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Featured In6

More Stories5

  • T Correspondence

    Twilight thought she had a handle on her crush. Then Spike sent the princess the wrong darn book!
    4,472 words · 22,638 views  ·  2,267  ·  43
  • T Messin' With Celestia

    Celestia thought she was having a bad day. And then the zombies showed up.
    4,796 words · 3,711 views  ·  365  ·  5 · sex · gore
  • T They're Comfy and Easy to Wear

    A collection of fairly random pony story bits. Presented without context or apology.
    12,611 words · 4,422 views  ·  293  ·  4
  • T Distance

    Can an immortal alicorn really have a relationship with a very young unicorn? Should she?
    4,204 words · 4,708 views  ·  412  ·  9
  • T The Creature that Came to Ponyville

    Fluttershy gets a pet xenomorph. Hilarity ensues. Also lots of dead ponies.
    33,124 words · 2,310 views  ·  183  ·  12 · gore

Blog Posts22

  • 77w, 2d
    State of the Uncle

    Is there a stated rule anywhere, or even a suggestion for what we're supposed to blog about on this site? That's not a serious question. I'm pretty sure there isn't beyond the mandate that content not be illegal or otherwise upsetting, and if you're gonna talk about dirty stuff you gotta put it behind a nsfw cut? I try to keep my blogging to fanfic, or at least ponies, but I have to fight the occasional urge to just do random biopic crap that nobody cares about. I've already done that with my Tumblr, it really doesn't have anything to do with my actual fanfic anymore, I should save this one for talking about that.

    I really want to turn the "Stranger" chapter of Comfy and Easy to Wear into something a little longer. As may be evidenced by the fact that I wrote a god damn My Little Pony and Aliens crossover I really like having the pones interact with big huge scary things. Thing was, dragging a random original character out of another dimension and into Equestria doesn't really feel organic to the setting. Well, I guess now it does now that we know Celestia has magic mirrors serving as interdimensional portals in her basement, but I think the fewer story cues I take from Equestria Girls the better.

    I think I have an idea for an OC I can work into the setting better though. I just have to hope that people will be positively inclined towards a story about an OC. Well, I'll worry about that when I get to it, I'm not taking on any big projects until I finish Distance. Which is going about as slowly as I expected and much more so than I'd like, but I'm still plugging along. I keep having existential crisises in the middle of it though, reading other Twilestia fics that are infinitely more awesome than anything I could ever hope to accomplish and second guessing everything I write. I gotta work through that! I might rewrite the first chapter a little bit. I don't know. I liked the tone, but now that I'm writing some more involved scenes between characters I'm starting to realize that my tendency to avoid an omniscient narrative style kind of hinders my portrayal of emotion. I'd like to have the characters express what they're feeling through their actions and words during a conversation instead of relying on "Twilight felt x and Celestia though y and then they started to lick each others' z". But... I'm not very good at it. Oh well, practice makes perfect.

    Thanks for listening to me ramble about this, it makes me feel a lot better to get this stuff out and write it down. At least I'm writing something...

    7 comments · 472 views
  • 79w, 2d
    The Most Appropriate Euphamism I Could Think of

    Six ponies sat around the table in Rarity's den, each of them concentrating on the playing cards in their hooves. Fluttershy's ear twitched a bit as she tapped her hoof on a pile of chips.

    "... you know," she said carefully, "he's been in there an awfully long time."

    The other ponies looked up from their cards in surprise, blinking at the sweet cream colored pegasus. She blushed and sank down in her seat just a little bit.

    "He really has," said Rainbow Dash, "feels like it's been months, even."

    "Someone should go check up on him," said Applejack.

    Pinkie Pie and Twilight Sparkle just turned to look at Rarity. Her eyebrows slowly lowered in a titanic scowl.

    "Why does it have to be-"

    "Your house"

    "Fine! I hope you all get papercuts."

    Rarity placed her cards facedown on the table and trotted across the room and down the hall. Pausing at her bathroom door, she took a deep breath, and then very softly knocked. "Friendly Uncle? Are you alright in there?"

    Somewhere in the room beyond the door Rarity hear somepony take a sharp breath, followed by a very low, whispered, "Almooooost..."

    Then Rarity heard the most obscene noise that had ever emerged from a pony's bowels, followed by a loud splash. The fashionista's jaw dropped in unmitigated horror as the noises continued, almost drowning out the cries of "It's coming out! It's coming out! At long last, it's coming out!!!"

    "Friendly Uncle?" called Rarity, "I just want you to know that is absolutely disgusting and I'm going to wall you in there!"

    "Bite me, Squiggletail!"


    Meanwhile, Luna frowned at her sister, who was pointing her telescope at Ponyville, making careful adjustments to the instrument as she attempted to get a closer look at something.

    "I only wish to be certain that I understand," said the Princess of the Moon, "the bowel movement is a metaphor for his creative output?"

    "Exactly," said Princess Celestia, squinting into the eyepiece.

    "... and you are watching?"


    "I think I'm going to be sick."

    "I want to see what he's doing!" grumbled Celestia defensively. "Come on you friendly asshole, you promised me a love scene with Twilight Sparkle, don't make me come down there...!"

    24 comments · 523 views
  • 91w, 1d
    Reports of my demise, etc.

    Bleah, it's been a while since I've touched this thing. Look at all the dust!

    I'd like to apologize for not updating. Fact of the matter is I wanted to. I really really did. But I had a bit of a personal crisis towards the end of last year that took up a lot of mental energy that normally would have been spent on writing fanfiction. I'd rather not go into the details. Suffice to say I didn't feel very friendly. And I didn't want to come back empty handed! I've been determined to finish the next chapter of Distance, or put up another short story, or something.

    You may notice that hasn't happened.

    Darned if I know what it is. It's the single most spectacular case of writer's block I've ever had. There are aborted attempts at writing littering my hard drive right now and I don't know what to do with any of them. It just ain't coming. And trying to force it hasn't helped.

    So I'm just going to stop stressing over it. It'll happen eventually I'm sure, but I couldn't say when. I still love those friendly candy colored mini horses, but I just can't get into the right mindset to do anything with them. Maybe I need to read more fanfic. Maybe I need to watch some episodes again.

    Maybe I should post that random as hell porn ficlet I crapped out a million years ago. Anyone want some porn? It's humanized, but it's cute. I think.

    I'm not quitting, I'm just really tired. Consider this a belated hiatus announcement.

    I'm going to go to bed and try not to think about how much I'm disappointing everyone for a change, and maybe once my neck muscles un-knot I'll be able to make some sense out of some of these scraps. this a paragraph about the Cutie Mark Crusaders discussing boners yes I think that's what this is was I high when I wrote this what the hell...

    20 comments · 675 views
  • 102w, 6d
    Hearthswarming Eve Contest

    Your friend and mine, fellow pony fanfic author Andrew Joshua Talon, is holding a contest this holiday season. Simply read one of his fanfics and find a scene you feel deserves artistic representation in a visual medium, and then represent it artistically. We want to see some fanart, basically. And for your contribution AJT will be rewarding prizes of money dollars. So get your pencils or digital styluses or whatever it is you kids use to produce graphic images these days and let’s see what you can do.

    I personally would love to see some fanart of Natrix getting defenestrated, but that is purely a suggestion.

    7 comments · 224 views
  • 105w, 6d
    So, how about that season premier?

    Without spoiling anything I think I can safely say... I liked it. I thought it was pretty good. Not spectacular. Doesn't hold a candle to season 1 and 2, or even season 2's finale, but still really nice. I laughed a bit, and I was actually really nervous towards the end, so the dramatic tension is there. I saw that last twist coming from a mile away, but it was still nice. Celestia is best troll.

    Speaking of which, I am taking Celestia's referring to Twilight as "dearest" as proof that Distance is canon. Applejack and Rarity is also canon. I'm just saying. You can argue with me about this but you will not win. Twilestia is best ship. Rarijack is up there.

    (I also like Flarity, but it doesn't have to be canon, I'm comfortable with that being AU.)

    Speaking of Distance, I need to get off my ass and finish chapter 2. Time for some ponies getting dirty...

    58 comments · 236 views
  • ...

Inspired by Friendship with Benefits is Magic. Not intended as a direct followup as much as my own take on the idea.  What is Celestia to do when Twilight Sparkle shares a little too much?  And why doesn't Twilight have any idea what she's talking about?  And why is Luna smiling so much!?

Followed up by yet another epistolary conversation between Twilight and Celestia about the magic of not knowing what the hay that other pony is talking about.  Features a special guest appearance by naughty!Luna.

Further bulletins as events warrant.

First Published
21st Jul 2012
Last Modified
21st Jul 2012

THIS is the fic that got me into reading other fics!

Loved this last time I saw it, and still love it now!  

This has earned you a :moustache:

I don't get the title. "Electric Scootaloo"? There are no foals, chicken or dodos involved... Am I overthinking this?:scootangel:

Great story though. I chuckled.

Why, only the other day I forgot to knock before entering my sister's room only to find her and her servant Sund...

Sundance? From, "Progress"?

FINALLY!!! it's here, I loved this story. Still just as funny!

>>946595 Reference to the movie Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo.

So...I guess Luna's got some pent-up 'feelings' after being on the moon for 1000 years? :twilightblush:

And still as funny on the, what third, time I've read this...

Ah, I love this story.  :pinkiehappy:  And I hope there is some day a Chapter 3!

Again with the Fifty Shades of :yay:.

p.s. LOVE IT

I mean, there was that one time I greased myself up with butter and slid around on the floor of the ballroom singing "Come Sail Away," but last I checked drinking five bottles of vodka doesn't count as going senile.

So apparently I didn't need to breathe today. Breathing is overrated.

I love this story. Thank you for finally putting it up on FIMfiction.


Sleep tight

A blast from a not-so-distant past, still as hilarious as it was back then :rainbowlaugh:

"I hope you like bananas... Cause your gonna go bananas! ON THE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON. BI-*****" :trollestia:

On situation in which Celestia might actually say this...

I am crying oh dear sweet Celestia MOAR :flutterrage:


Oh wow, I remember this one! And it's just has hilarious as I remember! :pinkiehappy:

Oh, that was hilarious!  :rainbowlaugh:

XD oh my god I actually remember this one. Pure gold!

Please don't be the end, please don't be the end, PLEASE DONT BE THE END!!!!!

I love this fic so much... nothing more to say...

Mate, this is brilliant, do more of these!

A fun classic.  Especially Luna's letters..

Light-hearted, ever so sightly risque and well written, what more could I ask for?

Considering that priorto reading this, I read the most disgraceful piece of abhorrent filth on this sight (No I am not exaggerating, it was a grim-dark-clopfic that I really don't want to think about...ever again) I really did need something funny to cheer myself up, and your fic did just that.

I at first couldn't read this because I was laughing so much at the name of chapter two, but once I did it was great.

Personally I prefer this to the fic it is based on, and I always find Celestia and Luna acting un-princess like hilarious.

I really do hope you write more of this, because you really can't have too many laughs.

Well, that came together rather well.

Why, for the love of me, does Fluttershy's journal contain a fictionalized account of you and her and the rest of your friends all having sex in Applejack's barn?  WITH PICTURES?

Yep, I definitely laughed the hardest here.

And while they may not want to know, I'm still not sure if they should skip the whole counseling idea...

Loved it.  One thing though.

"It's a pretty big box too, nine hands on a side"

Hands?  Okay, I know Spike has hands, and Griffons (which are rarely if ever seen) have hands, but would ponies really be using hands as a standard of measurement?  And...hands of which species?


Well, the thing is, horses are usually measured in a unit called hands, so... I kind of figured...

... yeah, it's kind of dumb.

These are funny as all hell. There are tears coming from my eye holes as I laugh and laugh and laugh and...

Why, for the love of me, does Fluttershy's journal contain a fictionalized account of you and her and the rest of your friends all having sex in Applejack's barn?  WITH PICTURES?

oh dear celestia im dying because of that line

lol, you've gone and made me giggle again.

also, TO THE MOOON!:trollestia:

You used was instead of were some where.  figure it out please.

Loooool! xD This is hilarious. Had to read this after Upon Wings Of Sacrifice. THAT IS SO SAD! ;( This makes me lol though.:rainbowlaugh:

if there is not more of this wonder, I will.. umm... kill.. umm.. who could I kill in fandom and not make everyone/pony cry? Maybe..... Those douche bag from the dragons!

I just can't stop laughing :rainbowlaugh:

I can't see properly due to the tears forming in my eyes due to the laughing oh god the laughing i just can't stop.

I never cried this hard due to laughing your story deserves a place in EQD.

This chapter was even beter than  the last one.

My cheeks hurt due to the laughing, it hurts to laugh, but i just can't stop. :rainbowlaugh:

I would love to see this fic to continue but its your call.

It sure is the most hillarious fic i've ever read.

This fic I like.

ANOTHER!!!! :flutterrage:

"I mean, there was that one time I

greased myself up with butter and slid

around on the floor of the ballroom

singing "Come Sail Away," but last I

checked drinking five bottles of vodka

doesn't count as going senile."

This made me shat my pants in laughter.

>>947048 I see what you did there.:twilightsmile:

I was screeching with laughter.

Oh dear Sithis I can't breathe.:scootangel:

This is without question the funniest thing I've read today, and I've been reading a lot of funny things today.

>>951645 by the eight and one we have an elder scolls fan

"Cheeky!":rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh: I bucking love that word. I can never stop laughing when I see it.:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

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