Pure genius.

Edit: My life was a lie!

... Yeah I'm not going to bother reading this...

But well done in getting a 10 chapter story up in one day.

I'll take a gander at it after it's gotten a little bit of polish.

Genius

This is actually pretty good. Gonna keep an eye on this.

whoa... that's a lot of words

You've got some crazy endurance

Fimfiction: the place where people come to read stories about MLP Fanfiction... just as long as those stories don't contain too many words ('cause words are scary, man), in which case you can expect whining. Lots of it.

On the other hand:

The air around us crackled with invisible popcorn as a she erected a green shield in front of us.

Chromosome confirmed as Mario.

This story represents at least sixty-eight of the reasons why we're debatably platonic soulmates.

>>964041964041

>platonic

Image: http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-F9soERM9mb4/UA7V3TyPpkI/AAAAAAAAAJk/GTDRlcFFzZk/s1600/3734752+_5b8d9e9e2b3e7fae9a301bf4fc2d83bf.gif

... and then BAM, 40,000 words out of bucking nowhere.

Also, that style of titling your chapters... I feel like I've seen something similar already...

Meh, you actually wrote, so I guess all entitlement goes to you.

And I'm not sure why, but I imagine Lyra panicking with the same inflection as Kevin Hart.

What IS this nonsense.

I.

I'm going to have to read this stupidity aren't I.  If I like it, I'm going to be so mad at you.

FLUTTERSHY!!! WHY?!?!?!? ALL SHE WANTED TO DO WAS LIVE...

best story i have read to date, from where i'm at this just delivers and delivers, next to my little dashie this has become my favorite. this is awesome! one question, why does the main character need to be a jerk? I mean yeah, its keeping them alive, but he could be a little nicer to Lyra...

so far this story get five yay's out of five. just superb. and it knows how to tug on the heartstrings a little, may shy rest in peace.

Well I liked it.

Good character arc, interesting (and incredibly metal) choices of decor, but honestly this didn't really feel "My Little Pony"-ish.  This felt like something that goes in the "Now go change all the names and publish it" category (which in my opinion is better)

I very much want to see the next arc or if this is all you had in mind to write that's okay too.

Have some mustaches for a job well done.

HOLY HELL, i wanna see this in a  movie version. i would KICK ASS!!

oh... my... sweet... jeasus... that was the best story i have read to date! even better than My Little Dashie! your sure as hell better than me! i get the essance of the reader actually being the character every so often,  you got it! i was gripping the story from start to end! perfection!

Oh my God. This is freaking awesome!!

That was amazing.

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_dealwithit.png

Great stuff, here. The ending was a crowning moment of awesome and heartwarming, all in one.

Nothing is ever what it appears to be in this story, and I like that! Hell is overwhelmed by the power of cute ponies and friendship.

This story is beautiful. So much raw violence, blood, and cursing.

>>969596969596

You and me both, dude.

Fluttershy is probably the WORST pony that could have been chosen for an endless deathmatch.

>>966928966928

Would you be any kinder if you were suddenly dragged from everything you ever knew and tossed unceremoniously into a cursed shithole with nothing but a pony and a weapon, and then watch your friend(s) get ripped to shreds in an endless wave of trolls and orcs? I think he actually has a pretty mild attitude about this whole ordeal.

This story is so incontrovertibly epic and reaches such high levels of pure awesome that I can't even comprehend just a tiny fraction of the sheer WIN this story is made of. It has gained a very permanent spot in my top favourites list of any story for always and eternity.

You, good sir, are a GOD. I bow down to you.

>>10261901026190

Point there dude, and you're right about the Shy and the deathmatch. she does come through in the end, thats a HUGE advantage for the main character, lyra, the other human (I forgot! ), and AJ. all things aside, this story is the most boss thing ever.

(a yay, just for good measure)

>>969357969357

You clever bastard...

>>969357969357

I'll come back and edit this comment once my brain has stopped leaking out of my ears.

D'aww isn't it sweet how he slowly learns to appreciate the good things by slaughtering hundreds?

>>969357969357

It all makes so much sense.

Pretty nice :p

I was thinking about how would have exterminated orcs and trolls and anydemons with insane magic, but then I remembered that the ponies were taken close to Sugarcube Corner, and i asked to myself : "where is Pinkie ?"

So I'm asking to you, author, "what about Pinkie ?"

>>966928966928 Why does everyone love My Little Dashie. It's a case of the early bird, it was the first decent story, so it got 4000 likes and absurd popularity. Other stories, such as The End of Ponies, are still sitting at 700 likes when by MLD comparison, they deserve 26K

>>969357969357

And the other guy did the same thing with the worlds creepiest Lyra gif

>>964006964006 If you like short stories, go to SS&E's other story, the end of ponies. You will love its ability to be short and sweet

“Was for Fluttershy, ya lousy, no good creeps!”

World suddenly loses colour around me, everything goes into slow mo. Sadness and Sorrow from Naruto starts playing.

>>10436241043624 No, for that message you need this ponimoticon:

WHOA!   Short Skirts, you ROCK!  Holy crap, this action is amazing!  And Shawn is already horrendously lovable!  Exclamation points get my excitement across!

Why didn't I start reading this right away?  Why, why, why, why, WHY!!!?!?

*heavy groan*  I suck as a marsupial.

You... you killed Fluttershy?  You went and described Thunderlane's electrocution and subsequent mauling, suggested that Carrot Top didn't stand a chance from the get-go, and now you killed FLUTTERSHY?

Shoooooooort SkkkiiiiiiiiIIIIIIIRRRTSS!!!  

Any story that can make me laugh, gasp, fist-pump, and rage like this within 2 chapters has already secured its place in my All-Time Favorites.  Even with all the swears.  

And, of course, you make AJ awesome.  Why am I not surprised.

I love how you dove right into the story and are revealing little details through their passing dialogue--like how many there were to begin with, the idea of the paired shock collars, and their Sisyphus-aided skills with their given weapons.  The action sequences are vivid and intense, the humor is spot-on and well-timed, and the characters are already diverse and complex.

And this, Short Skirts, is why I lurve you so much.

No wonder my pathetic little "hell" fic wasn't doing anything for you!  With an action-packed Tartarus fic like this in your head, Gary Stu Satan is horseapples compared to your gory mess of awesome.

Will continue tomorrow.

Ha! "Does it have toes...." You would, Skirts. Of course you would.

The emotions and messages I'm getting from this are surprisingly deep. I guess you just can't pull away from teaching us a lesson, huh? Philosophers...

This is remarkably original. I wonder how you came up with it. Perfectly descriptive. I also wonder how much like Shawn you are IRL.

AHHHHH!! Holy crap, this is intense! You're a master of cinematic writing. I can see this stuff happening like its the midnight premiere!

Good to see you're finally living up to your name.

Gotta read more!

>>10463601046360 And also...DAMN! ss&e rights fast... apparently he places his ability to create such masterpieces at the drop of a hat to Dr. Pepper. A helluva lot of Dr. Pepper. Maybe I should start drinking some Doctor; apparently it makes the greats, well, great.

It's interesting to see Lyra as something other than the perfect, stoic, intelligent, and best pony stranger. From the same author. Eventually I'm gonna get those advanced ponimoticons so I can put Lyra smileys all over the short skirts and explosions.

Perhaps at this point I'm only spamming the comment section, as I'm sure the author reeeeally doesn't pay too much attention to him when he probably gets a million and nine notifications daily... but damn, for something he whipped up in a frenzy, it really is good. Granted, the main protagonist seems practically indestructible, like he's got some sort of blessing of Ares, and Kelly ... does she really have feelings for Shawn?

There's a lot of win... perhaps it isn't exactly my cup of tea, but it's pretty good, nonetheless.

Wait a minute... where do creatures who are already in the afterlife go when they die?

Yeah, go Lyra, show Shawn what it means to be a true friend!

Also, it just seems like such a shame that these interim chapters go by without a single comment. The zeroes must be eliminated!

In other news, moustache.

Andy Griffith

"Who?"

Could question, who is Andy Griffith? and if you mean that horrible childrens author I will continue to worship you for you are Short Skirts, but less.

some sort of diplomacy bureau... or a conversion cabinet.

Oh I see what you did there Skirts. Sneaky references

Subtlety? Wats dat den?

I didn't have to suspend my disbelief so much as chloroform it and lock it in the cupboard under the stairs but once that was done, this was a rather enjoyable read.

You should write an epilogue. Just a small one. Tag it at the bottom of a blog of something.

Have a plus. I know you like them.

Wow that was a good read. It nearly made me late for a doctors appointment but who cares this story was worth it.

We need more of this type of protagonist. Yeah I realise he's hardly anything new, but I'd rather the Cynical asshole hero then the cowardly/weak hero, one simply is more awesome (or maybe it's because my personality is EXACTLY like his)

>>10270901027090 Way ahead of you, been praying to the great short skirts since The End of Ponies, his first and best fic

Well, I can say that the time I spent reading this was anything but wasted.  The sheer audacity of this story astounds me, and I mean that in a good way.  I am reminded of Gurren Lagann, mostly because of the stupidly crazy-awesome badassery that the heroes display.  Your fight scenes are incredibly, terribly visceral and detailed, and damn, I can see it unfolding in my mind as I read.  Plus, all of the characters you introduce us to are so vivid, so easily intelligible as independent personalities that I actually teared up through the last half of the final chapter.  What you did with Shawn's character is amazing; such a complete and yet utterly believable transformation, it's a thing of beauty.

I mean, shit, bro, I am impressed.

Well that was awesome. Wouldn't mind an epilogue though.

BREAKING NEWS!

This just in, Shawn wasn't an absolute dick for once!

back to you Diane

SAVE FLUTTERSHY

Lyra?

Lyra!

LYRAAAAAAAAA!

It seems to me that the people with the better karma get the better weapons. Shawn got a sword, AJ, Kelly and Lyra all got pretty badass weapons, and Fluttershy ends up getting a massive "fuck you" shurikin launcher. Coincidence? I think not!

Epilogue!

I mean... if you don't mind... that is...

Yeah this was pretty damn awesome. Loved just about every moment of it. Would make an amazing cartoon :D

I am surprised by how many people in the comments have said that they liked Shawn as a character. Am I the only one around here that though he was a completely unrelatable dick? </Walter Sobchak>. I will relent though that he did make for some good character progression that was at just the right level for a fiction of this length, and was a great pairing with Lyra. Odd couples never get old!

I also enjoyed something written in a different style than the other stories you have uploaded here; there wasn't 10 pages of exposition in journal form . Who needs massively complex characters when you can just launch from one fight sequence to the next!  Which brings me to, overall, what I really thought of this, which I can sum up in pretty much one sentence: I had fun reading it! This was straight up a fun story that moved along at a blistering pace without feeling exhausting to the reader.  It strikes me as something that may fall into the "pulp fiction" category of fimfiction as other than a few moment of existentialism here and there from Shawn, this seemed to be mostly about having fun, and being entertaining.  You mentioned in your tomb of a blog post regarding this that you wrote it to have fun and had fun writing it, and I think this is that enthusiasm coming through.  Probably not going to spark any deep discussion, but is great for sitting-alone-at-work-cause-everyone-else-is-on-summer-vacation moments

My biggest critique of it though is going to be your choice of title, picture, and opening sequence.  You said you felt bad for not creating some incredibly deep and poignant work like chromosome did, which I thought was unreasonable; this is simply different, not of lesser quality.  I think your biggest sin was the simple front end presentation.  It may not have needed much exposition, but man, you just dove in head first, and my initial gut reaction after a few paragraphs was one of "this feels half-baked".  I am very glad that I was shortly proven wrong, but it makes me feel that this may have caused people to have abandoned it prematurely, as lets be honest, title, picture and description are what is going to lure reader into reading something from an author they are unfamiliar with.

However, that may be incorrect; the description is possibly exactly what people may need as they are about to read something where the protagonist is a complete ass that won't stop swearing

Beautiful.  I like you best when you philosophize.

Nice bash on the stupid Bureau fics.

>>10473091047309

You mean, like this?

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra2.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_cry.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_dealwithit.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra.png

>>10923201092320 Precisely. I'm sure a short bout of internet-surfing would reveal the answer, but I find my time occupied with other endeavors. It's so sad.

>>10859221085922 Yeah, only CB: Not Alone is any good. And thats because it isn't about a protagonist being turned

Positively incredible.  I've never been so entertained in my life.  It was so intense, so cinematic, and so freakin' funny!  Plus it had all sorts of heart and feels and a ridiculously tender message behind so much blood and carnage.  Wow, this might be my favorite from you, Skirts.  Seriously, I loved this.  I'll be sure to read it again someday.

This...

Just...

Fantastic. No, not good enough.

Brilliant?

...nah.

No words can be good enough.

That was... brilliant. In more ways than one. Besides, now I know what explosions in your nick comes from.

I have to shamefully admit, this was the first story of yours that I read, so I'm not really sure if that's what your writing usually looks like. As an excuse, let me mention that I have three more of your stories in my read-later list. Gonna have to move their priority up.

Now, below I'm going to dissect this story and many aspects of your very unusual writing. I'm doing this mostly for myself, mind you, because I've learned SO MUCH from reading this story , but you can answer/question my reasoning in any way you like.

1) Characters:

Overall, from the first chapter, I felt that you perfectly depicted differences between ponykind and mankind. Especially between Shawn and Lyra. It was brilliant, hats off to you, good sir. Because, look:

Shawn - nihilistic, I-don't-give-a-fuck asshole. At least until he developed feelings near the end. And, despite his lack of heart at the beginning, you still managed to to make him likeable (at least to me).

Lyra - naive dork. I have to admit that in the first chapter I thought she was a perfect copy of Twilight. I mean change green to purple and Lyra to Twilight, and it would fit perfectly. Further away, their differences became more apparent, though. I still think that maybe Lyra seemed a little bit too naive and childish, but it was necessary to depict the epic contrast between her and Shawn (and between humans and ponies).

Applejack - she seems much more mature than Lyra, reminding me once again of the unicorn's similarity to Twilight. Where Lyra knows magic and has some (probably a lot of) academic knowledge, she seems to know nothing about real life (even sex, I mean really? She's a grownup mare).

Kelly - you made her much more compassionate than Shawn, but still much more violent than the ponies. Could it be because she's a girl? Anyway, I think you've managed to find a golden mean between a human and a pony and she's it.

2) Action:

Now I have to admit, your writing is very descriptive and reads very easily. But it doesn't necessary fit with what I expect from the book. A book isn't a game, it isn't a movie, it's not even a comic book (despite the 'book' in its name ). And your story tries to break the boundaries and invade the other media. As I mentioned before, you pulled it off magnificently, but (my very personal opinion here) action scenes are boring in a book. What's much, much more important are characters, what goes in their heads, their development through the story.

And this is where your piece shines, and why I sped through the battle scenes, not giving them second thought, to see the scenes in between, where characters interacted, matured, changed, and developed. Those scenes are the jewels of this story.

3) Dialogue:

Oh man, if were to wrap it up with a single word it would have to be: comedy. Shawn's snarky remarks and Lyra's naivety are an explosive (pardon the pun ) combination. Also, bashing religion, the fandom itself (Conversion Bureau... ), as well as economy in our world, and many celebrities, brought a twisted smile on my face frequently. Congratulations on this.

The one thing that bothered me slightly, was the frequent use of grunts and onomatopoeia. Let's take a look at this:

“Aaaugh!” he stumbled back, leaking blood and sulfur.

“Yeah, you just keep talking, shitfuck!” I hissed.

He didn't talk.  Instead—“Rrrrrgh!”—he flung his sword at me at full force.

Yeah, you could have just changed it to something like:

He grunted, stumbling back, leaking blood and sulfur.

“Yeah, you just keep talking, shitfuck!” I hissed.

He didn't talk. Instead, with a deafening roar, he flung his sword at me at full force.

But then I think your style would lose its visual appeal. In other words, it might become more boring for some readers.

4) Show versus tell:

I have to admit that I've heard/read of it many, many times, but only after reading through your story I finally know what it's all about.

Picture this: end of chapter 1, the scene where Thunderlane decides to abandon his human companion and run for it. You see it there? It shines like a beacon across the night sky. I mean, you could have just mentioned somewhere that the collars would fry your brain if you separated from your companion. You could have put it into a twisted dialogue with Shawn's snarky remark. But no, you didn't tell it, instead you showed it. Even if it meant employing otherwise useless pair of characters and make them meet their end. A worthy sacrifice for a noble cause.

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Discord.png

This scene is fucking brilliant, it's the crown apex of show vs. tell and I will be eternally grateful to you for it, because it finally made me see the light and understand what the wise men have been rambling about.

Yeah, that would be it. I think your machine gun word-spewing rubbed off of me and I wrote a fucking essay on this story. No matter. Reading it has taught me a lot, and I'm really grateful for it. If I wore a hat, I would tip it to you now, good sir. Instead, let me simply thank you for sharing this story.

I really enjoyed this. It was just fun. It'd make an excellently quirky action movie.

And what is it with you and characters who need to stay within thirty feet of each other?

That was a fun read.

It made a nice light snack.

Quantum Leprosy reference should have clued me into the ending.

It was just as unsatisfyingly make-you-want-to-cut-something as the end to that series.

I started to read, and figured I'd read one chapter and call it a night.  I should have known better. After reading your other stories, I should have known I was going to read this one to the end.  My mind is still trying to comprehend exactly what I just read, but I loved it.  Well done!

>>11620881162088 It is a very short skirts personality style fic, but he usually writes ultra depressing fics

I still think this should of been featured, it was better then background pony for me, but not as good as End of Ponies to me.

Jump into my arms, you oversized green booger!

I am SO quoting that out of context one day!

....

Wait, they were teleported from Sugar Cube Corner?

Please tell me the whole main cast wasn't having a get together!?

Poor Flutters

That was a really fun story, thank you for writing it.

Another story worth topping my hat off to you, my dear, exceptional sir.

I'd have to say first, of this storm of pop references that whirlwinded through the paragraphs, I must say I only got approx. half, but most importantly, none of that mattered, cause I realize those were only to get a few more chuckles out of recognition: the deeper meaning of the passage was already all there, and the story was a magnificent reading all the same

Action was good and enticing, but of course, the best thing that can happen in it is the characters shining through it by feats above themselves, and you sure did a wonderful job with it, such as Lyra learning to platform-shield, or AJ and Kelly getting with few words to try out a tactic against the incubus that they had only done once before, or all the little things that show characters straning themselves and developing -- It's really the core of any good fic (or at least, the most recognizable one).

Since I guess you'd be interested in that, I appreciated this way more than Chromosome's sister-fic that this was posted in place of: it's not because of his lack of style, since he has plenty, and managed to convey the gloom and hopelessness well enough; in fact, it's rather because of that, and because you decided instead to focus on the light at the end, to discuss why things are worth living. And all this succeeds while being entirely situated in a Hell equivalent, and in the middle of a labyrinthine game of carnage, or possibly, because of it: Lyra said it herself, there's gotta be something bad and threatening to make the good things all the more appreciated and cared for. And in this, you succeeded magnificently, creating a very meaningful contrast between pony and man, with Kelly acting as a middle ring, and getting each side to learn a bit more of the other.

It's brilliant how Shawn's inner purpose, while trudging through the various terrible challenges (friendly chats included), shifted slowly from mere, egoistic survival to actually considering the value of the present in itself, and spending it well, and that also means with friends. ("...It's this or Detroit.")

It's really one of those stories that make you stop and think about life, and I always thought that was one of the best points about S1 of FiM itself; so congrats man, since this read brightened my day (and possibly, the following ones) by a decisive margin, and I hope you will be able to express more of your wisdom in your next labors as well. Kudos to you!

Dat Title! :D

Can i make a quick note here?

This is probably irrelevant like celestia's dodo on a sunday afternoon during fly season... but Twilight has actually been to Tartarus.

“Heck yeah,” Applejack said with a nod.  “Well, none of us have ever stepped hoof in these wicked parts before, but our history books are plum full of texts that mention the place.”

If you remember the episode where they make a really obvious video-game reference (talking about the eye-patch-time-travelin episode), Twilight has to drag Cerberus (three headed dogs((< you get it))) Back to Tartarus. Even applejack was there .

Anyways, don't change it if you don't wanna, i'm just lettin you know if it slipped your mind.

Back to mindless troll fighting and other shenanigans.

I dunno, i think those were some pretty damn funny last words if you ask me...

Damn demon should have at least laughed or somethin

oh well waddaya expect?

If only bonbon would see how Shawn is treating Lyra...

I shudder to think of such things...

Heart-wrenching...truly.

Lo and behold the tale of four epic adventurous souls happen across their long lost friend, only to realize the way out of the never-ending madness was "a door" that friend happened upon, but in her fright decided to ignore, all because the author chickened out.

Damn you Shawn... Damn you.

Nothing beats the stuff you manage to pull.

Shit, i probably enjoy reading your insane stories as much as i love the next Terry practhet novel.

Way to pull another ace mate

>>964006964006 LOL

This was a Sociology class well spent.

Well.  This is one of the few action-type stories that I actually liked, so...

Yeah, this was really good.  And now I feel empty and depressed, as per usual.  Loved the story, all of it.  I can't retrieve any more words to say, so here's a Fluttershy.  

The happy isn't working...

This'll be interesting seeing as how I've read Dante's Inferno. Read, not played. Faved for easy tracking.

Yay! We never know if they escape or die!

Wait a minute- One time sitting on a bench?

Possible relation to Background Pony for anypony?

Wow, I was really skeptical about reading this story, figuring it to be dumb or something. Well I just burned through the whole thing in one night. Good show!

This. This is an epic tale full of honour, glory, and heroic sacrifice. The warriors of Valhalla itself could scarce lay claim to a legend its equal.

I humbly bow before your greatness, for I dare not even call myself an author in the (virtual) presence of a master wordsmith such as yourself.

Pray, go now and craft further masterpeices, that we may gaze also upon them in awe.

cooked morsels of raw flesh

>>21150132115013 Because, you know, flesh is raw before you cook it.

>>19329841932984 As much as I would like that, it's probably just a reference to Lyra sitting on a bench.

Rainbow Dash survived? Well that's a relief.

Why is hell always so hellish and terrible? It always makes me hate more than I did beforehand.

I swear I must have commented on this already - only read it through like five times in the past few months. Gets better every time.

Anywho, a deliciously action-filled romp wrapped in just the right amount of corniness to make it incredibly appropriate to the source material.

In other words, fuckin' ace, loved every chapter of it.

Shawn's a delightfully cynical prick, Lyra truly is adoracute throughout, Kelly is a great character to interact with Shawn, Applejack is a bit of a badass and Fluttershy has a freakin' automatic shruiken cannon. Plot is predictable enough but contains the appropriate level of feels, introspection, sad points and Skirtsian humor.