Sorry, I criticize. If you didn't want it to be criticized you wouldn't have put it up. Here I go

#1: Don't explain the joke. The underlinings are unnecessary.

#2: Change lines when you change speakers ALWAYS.

#3: I will TRY not to harp on grammar as English is not your first language, but you are capitalizing random things. Only capitalize specific things. Like: painting, Mona Lisa; girl, Sally; bridge, London Bridge; diamonds, the Hope Diamond

#4: Umm... the story just isn't written well. I'm sorry I can't be more specific, but it just is dully written.

And after all those almost tangible things to work with:

I just don't like the story, the plot, nothing. Sorry. Nope.

>>10006531000653

Mmm...

1: It was just so people don't post 'Copied! OMG'.

2:  Got used to not doing this.

3: I caught Capitalizion fever. I like to capitalize things, But Not Capitalizing EveryThing Like This. I'll try to improve.

4: I know, it's very dull. I simply cannot fix it somehow.

>>10007071000707

I can relate with #4 and I am kinda the pot calling the kettle black here in that case, admittedly.

Keep trying.

>>10007311000731

What?

>>10008611000861

It's a figure of speech. Basically, I'm one to talk with a few style errors in my own writing.

>>10006531000653

Did a major clean-up on the story. I removed underlining, changed lines more frequently, removed execcive capping, and fixed a few gramatical errors((I wrote 'beautyful' instead of 'beautiful'. I fixed it after facepalming)).

Pratically, I made the story better, except for it's dullness. But, I think I can hide the dullness by tiding it up a bit. Or I can't?

>>10553851055385 ...

>>10553851055385

either that's uncooked and crushed bratwurst

or someone needs a baggie.

I have to say, I like your style of writing for the most part. It actually sounds like TF2 in most senses. I wonder what it's going to be like when they're in Equestria though. Well done sir!

>>10553851055385 Why did you posted an image saying my story is shit instead of posting a constructive comment like SSky did?

>>10561851056185 On the ending of the story they were alterady at Equestria. Anyway, thanks for liking the story. I was afraid everyone would hate it :/

"Just another typical battle day at Dustbowl. "

OK, I realize English is not your first language, but what I do expect is basic followings. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, but I'd imagine you would say 'The Dustbowl', to specify a location as the subject, or if it's a larger country or something (I don't play TF2), then it's fine as is.

"Only Well and Dustbowl were at RED's domain, so they were having a bad time."

Ignoring the place names, 'they were having a bad time'. This=no.

Which part, exactly? "They were having a bad time". We are readers, we can imply. If I wrote my stories like this:

"Pinkie Pie felt in love, because she did all this stuff and she felt weird and I AM A PANCAKE."

Wouldn't you be a little offended? If somepony, for example, starts crying, we know they're sad. "Twilight cried because she was sad" is unnecessary. "Twilight cried", though simplistic, is correct. Thus, we can directly infer that if they have lost what seem to be key checkpoints in a battle, that they are indeed having a bad time.

In short: SHOW us the scenes, don't TELL us the meaning behind them. Much of the story has this, so I will be able to skip ahead.

"Many Ponies enjoyed the crystallities, mainly shopkeepers, others just don't care, and a few others don't like it, thinking it is a rip-off from diamonds."

Again, I realize the language differences, but think-you said 'enjoyed'. That is past-tense, correct? But as soon as you say "don't", that's a head-spinning change to present-tense. Don't (lol) do that. Keep it in the same tense. 'Bob walked over, crying" IS acceptable, because the action described after the fact that he 'walked' is conjoined with 'crying', and it is still valid under past tense. I realize this is confusing, but when case comes to point, try saying it out loud in your own language. If it sounds wrong, it probably is wrong.

This is only Chapter one. And the problem with being dull-the plot seems to have no hook to draw anybody in. The action is strangely zoomed out, in what we call 'passive voice'-the most boring voice in writing, ever. It's used only to catch up events, not to tell them. "Bob kicked the ball"-action voice. "The ball was kicked by Bob"-passive voice.

Has potential, just doesn't quite live up to it.

Oh, Trixie*

>>10595351059535

Hmm, well, as far as I've sawn, Dustbowl is a region of Badlands, the state where TF2 takes place in. But "The Dustbowl" seems unfitting, aswell with "The Well", "The Granary", "The Hydro", and specially "The 2Fort".

Well, so I should remove "...so, they were having a bad time", and only leave "Only Well and Dustbowl were at RED's domain.".

God, I feel stupid right now.

Mmm, if I understand correctly, Passive Voice is used with the past. Action Voice is used with the present. Ok.

Thanks for the tips, and for being constructive, unlike Luke who straightly posted a picture saying it's Crap and doesn't even tells me how to get it better.

Trixie, not Trixxie.

>>10706561070656 Fixing now.

>>10734661073466 Why you posted that?

>>10743971074397 your the writer you should know a certain part

>>10753191075319 I thought I alterady fixed it....?

that trixie is a spy!!!!!

>>10753731075373 Spah 'round here, boys!

Part 4 will most likely come out tomorrow!

>>10753931075393 yes! moar is good! :D ....but still....bloody, spy

>>10758571075857

lol

I don't want to spoil, but Part 4 will include a mob of ponies who think Pyro is an unstable, pyromaniac crazy dude and try to kill him during the party, because Trixie stole Pyro's Backburner, and started burning part of Ponyvile, while still wearing Pyro's disguise.

I won't tell you what happens after.

i think you've said to much already...

What red never loses  overall I enjoyed the story because ponies and tf2 mix lol I'm tolerate of grammar Andy spelling so I didn't see anything wrong lol

>>10761511076151 Yeah, I kinda like spoiling things :l

>>10777581077758 Well, atleast in the Meet the Team movies RED wins, but in regular gameplay RED loses sometimes((RED is alyways the first team to lose on training mode)). Thanks for liking the story.

well played...very well played...

>>10809691080969

What do you mean?

On a completely unrelated note, Part 5 and maybe Part 6 might come out today. I don't have much time to do this, though. Because damn laziness and exams >.<

>>10848991084899 well i mean that trixie has issues with her plan...dosent cause TOO much damage...and pyro wasnt really discredited

>>10861511086151

Well, first she would take out Pyro, and then would aim for Engineer. All of that while not allowing most ponies to know it was her fault.

But all I can tell is that she will have a revenge. And Discord will be involved with it((Yeah, she will become his ally, until thins get out of control and Discord even plans to take her out))

what a confusing storyline jk

>>10863071086307

I have to agree it might be confusing.

*snickers* Pyro is in his Dream world!

>>10867531086753 next chapter soon?

>>10868851086885

Actually, he is not. Also, his dream world does not includes ponies. If you have seen Meet the Pyro, no single pony appeared((And don't even dare saying that the Balloonicorn is a pony, he's nothing more than an inflatable unicorn)). But, upon leaving the place, a scientist pony will give Pyro some lenses that would make the real world look slightly like Equestria, but it was slightly damaged, so it would give the resulting Pyroland vision. Still, thanks for favoriting the story!

>>10918591091859

I had planned Part 6 to be launched yesterday, but something happened and I had to delay it to today. Sorry!

>>10921981092198 delay?!?!? someones been spending to much time with gabe newell

>>10922731092273

lol

Anyway, Part 6 is released. Don't expect Part 7 today, though.

"its just me,Gabe newell" telling you that its ok that is was "delayed" it was "worth the wait"

>>10929801092980

A similar thing happened with Meet the Pyro.

>>10937801093780 ehhh...it wasnt really worth the wait...

>>10939471093947

I know. But atleast it is the longest one I wrote until now. It contains 3000 letters, the last largest one I made had about 2100.

ok cool!

I don't want to kill your Writing mood, but I gotta point something out. Throughout the story, I've seen a handful of typos/errors, but they weren't overly obvious, nor were they big errors. Somehow, you managed to make the smallest possible mistakes, but still annoy my OCD.... Things like the words alterady

Sticked-should be Stuck

or the line

Even though Pyro liked Minecraft, he still didn't wanted to help.

See, Those aren't bad. In fact, the typo "alterady", I really had to search for.

If you want my advice, it's to watch where you put words that use-

-ed

-ing

etc.

I actually really like this story, don't get me wrong. I just thought that you'd want to know where the errors were so you could go back and edit them.

ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss BOOM

>>10946621094662

Well, English isn't my main language, as I stated in Part 1.

>>10954121095412

I'm sorry, but this thread is protected by Anti-Creeper repellent. >:3

pyro really needs to learn how to talk to girls!

>>11061501106150

I see what you did there...

Well, Pyro can't even talk to men((By that, I mean men-to-men talk, not that Pyro is homosexxual or female)), so, of course he cannot talk to girls. :P

>>11062971106297 lol

intense.......your making changes on chapter one! damn! i just started to edit it! say it aint so!

>>11120351112035

What? I don't remember editing Part 1 lately.

>>11123161112316 T THE VERY BEGINING OF THIS CHAPTER YOU SAID YOU WERE

>>11123351112335

Oooh! You're confusing it. You're thinking that by Chapter 1 I'm meaning Part 1. On this story I'm using Parts instead of Chapters. As such, on Part 6, I placed a note saying 'Chapter 1: No way back'. I wanted to increase THAT Chapter 1, not Part 1.

>>11123701112370 ah i see! anyway i finished up chapter one (editing) and i have quite a few notes on what you even meant! i would ask you to get on skype, sir, but you dont have one ;D

>>11189331118933

Well, just send me a message with the correct text, then. :)

uh ok then man...

hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

>>11483501148350 Huh?

>>11493791149379  deedni ym doog dnerf

>>11495261149526 !wtf gniklat esrever

>>11506381150638 deedni hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

>>11506381150638 begining of chapter (me):

end of chapter (me) dafaq?

>>11589941158994

This story ain't tagged as Random fer no reason, mate!

Image: http://wiki.teamfortress.com/w/images/thumb/6/6e/Snipertaunt1.PNG/150px-Snipertaunt1.PNG

i know and it was still funny...but still.... ps: how do you put images in your comment, like you did up there?

>>11661571166157

I only tested this with Google Chrome, so I'm not sure if it works with Internet Explorer, Mozilla Firefox, Opera, Safari and other internet browsers. Anyway:

Step 1: Find a picture.

Step 2: Right-click it.

Step 3: Click 'Copy Image URL'.

Step 4: Click the 'Insert Image' button.

Step 5: Paste the Image URL((CTRL+V, or right-click and click 'Paste'))

And you will end up with a link between (url)(/url), but with [] instead of ().

This makes no sense but is funny.

Here we are! Part 12! Finally!

I'm sorry for the long, unexpected hiatus. I got Über-lazy, something that commonly happens with me. But I'll try to be quicker when updating. Part 13 may come out either today(unlikely) or tomorrow(more likely).

This part is partially inspired by one of the games I like, Driver: San Francisco.

And yes, I know Scout doesn't haves a sister. It's just a reference to the female Scout model.

Sadly, this has lost my interest by 50%

>>12507791250779

Why? :(

With Part 14 out of the way, this story is closer to being finished. Next up, Part 15 will catch up on the imprisoned 5 ponies, Part 16 will head back to Engineer and Applejack. Part 17 involves the transformal of Luna into Nightmare Moon.

I just had an idea for the future chapters this morning. So, I decided to make Chapter 15. I really want to finish this story now, I have two sequels to this story in mind. So, expect the next chapters soon.

Alright, Part 16 is out, finally!

Part 17 will have the epic fight between the Good and Evil. Part 18 will be the Epilogue, and then, the story's finished!

There you go! Two chapters in a day! And maybe three, if I can make the Epilogue today!

The last part! Finally!

Oh, and the pony that wants to be like Pyro is my new OC, Pyromancer. He will appear in my next story. Stay tuned!

endless, mind-fuck....

>>13610161361016

wut

good story i want moar MOAR!!!!

>>13747641374764

Don't worry, two sequels are planned! :)

>>13820131382013 (insert homer simpson woohoo here)

>>13862701386270

lol

So, its the end of the tf2 adventures of engie and pyro? Aww... D:

>>16462031646203

Yep. I got bored of the series.

Although, I can say the same of Riddle Dimensions.

Can you please make a sequel!?

>>17592421759242

I was planning to, but I lost interest. Right now I'm planning on a completely unrealated story.

>>17626381762638 Sometime can u please make a sequel? I loved this story.

>>17710021771002

If I get a concept, I might.

>>18043071804307 If you do tell me

>>18067361806736 Alright.

I currently have a concept somewhere about the main cast appearing around the events of MvM. If I decide to write it, I'll let you know.

MY GOODNESS

little fillies such language!

>>19748291974829

lol

I suck at keeping characters IC.

Sorry for the criticism but this really felt like you were showing off your strange and vintage weapons. The story was not bad but was betrayed by the poor grammar and the descriptions that weren't what they could have been. This story for me is a 6/10. Sorry again for the criticism but I really felt this needed to be said as I felt this story had huge amounts of potential like KnightMysterio's Waking Nighmares which is a master piece TF2/MLP crossover

>>21511052151105 Uhh, I didn't showed off my unusuals/vintages/stranges...I had none of those when I made this story. In fact, I made this story when I was F2P, which means I had nothing special.

And yes, I agree the grammar is bad. But I've been gradually improving in it through my stories(I think). For example, compare this story to 'Riddle Dimensions' and 'The Cloudsdale Annual Grand Racing Event'. Personally, I think grammar is much worse in this story than in the other two.

And don't worry about critism, it's what helps us get better(as long as it's constructive, and not hate-filled constructism). And 6/10 is not a bad rating.

>>21511052151105

A fair criticism, in my opinion. However, I don't think it's quite fair, comparing the lesser-known fics with WN. It's not that often you find a TF2 Crossover with such a deeply-thought out story and planned as such. Most authors aren't THAT dedicated. Even though I appreciate KnightMysterio's dedication to his followers, why would he be so dedicated to his work? He's usually got a lot going on in his life, if his blog tells much.

Eh, whatever. I see people hitting this story with criticism(or in one case, an image of shit) like Heavy's minigun. I haven't seen a single story with this much criticism. I'm reading this for myself. And that alone shall guide my judgement.

Hmph... Not too bad so far...But my rating will be once I hit the end.

Meh. The errors, I barely notice. I care about two things: Reading and immersion. I am reading. I can easily immerse my mind into this, despite the errors.  Good job. Of course, I'm still not done, can't pass final judgement of rating when I haven't finished.

*chuckles*I expected all this completely strange logic in a Random-tagged story.

*claps*Entertaining, for a start.

*continues to read*

Heh. I'm loving this. Also...

Mrh! Hrt hr nha phrnt yrh mrprph

The audio file sounds like, "Stand on the point, maggots/faggots!"

........

Image: http://i.imgur.com/At3aV.gif