The royal wedding is saved but at what cost? There was more to the changeling attack than was apparent and Twilight begins to wonder if it was all as black and white as it seemed. Queen Chrysalis was defeated and her rule was taken from her. With no food and no allies, she is doomed to the dreary fate she had always feared. When faced with potential tragedy, Twilight has to make one of the scariest decisions of her life. Does she help the dying changeling or leave her to her "just" end?
Continued in Hive Alive!
Featured July 20, 2014.
Art by BlackWater (me)
Chapters (4)
SPECTACULAR JOB!!!
Hmmm. A story in which Chrysalis ISN'T truly evil. I for one say...IT'S ABOUT TIME! So many people discount the pressure she must have been under to feed her "children".
..sigh.. This looks like a story that deserves continuation.
She had expelled great magic in those last moments in Canterlot and, as a result, she was now starving once again.
-In the fight with Celestia? But that wasn't the "last moments" I wouldn't say. Maybe you mean when she was hit by the blast? The magical equivalent of getting punched in the gut in the right way to cause vomiting*?
*Not sure this is actually something that happens, but it sounds plausible.
-The ending went a little too far. Just because you a friendly towards someone doesn't mean you have to (or should) trust them NECESSARILY. Twilight should have been more careful I think. And by "careful" I mean immediately notifying Celestia as soon as Chrysalis was stable. Shoot, unless the letter from Celestia included something to the contrary, Spike should have done so on his own initiative.
Sadly it's one shot only heh :D
I have only one thins to say. one thing only... Sequel. Must have the sequel if there is one. plz
1,000 views!
A very special thank you to everypony who took the time to read this.
I'm glad some ponies enjoyed it and I hope future readers do as well!
Sequel, sequel, sequel, sequel!
NOW!
If you want to, that is.
I think that we would need to see what would have happened with the changelings as well...
2973469
I need a Sequel
WE ALL DO
Nicely done, not the most exciting Chrysalis redemption story but certainly fun.
And thus a sequel was made...
I've updated the description with the link.
One of the few stories to make it to my favourites folder.
>>>I think what happened before with the wedding was horrible and I thought you were evil, but I realize now that I was just as bad. Actually I was probably worse than you were. You were just saving yourself and your subjects from death and I...I was painting everything black and white as if you were the villain and I was the hero.”>>>
Ahem. For the villain-apologists out there, some rather pressing points to ponder.
1. Chrysalis kidnapped Cadance and mind-controlled Shining Armor. (villain act #1)
2. Chrysalis abducted Twilight and imprisoned her with evil laughter and flames of evil demonness. (villain act #2)
3. Chrysalis went all evil conqueror at the wedding and bragged about how she was going to take over all Equestria (villain act #3)
4. Chrysalis orders her subjects to go attack and terrorize everypony and feed off them. (villain act #4)
Chrysalis PAINTED HERSELF in shades of black with her actions and words. What else was Twilight or any other pony to think when presented with a parasitic race that never once even attempts to rationalize, but just acts outright evil 100% of the time?
At what point did Chrysalis ever ask, "Could anyone spare a cup of love for a poor starving changeling?" Never. She went the infiltration/invasion route, thus assigning herself the role of unambiguous villain.
Rational analysis of her actions can lead to no other logical conclusion. Had she attempted to ask for help and invaded only after being refused, that would have been an entirely different situation.
3006138
An excellent summary of showcanon. My response is best summed up by this over-used internet meme, but no less genuine for it!
31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lq2u0cmb2s1qii6tmo1_500.gif
Still if we put on the redemptionist glasses, and I will confess that I did put them on to read this story, this is a solid read, free from mechanical errors and well-formatted. I like the enlarged "Q" at the beginning, it's a nice touch that makes this feel like reading a real book. The pacing is excellent, and I adore that you incorporated the hivemind as a collective subconscious while still showing that the Changelings think independently. This story also holds very true to The Show's principle of friendship, though that does bring up a weak spot.
Twilight seems to be a bit "too" forgiving. Anyone would savour the feeling of standing over one who had done you wrong, even for just a second. You must remember that Chrysalis came to Twilight when the unicorn was in absolute despair, and banished her with evil laughter and green fire. That's pretty cruel. However, when the situation is reversed, Twilight's suddenly an angel. She doesn't have even a hint of malice, nor does she have any desire to see pain come to Chrysalis. That's just hard to believe.
She sounds like a detective, not a mare personally wronged by the fallen Queen. If Twilight felt anger, felt hatred, and wanted to get revenge, that would fill out her character. Overcoming that urge, denying the pointless desire for revenge and choosing to instead offer aid, would make that first contact really hit home. This is covered later in the story, but mentioning it when they first meet is really the best place!
Overall, a nice little story about everyone's favourite attacked-by-a-holepunch villain. A good read, and I hope you enjoyed writing it!
Would Twilight really befriend Chrysalis that quickly? Chrysalis had her brother hypnotized, Princess Cadence captured, and nearly succeeded in taking over Equestria. This isn't a black and white situation. Her actions were as dark as her carapace and she chose to be evil instead of ask for help for her starving people. Twilight should not have easily trusted her and should have been worried of a deception.
Chrysalis, on the other hoof, shouldn't trust her as easily. When I was reading I expected Chrysalis to be worried of getting captured or at least paying for her crimes. She trusted and befriended Twilight quite quickly without any fear of her future.
Nice, very nice
3032478 Ah. but Chrysalis never demonstrated any trace of desperation. Never once did she scream at Twilight in anger, "MAH CHANGELINGS R TEH STARVERING!!"
She acted EVIL. She acted like nothing more than a cruel invader, seeking to dominate their entire country for no other reason than to make her kind more powerful (she kinda said that in the episode, ya know?).
Twilight couldn't possibly have interpreted her actions in any other way. She owes Chrysalis nothing.
3006138 "Had she attempted to ask for help and invaded only after being refused, that would have been an entirely different situation."
that line doesn't work. the changelings greatest advantage was the fact that hardly anyone knew that they existed. depending on how bad the starvation was, asking for help might have equaled placing the fate of herself and her entire hive in the hooves of the princess's. expecting someone, especially a ruler, to place the fate of their entire people in the hands/hooves of a complete stranger when they have an alternative is unrealistic and illogical.
3124594 But your line of reasoning ignores an important fact: The changelings KNEW Equestria had more love than any place they'd ever been.
REAL WORLD FACT: Cruel creatures don't have much love.
Regardless of the motives, it's the ACTIONS that matter in this case. And my point is, from Twilight's point of view, the changelings acted in a thoroughly evil manner. Chrysalis is the one who needs to be apologizing. Yet she's still being arrogant, which further removes her from sympathy.
3124785 Equestria had more love than anyplace they've been to and they knew that, that's true. however, just because ponies love each other does not mean that they'd be completely accepting other creatures.
there's no guarantee that the princesses would not have turned the changelings away and i doubt that there's a leader in the world that would choose "put the lives of myself and everyone that follows me into the hands/hooves of another in hopes of survival" while the "fight for survival" option is still available unless they were 100% certain that the former would work.
at what point after her rescue did Chrysalis come off as arrogant?
3128516 And if they lose the fight, there's a chance that the ponies will wipe them out in revenge, in that case.
You ALWAYS attempt diplomacy first. Especially if what you seek is a necessity for survival that will not cost anyone their lives.
Leading off with a war has far greater risks, including complete extermination. Starting off with an outright invasion in our world, after all, is pretty much guaranteed to lead to mass slaughter.
This doesn't even address the fact that the Changelings could have easily slipped into society over a matter of weeks, assumed the identities of the guards, and then launched an INTERNAL surprise attack that would have left the ponies helpless and incapable if response.
Chrysalis' invasion was a example of a catastrophic tactical blunder more poorly planned than Hitler's attempt to invade Russia! She didn't even have her people make use of their anonymity and latent advantages for absolute stealth in their situation.
Had her attempt been a 'real-world' invasion, using careful forethought into placing her forces in strategic positions all through Canterlot, and taking out at least one of the Elements as well once they arrived... it would have been over for the ponies, unless Luna was still free and had some devastating attack up her sleeves. Even if Cadance had gotten out, it would have been simplicity itself for Chrysalis to either kill her or throw her back into the caverns. There is no way they could have lost the battle.
But back to the point about the story, the fact is that Chrysalis' first contact with the ponies was kidnapping, brainwashing, and invasion. There is no reason at all to feel sorry for the predictable outcomes of her actions.
3132643 you're ignoring the fact that if Chrysalis hadn't gotten careless at the end and stopped Shining Armor and Cadence from casting their spell, as she could have *easily* done, the invasion would have succeeded.
the only reason the invasion failed is because it's a kid show and the "good guys" always win, well that and the show would have ended if Chrysalis had won.
it's true that the invasion was poorly planned, but on the other hand the entire thing *reeks* of desperation which would point to the changelings having not been in Equestria for long and thus not knowing much about ponies so they have two choices,
one: plead with an unknown foreign species to give them the love they need to survive without knowing if they had anything worth value to trade with them.
two: attempt to fight for their survival and take the love they needed.
there's no logical reason for the changelings to believe that the ponies would give them what they need, especially if the changelings had lived hard lives and thus grown mistrustful of everyone but themselves so the logical choice would be an invasion.
and as to your points of villainy;
logical choice if you're going to invade and attack, go after someone that most won't question (Cadance being both a bride-to-be *and* a princess would make her immune to most scrutiny, *the* best choice if you don't know much about pony customs.) and disable security by taking over the captain of the guards.
again, logical choice, remove the one that saw through your act from the equation and try and break her spirit so she won't interfere anymore and if she truly *were* a villain, why not just kill Twilight?
since she was already going to take over Canterlot, it's only logical that she'd go the whole way and take over all Equestria as well. and being a conqueror does not necessarily make you evil.
she never ordered them the terrorize everypony, she told them to feed, which was the entire purpose of the invasion. invading a country to gain food is a *lot* less evil than invading a country simply to rule it, in my opinion.
3137781 Well, we have to go by the show in this story, since an alternative version of the invasion isn't presented.
Any argument involving presumptive planning or intent must first present a new take on the invasion itself.
Otherwise, we must go by the only view we have of it, complete with all of Chrysalis' bad planning and villain monologue.
Your rationale also falls apart as to the 'why not just kill them' argument for the episode because, as you point out, IT'S A KIDS' SHOW and THE SHOW WOULD BE OVER.
You're trying to use both points in a single argument, not realizing that one eliminates the validity of the other.
Besides, there are other possibilities which involve Chrysalis' clear overconfidence: a) killing ponies means that much less love food. b) she likes to gloat... a lot. Especially to those she's beaten.
3141451 so the only the only thing that points to her being a villain is the fact that she monologues? seeing as you did absolutely nothing to counter any of my other points.
3143692 Oh dear god, are you really that dense?
I suggest you watch the episode again without blinders on. Get your fanon nonsense out of your head and watch Chrysalis in action.
If you still cannot see how she's a villain, then I'm not wasting any further ATP in my synapses arguing with you.
3145934 wow, you're not very good at logical arguments, are you? you bring a decent presentation but when your points get challenged you bring no counter argument to defend them.
the season 2 finale leaves a *lot* of blanks to be filled, it is *very* easy to see Chrysalis as a leader who's mainly looking out for her subjects as well as she can rather than the (possibly power hungry) villain Hasbro intended her to be.
3146229
This is what we call 'villain sympathy'. Blinding onesself to the obvious to fulfill a self-determined course of belief about a character in spite of the evidence.
There is NOTHING in the episode to suggest Chrysalis is NOT doing this for power for herself. Feeding her subjects is a single goal, but you forget her song. She'd dreamed of conquering the world since she was small.
That rather blatantly paints her as a maniacal ruler dominated by a long-held obsession with conquest.
There is no evidence that she EVER even considered asking for help, so any suggestion otherwise is nothing but speculation lacking even a shred of evidence.
The FACT is that she invaded without provocation. The FACT is that she kidnapped, imprisoned, and mind-controlled ponies. The FACT is that she planned to enslave the entire pony race... to what end? How wold the pony race be kept going? What were her plans when the ponies died out? Would they be force-bred like cattle?
Tell me, do you sympathize with every insane tyrant who needs 'breathing room'?
3147893
one: absence of evidence is not evidence of absence. the only thing in the episode that even suggests Chrysalis did this for power is that *one* line where she states that her children will grow more powerful than they could have dreamed of but nothing suggests that that was the only reason behind the invasion.
two: is it really that wrong for a person that knows that they'll be leading their people when they grow up to dream about leading them to heights her subjects could never even dream of?
so dreaming about leading your people to the greatest prosperity your species have ever know makes you a maniacal ruler dominated by a long-held obsession with conquest?
again, absence of evidence is not evidence of absence. just because she decided to launch an invasion does not mean that she did not consider other alternatives, suggesting otherwise is also nothing but speculation.
how many do you know that would be willing to accept and feed a love-sucking parasite?
asides from hoping that the princesses would take pity on her and her subjects if she'd ask for help the changelings don't have that many options to gain food that would not paint them in a bad light.
seeing as we have absolutely no *clue* as to what her plans were after she had taken over Canterlot, it could well be that she intended to replace everyone in Canterlot, take Celestias place as ruler of Equestria and use her authority to secretly integrate changlings into pony society giving them practically endless opportunities to feed on love.
first of all, what evidence is there that she's insane? second of all, what evidence is there that she's a tyrant? i'll agree that she's a conqueror but conqueror does not equal insane tyrant.
3148915 >>>is it really that wrong for a person that knows that they'll be leading their people when they grow up to dream about leading them to heights her subjects could never even dream of?>>>
Allow me to introduce: Adolf Hitler! Josef Stalin! Chairman Mao!
No, it's not wrong to dream of such things, but IT IS WRONG when you follow the dreams up with barbaric, violent actions against a peaceful nation that has done you no harm!
Good lord, by your logic we could justify every invasion in history by pretending they all had good intentions!
3152005 those that do just about everything they can to take control of their nation rarely have the interests of their people in mind and now you're saying that those three "dreamed of leading their people to prosperity"? when you kill hundreds of thousands of your own people, you can't really claim that their prosperity is your top priority.
3154415 Ok then: The Borg.
NUFF SAID
3155182 i'm not a trekkie so i don't know much about the Borg, but from the one episode i saw that featured them, the Borg is just one person with an army of cybernetically controlled slaves seeking to kill or assimilate the galaxy. i'm pretty sure no one that resorts to using mind controlled slaves cares one bit about them as anything but resources.
3161472 The original and far better version of the Borg was a vast collective consciousness that assimilated other cultures, while erasing all individuality.
See primary two-part episode: "Best of Both Worlds"
3163299 i can't find that episode, do you have a link to it?
3163613 Might be hard to find on Youtube... they take down stuff frequently these days.
This has a lot of bits of it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ilSnZ1w4BYw
If you have thick skin, Blackwater, I'd suggest you put it on. Because this story needs help and I'm gonna tell you why.
1. Alternate Universe tag:
This means that the universe of the story is fundamentally different from canon. For example a gender-swapped Equestria or a world where Trixie became the Element of Magic would be alternate universes. In this story I'm not certain whether you are referring to the fact that Chrysalis is now living with Twilight, or implying that there was a different sort of Canterlot Wedding, one in which Chrysalis wasn't so blatantly evil. If it's the first one the tag isn't really necessary, if it's the second that leads to a whole 'nother set of problems. Those altered events must either be shown, or at least explicitly explained so the reader is aware of the difference between this story's background and canon. Without that part of the the story, the reader is forced to assume things went down the same way they did in the show where Chrysalis was a cruel, would-be conqueror. Which makes generating any sympathy for her difficult.
2. New Chrysalis:
I'm calling her that because she bears little resemblance to the same changeling who treated Twilight and her friends like trash even before she was revealed. Then, not only does she toss Twilight into the depths of the Canterlot caves, but she taunts her too. Chrysalis laughs at her, mocks her and enjoys her pain. Next is the song. This Day Aria confirms Chrysalis not as a struggling leader, but a power hungry egotist. Never does she mention her people in that song, never does she show an ounce of regret for she's 'had' to do to guarantee her race's survival. That song is all about her, and she's having a good time. Now this isn't say she doesn't have a softer side, people are more complex than that, but you have to connect it to the Chrysalis we already know. You need to bridge that gap to make New Chrysalis a real character instead of an OC with the same name.
3. Twilight's Reaction:
It starts off okay, but then quickly goes downhill. Twilight bears no ill will for her only a day after the failed invasion? I'm not saying Twilight wouldn't forgive her, but having it happen instantly belittles Twilight's character and everything she went through. A far more realistic response, would have been 'you might be evil, but nopony deserves to die in a ditch.' Help can (and should) be given, but it should be slightly grudging, or at least suspicious. Then she trusts Chrysalis completely and unequivocally. There are no questions, no promise of good behavior and she is more than happy to simply welcome a mare who attempted to conquer Equestria into her home, even though Twilight has every reason to suspect her of faking to get revenge on the pony who ruined her scheme.
I almost put the story down then and there, and I always finish at least one chapter. This has a special list of things wrong with it.
A. How does Twilight know about the changeling's starvation? Starving changelings is a fanon explanation and Chryalis never mentions it in the show. They also never discuss it in this story, so how does Twilight know?
B. This comes literally out of nowhere. Twilight never expresses a second's worth of regret or doubt until this exact second. It doesn't fit in with her previous emotions (torn between satisfaction at the prospect of reforming an enemy and worried that Celestia/Equestria will be mad at her for helping Chryalis). She suddenly feels this without prior build-up at all leaving this as a weak and forced emotion.
C. How in Hell is she as bad, much less worse, than Chryalis? The above points are valid, but this is the big one. Chrysalis kidnapped her foalsitter/sister-in-law (imprisoning her in a dark, barren cave for days on end), brainwashed her brother, invaded her homeland, maimed her mentor/ruler, and after she threw Twilight into the same cave, she taunted and mocked her, laughing at her pain and suffering. Even if you 'justify' Cysalis's action by saying the changelings were starving, Twilight is right to stand up for herself and her country. To act as though defending yourself from a violent invasion is somehow wrong boggles the mind. Twilight is a bonafide hero for standing up to her. Treating her, especially forcing her to treat herself, like anything less is just insulting.
4. The Pacing:
This entirely story has far to much going on for its tiny word count. Exploring Chrysalis's character and how she gets cut off from the hive mind should take four thousand words alone. As it is, you rush through every scene giving little description or depth to anything that happens. Events occur at a pace that would give NASCAR driver whiplash. To improve, try fleshing out a scene, describe some of the surroundings and 'set the stage' as it were. Then describe how the character actually feel. Give some details on Chrysalis's starvation, don't just label it as 'painful' and move on. Make the reader understand the agony she is in or they won't care about her.
So, tough love administered. Encouragement incoming.
I wouldn't have written this if I didn't think you could improve. You've got potential, I can see it in your writing, but you're going to need to work to draw it out. Don't ever think to yourself, 'meh, it's good enough'. You should always strive to be the very best. Like no one ever was.
If you want some examples of sympathetic changelings done well look up Thrown Abroad by Niaeruzu or Body and MInd by Starman Ghost. If you're looking for sympathetic Chrysalis try Wanderer D's The Three Sisters and its sequels.
3179832 Somebody sure has issues...
I thought it was great! Ignore that guy/girl, Chrylight FTW!
3244925
Yes, ignore the person who spent actual time and effort pointing out the flaws in your story and suggesting how you could improve it.
Instead, settle for someone who does nothing but stroke your ego with empty praise.
P.S. I don't just have issues, I've got a full subscription.
3262366 Let's face it, half of your review can be pretty much summed up to 'The character's aren't acting correctly', which is an opinion that wasn't needed when you look at how many Fanfics have Chrysalis acting like, or similar, to this. Plus, we only got to see a single part of Chrysalis's character, unlike the rest of the cast, so you can't say without a doubt that she attacked Canterlot to take over Equestria. I mean yeah, sure, she acted evil in the episode, but that doesn't mean she's evil. She said she needed food for her subjects and that Equestria had the largest source of love, that alone implies that her subjects are starving. She had no reason to launch a full scale invasion unless her subjects needed love and they needed it soon. Lastly, it's up to the author to decide how a character acts, it's their story not ours.
3262811
Last I recall I'm free to give my opinion, whether you (and only you considering that it has four thumbs up) agree with it or not.
Uh... yeah we can. Check Royal Wedding episode two about nine minutes in. She literally says, "First we take Canterlot and then all of Equestria!"
Then the writer needs to explain why she acted that way. That's called exploring character, which I mentioned if you'd actually paid attention to my first post.
Is Conclusions nice this time of year because you sure jumped there in a hurry. That in no way implied her people were starving. Chrysalis mentions feeding her people, but she doesn't say they're starving. She says that after devouring all the love in Equestria they'll be more powerful than 'they've ever dreamed of!' She isn't rescuing a starving people, she's preparing an army.
However that's actually a piece of canon the author can easily change, and not something I ever complained about. The only reason I brought it up in the original post was to point out that Twilight couldn't have known they were starving before talking to Chrysalis.
Or because she's an imperialistic would-be conqueror. Check your history, how many people started wars because they were starving? Either explanation is possible, but given the way she acted during the episode, Occam's Razor and common sense aren't on your side.
So, that means I can't criticize? Or suggest changes that would make for a better story? No author is perfect and pretending that a story is a flawless masterpiece is nothing more than arrogance.
3179832
Let's reminder.
The story said that she became so weak so she baic do anything and well mained.Tell would she act that and it could expel her doom,no
Power-hunger, Her dream are unknowable, all it could be changeling are superpower to fear is most likey one because since changeling are outcasts so that Want to all power to bend to like changeling whether or not
She is tried and weak, no body act same they when they this unhealthy.
3321046
> she baic do anything (.. "she could barely do anything"?)
> well mained. (>o^)
> it could expel her doom (for this one, I can at least guess that you meant "it could spell her doom". Nonetheless this is an outrageously hilarious phrase)
For comments like yours, I feel that we need another counter next to the 'thumbs down' and 'thumbs up' counters.
It would be called the "WAT" counter.
This is beautiful work. I've always had a soft spot for Chrysalis, as I've always seen things from this perspective.
I really like the "Cryslailis reform" Stories but, I must say I think she let her self be humbled too easily.
3475653
It's always good to hear that somepony else cares about our beloved changeling. Seeing her come around in season four is something I'm certainly hoping for. Anything can happen at this point.
A wise pony once said that even a coward can hate a villain and love a friend. A true hero will risk their very life to show their enemy what it means to love.
3475653
This coming from a person who wrote her as pure evil and almost killed her off in one of his famous sories.
Edit: in response to the soft spot thing.
That was an interesting way to give her a second chance, kudos!
it a butifule paring in my opyen.