The end of every story is always a happy one. Whatever trouble has befallen the mane six is cleared up. Their friendship is only strengthened by their conflicts, and by the roll of the credits, there are no hard feelings. But sometimes that isn't true. Sometimes nothing is resolved, nothing is learned.
Following the events of The Mysterious Mare Do Well, Rainbow Dash finds her own masked feelings stopping her from learning her lesson. Her actions in the past week carry consequences, and soon she finds herself fleeing Ponyville to get away from her troubles. She seeks the counsel of Celestia and Luna themselves, the co-rulers of Equestria, to help ease her pain.
Not long afterwards, Ponyville is attacked by a mysterious new villain. Armed with a powerful trinket granting her the abilities of a unicorn, the white-haired pegasus known only as "Ultramare" has made it her goal to personally see the town in flames.
I really don't know what to say, I never saw that episode so I can't really judge on how Dash would act. But still you did a great job at writing this story. Thank you for sharing it with us.
In the Name of Her Serene Majesty.
Celestia's Paladin: For Honor and Duty, For the Sun and Moon
I kinda figured... But wow. That was a good read. Hope to see more from you soon!
I never did look at that episode, but I did know what happen from the reactions post. Still, this is a great storyline idea as it truly focuses on the one thing that this episode lacked....and that was
own feelings about the entire situation.
I mean, while Rainbow Dash maybe a bit of a jerk, she does have feelings too and for her to be embrassed by her friends like that in front of the entire town truly must of hurt her alot inside. We may not have seen it in the show, but you can't help but wonder... am I right ?
Still I encourage you upon such good work and keep it up as this tale reaches its end.
Really liked the story and all, but one thing confuses me:
SPOILER WARNING
In the final part, at the end, it says Dash "laid down and found peace with herself"...does that mean she died or something? That's what it sounds like...
Though if it's just her coming back to normal, that's good.
I've got a tip for you. When you have more than one character's dialog in one paragraph, it makes it difficult to keep track of who is talking. If someone says something, then someone else speaks, you should start a new paragraph, even if it means having single-sentence paragraphs.
55508
Oh no no no, Dash is sleeping at the end. Should probably have made that clearer.
55691
Was a bit skeptical about that, but I went over a few of my paragraphs and gave them that treatment in Notepad to see what it was like. Duly noted, I'll try not to make this mistake again in the future.
56132
Aaaand reformatting is finished. Thank you, Jphyper.
The edited version looks great. Very easy to get absorbed in. Excellent work, my friend!
Great one!
Great one!
Well, it took me a while to get through it because of distractions, but here we go! Top of the matter, I enjoyed reading, and that's the prime directive. Especially since I don't read fics, this being 1 of a grand total of 3 now. But I also dislike just leaving a "hey I liked it, thanks", so I'll give some critique/review. Dunno if you've probably had your fill or not, but I'll do it anyways.
Characterization, 8/10, very strong in characterizing Dash and the central issue. Could perhaps have used more thought process or inner monologue, but then again it might have hammered the point too hard.
Atmosphere, 7/10, there was enough descriptors and background to give me a decent 'feel' for it, and obviously every referenced area brings easily to mind places we have well visualized in our heads, but it could have used a bit more - not necessarily overt descriptions, but things like how the character is affected by it, perceptions, etc.
Pacing 7/10, maybe just me being drawn away by work a few times, but it moved at different speeds with just a touch too little transition between rhythms.
Mechanics: 8/10, very few issues or distractions for the reader of a mechanical nature, perhaps paragraph indentation but I honestly didn't even notice it at first.
Story - conception, 8/10, very smart story, not only a fun thing to think about (any given character's flaws or weaknesses drawing them into this kind of state) but the arc of its resolution was thematic to the show as well.
Story - execution, 7/10, the intro-setup-conflict-climax-resolution dynamic was in place, and flowed well from one set-piece to another; there were a few things I didn't grasp. The necessity of the Mare-Do-Well gambit seemed out of place slightly, knowing that she already knew it was them. Was it so that she wouldn't know which one was which? And so easily discarded. I don't know what else could have been used as an impetus for the resolution, but something else with more oomph would put it over the top as a great story.
- In summation, 7.5/10:
Well conceived, thematic enough to the show, but differing sufficiently for the more serious tone without being over-the-top. Aside from different climax possibilites, few distracting issues of mechanics, strong central character work, worthwhile idea and satisfying resolution, with minor issues of background and feel.
loved it
loved it 
loved it 
loved it 
loved it 
loved it 
loved it 
loved it 
loved it 
I really like these kinds of stories, that acknowledge how broken the ending to "The Mysterious-Mare-Do-Well" was.
Thank you.
I, too, like how this fic points out how broken and... stupid... the ending to that episode was, but at the same time... did Dash just HAVE to be made a villain with that Ultramare persona getting out of control? I mean... really? I mean, sure, if we went with the 'talk out your problems' thing, we wouldn't have an interesting story, but... I'm conflicted on this one.
I'm not sure what you're getting at. The way the story was set up had to follow along with how the episode ended: Rainbow Dash just accepting the (supposed) abuse her friends had heaped on her without complaint, but at the same time without actually demonstrating that she'd actually learned anything from it.
I could probably have written it so Dash had an epiphany and talked to her friends from the start, but that would be a very short fic, kinda boring to read, and... to be honest, would have crossed the line for me. I had no intention of simply setting out to write a fanfic to "fix" the episode. My goal was to write an interesting story based on an idea: "Could this be made into a supervillain's origin story?", while also building off of a preexisting and related story. I'd planned on doing the same for The Last Roundup (the idea of Rarity and Pinkie getting completely forgotten never sat well with me), but couldn't figure an interesting idea for it.
Anyways, Rainbow Dash becoming the villain wasn't just mandatory, it was what I sought to write in the first place. She needed to be sympathetic to boot, which is what set me to write Ultramare the way I did.
How long is she in prison?
1609585
I have no idea. Never actually worked that out, but it'd probably be a few months or so.
Dash is Ultramare. Calling it. Calling it. The fic is complete, so this may not count, but I'm calling it.
Before I read this story. I just want to know if this is a MLP adaptation of Ultraman?
Boo. This sucks. Black Kyurem was going to favorite this, but found the ending just too unlikeable. Thanks a lot. So much for "not too late". Not too late, my ass.
4095629 You didn't like ending too?
4118144 You didn't either? There, now you can say "Sister Dash" was not all that bad... not compared to this.
4120716 even if that Fic was made out of anger it provided a little more closure then this one.
4121830 True dat.
4122286 Hell I would rather have Rainbow Do community service in ponyville to earn there trust instead of being in prison but it is what it is.
4231645 Starting to wonder if anyone actually cares how much humiliation Rainbow Dash had to endure.
4232051 hmmm not many there have been a Few fics That deal with the issue
like that comic Alone
and What's Eating Rainbow Dash? ( I found out the Original Ending to that Fic was much darker by having RD doing suicide)
And The Price of Loyalty which I will not post a link here.
4232709 Ouch.
And... why is that?
4234693 beats me and I have a Felling it was changed to be less depressing.
4234796 And... as for "The Price of Loyalty"? No link... because?
4234807 oh you want the link well here you go
4234881 This isn't about "Sister Dash", isn't it? Black Kyurem can still look at fanfics that handled Mare-Do-Well better than "Sister Dash", but that Mare-Do-Well episode just sucked balls.
4235205 not anymore
4236821 Didn't think so.
4095629
The epilogue's title is in reference to Dash's own personal redemption, not how society sees her. And as far as prison time being too harsh a sentence, consider the following: By the end of the story Dash has stolen a powerful and dangerous magical artifact, caused onscreen and offscreen property damage, deliberately interfered with Ponyville's weather in a way that was seriously endangering the townsfolk's lives, assaulted and hospitalized (however briefly) multiple ponies, and capped off all of this with multiple accounts of attempted homicide.
As far as I'm concerned, her feelings while committing the aforementioned crimes and her personal redemption at the end of the story don't excuse the things she did. That was the entire point of the story: That you have to take responsibility for your actions and the consequences they bring, even if they make you unhappy.
If that does not satisfy you, that's okay. A lot of people weren't satisfied with the episode this fic is a sequel to, as evidenced by the sheer number of fics it spawned attempting to "fix" the errors they'd seen in it. It's only natural that people would take exception to any given number of those "fixes".
Finally read it. Gosh it feels good to fulfill an old promise. It's not bad, really. I mean it clearly needs editing, and the pacing could do with a little clean up (not to mention you've got the worst case of Lavender Unicorn Syndrome I've ever seen), but barring all of that I really enjoyed the read.
My only real qualm is that you totally passed up the opportunity to show Luna relating to Dash over the comon ground they now share. I would have liked that.
4571333
Yeah, in hindsight all the lavender unicorn stuff is just... wow, how did that slip by me the first and second time through this story? I'd go back and fix it all, but I haven't felt up to touching ponyfic stuff in a long time.
That was actually what I was trying to go for with Luna's visit to Dash in her cell, but I could've done more to make it work, yeah. Sorry about that.
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Figured I should've answered this sooner, but eh. No, this is not an adaptation of Ultraman in any way. The name "Ultramare" was actually in reference to a DC Universe villain named Ultraman. Ultraman there is an evil alternate universe version of Superman. Ultramare in particular is closer to the Batman Beyond movie's version of The Joker, though. I was a DCAU fan before I was a pony fan, eheh.
Wow....
Good fic, just one question. Uh, Rainbow Dash isn't sentenced to life in prison, is she? I ask because I didn't notice you give any specific time, and the mention that her friends will only be visiting her every two weeks makes it seem like she's going to be in there for a long time. And I mean, I totally get the reason for jail time after everything she did, but... life in prison seems kind of harsh...
4778101
The length of her sentence was left out intentionally, as I couldn't think of an appropriate amount of time. Though, given how light the setting can be, I wouldn't put it at more than a few months.
3862865 Just started this fic, calling it now it is one of the Princesses.
The second that I read that, I was reminded of this episode of the Looney Tunes!
At least they explain it this time
You can't write it cause even you know they were in the wrong
Well that sucked
4778101
Forget that. Why is Twilight as always get to be the hero even in a fanfic!?
This had instantly popped into my head: