Against all knowledge, possibility and explenation, there exists a hotel. A three story building of luxurious design, it's halls are filled with kitchens that never run out of food, an indoor waterpark that always functions, an arcade full to bursting with state of the art game machines and several rooms with the finest quality of beds one can imagine. It seems like a paradise, a place for a perfect dream vacation. But there is a catch...
Nopony who has entered has ever left. They are trapped within the walls. Windows are unbreakable, the fire escapes lead back to the lobby, the front entrance is sealed and cannot be opened. To make matters worse, nopony even knows how they got here...
And Twilight Sparkle is the newest arrival.
EDIT: This got featured the same morning I posted it. What a wonderful surprise to wake up to!
will stick in read later and hope for a happy ending dont do sad endings
This is very good! Please make more
This is an intriguing premise! I think I'll be sticking around.
doctor who?
Begin the torrent of Hotel Californeigh jokes...
Very interesting. I'm curious as to how Twilight will react to the situation. Tracked and liked. You've gained my attention sir. Please do try to keep it.
This seems like a very intriguing story. It does, however, have quite a few grammar errors scattered throughout. Not enough to be unreadable, but enough that you should consider searching for a proofreader.
havent read yet...
BUT NICE JOB GETTING FEATURED WITH IT JUST BEING ONLY AROUND 7 HOURS AFTER HAVING THE STORY POSTED!!!
HERE!!! HAVE "120"
and a
for good measure...!!!
...ps...can u find twily amoung all the spikes...??? TELL ME WHITCH # IT IS AND U GET THE PRIZE BELOW...:
Looking forward to what you have up your sleeves, boyo.
8675241
Damn, someone beat me to it...
I am curious where this goes.
I wonder who the other two occupants are? I'm guessing one more stallion and one more mare, and if I were writing this, I'm guessing they're both pegasi.
8675241
Please no...
8675241
You can check out any time you like,
But you can never leave.
8675793
PLEASE NO...
Man do I love me some, “Where the hell am I” stories.
I do need to point out the beginning that bothered me, personally. At the beginning, there was a lot of telling with, “She remembered...” I think it was because I had to recall the season 3 finale and the details that were involved; and the season 3 finale was years ago.
I had to pause. And think. And stop my reading in order to remember.
If this was presented differently, say through some dialogue with another character by having someone ask Twilight, “What was the last thing you remember” question and have her answer said question, I may have understood the setting without having to pause.
An example to how I would have changed this is to have Twilight either summarize in her head by telling herself, “Calm down. You can figure this out. First thing’s first, what last thing happened can you remember. I was at the old oak tree library in Ponyville...” or by telling another character the last thing hat had happened to her.
By mentioning the oak tree library, I immediately know the timeline is before Tirik destroyed the library.
I assume Twilight will talk to another pony about her last events before she appeared in the hotel. But the way it was presented didn’t sit well with me. I don’t like reading over something and have to go, “What was that again?” And read the same passage a second time.
Keep in mind, I am very aware of my subjective view against your structure. Take or leave what I had said.
Does this mean I hate the story? No. I am fascinated with these scinarios. I critique because I care for your success as a writer and story. And don’t let my words weigh you down. Remember why you write, and why you love it.
I am awaiting the next chapter. :3
8675965
Those are all fair critiques and I appreciate you mentioning them while also taking the liberty to not be a rude assjackle about it. I am ALL for constructive critisism, but not if it is delivered in a rude or unfriendly way. Snark is all well and good for certain situations and, in my opinion, honest and fair critique is not one of them. I thank you for being civil and polite. Makes it much easier to take such things into account when they are presented in a calm and dignified manner. :)
8676020 And your welcome. And congrats on the feature. I saw this story in the early hours and was pleased to see it on the front page.
When I first read what this story was about the first thing that came to mind was the Star Trek next generation episode called The Royale.
8675358
We don't know if you're very enthusiastic & don't know any better, or trolling -- but as much as we appreciate your excitement...such comments with way too many stickers aren't appreciated by many people.
I hope you are actually just a bit carried away, and in the future I hope you can hopefully find meaningful words to communicate your joy.
(but if you are a troll, kindly leave quietly and don't do this again)
Edit: As for the author & their story, I haven't read it yet, but it appears I find my attention well and truly caught by your synopsis, and as such, your work deserve a look! Best wishes and encouragement to you and your story!
Sounds a bit like the song Hotel California, (though the lyrics would be literal in this story) just from reading the description. Possible inspiration?
8676570
The similarities are completely and utterly coincidental. The fact that people keep pointing out the similarities bugs me immensely.
This original story has piqued my curiosity. I am eager to read more about this.
I wonder if this hotel is some sort of pocket dimension, and who created it.
8676781 Everything has a comparison and some feel the need to point it out, like "Hey, this reminds me of this." Sometimes it can be difficult to avoid those comparisons because of what has been done before.
8676781
Oh! Alright, sorry to bug you. Hopefully the jokes and such will calm down as the story progresses.
Aside from a few typing errors, very well written! Definitely a compelling premise, can't wait to see where it goes!
Oh, so Celestia killed/did something to Unicorn Twilight and replaced her with Alicorn Twilight, dumping original Twilight in the hotel? Think I’ve seen something like that before. Wonder how the others got here, though.
I was tempted to do a Hotel California reference. But I'll choose not to. I'm pretty sure I've seen other things involving an inescapable hotel that didn't involve that song. In fact, I recall an episode of Star Trek, The Next Generation that did something similar...though that hotel was escapable...once the right conditions were met.
Oh this sounds like the Hotel from The Lightning Thief
8677230 It goes back to either the "Twilight Zone" or the "Outer Limits".
But my issue is that most of these situations have resolutions that feel horribly contrived and random.
You have a situation with so little initial information, you can insert any number of plot resolutions and they'd all feel equally plausible/awkward because there's no inherent logical flow. You're presented with a initial scenario lacking any logic or reason, therefore any outcome can be plugged into the ending.
I find such situations disappointing. It was similar to the case with the old movie "Cube".
The best scenario was a short horror I don't recall the name of, and it gave enough information for the reader to make assumption of what was going on and, far more importantly, WHY it was happening. And even then, once you had the final reveal, there was no re-read value because the entire allure the whole time was the withheld information. It's similar to why I dislike most movies utterly dependent on a major plot twist; they tend not to have much else to them unless the writer is very good and builds up the other aspects of the movie such that the twist is merely icing on a very layered and intricate cake. One example of a good 'twist' movie: "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?"
8676570 Except the person in that song went there deliberately and became trapped. Remember the quintessential line "We are all just prisoners here of our own device." It was a metaphor for the self-imprisoning effects of a lifestyle of pure secular hedonism... hence why it was the hotel 'California'.
And the irony there is that the band who wrote the song was fully aware of this deliberate metaphor, but they themselves were trapped in the glitz and glamor of the rock culture and couldn't escape it even after they became aware of it... such as with the poor slob in the song. Perhaps it was a self-aware declaration, hence why the singer used first-person POV.
Also, when is the Doctor going to show up and find the way out?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_God_Complex
And, like I said before, this horror trope is very hard to make work, as many critics were not impressed with the plot of that episode. Many noted the second half was where the story started to come apart, i.e. when the clues had to be inserted to form the 'reveal', which then ends up not making much sense.
8677350
Heh, I actually did think of that verse after I posted my comment. That is to say I know the song is about addiction and how seemingly impossible it is to escape it. It's not a very literal song. I only made the comparison because the premises are similar, but not exactly the same.
Reminds me of that one Doctor Who episode where they're all trapped in that wedding venue, in a pocket of between a second I believe!
I've really enjoyed what I've read so far, and I'm happy to stick around for more!
Now I'm like, I need to know what happens next
...just another brony with Autism and ADHD who got a bit OVER-Excited for the author getting his/her story featured in LESS THAN " A THIRD!!!" OF A DAY!!!
Not a troll...
8682917 Most representations of a hell in any long-established organized religion are quite 'hellish'.
You should check out the Chinese hells!
And I've seen the more subtle hellish representations in shows such as "The Twilight Zone". But, in those cases there's always a clue things are not what they seem. Especially 'ironic hells' where the person seems to have everything they want and assumes they're in heaven... until they find out they can't use anything they've been given, or there's a terrible consequence to everything.
The song lyrics simply didn't look like a 'death' metaphor or allegory to me.
8683345 Simpson's did it?
8682219
it always seemed pretty hellish to me
Do you actually have an overarching plot set up, or are you looking for suggestions because you haven't decided on one yet?
8684494
I always make up most of the content in my stories as I go. I always have a start, an end and a few key points in between planned, but generally I just improvise.
Welcome to the hotel California
I just read the small description and thought of the song.
I'll be reading the story now.
Twilight won't be there long, it is only a matter of time before Pinkie Pie finds her.
Good chapter again. I have the feeling Twilight will read every book in this library. Every book!