The perspective of a madman is strange, they see nothing but victims. The perspetive of a monster is worse, they see toys, toys they can break, and 'play' with...
The story is told from the perspective of a monster, seeking someone who is happy has good friends,, someone who has... A perfect life... So he can take it away from her, take her happiness, her friends, and ultimately, her life. Fear opens doors, and gives others power, only those who desire to destroy, can use it best.
Chapters (1)
This is a cool idea, but the execution is slightly lacking.
For one, your formatting is incorrect. It's better than a block of text, but you need to leave a gap in-between your paragraphs. Also, don't rely on ellipses. They can be used for dialogue, but you should be able to carry a feeling a suspense to your reader without the use of them in your actual prose.
Some of this was a little confusing as well, particularly with your world-building. Creating a perspective through the eyes of a mad-pony is brilliant, but you need to give your audience some more material for them to be able to decipher what's going on. In that regard, this story might have gone more smoothly if it had been in a 3rd person pov.
but an insane person sees nothing but worthless animals. Pun intended
Reminds me of these songs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fPy58ZeNm5Q
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMCZBiJ-_zQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jXWhlwrUPI
Please tell me this isn't another "Pinkie Pie is a pure evil monster" story...
Eeeeh....
The mad guy is too cartoonishly evil. There's no real thingy, like, whats the word?
It's like a reason for a thing to do something...
.
.
.
Oh yeah! Motivation!
How about a murderous psychopath fueled by existential wonder is transported to Equestria and makes friends with the ponies while trying not to listen to the urges to kill.
Also, he snaps Angel Bunny's neck.
Fahk, I should write that!
961122 Thankya! Glad u found the perspective of a killer to be interesting. Thanks for the advice, and, in genral, just for reading my first attempt
961122 Thankya! Glad u found the perspective of a killer to be interesting. Thanks for the advice, and, in genral, just for reading my first attempt>>961337lol nice
961122 Thankya! Glad u found the perspective of a killer to be interesting. Thanks for the advice, and, in genral, just for reading my first attempt>>961337lol nice>>961417 This is not another pinkie pie is pure evil monster story. I kinda wish it was though... :/ thanks for readin it though!
961122 Thankya! Glad u found the perspective of a killer to be interesting. Thanks for the advice, and, in genral, just for reading my first attempt>>961337lol nice>>961417 This is not another pinkie pie is pure evil monster story. I kinda wish it was though... :/ thanks for readin it though!969336 Thats a good idea actually... But I've cooked up another story in the hollw pot that is my head... So just wait and bleed it'll be ready for teh public eye soon enough, with the information I gathered from ur guyzes comments I can cook my next story to perfection!!! And maybe I'll celebrate with pizza...