i have no clue what to put here maily 'cause i am me, and that is final
Trixie, after being thrown out of ponyville, teams up with discord. Mad with power, she sends twilight and her friends into the human world without any memories of their previous lives.
You can't even spell Trixie right?
You can't bother to capitalize the "p" in prologue, or use proper grammar, in the description?
Yeah, I want to read this!
I barely have time for fics, but this certainly was not one that would grab my attention enough to read it.
I agree whole heartily, I would read, but the grammar mistakes keep me at bay. Maybe I'll read it anyway.
Wow. That is a lot of conflicting tag. You should not have that many tags on a single story.
It seems like this was written with only a passing knowledge of the show. Other than that my problems were already stated by the other. Shoddy grammar, poor spelling, and conflicting tags, mostly. You also misspelled Trixie. I'd say it's a promising start, but I would be lying. I recommend working on your English skills and coming back for a second try. Good luck.
I don't know what to say about this without sounding harsh, but no one cares that this is your first! In fact, if this is truly your first then you should've tried a whole lot harder to use proper grammar, put in more detail, spell Trixie correctly and come up with better dialogue and story in general. From the looks of it, this is the first thing you've ever written! It's like you decided to capitalize random letters, forgot the ideas of description and buildup, and it moved way too fast. Also, you explained the first act of the story in your description, which is always a big no-no. You use the description for something like:
Trixie teams up with Discord to ruin the Elements of Harmony in the worst way imaginable.
And if it's a crossover (as your tag says) then put what the crossover is in the description!
Also, about this: This story is also some other tags, i.e. adventure, but i can only put SIX hint, hint. *cough* SIX main ponies *cough* and technically, it involves every pony, just not all that important.
And this: this story was inspired by; the ponies, Discord, episode 26 of tengan toppa gurren lagann, and partially the artwork by Mastafuu on dieviant art.
And this: i would greatly appreciate if somepony would create the cover art for this series, they of course will get full credit, and possibly a seat in the story as a side charecter.
...Yeah, tags don't work like that, and your attempts at humor in the description failed horribly. Put tags in that fit the story, not just because there are six ponies so you decided to put a tag in because you're so clever. Also, no one really cares what your influences are, and if they do care, they would spot it and probably make a comment asking if you drew influence from such and such, and you'll reply "Yes" or "No". Your readers aren't dumb, they'll figure out the influences. But if you really want to put your influences in, put them in the description box, Also, of course the story was inspired by ponies! . Lastly, somepony! No! Just no! We are humans, not ponies. You say "somebody" or "someone"! Jeeze that pony add-on thing only works in MLP because the characters are ponies, in any other situation it is annoying! Plus, it's character, and I don't think anyone in their right mind would want to waste their time with a cover art for the possibility of their character getting featured in this C-Rated story.
Verdict: Trash it, and start something new. This is beyond salvageable.
You have no comprehension of grammar, dialogue, description, or pace. So do us all a favor and read. Preferably a book that is of high class, or top notch fan fiction, so you can see how professionals do it.
Look up the characters on the MLP wikia so you can get an idea of their personalities and how to spell their names. (God forbid if you misspell Fluttershy or Twilight Sparkle)
Plan your story, because from the looks of it, you woke up and decided to see what you can type in fifteen minutes. Plan your story, figure out what your looking for, possibly put in why Ponyville literally tossed Trixie out even though she ran away at the end of Boast Busters, and put in more details and pace out your story!
That is all.
Too... Much... OOC's... The Horror... The Horror...
Oh, and Discord just giving Trixie(The Proper Way to spell her name) his powers of chaos would be like somebody just handing over their heart to a perfectly good stranger. It can't be done. Sorry author, but your thumbs up is in another castle.
i appreciate all that you people have said, even though it hurt me to read it. i will begin to fix it and continue writing it. i will not give up just because someone said to stop. i thank you for the correct spelling of trixie. i couldn't find it, probably didn't look hard enough, so i thank you. i shall fix it ASAP.
Damn it guys, you beat me to the punch. It's hard to critique anything if you beat me to it...damn. Well, I'll just leave this gif here to show my feelings for this story, mainly due to the fact that you spelled Trixie's name wrong.
>>964226964226 i understand this, my brother even told me...
it is for his own personal gain that is why he did it.
You know, That is an awesome .gif (I think that's what it's called) Where do you get them and how can I put them on my comments?
Just look up on google, MLP gifs, CoD gifs, whatever. I got this from a funny video on youtube called "Mass Defect". The gif you see is Commander Shepard playing Amnesia: The Dark Descent. As you can see, he didn't exactly win....
You need to copy the url in the top bar, and then click on add image in your comment options. Then you paste the url, and done. Easy as Pinkie Pie. If you know what I mean.
Ah, Mass Defect. What a funny video.
Be sure to try harder next time.
why are some people so critical over spelling and grammar? i think it's a great story. a like from me!
>> Mister Fluttershy
discord 'handing over his power' was probably because he was defeated and couldn't use the power he had. so gave it to the first pony he came across. aka