bass3.16Qurest
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prologue
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I apologize for mispelling trixies name. I believe I changed it all back to the correct spelling, if I missed a few, oh well.
Prologue
"And stay out!!!" yelled the townsfolk as they threw out The Great And Powerful Trixie for the last time.
"What a bunch of hooligans! How dare you throw The Great and Powerful Trixie out of town!" Trixie cried as she dragged her cart away from Ponyville, "They wouldn't know real magic, even if it bit them in the flank," she said more to herself than to the townsfolk.
Feeling downcast, Trixie wheeled her cart in the first direction that came to mind, "I guess I'll head towards Canterlot, maybe I can apply to be a court jester or something. no pony knows true magic any more. I might as well just quit trying to show them."
"Trixie......" called a very faint voice.
"What? Who's there?" but there was no answer, "must of been my imagination."
"Trixie............" called the voice even fainter than before.
"H-hel-lo?" Trixy called out, "Anypony there?" feeling frightened, Trixy started to walk at a faster pace. "H-hello?"
No reply.
"Th-that's enough n-now, come out!"
no reply
Trixie started to run, dragging her cart behind her, heedless to which direction she was taking. Without her knowing, Trixy ended up deep within the Everfree forest.
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Exhausted, Trixie collapsed onto the ground in a small clearing. "I-I th-think I'll just rest here for the n-night," Trixy said aloud just before she drifted off into a fitful sleep.
When she woke up, it was twilit, and a mysterious fog had started to overtake the forest.
"Trixie.......Trixie........Come to me.........."
"What? Who's there?"
"Trixie.......Trixie........Come to me.........."
"Where are you?" she said slowly creeping towards the direction of the voice.
"Trixie.......Trixie........Come to me.........."
"Where are you? Who are you?" she called into the dim.
"Trixie.......Trixie........Come to me..........come this way.........."
Trixy stumbled along in the gloom, and ran straight into Zecora.
"Listen not to what you hear, remember that what you hold dear." said Zecora whilst walking away.
"Thank you? i guess."
"Trixie.......Trixie........do not stray from what you are...........come this way for power........"
"Power huh? That is something i hold dear." she said as she resumed following the voice.
"This way...Trixie..."
The mysterious voice started to pick up volume. 'I must be getting closer.' thought Trixie.
"Trixie. right here."
Trixy stopped and looked around. a mysterious floating, purple orb seemed to appear out of nowhere, right in front of her. this seemed to be the only possibility of where the voice was coming from.
"Hello?" she spoke into the orb.
"Come closer." said the orb undoubtedly, because a faint light began to pulse as the words were spoken.
"Who, no, what are you?" she said as she approached the orb.
"Guess." said the orb as an image began to appear on the orb.
"Who...DISCORD!!!"
"Lucky guess, would never have guessed that myself!" he said as his face appeared on the orb.
"No, I will not have anything to do with you!"
"Are you sure? not even if i grant you true power? the power over those who oppose, and despise you, to do with what you please?"
"Whatever do you mean?" said Trixie slowly walking back towards the orb.
"Oh, i thought you didn't want anything to do with me? what ever happened to that? did i pique your curiosity?"
"Yes, now speak!"
"Geez, don't get your tail in a knot... on second thought, do so, i need some entertainment."
"The power you spoke of?"
"All right, fine... miss sassy pants... i will grant you the power over bunnies. that will really knock the socks off your enemies."
"maybe from laughter, i Demand your real power!"
"Your not satisfied by that? i mean come on! Even Fluttershy would like that one. If you insist..."
The orb started to pulsate a bright blue light, and then it faded.
"You have just been granted the power over socks. have fun!"
"You heathen! how dare you trick The Great And Powerful Trixie!" Trixie yelled, as her horn started to glow, "You insolent being! HOW DARE YOU!!!!"
A mighty force, conjured from her horn, swept her and the orb into the air. the light emanating from her horn, and the glow from the orb meshed together, and created a bright light, enveloping Trixy completely.
"W-what is happening?!"
"Mwahahahahaha!"
The light surrounding Trixie slowly dimmed. when the light had faded completely, she was thrown to the ground.
"I have just granted you the power over chaos. Make your wishes come true and whatnot. have fun!" Discord said as the orb started to fade away.
"Wait!"
"What now? can't you see that I’m busy taking a shower?" an image of him in the shower appeared on the orb.
"Is there a catch?"
"A catch?"
"Yeah, you know. like i have to free you from your prison, or something."
"I know what a Catch is! And no. No catch."
"You sure?"
"Positive."
"good."
"Have fun!"
Trixie walked away from the orb as it disappeared. "Now to get revenge on Twilight Sparkle and her friends! Mwahahahahahahahahahaha *intense coughing* aargh, gonna have to work on that laugh."
Trixie was then jolted awake from her sleep by a rabbit that had jumped on her. "No! That was just a dream? But it seemed so real!"
"Trixie.....Dreams become reality if you 'wish' hard enough...Trixie...."
"So it wasn't a dream!" Trixy said as she literally jumped fifty feet in the air. crashing down, she dusted herself off, and strode off back to Ponyville.
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Sometime later, still in the forest, Trixie got very lost. "Where is an exit when you need one?"
She searched around for few more hours, but then the sun started to come up. "How am i to get out of here? Oh wait, duh." she said as her horn started to glow.
she blasted a hole right through the canopy, and levitated herself out. looking to her left, she saw that the entire time she was walking in circles. "Come on! No wonder i couldn't get out." She then looked to her right, and saw Ponyville, "perfect."
Her levitation spell chose right then to stop, and she fell back down to the ground.
"NO!" her eyes started to glow from her anger, and in her mind, she started to see Ponyville. She then felt an expenditure of magic, and she teleported. "Who is ready to play!?" Trixie said while her eyes where still glowing.
Comments ( 15 )
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You can't even spell Trixie right?
You can't bother to capitalize the "p" in prologue, or use proper grammar, in the description?
Yeah, I want to read this!
I barely have time for fics, but this certainly was not one that would grab my attention enough to read it.
I agree whole heartily, I would read, but the grammar mistakes keep me at bay. Maybe I'll read it anyway. ![]()
Wow. That is a lot of conflicting tag. You should not have that many tags on a single story.
It seems like this was written with only a passing knowledge of the show. Other than that my problems were already stated by the other. Shoddy grammar, poor spelling, and conflicting tags, mostly. You also misspelled Trixie. I'd say it's a promising start, but I would be lying. I recommend working on your English skills and coming back for a second try. Good luck.
I don't know what to say about this without sounding harsh, but no one cares that this is your first! In fact, if this is truly your first then you should've tried a whole lot harder to use proper grammar, put in more detail, spell Trixie correctly and come up with better dialogue and story in general. From the looks of it, this is the first thing you've ever written! It's like you decided to capitalize random letters, forgot the ideas of description and buildup, and it moved way too fast. Also, you explained the first act of the story in your description, which is always a big no-no. You use the description for something like:
Trixie teams up with Discord to ruin the Elements of Harmony in the worst way imaginable.
And if it's a crossover (as your tag says) then put what the crossover is in the description!
Also, about this: This story is also some other tags, i.e. adventure, but i can only put SIX hint, hint. *cough* SIX main ponies *cough* and technically, it involves every pony, just not all that important.
And this: this story was inspired by; the ponies, Discord, episode 26 of tengan toppa gurren lagann, and partially the artwork by Mastafuu on dieviant art.
And this: i would greatly appreciate if somepony would create the cover art for this series, they of course will get full credit, and possibly a seat in the story as a side charecter.
...Yeah, tags don't work like that, and your attempts at humor in the description failed horribly. Put tags in that fit the story, not just because there are six ponies so you decided to put a tag in because you're so clever. Also, no one really cares what your influences are, and if they do care, they would spot it and probably make a comment asking if you drew influence from such and such, and you'll reply "Yes" or "No". Your readers aren't dumb, they'll figure out the influences. But if you really want to put your influences in, put them in the description box, Also, of course the story was inspired by ponies!
. Lastly, somepony! No! Just no! We are humans, not ponies. You say "somebody" or "someone"! Jeeze that pony add-on thing only works in MLP because the characters are ponies, in any other situation it is annoying! Plus, it's character, and I don't think anyone in their right mind would want to waste their time with a cover art for the possibility of their character getting featured in this C-Rated story.
Verdict: Trash it, and start something new. This is beyond salvageable.
You have no comprehension of grammar, dialogue, description, or pace. So do us all a favor and read. Preferably a book that is of high class, or top notch fan fiction, so you can see how professionals do it.
Look up the characters on the MLP wikia so you can get an idea of their personalities and how to spell their names. (God forbid if you misspell Fluttershy or Twilight Sparkle)
Plan your story, because from the looks of it, you woke up and decided to see what you can type in fifteen minutes. Plan your story, figure out what your looking for, possibly put in why Ponyville literally tossed Trixie out even though she ran away at the end of Boast Busters, and put in more details and pace out your story!
That is all.
Too... Much... OOC's... The Horror... The Horror...
-cough's-
Oh, and Discord just giving Trixie(The Proper Way to spell her name) his powers of chaos would be like somebody just handing over their heart to a perfectly good stranger. It can't be done. Sorry author, but your thumbs up is in another castle.
i appreciate all that you people have said, even though it hurt me to read it. i will begin to fix it and continue writing it. i will not give up just because someone said to stop. i thank you for the correct spelling of trixie. i couldn't find it, probably didn't look hard enough, so i thank you. i shall fix it ASAP.
Damn it guys, you beat me to the punch. It's hard to critique anything if you beat me to it...damn. Well, I'll just leave this gif here to show my feelings for this story, mainly due to the fact that you spelled Trixie's name wrong.
Just look up on google, MLP gifs, CoD gifs, whatever. I got this from a funny video on youtube called "Mass Defect". The gif you see is Commander Shepard playing Amnesia: The Dark Descent. As you can see, he didn't exactly win....
You need to copy the url in the top bar, and then click on add image in your comment options. Then you paste the url, and done. Easy as Pinkie Pie. If you know what I mean.
why are some people so critical over spelling and grammar? i think it's a great story.
a like from me!
>> Mister Fluttershy
discord 'handing over his power' was probably because he was defeated and couldn't use the power he had. so gave it to the first pony he came across. aka![]()







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