• Member Since 5th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Sunday

FlutterTank


T

With the holidays right around the corner, Flash is celebrating with his new-found friends. But there's evil in the shadows of his past, and they're creeping up on him. Before he knows it, his whole world will be turned upside-down, but can he save the day in time for the celebrations, or before the loss of the one who's closest to him?

Chapters (8)
Comments ( 42 )

Interesting opening, definitely has me hooked. I noted some excessive commas though, especially in the first paragraph. Otherwise keep it up!

54665 Yeah, I tend to do that a lot on account of my 6th grade English teacher, who hammered in our heads to use commas all the time to avoid run-ons. He was actually a Social Studies teacher and all teachers had to do English (budget issues), so yea... :applejackunsure:

55458 No biggie, commas just break up the pace of the narrative, especially some close to each other. I can understand habits being drilled into you though :derpytongue2: Don't worry about it and always re-read your work. And if you want a proofreader, let me know :pinkiehappy:.

I sense dread coming! This chapter was too fun and joyous to have anything but! Bravo, I say. My only nitpick is space the paragraphs once more, so it doesn't look like one long wall-of-text.

This is one of those " WHAT IN THE HELL?" moments for me. I am definantly interested now, though.

Its always bright and cheerful first. Then bad things happen. Let us see where you go with this, hmm?:pinkiecrazy:

55856>>55906 What? You guys are silly! :scootangel:

Well, guys, I just got a puppy as an early Christmas gift, so my hands are gonna be pretty full. I'll try my best, but I can't be sure if I'll have Chapter 2 up.

I pulled it off. Got done the chapter before the weekend. The next has an insane twist, but nothing shall be revealed until it is complete. Hopefully up by the end of the week, then if I write Chapter 4 in the day, I'll upload that next weekend. It's going to be tough to conform to everything after the twist I put to it (I write whatever I want to write at the time, but I have to figure out how to get it in the boundaries of the story's plot. FYI, there WILL be heartbreak at some point.

59799
nice... on another note, i agree with artimae... you must indent each paragraph

wtf is this? i dont like hallucinations to last an entire chapter :facehoof:

64002 It's a dream, and it's very important :rainbowwild:

why did it tell me this was updated? bucking false alarm is what it is! :flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage:

DUN DUN DUUUNNNNNNNNNNN.

113288 I pretty much have been writing this entire story on the wing. I just think "What am I in the mood to write today?" I then write about that, while adhering to the plot. With Artimae's help, I was able to plan ahead with this so I don't crater myself when the time comes for the conflict of an obvious love triangle. But yea, improvising the story is much more fun for me. It appeases my ADHD. :pinkiecrazy:

:rainbowhuh: holy buck this is awesome! please come out with a new chapter soon! :fluttercry:

117121 Not sure I'll be able to. I've currently hit a massive writer's block for this story, so I'm writing something else until I get an idea of what I want to do with the plot. I'm also in a deep hole with school, so I have to work on that. :applejackunsure:

117576 Well schoolwork does come first, but i think this is the best OC fic i've read thus far... please don't make us wait too long :fluttershysad:

thanks :twilightsmile:

Whoah! :pinkiegasp: Rainbow loves Flash?! For a minute, I thought you were going to do the stereotypical Rainbow=Lesbian thing. But I did not see that one coming. Kudos to you.

Comment posted by FlutterTank deleted Sep 10th, 2023

Sorry about the shortness guys. I wanted to make sure you saw this was out, so I broke off the paragraph at the next best place. The next chapter will be short as well, but should be out soon. Sorry for the break, but I feel like it put my writing back on track as far as quality is concerned. Thank you and (checks clock 11:30 PM) GOOD NIGHT! :ajsleepy:

DONE! I had a lot of fun with this chapter, to be honest. There was very little dialogue, of course, which gave me the ability to focus on my strength: Imagery and Descriptive Language. Hope this is much more pleasing than the measly 900 words of rushed bull-crap I released last week. I'm hoping to get another chapter done that's like, twice as long as this, by next week. Now that the prompts have been posted for the competition, I know I haven't got a chance (none of them really appeal to me, so I know I wouldn't be able to make anything worth reading), so I'll just focus on Flash. Best wishes for Valentine's Day! (most retarded holiday of the year) :heart:

first! great chapter btw but it could've been loooooonnnngggeeerrrrr please

217927 Next chapter will be plenty longer, I promise. This one and the last one were meant to be one lump chapter, but I ended up separating them for the purpose of getting something out there ASAP.

218065 perfectly understandable :twilightsmile: as a writer myself I know the pressure is high to keep your readers distracted... they're like hungry wolves; throw them as much as you can so they don't eat you :rainbowlaugh:

shit didn't expect that

Yay!:yay: This story's back! With a vengeance! Too bad Rarity can't have the fun of being in a rescue mission. :raritydespair: Sucks to be her.

227918 Rarity was spending the holidays with her family... at the bottom of my pool. Sweetie Belle was spared, though, as she was spending the night with Applebloom. :pinkiecrazy:

oh im hoping this fic ends well, for both pegasi involved..

um okay dokey then that was too trippy.. i LOVED IT.

please let there be more updates and chaptes for this lovely story?

... that awkward moment when you're still the last comment :twilightsheepish:

anyway, THIS sentence "The first will not be true. You must kill the first, or you will never find your true love." really made me worried :pinkiegasp:

please continue with the updates :fluttershysad:

I agree with Scarecrow, that was really, unexpected. Perhaps Pinkie was being controlled? Or- well I'm all out, just stunned momentarily. I hope you know where you're going with this, 'cuz this is getting bizarre.

569449>>569640

Just a common case of the Pinkie Sense. Everything comes together at the end. It's all planned out, and somebody is sure as hell going to die :pinkiecrazy:

570151 My friend always wanted to find a story that simply ended with:
"And then they died."

Sorry I keep taking so long to update, guys, but my parents have me working outside constantly. I finally got a weekend where both of them are on night shifts, so I finally got the chance to sit down and write for a decent amount of time. This is the product and I'm happy to have finally gotten it done. I have to warn you all, I won't be updating as often as I would like. So bear with me, and we'll see to it that this story reaches its close.

956879 It's ALIVE! :yay:
blogs.sundaymercury.net/weirdscience/Young%20Frankenstein.jpg.jpg

Wow... it's been so long since you updated I forgot I already used that. :rainbowlaugh:

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