I'll get back to you on this later.

sorry boyo its been done. Try something like ... i dunno Twilight

>>13654951365495 sorry, but Fluttershy is my fav character and I know it's been done before.

Slow the feather down. Pace things out, expand, indent, dont tell, show. You went waaaaaaay featherin fast on the My little fluttershy when you first saw her. Expand on that. (gosh am i turning in to my english teacher now?) Plus edit.

Decent and a lot better written than My Shy Little Friend.

>>13655171365517 I'm sorry this was rushed, but my next book it well planed out and this book had made me run out of ideas fast. The limitations of this planet is high and mighty.

>>13655031365503

twilight has been done

>>13654951365495

>>13655511365551 Where?

Listen, if you disliked this as it's been done before, that isn't what's important about a story, a story is something that you read before criticism and like a wise man said, don't judge a book by its cover. Read the book then like or dislike it, yes it's rushed but at least it has something. Yes it's been done before but if you can get an idea and do something else with it then that's what matters, movies do it all the time and they remake them to make them better then the original. That's what makes a story a story, it's not the cover or description that matters, so let your imagination go wild as I'll one day make you into something big. Stay awesome guys, I'm just getting started.

>>13655951365595 UnleashedTwilight did it

I didn't acctually cry, (Or read it for that matter BUT I WILL!) but I'm putting this here to annoy you,  GamingCN

"I at the part where Fluttershy said "I love you dad", it hit me in my heart, and was crying the pain. thank you. also rate fairly, this is my first book.

HOLY SUGAR slow down! And y do u bring her into school? y r u ok with a random box hat appeARS FROM LIGHTNING wtf!

Image: http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/269/499/67d.gif

Image: http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/295/650/afa.png

Image: http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4ghyshFq51rp8n54o1_500.jpg

Image: http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/274/521/9e5.png

My ultimate thought about this story:

Image: http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/232/114/e39.png

NO

My Little Dashie wasn't sad. It's thousand knockoffs aren't sad. And you, sir, have failed to move me in any way whatsoever.

>>13655961365596

can i dislike it because it was utterly horrible from conception to grammar to pacing to pretty much everything?

i think those are valid reasons

Obvious errors:

>Dashes

>Walls of text

Going to read this later, and leave a review when I finish reading.

>My Little Dashie remake

>Immediate pony

>MLD is strictly mentioned

>Advertisements (Are you fucking joking?)

>First Fic

>"First 'book'" (It's a fucking fanfiction on the internet.)

I'd 'CHOOCHOO' you, but you've already been added to 'The Worse'

You recieve -5/5 Pinkies

All right. Let's do this.

Honestly, I have never read "My Little Dashie" or any of its remakes/spinoffs, so I came into this with pretty much no expectations. Well, I suppose that's not entirely true. I found it through TWE, which isn't usually a good sign. But hey, I try to give everything a chance.

Mostly, this story just failed to hold my attention. There were a few moments I liked (such as the "I love you Dad" thing) but for the most part, it felt like I was reading a report rather than an emotional journey, which is what it's supposed to be. I'd like to say the ending made it all better, but it was really hard to tell in that GIANT WALL OF TEXT. Here's a suggestion: start a new paragraph every time you change speakers. That's typical formatting anyway, and it would make that GIANT WALL OF TEXT so much easier to read.

Well, hope that helps. Good luck in the future!

~Scribblestick, TWE reviewer

Just gonna say, this isn't a book, nor is my story, nor is MLD, nor is any of the other hundred stories on this site. A good story does not = a book; in fact the only fimfic I've seen of the size and caliber to come close to such a title is FoE.

Oh, and your description actually makes me NOT want to read this, so yeah.

>>13659181365918 Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell... "Eternal," with minimal formatting tweaks, clocked in at 626 pages in Word.

I didn't check for myself, what are you talking about?

>>13660291366029

In general it's best to go off word count, since things like paragraph breaks, text size, and margins, can change the overall page count.

Here's some perspective:

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (longest single book in the series) is around 257,000 words,

War and Peace is around 560,000 words,

Fallout Equestria is just over 620,000 words,

Eternal could qualify though at just under 160,000 words.

EDIT: 257,000 for HP:OotP, not 275,000

>>13661791366179

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (longest single book in the series) is around 275,000 words,

Okay, that's fair.

Eternal could qualify though at just under 160,000 words.

Wait, what? Listen to yourself, here. Think about the first thing I quoted, then think about this. If Eternal "could qualify though," then that means The Sorcerer's Stone and The Chamber of Secrets are even less likely to qualify as "books." Both are less than half the length of The Order of the Phoenix (half of that is 137,500). So, if those are both books (I sure hope they are. I mean, they are sitting in my room. And they certainly look like books.), then Eternal, which is longer than both (assuming your number on Order of the Phoenix is accurate), is most certainly a book.

>>13660291366029>>13661791366179>>13664021366402

Austraeoh clocks in at 175k approx, and still rising

End of Ponies is 500k+, still unfinished. SS&E's other main work, Background Pony is sitting on 330k (also unfinished).

And I have no clue what the word count on Project Horizons is, just that it's longer than the original FO:E

Still, we're arguing semantics. We all agree that this story is not a book in any way, shape or form.

>>13664991366499

I only brought up Eternal and not anything else because it was the story in question.

In any event, yes, this story is not a book.

>>13664021366402

Wait they're both less than half? I thought they were at least 200,000.

WTF?? Just checked, Sorcerer's Stone is only 77,000!

Well then, I guess Eternal should count.

If only fanfics could be published, then the whole world would see!

>>13665161366516

FO:E's been published.

Past Sins is also being published as we speak.

>>13665261366526

You sure it's been published?

By published, I mean by a company, not just released online or made into physical copies by a fan.

I was under the impression that no fanfic can ever be properly published without gross rewrites to remove all reference to the original source material (50 shades of gray).

>>13666381366638

Here

I don't know the exact details, but they're being mass-produced, so...

>>13666541366654

That's, completely awesome & I want a set!

I don't think (for the rest of the world at least) that counts, but it should!

Maybe somepony should update wikipedia, since it would be the 7th largest novel in the world?

i like it

this story wasn't the greatest, but it most certainly wasn't the worst. i actually enjoyed my little dashie purely because it got some emotional response out of me (it was also the first fanfic i ever read). but the way this was written made it to were you didn't really care. all in all, on a scale of 1 to 7 i give this a 2.5

I like it so far. Just pointing out some typos like "I'm her farther" and GLaD or is there something special in that GLaD because you did it twice. Also that face could kill.

Still good. It's pretty funny and interestingly different from all other fics I've read because of the jumping from moment to moment. This time I only noticed "minuets" in the second sentence of the last... paragraph? ( I am not a native english speaker.)

I was a little surprised at the moment when "you" talked to your family about Fluttershy so suddenly. Atleast I didn't notice any other moment with the family before the last... paragraph.

Hah. Because of the amount of posts in the last chapter, I am going to post my final thoughts here:

SPOILER WARNING FOR EVERYONE WHO HASN'T YET READ THIS FIC--------------------

So, I liked the way you referenced My Little Dashie and "I'd like to be a tree". Most I liked was the ending and how you basically rewrote the ending to My Little Dashie. Some might not but I liked it. I wont call you a wuss for crying at My Little Dashie even thought neither of these stories could bring me to that.

Bottom line: I liked this and fav'ed it.

>>13657881365788 Note, this was written on an iPhone as I find it easier to read and I'm also Dyslexic, and so is the person who proof read this book XD

>>13702881370288

1. Get a new proofreader

2. that's not really a good excuse because of #1

3. It's a fanfiction on the internet, not a 'book'.

4. In fact, please find a book, open it, and compare it's contents (grammar, syntax, pacing) with the contents of your fanfic. It might help.

>>13703971370397 They are not exudes if they are real, true, facts. And I will take your advice into consideration, although it will take me a year or a half to read Harry Potter for insertion.

I loved this fic don't listen to hatred you got me crying well done yougot a fan buddy

You wrote this like you are on SPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED.

As others have said, the writing felt rushed and some parts are not as good as they could be. But the spelling or grammar didn't bother me, spelling and/or grammar must be really bad before I think it's annoying.

As few things that I thing could have been better:

Big walls of text. (Stuff inside these things). Stuff just happening, for example when the reader suddenly get to know that the entire family knows about Fluttershy, it was maybe not that surprising but is just happened. That brings me to the last and most important thing I disliked about the story, the important parts was either rushed or skipped completely.

But I liked the direction the story took, even tough Iv'e read My Little Dashie it felt like story of its own. I also liked that  My Little Dashie had happened before this story.

I give it a 5 out of 10 regarding the story, because of parts being rushed and things happening "in-between" the parts of the story.

The writing gets a 7 out of 10, because of () and the walls of text, there is however no reductions from spelling or grammar since I didn't notice it too much.

Overall it gets 6 out of 10.

Note: I am very generous when ranking stuff, the lowest I have given is a 3, and that was on a movie that I couldn't watch for more than 20 minutes.

PS. This story gave me an idea of a story where all the mane 6 is teleported to earth, one at the time, and they have to stop the teleportations before someone ends up with a bad human. Although it has probably been done before. If it hasn't been done before feel free to use my idea, I will probably never get around to finish it and my experience with writing is very limited.

>>13803311380331 I have an idea you can use. Make your own "My Little" story, maybe with Applejack or Rarity, and use the idea, My Little Dashie inpured me to write and that's what I'm doing as a hobby, I only hope it insprires you too. Good Luck in future :3

>>13805121380512 Yeah I could write one of those, but I was thinking more along the lines of the my little stories being stories told when the ponies get back to equestria. The mane 6 and the princesses would have to try and figure out what was going on, with the information they get from experience it. Therefore I would have to write all my little stories myself to be able to foreshadow and tie it together nicely.

Or maybe I wouldn't have to rewrite My Little Dashie since it is so popular/well known and it would be the first time the teleportation into the human world happened. The story could begin with RD coming back and everypony wondering what happened and I just need to give a recap. Later in the story nopony would care what happened since it is seen as a freak accident, but when it happens again they realize that it might be something going on.

The more I think of it the better it seems, I might have to try and write it after all. If I did write it, could I base my version of my litte fluttershy on yours?

I suppose I might as well give it a shot, or at least figure out the story a bit more so someone else can write it.

>>13807581380758 call it My Little Aftermath. And you can use My Little Fluttershy in it :3

Very interesting plot, but the whole story felt like it was a constant run-on.

Slow. Down.

>>13665161366516 *Philosophers Stone

>>14392591439259

Right you are, I guess I had the alternate title in my head:

Harry's a Pothead and the Sorcerer's Stoned.

>>13665131366513 I say it's a book in my opinion, no one else on here can call it a book, I only say book as it's easier to remember. Call it what you want, end of.

>>14392591439259

"Sorcerer's Stone" is just as acceptable.

>>14504011450401

What, calling it a "story" or a "fan fiction" doesn't work?

>>14504091450409 I never said that. I just prefer book as it's shorter, I can remember it and never knew I was meant to call it a fanfic.

>>14504201450420

The difference between "book" and "story" is one letter...

>>14504231450423 I can't be bothered with arguments, they hurt my head and I'm currently trying to get things done. But your fast reply on comments impress me

Several things about this story:

1. Good story! I liked it a lot! Not quite as good as my little dahsie, as it didn't make me cry. However, only 2 fics have made me cry so good job anyway.

2. I know you where probably rushed, but you needed to SLOW THE BUCK DOWN on this story! you went WAAAAAY to fast!

3. Too many typos... that is all.

>>15086381508638 My dyslexia doesn't help me here, let alone the only person who will proofread my book for free is Dyslexic too. and the funniest thing is that this was written with a phone with AUTO-CORRECT XD I wish it did grammar and spelling rather then spelling only...

>>13657781365778 WHAT DOES YOUR COMMENT MEAN?!?! I WANT TO KNOW Dx

>> GamingCN

Ah ok. With dyslexia I have sumpathy for you and I completely agree with spell check. I'm also pretty darn impressed with how fast u replied to this! Well that's about it.

>>15319261531926 Thanks :3

NOES! NOES!

*dies from bad ending*

Oh what the fuck.

This story was crappy from the beginning..

FUCK YOU DISLIKERS

This story was almost as good as MLD

9/5 pinkies

I gave MLD 10/5

Could someone please tell me how I could improve? I would like to fix the wall of text but when I read a book I just see what I'm doing in my new (un-released) FanFiction (and a little of what I'm doing in this one).

And I would love to add more but what could I add? I can't really do much with Fluttershy as the estate they live on has a person everywhere you turn and 90% of them are assholes that only want to beat up anything that's weak or out of the normal. Please make it clear what you want me to improve on.

Oh, and I'm keeping the ending, I don't give a shit what you think of it, I wanted a different ending to what happened in MLD and I'm sticking to it, if you don't like it then you can suck my d- Um... nothing...

Interesting. I wish you good luck on writing, and hopefully not drink a can of Redbull while typing.

Boop a doop loop.