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I like how this is starting up!

I hope that Hilarity ensues!

It's a good opener. However, your grammar is very weak. You have to do something about that. Yes, it really does matter.

On a related note: if you cannot speak Early Modern English, do not attempt to just wing it. Yes there really is more to the language than throwing the occasional 'thee' into Modern English.

>>960152960152

I didn't think its was that bad but if you think so then i'll have to take another look at it and maybe look into more Shakespeare, grammar will definitly need another work over, thank you for the criticism, its always appreciated. Do you recommend any examples (fics or otherwise) to follow by , any suggestion would be also appreciated.  

>>960819960819

D'you mean which stories use Early Modern English appropriately?

Funny thing - I'm certain there are a few around, but I cannot think of any and I'm not surprised. If it's done right, I'll likely not notice at all (since I can read it), but errors leap off the page.

Now, it's a truism to say that you can't learn a language just be reading it, but if you really want to try, get yourself a copy of the King James Bible and a copy of Le Morte d'Arthur.

Do not rely on Shakespear, who was legendary for his misuse of language.

Honestly though - no-one will mind if you write Luna as speaking Modern Equestrian. It's certainly better than misusing Early Modern Equestrian and easier than learning an archaic form of English just so you can write about ponies.