Not bad at all.  Few grammatical errors, but hey we all make them.  All in all excellent.  

Its shish kebab mate.

Other than that (which really is just a minor niggle) I have been absorbed by the story. I literally read the first paragraph, then closed my own word document for my fic and continued reading just so that I wouldn't have to tear myself away from it to continue writing.

I love the story and would like to see how it pans out.

The worst part of this chapter was the end.

very enjoyable please continue

please continue or else you will not enjoy the massive pain you will encounter

love it

if you dont contuine this story i will reach throught the internet and hundreds of miles of cable out of your computer screen and strangle you till you do

also

as you can tell form my previous statement

i really like this story

It's a pretty interesting premise. Be sure to get some editing done so the grammar and format don't interfere with the story.

Another fanfic to my list, I DEMAND ANOTHER CHAPTER TONIGHT.

I love this story Plz write more

This.Is.Amazing. if you know whats good for you YOU SHALL WRITE MOAR! DONT LET YOUR FANS DOWN

I love this concept! A few little dings here and there in the story but I'm looking forward to the next chapter!

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Scootaloo_lolface.png

Not bad. It's always refreshing to see a HiE story where not everything goes according to plan for the human.

A wonderful start.  I am very eager to see more.

i like it!

just work on the grammar and you will have a grade A story my friend

I demand MOAR

CONTINUE, this epic tail of heroism!

Ok enough with that, I really like what you are doing with this story

"In the three months I've been here I've never seen anyone of the monsters that usually attack the humans in the HiE fics I used to read."

I found it hilariously ironic that timberwolves attacked you not much later.

This was really good. I'm hoping for a happy ending.

The best HiE fic I've read in a long while.

A few errors but the story itself is still good.

This is really interesting, but if you don't have one already, please find an editor.  They may not bother alot of people, but bad punctuation and lack of commas drives me to a Twilight level of obsession.

I didnt think of it til now, why do the ponies think he is a monster?

Oh twily, your blind hatred and ignorance shows you ponies lack free will. because of wars we have invented many things to help soldiers. objects as duct tape, microwave cooking,radio and many more. ponies are like the wardins of prison only pay attention to their favorite parts of life and manage the prison. humans are the thin white kid in prison that droped the soap.

this was awesome and wonderfully written i truly hope you continue this story. a little honest to god shitty human luck is always a wonderful change of pace

I enjoy the story here for the most part, especially the human in exile adopts Scootaloo concept which I've always supported, my only niggle is your use of:

Sweet Celestia

when it's clear that he's weary of the Ponies and that they hate him... it's like George Bush going to Saudi Arabia and shouting... well, you know.

The quote only really works when it's Ponies saying it. When humans say it it just looks like bad writing.

This could really use a clean-up for the grammatical errors. I hate to see a fic with this kind of potential marred by a few jarring mistakes.

Wasn't too sure why the wolves went for Tie while completely ignoring Twilight, though.

>>984097984097

Probably because of Celestia. Apparently all the ponies (evidently save for Ditzy, Scootaloo and Zecora) are paranoid towards bipeds, be it ignorance or just because Celestia said so.

"She made it seem so nice but she knew he had to be putting up an act so he could gain the trust of ponies and then eat them when they least expected it. She hated the monster." Paranoia and ignorance.

and

"Her mentor told her all about their world and what they do to each other. How could somepony declare war on their own kind? How could anypony be ok with senseless violence like its an everyday thing?

A few bad apples spoil the bunch it seems. Once again, a HiE fic where Celestia knows "everything" about humans and mislead her subjects. And everyone just goes with what she says because, hey, she's the princess...

>>993584993584 oh, I feel stupid for not seeing those lines, thanks

Uh...

You do realise that a lot of this chapter was a less detailed version of the fight scene that took place last chapter, right?

Honestly, you can summarise this as Twilight having a small internal conflict over whether the human can be trusted.

>>994318994318 Basically, yes. I am not looking forward to Zecora's dialogue so I decided I should get something out before I start that. And Twilight wasn't the one fighting so its going to be less detailed from her point of view.

I don't know if my assumptions are correct, but I'll just say what's on my mind anyway: Take your time when writing the chapter. Writer's block is a bitch, we who write stoires ourself all know that fact. Don't rush it for our sake. Again, take all the time you need.

A little repetitive, but it was nice to see things from a different perspective.

Plus I understand when it comes to Zecora's dialogue.

For example: "Oh hello human friend  . . . uh. . . orange"

>>994337994337

Actually, the point I'm trying to make isn't that she would have an equally detailed view, but that you shouldn't really repeat essentially what just happened since the readers already know the details of the fight.

Also, yeah, Zecora is a pain in the neck to write dialogue for. That's one thing everyone can agree on.

>>994353994353 Duly noted.

>>994385994385

Hm.

It add's more depth to the story, lets you know what the other characters are thinking, I liked the chapter. :)

BEAUTIFUL

only got a bit farther in the story, but it does help to see what twilight thought. well done

what kind of a name is tie anyway?

>>994590994590 Its a nick name. Full name is not to be revealed yet.

>>994604994604

that's...so...awesome

(no sarcasm intended)

I liked seeing things from her point of view. Go ahead an take your time though. I'm looking forward to seeing what comes in the future. I'm very interested in how this will change things between teh Princess and Twilight and what Celestia's motivation is.

>>994337994337 Here's something that might help you with Zecora's dialogue. Trust me: it comes in handy.

>>994682994682Thank you very much. I NEEDED that.

I'm callin' it now. Dreams of Many is going to get featured.

>>994951994951 It did.

>>994974994974 I meant like... the featured box.

>>995206995206 Two days ago. It did. Not for long though... sadface.

>>995216995216 Oh really?! Nice, dude. Well, I figure it'll be up there again. And this time last longer. I'm jealous. But you deserve it, this story is good.

>>995232995232 Eh, it made the featured box at around 4:27 A.M I think. Sucks that it made it through moderation so quickly. I was hoping some time around lunch for many more views.