Project PYRRHO, Specimen 46, Vat 7. Activity recorded M.Y. 2302.22467. (TERMINATION OF SPECIMEN ADVISED)
Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri fuck yeah
1277857 Don't worry. The world wasn't destroyed in 1988. You haven't lived your entire life in a cryo-sim pod. Bob Marley's music doesn't contain secret messages about the nature of reality on a subwave level. There is no such thing as Homo Reptilia Sapiens.
Damn, great chapter. Though I wonder if Nightmare Moon realizes what power she holds over Twilight now. It'd be rather stupid to throw such a powerfouse into the dungeon, despite her being utterly loyal to NMM.
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hey wait a minute... are you trying to use your oddly specific and totally-not-suspicious-at-all comments to trick me or something?
well it won't work!
1277886 Of course not! It's 11:47 PM, September 14, 2012! The planet Earth revolves around the sun once every 365 days! The moon is a barren rock! There aren't any banished princesses on it at all! Nope! Not even one! Neil Armstrong died of natural causes! The plastic tips at the ends of shoelaces are called aglets, and they have no sinister purpose!
I guess I should clarify my comments.
Abuse is not a pretty thing to watch.
Imagine seeing someone you love is trapped in a cage with a tiger. Every twenty or so minutes the tiger mauls a body party, and I mean mauls it. Reduces it to to a mess of red string, hamburger meat, and bone shards. You have to watch it, hearing the wet, squelching sound of ripping flesh, the spurts of hot blood hitting the dirt, the feral grunting and groaning of the tiger as it rends chunks of flesh from your loved one, and the person sits there, trying their best to stifle their tears and not scream out in agony as it happens, because they deep down believe this is how things are. Maybe they feel hopeless to change it. Maybe they blame themselves. Maybe they just really don't understand that the tiger is a blood thirsty monster. Either way, they accept the mauling, and when everything is said and done, they walk over, and tell the tiger it was o.k..
No, instead of flesh and bone, replace it with a human soul, with a person's very sense of self and well being, and that is abuse in a nut-shell, and this is what I read for two chapters.
This is not a fun story to read. In fact, its a grim, nightmarish, unsettling story to read, and it kind of made me sick. I guess that means it did its job, but somehow knowing you meant to sock me in the gut over and over really doesn't make it much better. Also, props for figuring out the only way to make mind rape a more horrifying and unpleasant thing for me to watch: make it a physical rape at the same time!
... I guess my main complaint is that this story boring. Nothing interesting to me happens in it. It's not about characters I am interested in. Everyone save Nightmare Moon, Luna, and Shining are either OOC or in the "MIA or Dead" pile... and as of the end of the chapter, it looks like Shining is going on the heap, leaving us with Luna, who has had almost no impact on the plot, and Nightmare Moon, who is a savage, pathetic sub-human monster with absolutely zero redeeming qualities and far more in common with my metaphorical tiger than either you or I. Twilight at this point has no character save for being a uncomfortably on the nose profile of a long term spousal abuse victim. So, no character that I find interesting here... and nothing interesting has happened. The main conflict of the story, what it is about, is Twilight's emotional struggle... and that has gone nowhere in 16,000 words.
So, nothing has happened to anyone I can care about, and all that really leaves us with is a giant uncomfortable jumble of pain, and pain isn't interesting. Why we feel pain is interesting. How we react to pain is interesting. How we overcome pain is interesting. Pain itself is boring and meaningless. Suffering for the sake of suffering isn't useful, either in the real world or in the art of crafting a story.
Furthermore, I just really have to scratch my head at what purpose NMM's little regency game and coup serve. She's imprisoned most of the ministers and convinced the world Celestia is alive but sick... to what end? She can't keep the charade up forever, and everyone is going to react to her more or less the same way everyone else did: with fear and rebellion.
I really hate to be a negative nancy here. This is a great premise, and if it had been touched with some subtly and finesse instead of the overwhelming cruelty displayed so far, you could have had an amazing story... and I don't know, maybe that amazing story is just waiting for me down the line, but as is I'm skeptical. So far I've been treated to 16,000 words of subject matter that made my want to vomit in my mouth and hit the back button, to no end or avail, made worse by the fact that, due to fanfic time, it may be years before we reach the end of the rainbow here.
It may get better down the line, but all I see is a lot of ugliness, and ugliness is not what I need or want to read.
Better luck in the future, I guess?
Saw that scenario coming from the moment 'Celestia' was even mentioned.
Also... why does this fic make me feel so erm... horny?... at times.You better add some CLOP to this or else I'll... I'll... YouDon't want to know...
So, are the rest of the Mane Six dead or something?
This entire chapter.
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So, Celestia is MIA, Luna is trapped, The baddy's like discord/Queen are not present yet, Spike and friends are MIA after the event from the ruin, The court, Nobles and the Royal Guards(corrupted?) are out of the picture, Twilight has been removed from the castle by the guards but did they just throw her out or to the dungeons with the rest of the court / loyalists? cause if she been thrown out and left to her own devices she could by chance roam to ponyville and meet up with Spike and friends if there alright if there free/alive?. /shrug
Like how Twilight always emphasized when she thinked about Celestia(NMM), capitalizing whenever she thought about Her.
Wonder how the good guys could win in this one, especially if the 5 others are dead, or at least dealt with some other way since she didn't show much interest for them, they are just some small village commoners after all.
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I, uh... I'm afraid I have no idea who Saber is. I must say that I'm flattered that you feel so strongly about this story to write such a long comment, however. Trust me, Twilight will get better eventually, it's just going to be a very hard road.
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That's coming in the next few chapters, but for now I'll just say that they're out of play for the moment.
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No clop. Not now, not ever.
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Hey, I can respect that. This is definitely subject matter that I can't imagine most people enjoying, so I'm not surprised that it didn't agree with you. I hope you can find a story more to your liking. The situation will improve from where it is, but it might take a chapter or two, so if this stuff makes you feel really uncomfortable, you're probably better off dropping this. Thanks for giving me a chance this far!
I wondered how they made the Elements work without Twilight and Magic joining in the group effort at the end of chapter 1.
Evidently it didn't work (or at least not fully). In stead of separating Luna / NMM and destroying / banishing NMM all they did was save Luna and leave NMM in charge of things in her own body.
Add in Twilight's full on mind rape and Equestria is 100% positively totally Boned.
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Actually, the Elements were never used. In the first chapter, I have a line (too lazy to look it up) right after Twilight wakes up from getting mind-raped about Nightmare Moon shaking rocks or dust from her hooves. Well, let's see... what rocky things did Nightmare Moon shatter in canon right around this time...?
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What a good analogy with the tiger. I think that the reason I read and will continue to read this is because I want to see Twilight's slow climb back to sanity. If that is fun for you to watch (perhaps fun is the wrong word here) is up to you so stop reading, keep reading, do whatever makes you happy.
One other point, NMM took out the government to make any rebellion horribly disorganised, after all it's easier to defeat a few small resistances than a big one with leaders (Shining Armour) and martyrs. Better to have these rallying figures just never be there at all.
If you really think about it. NMM's victory would have been pointless for her, as in about a year (probably sooner with her in charge) Discord would've broken out of his prison, and it's clear from the show that he was unstoppable without the Elements, which would have been rendered unusable.
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Except Discord isn't freed if any of the CMC or Cheerilee are MIA, dead, or just not inspired to go on field trips to Canterlot.
You've done a great job writing this chapter and it really leaves a bad taste in my mouth. The beginning of the chapter was rather light, but then the dark stuff began. Seriously, this has to be one of the most dark fics I've ever read on this site, I was almost too scared and disturbed to continue reading. Almost.
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I always got the idea that it was accumulated chaos over a long period of time that broke him free. If a small fight was enough to break the seal, then why on Equestria would Celestia just leave the statue out in the open. It could have been broken at any time.
This is frightening. But I'm willing to stick with it if you're serious about it turning to the better after a while.
If nothing else, it's definitely succeeding at challenging my perceptions some.
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It won't come any time soon (maybe a chapter or two from now), but Twilight will get better in a most epic fashion. This I swear.
This chapter was an emotional rollercoaster, and I loved it. I was initially as confused as Twilight was by the exchange with Luna, and the little uncanny hints as to the Princess' true nature truly kept me guessing. Up until the very end I wasn't entirely sure you didn't simply write a new, shrewder characterization for Celestia. Like others, I was made very uncomfortable by the treatment of Twilight, but that's a good thing. Overall this chapter was, dare I say, impressive.
(also props for standing by a refusal to write clop)
Damn, this is becoming just the kind of dark I love!
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Thanks for standing by my clop aversion. I feel like too often the fandom's a little too accepting of it. I don't mind its existence, but I'd just rather it stay more low-key so people outside the fandom don't hear about it and assume we're all a bunch of fursuit-obsessed perverts. Know what I mean?
Aw fuck. Everything's wrong. It's a clusterfuck, man.
Nice job Vimbert, I can't wait to see what happens next.
Although I have to admit, I expected a little bit more resistance on Twilight's part to "Princess Celestia's" claims that everyone is against her. When NMM overwrote her mind it seemed in the first chapter like only Nightmare Moon and Celestia had changed places (along with sun and moon, day and night) and the actual events of her memories were largely the same. Given that those events were largely the same, you'd think Twilight's internal characterization for her mentor wouldn't have changed, and she'd be more suspicious when someone she thinks is Princess Celestia suddenly accuses her whole court of treason.
Other than that though, please give me more.
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Yeah, it would be nice if everyone would allow others their kinks and just agree to love and tolerate. Unfortunately, we live on Earth, not Equestria. Interpersonal problems aren't always solved in 22 minutes, and people are going to object when they realize characters from A SHOW FOR LITTLE GIRLS are the subject of sexual content. Being angry is bad for your health, so really we would do a kindness by keeping the risque parts of the fandom on the down-low.
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I think the implication in canon is that since the Mane Six took on the Elements, the original spell that Celly/Woona used to bind Discord was severely weakened; then the CMC fought right under Discord's nose, which was the straw that broken the camel's back, as it were.
Before the events of "Friendship is Magic, Part 2", the spell on Discord was as strong as the day it was cast (the Elements hadn't taken on any new Bearers since then). When Twilight took on the Element of Magic, the connection between Celly/Woona and the spell on Discord was broken, but that didn't immediately break the spell itself. The royal gardens are, presumably, not visited often by ponies other than Celestia and the gardeners (and then Luna), so no disharmony was really brought close to Discord's statue. It wasn't until some fillies broken into a fight during a special field trip that extra bit of chaos wormed it's way through the spell. Shortly after that, Discord managed to break free.
Ah, magically induced conditioning. One of the most terrible forms of mind control, to slowly be driven to believe what is wanted to be believed. At least that is what I am getting from all this, obviously sped up thanks to magic. It is a painful thing to watch, and you do it very well. Though I believe I mentioned that already. I always found this sort of psychological torture interesting, and would like to try it myself, but you know how I work best. I am very direct.
One thing that I believe was mentioned was that the near lack of resistance on Twilight's part. Whether you wanted the control to be total, this was just a little jarring. What really made me concerned was when Shining Armour made his appearance. It just seemed very odd that Twilight would not even stop to think on whatever he had to say, or in this case, shout. It just seemed off.
Seeing Nightmare Moon toss Twilight aside like yesterday's trash was an excellent way to end the chapter. Now I want to see the recovery, which will no doubt be even more brutal than the conditioning. I hope for a happy ending, of course, but I will earn it along with Twilight.
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>happy ending
Shining Armor's appearance was intended to underscore just how deeply Twilight had surrendered: she's so willing to follow and believe in "Celestia" that she'd ignore pleas from her own brother in favor of her orders. Recall that before the series starts (so essentially the period Twilight has regressed to, since she hasn't had a chance to make friends) SA was her closest friend, and he was out of the picture enough in season 2 canon that her friends had no idea who the hell he was and she didn't know he was getting married, suggesting that the two didn't keep in close contact. And if that's her closest friend outside of the Ponyville gang, if she doesn't have the chance to make those connections, essentially all she's left with is a strong, strong connection to Celestia, which Nightmare Moon is exploiting in an utterly brutal fashion. It's going to get worse before it gets better (and it will get better), but don't expect everything to be sunshine and rainbows at the end. I tagged this on EqD with "BAD END" for a reason. I'm expecting a lot of people to shed tears at the ending. Personally, I find it difficult if not impossible to be moved to tear through literature (ironic for one who studies literaure, perhaps it's my usual detached analytical standpoint that influences this view from so much deconstruction in class), but based on how people react to other "Sad" stories in this fandom, I think many people might find the ending a tearjerker. Twilight's going to find a measure of comfort--actual comfort, not an illusion like "Celestia" stroking her mane and telling her that she's done well in handing her Canterlot on a silver platter--but it still might be absolutely brutal to watch for anyone who loves best pony quite like I (or apparently some of my readers) do.
If anything, I would hope this story helps people wake up to the horror of people who deal with mental anguish on this level. There's no magic in the real world to make something like THIS happen, but there's Stockholm Syndrome, there's slavery (even here in the U.S.), there's people who suffer from mental illnesses (bipolar disorder is the one I'm most familiar with: my own family has a history of it, so I saw people suffering from suddenly having their perspective distorted from day to day), and there are various forms of addiction that could inspire similar suffering. I'm aware that I'm sexualizing Twilight's suffering to some extent, but my intent is to deepen the horror. Nightmare Moon--who, as you might recall, noted the spell's effect on Twilight's feelings (whether they were present before or not in romantic/lustful form) for Celestia--is just using Twilight's infatuation to further manipulate her. In fact, it could be argued that seeing "Celestia" instead of Nightmare Moon as her Mistress is the sole reason that the mind control has taken such pervasive hold of her in this chapter. In chapter one, even when she had thought of the invader in her mind as herself, there was still a part of her thinking of Celestia as her sane consciousness faded, and that could be inferred as the reason why the brainwashing sequence didn't fully "take" and the necklace had to keep enforcing and correcting it. Here, there is no such conflict as she simply sees Nightmare Moon as Celestia, so the last-resort obedience choker barely has to do anything in this chapter, activating once the entire chapter (unless my memory fails me).
Whew. That was probably a longer response than you were expecting, and honestly, if some of this intent isn't coming through in the text, so be it. Death Of The Author and all that: I love people who draw their own inferences (as I'm so wont to do as a student and as a casual reader).
I'm glad you liked the ending. It (after Shining Armor was dragged off) was actually the first scene I wrote in this chapter, and I sat back and read it, I felt I was onto something powerful, so I'm glad it played well for you. Hope you enjoy the ride from here on out!
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Enjoy being the key word there, isn't it?
Also I did not even notice this story up on EQD, so I missed the BAD END tag. Just goes to show how much I actually pay attention to that for fics, but I digress.
Still, conditioning. It's one hell of a drug.
Excellent! I'm a big fan of Twilight-gets-mind-controlled stories, and this one had a few satisfying twists. You tend to get a little carried away with Twilight's thoughts though, writing out stuff that was already implied, or that was better off being left out.
This is very confusing! Poor Twilight...