"No way bro, you know Khajiit is the way to go. Stealth, agility, claws, all the stuff about them is epic. Nords are plain." I shouted at my friend Alex in protest. He seemed to think that the Khajiit were weird and dumb looking. Well, a red mark in the shape of a hand looked "dumb" on his face, so... Meh, we're even.

"Well, the Nords are everywhere! This isn't Morrowind anymore."

"At least I've played Morrowind!"

"Hey, you know my computer can't handle that stuff. My computer sucks!"

"Whatever.... Hey. Come back in one piece, okay? Don't let your dormie eat your brain." Alex is one of my absolute best friends because we have so much in common. Including the love to argue. Unfortunately, his thinks the Khajiit are weird. Oh well, his loss. He was leaving for college and ever since that news report of the demented dorm mate that ate his friend's brain went live, we've been creeped out. I was more worried than him. Although, I'm assuming that I should be fine and things will blow over by the time I go to college. You see, I'm only 17. I have my licence and I'm working at Alloyd Inc. I have the craziest internship and I hope to get an actual job there soon. College first, though. Enough tangenting, back to our conversation.

"Later, brony!" Alex held out a fist in anticipation for what I could only assume was a brohoof. Oh yes, did I neglect to mention? Alex is a brony. Sighing, a tapped his fist his my own, and he emitted the world's most obnoxious *clock* noise with his mouth. "Alex," I began, "I'm not a brony, for the..." I began to jokingly count under my breath before declaring the ridiculously high number, "275th time!"

"Oh, that's bull and you know it."

"Okay, the 54th time. Better?"

"Almost... I gotta go. I'll call you from the dorm."

"See ya, man. Take care."

Later that day, around 6pm, I took a stroll down the boardwalk to clear my mind of all negative thoughts. It was about 10 minutes in, that I started hearing a voice in my head. Before you call the nice big man in a white suit, hear me out. The voice was calming, yet creepy. I mean, why wouldn't a voice in your head be creepy? Both factors basically evened out each other, so it least I was a calm and collected wacko. There was no one around, so I spoke quietly to myself. "Hello, inner voice. Are you going to guide me to nirvana?"

"No, dimwit. I'm here to give you your number one wish."

"Wow. My inner voice is a dick. Okay, senor sassy pants, get on with it."

"That's not a way to talk to me, my little brony." The voice was chaotically smooth, fiendish and friendly. All at once. Wait, did it just call me a brony? Oh, hell no.

"Apologies, inner craziness, but you called me a dimwit. Another thing, I'm not a brony. That would be Alex."

"I'm not your inner voice, I'm Dis... Wait, you're not Alex?"

"You're not my inner voice?"

"I just said that."

"I just said that!" Okay, I was frustrated with Dis. Wait, I remember who this was... Alex kept droning on about the 'Best villain ever'. Uh.. Discord! Spirit of chaos, right? I think I know how this worked. Alex paid me 5 bucks once, to read the first few chapters of a pony fanfic. Meh. Was really cool guy. Killed dragons and doesn't afraid of anything!

"Fair enough." Responded the FUCKING SPIRIT OF CHAOS ITSELF.

"Okay," I said shakily, honestly trying to convince myself I was going crazy, "I think I've seen enough pony fic to know where this is going... But what do you want from me?"

"Easy, my little brony. To take you to the land of dreams." This seems like something out of SEGA's terrible "Nights" series.

"Discord, I'm not a brony. Can't you pick someone else?" Look, I have no clue what I did, but discord snapped faster than a freezer-burnt twig.

"NO! Okay? No, look, it's INCREDIBLY hard to track someone down on Earth. Maybe it's sunspot interference, I have no idea! No, no, one THOUSAND times no. You are going, my friend. Don't expect to come back!"

Well, hullabaloo and roody-poo. I was knocked tha' fug out!

Somewhere... On a beach on Earth, a lifeguard is having a heart attack.