Speak of the Devil, I was just thinking that I was going to have to find time to put my meager writing skills to use if I ever wanted to see Mac and Smarty together. You have done a considerably better job of it so far, I can't wait for the rest. It's good to see Luna helping her hopefully eventual nephew and new zebras are fun.

This reminds me, I tried to read the Inferno, but found it alternately boring and douchey.

>>970893970893

Thank you. Big Mac is one of the few Apples Luna will ever even acknowlege (The others being AJ, AB, Brae and LSH, who IS indeed an Apple.)

Heh. "The Divine Comedy" is not an easy read. But I've been reading and rereading it since I was a young teen. But you should enjoy this.

>>971102971102

Well of course LSH is an Apple, just like Zecora will be eventually.

Yeah, I can't even use The Divine Comedy to describe what I haven't read, I get stuck too early in the Inferno to justify that.

Wow this is very well written so far compared to my Big Mac and Smarty Pants Fic.

Fantastic job

>>973969973969

It was never my intention to try and outshine you. I've actually had this planned out. I literally have a sheet that lays out all of the plot points and equivalents. Now that I have some extra time I can work on it.

The guise would,  guide.

even if ever fiber, every.

>>10488101048810

Fixed it.

No comments?

>>10491271049127

Considering the words were trying to escape the page, I think finding your errors was good enough.   Yay, ear infection induced disorientation!

Thinking on it now, I still don't have anything to say, as not a lot really happened, just typical hero tests.

another sone wall.    stone

The stones would yield to hungry minds and eager work all manner of gem and precious thing.

Is that missing punctuation? It reads very oddly.

Glad you were able to upload, found a Starbucks?

>>12289981228998

Once a week I have access to WiFi when I visit family. So I can upload. And here I am replying on my phone from a McDonalds.

And yes, that sentence BEGS for commas. And I realized the point of the story isn't the action so much as the back and forth between Big Mac and his guide, and the mystery of the guide. His story will unfold, but slowly.

as relentlessly depression.   Either as relentlessly depressing or relentless depression.

becoming and oozing.    an

female very distinctly.   female, very

even if the.  Even as if?

>>13844971384497

I see the story is failing to engage. But at this point I can't just quit. There's an end to it all, after all.

ah, the City of Dis... cord.

... sorry.  Had to do it.

>>13878081387808

Just because I have nothing to comment on other than errors doesn't mean you are failing the story, it just means I have nothing to say at this point. Now if your intent was to be thought provoking artsyness, I could see a problem, but I never took it that way.

>>13898431389843

Well, maybe a little artsiness. But more in the references to Dante and the way Argus doles out his tale in tiny drips. There is something there that will affect Big Mac in a minor way. It's also very much about what this journey and his reactions to temptation and hardship say about him.

>>13909291390929

Well I'm going to miss most of the Dante stuff, I've tried to read the Divine Comedy and just can not get through it. As to the temptation and hardship bit, it's been stoic resolve Big Mac, not much there other than his save in the windy canyon.

>>13914871391487

Not always. He lashed out in the Foul Bore, was going to unleash a Discordian and stared giving up n the Fozen Wood. But I take your point. I suppose then it's mostly about Argus and his mystery.

>>14235971423597

While the other two are valid points, you knew he was never going to let the Discordian go, and that he'd go to her in the first place. Well, at least I knew, as I would have done so; we were both raised to be gentlemen. Anyway, it doesn't need to be a soul searching, life changing experience for Big Mac, we already have the actual events taking place.

Hmmm... I notice there's one more confrontation we'd discussed that isn't here... is that the next chapter, perhaps?

As it is... wonderful :3 We got to learn a little more about Argus, and Big Mac's love is proving stronger yet.

>>17897161789716

Which one? Is it the one with... well, I won't give it away. But if it's the one I think, yes.

Damn... Brutal.  But DAMN divine after that! Nice nod to Bad Apple, there, too!

I wonder if Argus will finally fess up about himself, now that Big Mac's arrived...

the apples withers in.   wither

birth and your mothers.   mother's or mothers', depending on what you meant.

twilight Sparkle.  Twilight

Interesting, the Granny image should have been a reflection of what Big Mac knows, but there were a few little pieces that he should not have known.

>>19049431904943

I changed it a bit. It was meant to indicate "The land of your mothers" like the usual phrase "The land of your fathers."

Which pieces? He hears a lot being a quiet presence. But there IS some strong magic at work. Notice Granny never said why she had to let LSH into the family.

>>19005291900529

He's be dripping out bits and pieces and he will continue to do so. He'll talk more and more about himself.

>>19324161932416

Still technically should have an apostrophe somewhere.

I can't remember the specific parts now, not all that important.

Now this was interesting... what's this compare to, in the Inferno?

My only comment can really be that the accent got thicker in a few parts, but that's more likely only a problem for me.

>>20103672010367

Purgatory, actually.

felt nothing usual.     unusual?

I keep thinking we are about to hit the end, and it just keeps going.

>>20532352053235

If you had read Purgatorio (Or knew the seven deadly sins) you would know how close to the end it is Seriously though, very close. And the next chapters are short, in the vein of "Antecedent."

>>20535252053525

Oh I know my Deadly Sins alright, but as I mentioned before I could never get through the Inferno, so no on Purgatorio. This chapter definitely had Envy, I remember Pride and Greed, I guess you could qualify some as Wrath, but Lust, Sloth, Gluttony have been absent as far as I could tell.

some kinda beat.  beast

while could respond.  while she could respond

The first portions of Big Mac's dialogue got very hard to understand, I suggest a pass over it.

So close to the end, I can't wait!

>>21921692192169

It will be quite an interesting and emotional conclusion.

Hmm... Celestia's lover? Discord's? Luna's?

The journey's over... now... now it's time to go home.  My my my... Granny's gonna have a heart attack.

>>24060652406065

You mean The Granter? None. Technically he's Discord's unbegotten son. Discord made him out of nothing.As he says, his brothers and sisters the other Undergods are in Tartarus. Except Furia Bestia. He is almost the avatar of love.

>>24061392406139

She's going to have that and more. Just wait.

>>24064952406495

Mwahahahaha...

>>24064932406493

Nope, i meant the lost Mare who was waiting on her love.

>>24068632406863

For a clue, read Kipakuta's story "Umbratara" which is set in my universe and see which pony is over a thousand years old. Hint: It's Baba Yaga, but that's not her real name.

Still have the Miss not being capitalized issue constantly throughout.

Interesting choice on having the Granter be Discord's good kid and YAY, Smartypants is a real girl finally.

>>24145452414545

I was tickled by the notion that chaos is so chaotic that it can throw Discord the occasional curve ball. Perhaps subtly implying that by taking physical form he can't quite perfectly command raw chaos any longer. But yes, Discord's good son. I wanted an unexpected species from out of Discord's mish-mash (it's not stated but each Undergod has the form of one of his constituent animals) plus I love goats. The weird eyes are cool and they really rock the goatee.

>>24205072420507

Those eyes are like baby pony eyes: the eyes of a being hungry for your soul.

>>24240282424028

Goats could probably eat my soul with that silly chewing motion. And make cute little "meeeeeh" noises

You have no idea how big of an evil laugh I let out at the end of this.  Luna's laid down the law, Mac and Smarty are happy, Apple Bloom's ECSTATIC, AJ's pleased, and Zecora knows the score perfectly, being in her situation.

The only one to come out of this unhappy is Granny Smith.  As she should.

"Modest and discreet" my flank!! Oh Luna. The Granter being a leftover Under God from Discord makes a great deal of sense, and I love that against Daddy Discord's wishes he turned out nice and helpful - what is chaos if not unpredictable, after all? I love that he's a goat, too - they're some of my favorite animals. VERY glad that Smartypants and Big Mac are going to get their happily-ever-after, and also very glad that Luna laid down the Royal Law on what Granny Smith can expect if she tries to excommunicate them. Being a big fan of Long-Eared Temptress, I also enjoyed the little aside with Blueblood and Connie quite a bit. Another fantastic wrap-up! I may have to hunt down more. I'm already gonna have to investigate these other stories you mention to find out more about the Lonely Mare, I think.

Princess Connie... you bastard! How dare you spoil the ending for me like that!

...

Man, Luna dropped the hammer on Granny Smith, surprised he didn't have a heart attack right then and there. Now I'm quite intrigued by the possibilities with Bad in future stories, just heap more anticipation on me why don't you?

Luna might need to update her definition of modest...

Any chance we'll be seeing Twilight's dealing with the new situation any time soon?

>>24440502444050

You really should. Gabriel's world-building is second-to-none.

>>24440502444050

The world is very packed and developed and some of it is shared with Kipakuta (But not fully, there are some differences.) There's no mention of the Lonely Mare directly but mostly by implication. I think you will enjoy the rather long journey. Depending on how you feel about Luna and her speech you will either find much enjoyment or frustration.

>>24464792446479 Well I love Renaissance Luna, so fingers crossed for more of that! Kipakuta you say...

>>24450572445057

I have ideas and implications I haven't even gotten to yet. Bad has names that I can't think of how to work in stealthily (Stalliongradis call his "unknown Constable" aspect Domovoi; Chief Thunderhooves' tribe mistakenly think he is a resurrected avenger called The Ghost Dancer; every worker at the LaRoulette chateau knows him as Kako Udan, and he's happy to be "uncle" to all foals, pups and whatnot; shadowy folks think of him as an unbeaten semi-mythic card-player called the Jack of Spades.