Looks interesting. Tracked.

Very interesting premise. It somewhat shocks me that I haven't seen it before

Just a hint of warning, it isn't REALLY a comedy, but thats the only fitting tag, and it has some humor in it.

-Whooves

Interesting I shall track

You show promise. Keep it up!

Best. Rules lawyering. EVER.

Heh, I didn't know Twilight took instructions so literally. Who wants to bet that she defeats all of her opponents by lecturing them rather than actually using magic? Loss through boredom!

This has caught my interests so I'll be following!

Clever

There will be a grammar update on this in like twenty minutes, for anyone who noticed the mistakes. I got some help, and I hope that I won't make errors like I did again.

I see Celestia taught Twilight MORE than just magic

I've seen a large amount of "dueling" fics lately. It just so happens that I like fics like these.

>>959622959622 Magic dueling in particular? Or just combat is what you've seen.

Technobabble! The best kind of babble!

First thing that came to mind was Moonstone Cup, which was great, even if the ending was a bit much. Duel Nature also comes to mind.

This is relevant to my interests

I shall continue to read this, for it looks like it may be interesting.  I do request, however, that you pass it through Microsoft Word (or a spellchecker of similar ability) next time.  There are some spelling and grammatical issues which are somewhat distracting, which is made extra-ironic when the punchline of the chapter is grammatical trickery.  If you don't have MicroWord, I'd suggest literally speaking the chapter aloud.  You'll hear awkward phrasings and pick out misspellings/improper usages more easily if you are listening to the words themselves, rather than filling in what you know should be there in your mind.

>>960381960381 Don't worry, consider any errors nonexistent. I have only added in the edits that a friend gave me to about half the chapter. In the future, there will be little to no errors.

SWEET. As soon as Twilight mentioned the comma I immediately saw where the story was going. Gotta love those logical eggheads! I hope Twi passed!

>>960548960548 Actually, The Archemage rapes her out of pure anger in the second one.

The world may never know...

Land of Lovecraft! Oh, the LOLs that were had!! That was too good.

EDIT: And OMYGOSH I LOVE IT WHEN TWILIGHT GOES ALL SMART-MODE! This shows promise.

Interesting idea. I had some issues, though. I don't get RD's logic for convincing Twilight to join that club. Twilight is into reading, but RD isn't some magical duelist That's a minor thing though. Twilight herself, however...you make her much snarkier than she ought to be.  "Hi, Lyra! I didn't know you were any good at magic." Rude much? Also, her way of "passing" the test was not well justified. Twilight should be smart enough to know what he's talking about the first time. She's too humble to play things like that.

Also, the WoW reference was pretty out of place. I don't know about you, but unless Spike's game is gonna play a role in the story somehow, something that blatant really breaks the immersion. I don't know if it will or not, but I'm just putting that out there

>>960643960643 1. Yeah, the connection isn't extremely tangible, but i see it that Rainbow wants Twilight to enjoy a sport, nomatter what it is. She picked this one because Twilight likes magic, just like how Twilight gave her the Daring Do series because Daring Do is similar to Rainbow Dash.

2. Twilight isn't new to being rude to Lyra. In ep. 1 she completely ignores her. Im lying through my teeth, actually, i have no reason for twilight snarkiness. Good find.

3. Twilight hates show-offs, and she hates mean people. Cobalt Star is both. Outsmart him in front of his classmates? Pro plan. Twilight isn't above making people look bad, as seen in part one of the season 2 finale, albeit that was for the safety of her brother.

4. You think it breaks the immersion? While it is a cheesy reference, I think it adds more life to the story. While its just a small thing, it gives the story something a reader can relate to, and I think its much better then having Spike be just standing there, or sleeping.

Also, side note, this story has 42 likes upon posting of this. Becaues im a huge nerd, i'm very pleased by this number. +rep if you know why I am.

Probably not gonna happen, but I can almost see Twilight and Trixie finding common ground in hating this obnoxious douche... arrogance and failure indicates that he's likely completely worthless and will 'discretely' cheat to win, possibly only to get shot down by a basic magic bolt (Just creating semi-solid magic, the product of ALL spells come to think of it, and launching it from ones horn. Potentially takes less effort than levitation, so will possibly be classed as level 2 max). Never seen a story like this and am personally curious where it'll go. Perhaps Twilight'll make friends and/or enemies? She strikes us more as the type who is utterly oblivious to any and all ill will directed towards her so she's probably never had an enemy/rival in her life.

Ah, the life, universe and everything?

Oh snap!

:thumbsup: I'm looking forward to the next chapter! Good job so far

Trackadelic!

>>959108959108

if it's not pure comedy you should consider adding a note in the description that says just that or at least something similar. also, it feels like "slice of life" might work as a tag

>>964431964431 It was originally (before posting) listed as Comedy/Slice of Life, but then I realized it's about a magical dueling club.

Chapter Two will be out in a day or two.

Yeah, sorry for the long overdue posting of chapter two. I promise i'll be on a more regular schedule now...blame League of Legends.

Why do I see either Twilight's first or last fight in the Archmage's dueling club being with Lyra?

This is good thanks for the story.

well written, and interesting, tracking

I laughed so hard at Twilight's victory over Archmage's direction issues.

Well you wouldn't mention the dangerous underground dueling if it wasn't relevant to the story.  Getting Twilight involved in that kind of business without it sounding contrived could be a bit of a challenge though.

Twilight is such a smartass

Long time in between updates. Will put on read later until more updates arrive or is completed

>>10648141064814

Yeah, that was just because of my own life. I pwomise i'll be uploading on a weekly or biweekly basis from now on.

Hug.

>>10647521064752

Nuh uh. The "Archmage" said he was picking unicorns for a tournament, he never said what kind of tournament. Therefore, there is a 50% chance that the tourney they're joining is Unsanctioned.

Also, in the example duel they had there were -no shields-, just levitation. More evidence that it's unsanctioned recruiting.

I'd think that Twilight would send Celestia a letter regarding this "Archmage" to see who he really is. If he's claiming to be an Archmage, he's gotta be well known, if not a member of Celestia's court/academy.

>>10645091064509

You sense the tropes, young grasshopper

In tournaments, the buddy is often the final obstacle, and if two people are allowed to win, the rival will most likely be the other victor

doesn't subtract from the quality of the story if its a good one though, ill be tracking this

>>10648341064834 make it weekly bro. Can't leave us hanging. I try to update mine about three times a week. Just hit chapter 100 last week and almost 300k words. Keep the updates coming. You'll do alright.

>>10649101064910 Im personally more comfortable with bi weekly, because of my own schedule. I'll shoot for weekly uploads, just because it would be nice.

>>10649161064916 cool I look forward to reading it. And btw your other story was awesome

Why do I get the feeling that Twilight is going to absolutely thrash the Archmage by the end of this story? Oh, and Trixie too... Lol. Great story so far!

>>10647661064766 I can respond to this in one of two ways.

1- Don't you mean she's a smartpony? She clearly is not a donkey!

2- Better to be a smartass than a dumbass.

Either way...

MOAR!

>>10648401064840  No, the shield isn't necessary at the level the duel club is currently playing at; you don't really need the shield until you're throwing around class five spells (although reading between the lines, it sounds as though the sanctioned Advanced matches use them).  Twilight wasn't worried about hurting people with class threes (which is the limit at the duel club) but was worried about hurting people with the fire evocations available at class five (the limit at sanctioned pro matches, which have the shield.)

It's also implied that the sanctioned matches have less tolerance for unicorns that get 'carried away' and 'accidentally' use illegal spells, as opposed to the unsanctioned matches which use a three strikes system.

>>10650731065073  Well, it might have something to do with the fact that he's an arrogant, insufferable jerk.  Just maybe.

>>10645091064509

Because that is how 90% of tournament style anime work out.

It is a plot device that is overused to commercial media because it is so easy to do.

"Why do you need to know more then one extra levitation spell?"

much faster then the rate that Twilight was falling at.

how he should be more mature then that...

All of these should say "than" rather than "then."

"When he saw the add for the dueling club, he told me I had the talent for it."

"Add" should be "ad," as in "advertisement."

Looking forward to more frequent updates. This is a very interesting story--I always love magic, and Twilight, and science, and gummy worms.

>>10648511064851

So according to that, It will be

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_TwilightWut.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra2.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_TwilightWut.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Trixie_lolface_1.png

>>10654691065469

What do gummy worms have to do with this?

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_TwilightWut.png

>>10668971066897

Pretty much. And where the hell did you get the Lyra/AwesomeTrixie icons? The only ones I know of are the ones to the right of the text box.

>>10669811066981

Apocalypse pony. >:3 (I'm quite positive you are Real_RainbowDash on Kongregate.)

FiM Enhancements for Greasemonkey.

Awesome! I can't wait for Twilight to beat the heck out of that annoying, cheating Archmage.

That wasn't very much of a break-down of the specifics of the rules, even "Off Camera". I wonder if she has a rule-book in the library, and if so, why she didn't consult it before the first day?

I also suspect the organizer is trying to lead his two picks into the underground circuit (if not, then Trixie came from that, and maybe both are true), if so he would want to repeatedly humiliate the personal student of Princess Celestia before she figures that out probably. Then again, it IS legal so...

>>10806821080682 Was I unclear with the rules of the game?

>>10827391082739

Not unclear, more like incomplete. All you need to do is say that Twilight discussed the rules with Lyra or say she found the rulebook and read through it. My point was that there has to be a lot more rules for a formal sport... or at least there would be for similar real-life sports*. I suppose the fact that there was room to argue about if wings are fair in "Fall Weather Friends" might indicate that the rules for Equestrian sports might not tend to be as formalized.

*The rulebook for fencing, for instance is hundreds of pages long and that is a relatively simple sport in how it is carried out (as opposed to say, karate matches, or either type of football). Naturally the reader isn't going to care about all the technicalities.

I like!

>>10651061065106

Smartflank, you have to go from ass to the pony equivalent.

Also, that was the coolest thing I have ever read Twilight do. Even if I had figured the instruction out as I was reading it. Grammar and Logic like a boss.

Really? Twilight cries over an arrogant jerk liking her tactical skills and defeating her friend in a fair game? Everypony should know that until you are declared the victor, you should stay on your guard.

Why is it that this dueling club would be the only one? Even if Lyra had to take a train ride to Manehatten or somewhere, there should be more clubs available if there were enough ponies kicked out to form their own league.

Also, the mind games are a bit much. The way you haven't explained it, it seems as though it's common for Unicorns to be able to simply push their minds into another pony's. It seems like your using the magical battles from the Inheritance Cycle as a guide instead of Harry Potter, because it wasn't like anyone with magic could cast a wandless, wordless Legilemens.

I honestly don't know why more people don't comment here... but at any rate;

WELL DONE. You have my attention, and my favorite. I like how you cut that battle so close. Really looking forward to the next chapter. I have know idea were this is headed, and so I LOVE IT!

Interesting idea but the execution is... rather lackluster really.

Especially the pacing.

To mention an example: I really had a hard time digesting Twi's nightmare because you ended it so aruptly.

Also, the flank is the side of a horse - not the back.

You'd want "rump" or "haunch" for that.

Well. I'm a little disappointed in Twilight's abilities in this fic. In my head-canon she's supposed to be a little better than that .

But nevertheless, I'm very interested in seeing Twilight's growth and progress in the field of dueling. MOAR

That chapter was excellent in execution. And oh-so-very thrilling as Twilight, yet again, is unable to prevent herself from being cold and calculating about -everything-.

One of these things is just like the other. Can you guess what it is?

(Sorry sorry sorry sorry, I'm not usually a snide bitch but this chapter brought out the worst of me especially that ending I'm -SO- sorry. Twilight is amazing but seriously, one of her major shortcomings is her inability to take a joke or handle something normal normally, she's generally far too serious about everything and... well, yes, I'm assuming you all read the chapter as well.)

I am little confused by the last lines. Why is Twilight unhappy? She won fair and square. Lyra didn't seem upset by the lose, beyond what would be normal.

I don't understand what twilight did wrong why was Lyra so mad Twilight the rules of dueling haven't been well defined and I just don't see how what Twilight did was wrong. Also Twilight simultaneously levitated a water tower and an ursa minor in boast busters without the aid of the element of magic. I don't undersand why she is portrayed as being an average unicorn. I do like your story though those were just some things I didn't get.

Thanks for the criticism, guys.

I'm removing this chapter (not deleting, just revising) until I get it to a point where the ending feels more natural and so it makes a lot more sense.

Expect it in a day or two.

Honestly, thank you, critics are the greatest things a writer could possibly want. When I get nothing but short comments that just say things like "tracked", I become worried. It's you guys that reassure me that people are reading my stuff.

Alright, the message in the ending (not of the entire story, obviously) is still the same as how I envisioned, it, but it makes more sense and it's much more... the only word that hits me is warm.

The message of this that is reflected in both the original and new ending is for you guys to decipher, but I truly like the revised ending a lot better.

Thank you for existing, critics.

Wait... "Land of Lovecraft" O_O ... the horrors... the tentacles!

>>11718481171848

Shobbaths and C'thulhu's EVERYWHERE.

Wow. This fic is awesome! Keep it up.

I'm, leaning much more towards liking the original. I think because it showed us the guilt Twilight felt at winning by exploiting a loophole in the rules: While it was certainly a legal win, it was not what most folks would generally consider "fair and square." The point being that Cobalt Star doesn't give a flying feather about "fair and square." All he cares about is winning, by whatever means are both necessary and within the letter of the rules. Twilight's win was within the letter of the rules, sure, but certainly not within the spirit of them. Lyra was upset because she thought Twilight was better than that. Twilight was upset because she thought she was better than that, too. She didn't win in the original draft: Cobalt Star did, and there's just something about that internal sort of conflict that really appeals to me.

But, that's just my opinion on the chapter. And overall opinion on the chapter's original draft appears to have been divided. Clearly, a duel is the only way to settle this.

>>11719661171966

I wouldn't change a chapter like that  just because it wasn't a perfect ending. In fact, it was the ending that I had envisioned for awhile. I just don't think it displayed the message that I intended correctly, all it did was make Lyra seem like someone who hates to lose.

I like how you think. We fight at dawn (Level 3 magic please )

i have say I am with PhycoKrusk here. I don't see what the point of changing the ending was. Maybe just giving Lyra some more lines to clarify Twilight's dick move.

I kinda envisioned this fic becoming about Twilight becoming what she hates (The Archmage)

>>11720561172056

I'm against writing something like that... it just isn't... clever.

I'm not saying what I did write IS clever, but I don't want to follow the obvious route with the story.

Looks interesting, I just hope you don't make Trixie look stupid. Too many fics end up doing that.

Friggin people, kissing up to the Crown via the 'personal student'...

(minor rant below)

I mean for hell's sake people! Magic is HER special talent too! But for some reason, everyone just assumes she isn't much better than the magic version of 'walking and chewing gum'.

Anyhow, sorry about that, it looks like a good read.

>>11721631172163

I promise you one thing, and I know EXACTLY where you are coming from:

Trixie is a badass, and her magical talent will be amplified in this fic. Don't worry, my love.

>>10644271064427 Now I must ask, who do you main? I'm an avid lol player even though I suck at it. I'm also enjoying this story quite a bit. I love how you made Rainbow a caffeine junky and am loving the intricacies that I can see being used in the duels. I'll say more if I think of anything worth while, for now take a like fav and watch

-Ace

>>11721741172174

Hope so. Badass Trixie is best Trixie.

"Why would she be casting music?"

adrenaline-like hormone (often called magrenaline)

missing transposed

Also, I'm with >>11678211167821 on the mind thing

Yea, I have alot of them, egghead

Anyone else think she was going to make a arrow facing 84.49 degrees in the circle and tand on the sorrow, was that just me?

Five bucks says the two duelist that get to the end will either be Trixie (if not she gets knocked out in the match before) or lyra.

>>11678381167838 no. no i dea. Ughhh

This story sits strangely with me, first off Twilight is the ELEMENT OF MAGIC, as in she is the LITERAL embodiement of magic! She is effectivly the strongest unicorn in existence at the moment. She was also taught by Princess Celestia HERSELF! So having this cocksure pony who doesn't even recognize the very elements that saved his world 3 times  annoys me...

I dig it, keep it coming

>>11721631172163 To be fair, a certain lack of intelligence in the form of gross overconfidence is one of Trixie's canon character traits. I think writers tend to depict her as buffoonish because that's sort of how she appeared in the one episode: bragging of ability that she simply didn't have and then tries to bluster her way out of being exposed as being full of hot air before retreating. I think people naturally interpret that as stupidity and it's not entirely unfair to do so. And we also never get any canon indication that Trixie has any magical ability beyond some flash and dazzle so I don't know where the "magic is he special talent too" comes from.

My personal read of the character, and how I interpret her in my own fiction, is somepony who's a bit stupid and a real jerk but when she gets the stuffing knocked out of her by life, she'll start letting her inner cool-and-fun come out to play.

>>11732581173258

Thank you, good sir, for being the person that mentions this so I have an opening to explain it.

Twilight can control (meaning cast rather easily if she wants to) up to level 6 magic. (Examples of this class of magic are the forcefield and time travel spells)

She HAS casted a level 7 spell once, Rarity's Wings, but note that she said it was too advanced for her. This shows that Twilight has limits.

How I've depicted her limits is essentially that while yes she does have the potential to start casting extremely high level spells, her Element of Harmony (meaning literally the crown) acts as sort of a seatbelt so she doesn't destroy anything and can channel the large amount of magic.

>>11739491173949

>casted

Cast.

Twilight cast a spell, not casted. Same typo appears in the fic, too.

>>11677171167717

I simply made a faux pas. The rules of 'you HAVE to ponify everything' has never been officially written down. In the show, there are several instances of the words 'anybody, somebody, everybody', so it's not a strictly-mandated philosophy.

Plus, the person to whom I was responding said 'Twilight is such a smartass', so I dropped the ponification to match the conversation. If he'd have said smartflank, I too would have said smartflank. However, if he had said that, my Donkey pun wouldn't exist. And, I'm not one to simply say my second point out of nowhere, so I would have had no comment at all. Everything happens for a reason, though, so I guess this conversation was written in the 7th fonstone as well. But that's a whole other fandom that I'd be getting into, so...

>>11741021174102

BOLLOCKS.

Thank's for that.

>>11753641175364 the Fuck is a fonstone?

>>11761251176125

Google "Score".

I didn't see the original chapter, but I really like the way this ended.

Also, I like the way that you say you are going to portray Trixie.

This should be good.

This is Australia...

>>11678601167860

I thought "haunch" was only on pigs and cows? or only as butchered meat? or maybe i'm just talking out my ass? *shrug* idk

>>11777071177707

That pun was brilliant.

>>11761251176125

It's an asteroid made of sound that a priestess named Yulia Jue read the future of the world from in a video game that became an anime, Tales of the Abyss. Which is why I said it's a whole other fandom. If it doesn't make sense, well... made in Japan.

>>11777071177707

my reference point was mostly thinking of this

Image: http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-hIiixR2lJ5U/TfszfH2_OjI/AAAAAAAAGDM/Vpu7VosbxDI/s1600/1307809802.tomclowder_pony-parts.png

but looking at this:

Image: http://www.argentinapolo.com/images/picHorsePoints.jpg

it seems "Buttock" is more viable.

Definitely NOT flank.

I made it back. Totally different part of the anatomy now.

I like it. It makes sense for Rainbow to decided on magical dueling, since Twilight can't fly and isn't that physically active when it comes to sports. And I really hate this Archmage guy; what a jerk. The mess with her first duel and how he only did this to get back at her--ugh, I hope in a future rematch, she kicks his sorry flank. But still, I never hated an OC before, unless, you know, they're Mary Sues or something, but that's a different type of hate. Which is why I'll track this for the time being. I'd like to see where this is going and how Twilight will progress in her dueling.

Great first chapter. I am definitely going to read the other chapters.

One thing I noticed, in the last bit of the story you said 88.49 degrees twice rather than 84.49 degrees.  Just thought I'd mention that.

(Does not change my mind about how good the story is though)

>>11858921185892

Gah, I knew I did that somewhere. Thanks.

>>11823151182315

I've been told that Cobalt Star is like a combination of Discord and House. I don't really disagree.