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What happens when Rainbow Dash does a stunt, and crashes in the Everfree Forest and is injured? What happens when no one was watching Rainbow Dash, and no one knows she crashed, except one unlikely filly? Find out what happens in this tale that will test some of our favorite ponies alone deep in the Everfree.
Cover picture is another picture done by NaterRang.
I would like to see where this story goes. You know what happens in the forest while they wait for help rainbows recovery and stuff like that, and if you need help or ideas, just message me. I accidently used my friends file you know Dark Rabbit Inganno just message me Salamence633 instead.
Preread:
no one knows she crashed, accept one unlikely filly.
That's all I see wrong. It should be except. I'll read then edit this
Postread edit:
Excellent. Punctual errors here and there, and sentences aren't capitalized, but that doesn't make it unreadable; but aside from that, it's great.
The plot seems good so far. Your characterization is decent, and you left this off at a good spot. As DoctorOMalley has stated, the errors here don't make the story unreadable. It's alright so far.
*SNAP* the wind she had generated in her attempt to generate a Rainboom backfired and broke her wing.
I'm not sure if that's physically possible, but I'm willing to suspend suspicion about it.
I must inform you, however, that you consistently have run-on sentences here. Here are a few examples:
'This time, this time I'm going to get it right.' Rainbow thought to herself [This is not a run-on sentence, but that period after the word 'right' should probably be a comma.]. She was practicing for an upcoming flying competition by trying to perfect a dangerous move [Not a run-on sentence.]. She was flying over the Everfree because the other Weather Pegasi had storms scheduled for the rest of Equestria, the Everfree was the only place it wasn't currently storming.[This IS a run-on sentence. It groups two spearate thoughts into one sentence, and does so in a clunky way. I would suggest PUTTING THE WORD AND AFTER THE COMMA, like so:
"She was flying over the Everfree because the other Weather Pegasi had storms scheduled for the rest of Equestria, and (it) was the only place it wasn't currently storming."]
She tripped over a branch and fell into a puddle of mud, but she just got back up and continued running, she had to make sure her idol was ok.
I'd suggest making that final part its own sentence, or putting a semicolon there.
"She tripped over a branch and fell into a puddle of mud, but she just got back up and continued running. She had to make sure her idol was ok."
"She tripped over a branch and fell into a puddle of mud, but she just got back up and continued running; she had to make sure her idol was okay."
Scootaloo had to think fast, she needed to get Rainbow into a shelter, but Rainbow was in no condition to move, she had to think fast, then she saw it, a large fern with huge leaves on it, it was perfect. Scootaloo ran over to it and picked a leave [leaf]up in her mouth and ran back to Rainbow, she used the leaf to shield Rainbow from the rain while she stood holding it, getting herself drenched in rain.
These are the worst run-ons in this section, as far as I can tell. You have four thoughts in the first sentence:
1. Scootaloo needs to think fast.
2. Rainbow Dash needs shelter, but she's in no condition to move.
3. Scootaloo needs to think fast [actually, this is redundant].
4. She sees a fern with huge leaves on it, and it is perfect.
And you have two thoughts in your second sentence:
1. She picked up a leaf and brought it back to Rainbow Dash.
2. She shielded Rainbow Dash with the leaf, getting drenched in the process.
I'd suggest rewriting it this way:
"Scootaloo had to think fast. Rainbow Dash needed shelter, but she was in no condition to move on her own. Frantically looking around, she saw a fern with large leaves on it; that would be perfect for now. She quickly took one of the large leaves and ran back to her idol. She used the leaf to shield Rainbow Dash from the rain, becoming drenched herself in the process."
But that's just me.
Anyway, the story seems okay so far, and I'll wait to see where it goes. I wish you the best of luck and talent with this story.
The writing, while not horrible, isn't of a very high standard. There are grammatical errors littered about, and I'd suggest writing it with less tell, more show. Simply stating what happened like: 'this happened, then this, she did this' in its simplest form isn't very fun to read. These bland descriptions are not an effective way of creating an attachment between the reader and the characters. To add to that, there is very little explanation of a characters thoughts or motivations.
It was a decent effort, but in the end not very effective. If you need me to explain any of the above points, feel free to ask.
-Sparklight
This sorta starts off just like every other Rainbow Dash fic does. I hope there will be something original and not already used within the next chapters.
Here, have a Pinkie Pie. 
And another 
How about a Spike? 
Let's see, now, we'll put a Dashie 
Eh, why not? Have a Celestia 
>>1144322 >>1143518 >>1142932 >>1142835
Well Finally people give me the creative criticism and error spotting I asked for, its about time.
I shall fix all of the spotted errors in your posts (Or try to) And in the mean time, I should tell you I have an editor.......apparently he is having an off week....
Should let you all know though, this first chapter, I wrote like 4 or 5 weeks ago when I was relatively new to fim fiction, the subsequent 3 chapters (Already Written) Have been written within the past week and Should be much better.......
*Spoilers*
You sir are going to be very happy with the subsequent 3 chapters....
It happens, a lot of people tend to write similar stories, I know my one Story "Flight" is similar to a few others out there.....
*Spoilers*
Zecora was never a bad pony/zebra, just misunderstood, they knew Zecora before she appeared in the series, they just always thought she was, in the words of pinkie, "An Evil Enchantress"
In all fairness, it can be said that Scootaloo was hallucinating and was saved by somepony or something else. And I never actually said Zecora anyway, I'll leave it up to you guys to decide if it was Zecora or not, maybe it was another pony/zebra? Do they all talk in Rhyme? Who knows! lol.
In the mean time, Rainbow never knew Zecora(?) saved her life because she never woke up, so, its plausible that this would happen and Rainbow would still feel the same way because no one would believe scoots if she said Zecora saved them.
'Go home kid, I fly alone''How can you even help, you can't even fly'
'How many times do I have to tell you to leave me alone!'
'I Don't Need Your Help! And I Never Will!"
This hostility towards Scootaloo seems a bit out of character, considering Rainbow Dash's old friendship with another "weak" flier.
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I was tiered of writing about rainbow dash getting lost in the everfree and what do i see when i want to check out new stuff? the same freaking thing! 
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