Hey there everypony. This story is just this idea I've had in my head lately that wouldn't go away unless I did something about it. I may or may not continue this story based on how well it is received. Even if I do it will only be a side-project, just something to write when I get bored of everything else.

Please, rate and comment and tell me what you think.

                    ~Signed, InfiniteBrony

Will give it a read, i'll edit this as i'm done.

Edit: the first paragraph was filled with some minor errors, but the rest.. man.. that's good stuff, great pacing, as far as i know atleast, but dang.

Faved, tracked, and all that stuff.

After-i've-read-it-all-and-in-ultra-fangirl-mode-edit: I like this, i like it alot, i can't really put it into words, but there's something about it.. it's great stuff.

still, found minor typo's here and there.

Hmm. It can be hard to say at this point. The action is a touch... graphic, but you achieved a pace befitting what was taking place. The beginning proved ponderous, but once finished with your imagery sufficiently painted a picture without getting in the way. The plot alone remains murky and hidden from view.

I dare say further delvings shall be necessary.

Hmm... I can't wait to see where this is going. You do need a proofreader as was pointed out, but other than that it looks very good. I will be watching this story grow.

Not the first vampony story I've seen, but this one seems a touch... fantastic, compared to SteampunkBrony's 'The Vampony Chronicles'. I will track this out of sheer curiosity.

Twilight. What's happened to you?

I really like this story. I'm going to be watching this.

An exiciting beginning.

Get an editor though, there are groups on this site that can help hook you up with one.

P.S.

From the title, I am hoping Twi gets knighted and called 'Dame Twilight Sparkle'.

so twilight was already strong enough to kill a vampire and several cultists and now she is a vampire make ing her at least 4 times as tough there for meaning this face is where you yell HIDE YO KIDS YO SELF AND ANYTHING YOU WANT TO REMAIN IN EXISTENCE

in other words mesa likey

Intriguing, more will be welcome.

Need more.

Yay, more vampire Twilight.  I'm liking your battle scenes which I think are better than several I have read as of late even outside of this fandom.  This should be a most amusing ride but I'll wait to upvote until I know some of what is going to happen next.  

So, vampiric Twilight whose first meal was a demonic centaur. That's bound to have some interesting consequences. I look forward to seeing what.

One question, though: Why did Twilight go it alone? Yes, certain members of the Mane Six aren't exactly the stealthiest of ponies (*cough*rainbowdash*cough), but six bodies are generally better than one. That just bugs me, is all.

In any case, this seems quite promising. Up-thumbed and favorited.

.............

My god. I.... I don't even know what to say.......

Thank you all! This is AMAZING! I've never had such a great reception to a story before! This just.... it makes me.....

Image: http://i1168.photobucket.com/albums/r492/InfiniteBrony/z_front.jpg

Seriously, thank you all. This story became more popular in 5 hours than my last one did in 5 weeks. Do you know how favorites it has right now? 7. And this one already has 50. 50. That's incredible. I'm so happy you all like it.

And in response to all of your comments about typos and stuff: I already know. You're right, I don't have a proofreader (just a pre-reader). And It's not really for lack of trying either. If any of you could point me in the direction of a good proofreader, I would be grateful. Once more, thank you all.

                    ~Signed, InfiniteBrony

>>10179091017909

Hmm... the ones I know of may or may not be availble and tend to just edit stories they come across and really like. If you have not done so, consider applying to the Looking for Editors group.

>>10179501017950

Thanks for the advice.

I'll go look into that right now.

                    ~Signed, InfiniteBrony

You know, seeing that that guy just said Thrall, and Twilight just killed his ass dead, would that make her a vampire lord? Or whatever the shenanigans the female version of lord is.

Lady?

Whatever.

So now I suspect that since the Pandora's box of chaos has been cracked open gleefully, I think a certain somepony is gon have to level up in the 3.5 system. Mainly because having a vampire as a class in 4e is a bucket full of ponies.

And not the friendchips, pastel colored kind.

You have my attention. Now amuse me.

>>10185181018518

I applaud your astute observations (and I kinda think the cover image helped give it away [at least I hope so {side-noteception}]).

Although half of your comment makes so little sense it hurts my brain........ and I like it.

                    ~Signed, InfiniteBrony

Image: http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/103/740/c2c.png

I noticed in the picture, in the bottom left is a red book named "Cupcakes". I see what you did there.

>>10185531018553

Don't worry, my author friend.

The brain hurt right now is nothing like what we'll be experiencing on this little ride.

>>10185881018588

Oh no, if you want to see brain-hurt, then you should have seen me when I was trying to write the opening to this chapter right here of this story. I legitimately gave myself a headache. And about half an hour later my ears started to bleed. It wasn't pretty. But it was worth it.

                    ~Signed, InfiniteBrony

>>10186241018624

Then I strive to do not only that, but make your nose bleed in confusion in a comment with your story.

You have my word.

Holy crap! Look up!

Image: http://i1168.photobucket.com/albums/r492/InfiniteBrony/featured13372.png

FEATURED!!!!

                    ~Signed, InfiniteBrony

Hihi!

Good to see this concept (Twilight Sparkle as a vampony) being written with the care and intent that goes into all good stories, rather than as a half-flanked/rushed/empowerment-fantasy piece (which really is more in relation to vampires and vamponies as a whole, not necessarily specific to Twilight Vampony Sparkle).

Your writing style is nice, you vary your use of adjectives and your use of terms to refer to whomever is speaking, and while you verge on purple prose you never quite get there, which is hard to manage and good to both see and appreciate.  Your reasoning and explanation for getting to 'Twilight is Vampony' and your opening work with the setting is good- it would be nice if you didn't flat out state 'Equestria has underworldy side', though, that shouldn't be necessary (and with the way you outline things, isn't) and could stand to be removed and/or replaced with a more specific reference to the cult in question (removed outright is probably better, as you do begin explaining the cult).  For the most part aside from that your explanations are woven fairly well into the narrative, so kudos on that.

A few spelling/grammar things:

so close that if one were to fell so tempted

This is at the very beginning.  That should be 'feel', not 'fell', and appearing right at the start before you have a chance to establish your quality as a writer makes it really important to get that fixed ASAP.

fresh torches filled the scones along the walls

Sconces is the word you want.  Scones are tasty crumbly British things that aren't really biscuits.  Num num num.  And you should never stick a torch in one, unless it's one of the low-quality imitation ones.

Barging in there, horns blazing and consequences be damned,

I'm sure you didn't mean to pluralize 'horn', so please fix?  Thankee!

gave way entirely to instinct, screech a single word, “Blood!”

Should be 'screeching', yes?

All in all, I am liking this quite a bit, make sure you fix that 'fell/feel' so nobody will get discouraged by that appearing in the first sentence (mistakes like that are very common in fics written by those who don't bother to either proofread or think about what they're writing, so having that show up right away will sadly get a lot of people to skip on reading the thing).  Gonna be watching this.

Write on!  

So this isn't a side project anymore huh?

>>10188391018839

Thank you.

People have been pointing out that I've made mistakes but they wouldn't say what mistakes. This really helps a lot (you have no idea how often I make that fell/feel mistake). Thankfully I have a proofreader now and such things shouldn't be a recurrence in the future.

                    ~Signed, InfiniteBrony

>>10188551018855

Definitely not. I actually have chapter 2 pulled up in microsoft word in another window right now.

                    ~Signed, InfiniteBrony

>>10188741018874

It seems a bit rushed in some parts, but its probably just me. Welcome to the vampony community, now you have to stay forever.

I would really like to see the concept of twilight getting corrupted, if only for a little while,, as a vampony. In every story that I have read she uses her powers or abilities for good, and well that became dull and boring, at least for me. Great chapter btw, have a mustache .

>>10189171018917

Thanks.

I think I will like it here. In fact, I already started my own group.

                    ~Signed, InfiniteBrony

Awesome story. I have a soft spot for vampony Twilight stories, so faved and upvoted

>>10189491018949

there's another group that's been active for a while

Equestrian Vampirism

>>10190131019013

.........................

Crap. I wish I had known about that a week ago. I looked but I couldn't find anything.

                    ~Signed, InfiniteBrony

For the night is young, the air is cold and there are stories to be told. Ha that phrase got stuck in my head since I first joined the group.

>>10190471019047

I like my intro to the group better........ *sniff*

                    ~Signed, InfiniteBrony

I can't say I like this due to the very concept of it all. Sorry.

>>10190591019059

Not as catchy as that rhyme, sorry!

I am planning on editing some more chapters of a friend's story tomorrow, so I decided to do some editing practice on your story.  I hope you don't mind.  Also, I really enjoyed this first chapter.  It was paced very well and you managed to convey the emotions of each scene very well.  All of these edits are little things that jumped out at me.  If you need an editor, don't hesitate to ask.  I always try to make time for those who need it.  Just send me a pm.

'Equestria was not the happy paradise it appeared to be on the surface, it had a dark underside that a select rare few knew about; and Twilight Sparkle suddenly found herself among there number.'

~Should be their instead of there.

' Her eyes flew open so wide it was almost painfully as every head in the room immediately turned to face her.'

~Should just be painful.

'Not wanting to waste time and deal with each of them individually, Twilight gripped the horns of all four of the cultist unicorns in her telekinetic field forced a copious amount of energy into each of them all at once.'

~There should be an 'and' just before forced.

'Pain wracked her every movement, every little twitch would send a fresh wave of burning agony cascading through her body.'

~I'm not completely sure, but I think there should be an 'and' before every.  Or the comma should be a period since the parts before and after it are both complete sentences.

'Her longs were getting longer and more slender, her torso elongating and becoming thinner, shapelier.'

~Don't know what longs are, but I assume you meant legs.

>>10190621019062

Eh, it's not for everyone. I honestly thought this thing would just get 50 or so views and a comment or two and then I'd go back to my other story. Sorry you don't like it, but not everyone likes everything. Whatca gonna do?

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png

                    ~Signed, InfiniteBrony

Please, sir, can I have some moar?

>>10190921019092

Thank you for the catch!

I'll go fix that right now.

'Pain wracked her every movement, every little twitch would send a fresh wave of burning agony cascading through her body.'

~I'm not completely sure, but I think there should be an 'and' before every.  Or the comma should be a period since the parts before and after it are both complete sentences.

For future reference in your yet-to-come endeavors, what was wrong here is that the comma should have been a semicolon.

                    ~Signed, InfiniteBrony

>>10178781017878

By the time she found out what was going on, she barely had time to send a letter to the princesses.  Do you really think she had the time to run, wake her friends up, explain the problem, and get there in time to stop it?  She didn't even have enough time to stop it on her own.  Had she gotten some of her friends the fight may have been easier, but it would have taken too long to get them and get there.  Plus, she wasn't planning on fighting.  She was going to sneak in, break the ritual circle, and then deal with the consequences.  If only that piece of wood hadn't gotten in the way, but then we wouldn't have this story if it hadn't.

-not even by the myriad of stars that surrounded it on all side throughout the night sky.

Should be sides.

>>10191581019158

You people really know how to make a guy feel like an idiot, don't you?

Thanks.

                    ~Signed, InfiniteBrony

Random question. Why do you always sign your comments?

nnghhh why is Twilight ALWAYS A VAMPIRE!? I have NEVER seen a story of this style, with like, vampires, werewolves, etc. etc. where she is NOT  VAMPIRE!? Seriously, why the hell does nobody ever make her a werewolf or something?

>>10191851019185

It's something I picked up a while ago. I think Glassed said it best: it helps to make my comments feel more personal. I don't like the idea of people using internet anonymity to run around and say things without even thinking about what their saying. I feel a signature helps to prove that I actually mean what I say and care about the opinions of others and what they have to say to me.

                    ~Signed, InfintieBrony

Hehe, wonder how her friends are going to take this? Or spike?

Interesting...

-in all its glory, had inspired so many a poem or song or ballad through.

I feel that that line is a bit off. What I mean is either it had inspired so many poems, ballads, etc. OR it had inspired many to compose, write, etc. a poem or ballad or song.

>>10191981019198

Actually, the entire reason I decided to write another story was so that I could make Twilight a werewolf/lycan. But while I was searching google for a suitable cover image I found the one I have now and decided to make her a vampony instead, and just give her [SPOILER ALERT: MESSAGE CENSORED] later.

                    ~Signed, InfiniteBrony

>>10192711019271

You caved because of a picture...tsk tsk.

>>10193461019346

Not caved......... just decided to rearrange things a little. And besides, this was just supposed to be a little side project for when I got bored. I NEVER expected it to get this popular. (although I can't say I'm disappointed)

                    ~Signed, InfiniteBrony

>>10193581019358

pfffft. you caved. don't deny it. you are a silly, silly little pony.

>>10192711019271 Will Twilight get the cape she is wearing in the picture then?

>>10193651019365

OK, maybe I did. But only a little! I'll make up for it though.

Suffice it to say things will get a little..... hairier..... in the future.

                    ~Signed, InfiniteBrony

>>10193721019372

.......... Maaaaaaybe...................

                    ~Signed, InfiniteBrony

MOAR

>>10191661019166

Just trying to help improve the minor stuff on an already great first chapter.

>>10191981019198

I've seen one where Fluttershy is the vampire, and there is a far more recent one where Vinyl is a vampire and Octy is [SPOILER].  Then there was a Halloween story where each chapter was a separate story in which one of the main six had to deal with/become a supernatural entity.  Send me a message if you want links.  I don't feel right about posting other people's stories here.

SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!

>>10194051019405

I think it might bear mentioning that the chapter of the story you are referring to in which Octavia becomes a [SPOILER] is what made me want to write this in the first place. Something about the idea of it just intrigued me. So yeah >>10193651019365, I would recomend these stories as well.

                   ~Signed, InfiniteBrony

>>10194241019424 Congratulations on making the featured box.

Vampony fics are gold. Twilight's Curse proved that, and THAT wasn't even well-written. Also, today was vampony day! So many updates! AND a new story to boot.

So, well done, sir. Well done indeed. I will. be. watching. you. *Fades into shadows*

Have fun!

There was a brief time when I was considering taking Magic in Crimson down this road.  It's an interesting idea.  I may have to keep an eye on this.  

>>10194181019418

I DON'T KNOW HOW . ARE YOU THROWING IT AT THE SCREEN? THAT USUALLY WORKS OR DOES NOTHING.

(ye olde Canter-locks voice, ftw)

>>10194431019443

Thank you.

>>10194771019477

Wow. Thank you, that means a lot coming from you of all people.

                    ~Signed, InfiniteBrony

>>10193791019379 I see what you did there you clever man, Seriously though, this is great. I am loving it, more would be awesome

>>10195221019522

I haven't even read it yet...

and it is already 100% Arbiter approved...

>>10195271019527

Thanks.

AND MORE YOU SHALL HAVE!

                    ~Signed, InfiniteBrony

>>10195471019547 I approve of this statement

...Oh most glorious night... thou wert sent for slumber...

>>10191521019152 Oh. Fair enough. I just figured that, given how she's been investigating them for weeks, some kind of contingency might be in place. Still, given that this wasn't intended as a direct assault... Yeah, fair point. Never mind.

I assume Luna teleported straight there as soon as she could assemble the Night Guard given that she got there only a few minutes after Twilight and the trip from Canterlot to the Old Castle should take longer than that even by flying since Canterlot is a full days train ride from Ponyville.  But I wonder why she assembled them at all.  If she got there in time she should be more than capable of handling a few crazed cultists by herself.  If she didn't get there in time they likely would have only been cannon fodder against an army of horrors.

Different Topic: It's funny but it might have been better if Twilight had been a minute or two late.  She was almost capable of closing the portal while running on fumes after fighting the cultists if she had encountered it at full strength...

A vampire twilight story that's well written?

Impossible!

And it has a non-wimp Twilight.

Awesome.

But, please adress the issue of donated blood, even if it wouldn't work. It would bug me so much otherwise.

>>10198191019819

Twilight was in a hurry when writing the note she sent and as a result was rather vague. Because of this Princess Luna decided to err on the side of caution and bring them just in case. If anything, they could have just been there to take the cultists into custody.

                    ~Signed, InfiniteBrony

>>10179501017950 That avatar is distracting as hell, but welcome.

On a note relating to the fic above: BY THE NINE!! I was expecting a few good reactions, a couple trolls in the corner, and some people who found this brand of tea hard to swallow, but this many peoples like your fic!? I'm going to read this fic sooo hard it won't know which plot direction to take!

As soon as I finish with the Ponyfall updates, so ... be right back.

>>10198301019830

Well Twilight has to have some way of feeding without murdering innocent ponies otherwise the Comedy and Slice of Life tags up there would get rather awkward

>>10198551019855

Believe me, I'm just as surprised as you.

                    ~Signed, InfiniteBrony

>>10198571019857

I've seen it.

Sides, it could be possible to feed directly without murder.

>>10193721019372

Everypony needs a damned cape bro!

>>10198571019857

What if she has to just starve herself?  Or take very little.  I'm sure her friends would give her some blood if she really needed it.  Plus, note the dark tag and the 'succumb to temptation' part in the description.  That is probably going to be a big problem.  Hell, she will probably need to feed right when something big is going down and she will probably kill somepony.  She may have saved tons of lives with the subsequent power boost, but she will not let go of the one death she caused, and it will eat at her until she has to overcome it.  At least, that is my guess...

And how nice of Luna's guards to sit there and, oh you know GUARD HER.

HURRR DURRR!!!

Really nice story so far.

How far part will most of the updates be?

>>10199091019909 YEAH YEAH!

>>10199221019922

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Redheart_shh.png

Don't want to give too much away, now do you?

                    ~Signed, InfiniteBrony

>>10199021019902

Without murder, but we do not yet know if she transforms others as she bites them like the thing that turned her did.  It may be a conscious choice though, so who knows?

>>10199421019942

Sorry, I tend to over-analyse when I really get interested in something.  I'll wait until later to spoil stuff.  Maybe next I will post something about [SPOILER].

>>10199431019943

Yup, It's really too early to speculate.

Really, I'm pretty sure he'll adress it, but better safe than sorry.

>>10199711019971

Of course, I'm the same way. I can't [SPOILER] that [SPOILER] will [SPOILER] [SPOILER] but you've probably already figured out that [SPOILER] is actually [SPOILER] and [SPOILER] will [SPOILER]. But don't tell anybody.

                    ~Signed, InfiniteBrony

This. Is NOT. Everyone.

This is Teen or mature for gore. That being said... I love gorn, oh so very much.

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/yay_red.png

I request more, kind sir.

These kind of fics are amazing, and once I start reading them, I can't stop.

So here, take this fav and thumb up, and go work on the next epic chapter!

That is, if you don't mind me saying..

>>10200091020009

It is rated Teen. And I promise right now, there will NEVER be unnecessary and gratuitous violence for the sake of violence alone. Each and every time someone has their throat ripped out or their leg torn off it will be perfectly justified.

                    ~Signed, InfiniteBrony

I like it! I'm kinda sad though because I was almost finished with the first chapter of my story which has an eerily similar premise; albeit with Vinyl as a main character as a vamire... That being said this is really good! :) Need moars!

>>10200431020043 that being said, I must admit that the gloriously vivid details of the carnage and injuries inflicted in said violence are rather excessive, even for a teen fic. Just pointing that out for consideration. Just because you have the gore tag doesn't mean you have a liscence to make the story a sea of entrails, but it can help readers take warning. You don't want complaints about mislabeling is all.

>>10178781017878

because unless rarity is a assassin in this story pinkie pie and fluttershy  would hurt a living thing rd is all lemme at lemme at them and apple jack did not live on the outs-certs (i forgot how to spell that and spell check is useless) of  town anyone she could have gotten to would have been a burden

I wonder when will the comedy tag will come into play, at least for the others because I couldn't stop giggling through the whole carnage .

>>10200711020071

Yours is a perfectly valid opinion, and I'm fairly certain several others share it with you. I, however, do not. I feel the Dark tag is one of necessary and plot driven violence, but only when handled correctly. To me, a gore tag would denote some such as a 'Grimdark' story, one dealing in gratuitous gore and the horrors of war and such. By no means am I saying that my depictions of gore are 'light' in any regard, and I will not start holding back with descriptions. I feel what I have written is what constitute a Teen rating. If ever, at any point, I cross the line between Teen and Mature, then I will not hesitate to change the rating and add said tag. But until then, I will leave it as it is. That is my right as the author. Thank you for your opinion on the matter.

                    ~Signed, InfiniteBrony

>>10201261020126 You make a good point. I can respect that. If you want to go with that, then have at it.

>>10201421020142

Thank you for understanding.

                    ~Signed, InfiniteBrony

>>10191521019152  But how did that inconvenient piece of wood get there?  *flashback:  a lion's paw reaches out from a shadow and places the piece of wood right beneath Twilight's hoof as she steps down.  There's a soft chuckle that sounds like John De Lancie's voice.*

As for the story, I dunno yet.  It's still too soon.  I'm wondering what in the world the pony cultists were thinking.  It'll all depend on how it's reasoned in the plot as to why they thought releasing thousands of monsters who'd just as soon eat them as look at them was a good idea.

Also, Vampire Twilight just drank Tirec's blood.  So she now has the Power of Darkness and will turn the CMCs into black dragon thingees to pull her Chariot of Darkness.  

And too, the cultists murdered a filly.  I want their deaths to be slow and agonizing.  Make it so...

I'm not in love with this story yet, but it's a distinct possibility in the future. I'm certainly interested to see where it goes next!

>>10201591020159 their deaths were swift and probably agonizing instead. Sorry. Still, revenge by proxy will do in hindsight. Can't wait to see how the mane 6 will react in this one.