When Starlight Glimmer cast her spell and shattered the bonds connecting the Elements of Harmony, she inadvertently created a cosmic crack that would have further reaching consequences than she could ever imagine. The consequences of her actions rippled across time and space, shattering the very destiny of existence itself. The only thin string holding the universe together now is Twilight Sparkle, the representative of the Element of Magic and the Princess of Friendship. But with destiny already defied, how can she hope to pick up the pieces of a broken reality?
Well, starting with helping her other self might help.
Cover art created by myself. Shoutouts to Vebuzurr for being my proof-reader.
Chapters (5)
Well, I’m hooked. Can’t wait to see where this goes!
Enjoyable so far, keep up the good work
Interesting.
What's a "fuscia beam"
Interesting start. I wonder if Spike is still with Twilight and how her counterpart of this world will react to him and “magic”.
Hurr we go, bitches!
Wow! Only the first two chapters and I'm already excited
8679456
Fuscia, or, rather fuscHia, is a color.
Well now, this IS going to be interesting.
OOooh this is good. Intrigued, I am.
I believe it's trek, not treck.
Should be "its size, speed and trajectory" and "its crash course".
EDIT:
Same as above.
Alrighty. This here deserves to be featured.
Woah, featured already! I never expected so much positive feedback so quickly, thank you all! :D
Thanks to everyone pointing out grammar, I'll work to do better in the future and hopefully get another beta reader on board soon!
It's so great to see that my story is off to a good start, I hope to live up to it c:
8679618
Actually, the comma after speed is fine.
Could use some editing but overall this seems to be very interesting.
Fingers crossed that the next time Alicorn Twilight meets up with Starlight, she just vaporizes her, like she should have in the first place. Once she knew what Starlights plan was, she should have just ramped up the power level to Alicorn of Magic, and shot her down. There's a certain point where a life isn't worth saving, and I think 'attempting to break reality' that line.
8679723
Oh, huh, I didn't notice I hadn't typed it. I'm used to leaving the Oxford comma out and I technically just transcribed that sentence rather than copy-and-paste, so I must have left the last comma out by mistake.
My bad. That was not meant as a correction.
Color me intrigued, this is an interesting promise. Let's just hope that Princess Twilight doesn't take it easy with Starlight, if she survived the change that is.
8679745
Yeah it always tilted me that a regular unicorn could defeat the alicorn of magic in a magic dual. Repeatedly.
👌
8679680
If you need a part or full time editor just ask I have spare time to edit anything. :)
MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A solid start and a good job setting up the differences in the current version of Equestria. Fingers crossed for strong dialogue in the coming chapters.
I feel you, Twilight.
Now that’s a great scene!
Well this will be interesting
Ok ! It's tracked :)
Good work! An interesting story just by the prologue, I love it!
8679456
The color of Twilight's magic beam. Does that answer your question❔
Fascinating start. I do hope we get some scenes where Alicorn twilight is culture shocked from a equestria without magic.
Is it safe to assume that only Earth ponies exist in this alternate world?
So, so, so interesting! I'm hooked and want to know more! What happens next? I just can't wait!
: pinkiehappy:
Ooh, ahh. This is really a great start, and I very much look forward to where it goes.
8680337
Earth ponies minus earth pony magic, at that.
Though I suppose flightless pegasi might be a possibility.
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/312/893/8ee.png
Tell me more! Tell me more!!!
8679831
To be fair, Starlight never actually defeated Twilight in the show - all Starlight had to do was disrupt the race, and the vortex would appear and suck Twilight away. And then Twilight would have to spend time and energy on each mini-adventure in the alternate Equestrias she got sucked into, then spend more energy re-powering the time travel spell, which I imagine is pretty power intensive. All the while trying to persuade and subdue Starlight (which is much harder than simply killing someone). Starlight was essentially playing keep-away while having to cause a single disruption for the race - which is obviously easier than preventing anything from causing a disruption.
And Twilight had to do this over and over again. I mean, Starlight is obviously impressive and a powerful mage, but considering the amount of effort she had to put in to each loop, contrasted that to Twilight ... it's not a bad showing for Twilight that in the end she and Starlight seemed equally tired, when she had been running a proverbial hundred meters to Starlight's every ten, through a marsh filled obstacle course as opposed to a straight, plain track.
I certainly take issue with Twilight's judgment there - the fight probably would have looked pretty different if she went at it with the same mentality she showed in the Tirek fight, and Starlight was obviously dangerous enough to far more than just Twilight to warrant such. It was kinda irresponsible to not go in for the proverbial kill (or maybe even actual kill, if that's the way the dice fall). There was far too much on the line for Twilight not to go all out there ... but strength wise it seemed OK considering the hoops Twilight was jumping through compared to the simplicity of Starlight's objective of simply causing any sort of a disruption for the race.
8680308
Ah yes, I don't think I have ever heard of that colour.
8679745
Jeez, I think you are watching the wrong series here buddy.
The world is already filled with dread and misery so there is absolutely no reason to turn the show into a grim and dark one.
I respect your opinions, but I have the right to voice my criticisms about it right?
Anyways, if it were up to me. I'd say this series should become an adventure series filled with complex story line and lovable characters with the world's morals are not in black and white, but a rainbow where good powers can be used for evil and evil powers can be used for good as well as chaotic and lawful ones added to the mix.
ethics and morals will be put to the test as these creatures as cute as they may be are more than meets the eye.
P.S imagine an image of an air ship lighted by lanterns as it flies through gigantic trees underneath the moonlight under a magnificent stary night sky.
Really enjoying this so far. Also, I hate to be that guy but:
This should probably be either "Something just in front of her..." or "...something was moving."
Looking forward to more!
8680965
its spelled Fuchsia, and its pretty much Twi's pink streak in her mane and tail.
Wow. A Gen 5-inspired crisis crossover. This bears watching.
Well, this looks quite interesting. I'll be watching.
You had my curiosity. But now you have my attention.
so magic doesn't exist in this equestria? All the more interesting..
8682347
Well said friend. Well said.
Another story for my ever-growing tracking list. I do hope this story continues, it intrigues me very much, and I'd like to see more.
8682368
Whats the use for horns then i wonder
8682809
I think you don't want to know this...
It could be very disturbing to know that kind of stuff...
What !? I'm thinking about lockpicking !
I think you mean fucshia (or maybe fucsia)