Well, that escalated quickly. Good portrayal of Twilight, and interesting to have a teleporting stalky Luna. Good story!

Gonna read this later.  Bedtime

Ooo, stalker Luna? My interest has been piqued.

I'm a sucker for anything TwiLuna.  Pace might be a tad quick, otherwise not bad.  Hope to see it get fleshed out a bit more.

Some things that caught my eye :

"up in sudden clearance."  should be "with sudden clarity."

Clearance deals with an amount of empty space, clarity is a lack of obfuscation. While something can be within a state of lacking obfuscation, it is more of a possessed trait and thus use "with" instead of "in".

You use the word plethora, and do so correctly. This breaks a string of three incorrect uses in a row observed recently in various works. You receive 366 bonus gold for shutting down Plethora's killing spree.

Midnight is usually more than one ding, isn't it? Maybe the ponies tone it down to single strokes on the cardinal hours of the night out of consideration for light sleepers? Not a major point.

Commas are your friends. Learn to treat them gently, and they'll nuzzle right up to your words to give them nice, easy, natural spacing.

I like the image of Luna as a capricious figure out of pony myth, able to appear at so much as a whisper of her name or a careless word in the dark.

Almost like a pony Candlejack. Oh wait, no, please don't ta-

>>969675969675

I'll be sure to fix the clarity problem. Thanks, and who is Candlejack?

>>969686969686

he is a character from a tv show, Freakazoid. I've never seen it but apparantly he kidnapps people that say his name. On the internet this is usually shown as people saying "Candlejack" having their posts cut out mid senten-

Sometimes >>969686969686 I forget that not everyone saw the same things out in the wild parts of the Internet. Thankfully >>969716969716 summed it up nicely.

Now on to business. When will we see more of this? How long should I hold off on sending out the Author Hounds to drag you in for a mandatory update if you don't come willingly?

Keep calm and canter on.

>>969733969733

My goal is to update it at least once a week because I'm going to be working on a sequel for a different story of mine. So once, maybe twice a week. I'll also be going back to college soon so that will surely affect how often I'll be able to update, or even write for that matter. Anyways, simple answer, once a week ideally.

Her purple eyes immediately shot open...

Loled harder than I should probably have.

Good one. Looking forward for the next chapter.

Bronydragon

This pleases me! Continue

Well.

This is very short one.

But I love this kind of style you write.

Well-written and very interesting!

Good job!

>>969857969857

First chapters tend to be short for me, but they will get longer due to my over-active mind.

An interesting start, I look forward to seeing where this is going.

Twiluna?  This will be  interesting. Keep it up!

>>969871969871

Thx for reply.

This is really an interesting one (humorous and well-written) while I've read many Twilight-Luna fictions.

I'll follow your fiction. Good job!

Best Pairing you have my attention

Image: http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/l/u/lunaughtyplz.png

Can't wait for next chap, too lazy to make a real comment right now.

Well... I can hardly call this a full chapter... its more like a prologue but I'll give this one a change and see what happens, I don't have much else to say about it, so far it's pretty bland plot wise.

>>970652970652

I will ponder that as this being a prologue. I see what your saying concerning that and I like it. As for the plot, well, I'll get into that in the next chapter definitely. Thanks for reading.

I'm going to read for shits and giggles

>>969733969733 Dont talk about Candlejac̲͍̗͎̿̔͆ͅ-

Awaiting more :D

I love TwiLuna, so I love you.

Looks extremely promising, Tracked and Watched !

Never read a shipping with these two. It's interesting I cant wait for more!

Twi/Luna is SO CUTE!

awww shit twiluna

>>969675969675>>970685970685>>971201971201 You all are a bunch of foals, You should nvr say the name candleja-

This looks promising.  No dislikes?  That's really something.

A track for you.

One thing I did notice that kind of bothered me is your use of multiple adjectives. When you apply more than one adjective to something you should separate them with commas. On the whole however, I really like what you've come up with here and look forward to seeing more.

>>970163970163

Made me laugh

This is pretty darn cute so far, and I (so far, again) I like your writing style. I may be biased. A little. Teeny bit.

THAT THUMBNAIL!!!

Image: http://i.imgur.com/0AYAn.png

'Ello, what's all this then?

>>972574972574 You've never read a Twiluna ship before? Poor, deprived child! Get thee to the Twiluna group!

Luna be creepin'.

Looking forward to more!

I may just dislike because I like Luna....

>>995631995631

Can't resist reading twiluna fics! Keep up the good work!

Bored...Bored....Favourite update?Lunar Love?NEW CHAPTER?

My night has been made.

Well... That escalated quickly.

Biggest. Pony pipebomb. Ever!!!

Still a better love story than Twilight.

...wait...

Luna and twily... not my favorite paring.. but when ya look at my own sotry... I guess its obivous who i tihnk is best pairing. Though I do enjoy this. Twilgiht is a complete dolt.. tohguh dont always leave on cliffhangers.

(It looks like that Luna needs to do something like CPR for Twilight who may have a heart attack after listening to Luna's request.)

"How art thou?"

"I ask of thee to go on a date with me."

The ending of each chapter is very strong and also makes great impacts on your readers.

Oh my holy Celestia and Luna as my witness, this is the best and interesting romance fim-fiction I have ever read.

The words are so fluent and sweet.

This story may be too sweet and may cause diabetes.

Where is my insulin or Avandia?

Yep, it's got all the makings of the cookie-cutter fuzzy-feeling Twilight/X fic.

-Emotion Confusion

-Ask Rarity

-If Princess: I'm Not Worthy

Well, I like fuzz, so I'm gonna keep reading.

ooooh how adorably fabulous this story is i can't wait for the next chapter to be released

I love how you've managed to create such a fast pase in this story, and kept it feeling natural. Keep up the good work

Twiluna is best pairing.

Combines best pony (Luna) with my favorite shipee Twilight.

In the immortal phrasing, when it comes to Twiluna "THE FUN HAS BEEN DOUBLED"

There are two stories in the Featured box right now with the same image, just on different backgrounds.

This place sure does love it some TwiLuna, doesn't it?

Again with the Luna cliffhanger.

There will be more... yes... more... always more...

>>995772995772

Shit, now I have the feeling I forgot something important !

I laughed at the end! I was like didn't expect that did ya Twilight? Love this chapter can't wait for more!

I gotta be honest, this fic feels pretty bland. Maybe it's just cause I've read so much Twiluna, but it just seems extremely cliched to me.

And then Twilight met the ground at a speed that caused a sonic rainboom.

I should have waited on reading this until there were more chapters. Cliffhangers sadden me

Am I the only one who felt like someone slapped me when I realized twilight was dreaming?

Hrngh, A Twiluna... /lesigh. I wanted to sleep tonight. TO SLEEP. Owell, time to read and then possibly comment if I don't feel like I'm just a pointless commenter pony.

Post-reading Edit: I'm going to play the pointless commenter pony anyways!

First off, the only actual mistake grammar wise I saw...

"It's okay Prince- I mean Luna. You actually made a lot of my progress in my opinion."

I think you need less 'my' in there.

"It's okay Prince- I mean Luna. You actually made a lot of  progress in my opinion."

I feel nit picky pointing that out.. But, unless I understood that wrong, it needed to be fixed!

Loved the story, Favorited, liked, and I'll even throw a follow your way because it was that amazing!(Also, sorry for being long winded. x.x)

Luna always the straight forward one XD tracking oh wait srry that doesn't exsist anymore, favoring as luna would say  

Whoopsie, Luna, I think you broke poor Twi. X3

>>996143996143 twilight was dreaming? wha

This is relevant to my interests. Do go on.

A simple request that may change the entire life of a unicorn forever. A beloved alicorn whose very presence drives her dearest friend to mental dilemmas over basic protocol. A possibility for breaking at this possibility of elation. What effects will result from this fateful encounter bound to leave its impact on the lives of all those involved? All will be answered in...Twilight's Zone.

>>995631995631

Image: http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00783/who-cyberman-460_783235c.jpg

There is... logic in what he says

>>996732996732>>996143996143

Twilight thought she was dreaming, but realized later she actually wasn't.

great chapter can't w8 for the next one

>>997164997164

yeah, I know. I meant before she realized it wasn't a dream.

Good job on the new chapter. I lol'd at the end. Keep it up!

Final Sentence: dun Dun DUNNNNN

>>997068997068

You're DAMN STRAIGHT there is, but what's with the Cyberman?

>>997619997619

Because a Cyberman said it! Old Who, couldn't find a good picture of an old Cyberman.

I see the future.

Twilights mouth was standing agape. "You...I...Da...What?"

"I asked thee out for a date Twilight Sparkle" Luna said, blushing deeply, turning her head away.

"I. I never thought you were interested in a normal unicorn like me pr...eer Luna." Twilight stuttered, blushing furiously herself.

My train of thought.

Bronydragon

Image: http://albacontrols.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/thumbs-up-emperor-1-5.jpg

On a side note: the last line should have been: "and then twilight fainted... again" <3

Also props for making the first chapter a prologue ;) now I demand the second chapter!

>>996293996293 I must have read this story 10 times while proof-reading; I have no clue how I didn't notice that.

>>997164997164 oh she thought she was dreaming...what you said sounded like you said she was dreaming lol

Holy horseshi-

Let's hope Twilight survives her heart attack long enough to go on that date.

>>997930997930

I actually caught it only because I ended up having a brain fart and reading the line twice. You always must watch out for those ninja errors. But, you did good job, as I didn't catch anything else.

Twiluna is Best pairing!

followed by Twilestia!  

"I ask of thee to go on a date with me."

I don't know why but now i cant get that old Ranma 1/2 clip out of my head ...

I love thee i would date thee. I love thee i would date thee ..  

I'm predicting that in the next chapter Twilight will assume that Luna is having trouble with modern speech again and means something like a "girls day out," and this is just a friendship thing.  Then at the end of the chapter Luna will reveal that no she really did mean a proper romantic date.

Challenge Accepted.

This is gonna be so good.

>>10001301000130

Ditto

>>995631995631

Don't do that! These stories are always excellent guides for how to put the moves on Luna should you ever be lucky enough to end up in Equestria.

>>10012251001225 Go away, or I'll take you down...To teh pain train station...in Train Town....

>>995772995772

I thought the exact same thing but it seems to have subverted the tropes nicely by

A) Having her be flattered, and not confused, at not calling Luna princess.

B) Her never getting the chance to ask Rarity. It would be OoC for her to NOT think of it, but as you said far too cliche to actually follow through with it.

>>10036471003647

Both excellent points.

Luna: I'm in ur base, stalking n00bs... We mean, stalking Twi's... Yes...

>>995631995631 Thou art wise beyond thy years...

Yes...Yes...YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!

Twi x Luna!

Breaking News: Hole to center of the planet discovered in rural town library after local librarian hits the ground at over 60,000 Miles per hour.

>>10078631007863 And, what one guy said about, "Giving you great tips on how to get Luna if you're transported to Equestria", that isn't the REAL Luna, it's just an admirer's interpretation of her love life, just a fanfiction. She might be completely different, or she could be the same, how are we supposed to know? If it IS exactly the same, and she IS with Twilight, then I will have lost all the will to live.

Its funny cuz i wrote a story with this EXACT title

I wrote mine before yours as well.

EDIT: Void this

>>10242851024285

As I said before, I didn't know.

It's so much fun watching people speculate as to what will happen, when you know the truth.>>10004231000423

On hiatus hmmmmm

I demand an explanation

>>10397421039742

Hi this is Greg. I currently have PerroHambre profile. If you need an explanation for why his stories are on hold I can give you one.  Yesterday his brother passed away and he had to leave to pay respects. He will be back in a couple weeks. If you need more info head to his page and read the most recent blog.

>>10398541039854

No other explanation needed. He can have as much time as he wants for such a matter and shouldn't rush himself.

Just hope that everything turns out allright in the end. And thanks for saying it.

story so far: . fact the theres only a few chapters so far: