Protips:

"Now I know that the first Chapter Sucks-"

So don't upload it until it's been edited. This is the only chance your fanfic is going to get on the front page and if the story really does improve later you should write those later chapters before uploading.

Now I know that the first Chapter Sucks And I can do something about that, I will when i can be bothered to Throw some more dialogue or some more into the plot just I'll do it when I have the motivation

This is probably the worst desciption you could possibly give. It tells me nothing about the story and if I did like it after reading it it makes me think there would be a massive wait for unedited chapters.

EDIT: Removed unnecessary-ness.

This sounds mean but the internet lacks tone. Keep writing bro.

>>972644972644 dude this is his first shot at writing a story. lay off!

>>973155973155 That isn't really an excuse. He didn't really try, just look at his "description".

>>972644972644

It'll get Better as i go on, But I Just don't have the Motivation right now to make it better, The wait will only be a few days as I'm Writing the second  chapter  right now, But only slowly as School teachers don't really accept Writing a story at my school even my english teacher, Wow. It's cool though, It'll get better i swear.

>>973800973800

Hey Man, I'm trying come on, I'm not as good with long stories and i critisise everything about everything i don't think it'll be up to my Expectations but it well get better over time, You'll see, ALL YOU HATERS WILL SEE!

Just pray Mr ignorable doesn't get here kid. He'll tell everything you need to improve, just probably not in a way you'll like it: the truth.

You need paragraphs... I lost interest and tried to read it.

Your writing style is as if you're telling somebody else. Perhaps you could have pulled it of it was seen as a conversation. If you were aiming for 3rd person...you failed. Don't hate, but you should probably use He a lot more. Pronouns play an important role in 3rd person. I don't know what to think of this writing style, but its not good. Nice effort though. Don't use our hero or pony, especially mysterious pony ever again. It sounds terrible.

You shouldn't tell us about everything. That's boring. You could have said he woke up in the isle, then described the surroundings better.

Would you remember a murder if you were told it? Or if you had seen it. It's that sort of viewpoint that can ruin a story. There's no emotion in this, its just he did this this, found this, saw this, did this, then this happened. I'm not feeling an connection to the character of hint of his personality.

You see these " " they work better than 'unrealistic comment'. Again you should write this as third person, not what ever this is.

(adding these) is not a good idea. Your adding information, that you shouldn't. You say plane crash, then okay we'll roll with it...barely mind you. It is a piece of fiction after all What you should know is that injecting these information is risky, and often one that does not pay off. Don't do this in your next chapter.

example: Our pony now Starts his Hopefully short Journey to the waiting ponyville Of which he did not know. As he walks His Makeshift bandages Continue to hurt him stinging him with the unclean Fabric rubbing on his open wound Ripping more skin and Tearing out more bloodstained Fur from the Now Crimson red skin that is concealed under the Also Bloodstained shirt that is the make-shift bandage that has saved him from a slow and painful death.

More show than tell, Capitalisation is atrocious , commas are need because this was one heck of sentence. Only Pinkie Pie could say this without losing any breath, and this is just an example.

Now here's this: Travelling, motivated by fear of death and suffering, he limped towards the distant village. Ponyville: his first, last, and only hope of survival. Grunting as the poorly applied bandages felt like they did more harm than good, he gazed upon a crimson patch under his shirt. Despite the agony, he continued marching on... because what else could he do?

See that was just 30 seconds of thinking, I'm sure you could have done it. Better vocabulary, which greatly immerses the reader, clearer and shorter, and more focused on the point. No excuses, you had time to write it, you had time to edit and correct it before publishing. If you can't find motivation to write a story, then it clearly won't be a good story.

Why the hell did nopony see an air plane fall out of the sky? Heck if they are as rare as you claim shouldn't ponies be in awe of the sight?

got that pumpkin?

Image: http://chzgifs.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/funny-gifs-i-dont-know-whats-going-on-here.gif

HAHAHAHA, I have no idea.