67w, 5dFollowers of Discord
60w, 5dDoubled Fun
67w, 5dTwilight, Alicorns, and Awsome
60w, 6dTwilight is Best Pony
57w, 3dDiscord on the Loose!
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31w, 5hSB Fic.Group
32w, 4dThe Usual
32w, 2dfimfiction's favorites
37w, 5dAlternate Perspectives
4w, 2dDark Twilight
2d, 8hEQD on FIM
“Are we there yet?” moaned Pinkie Pie, wiping sweat from her brow as she rolled down another hill atop a barrel.
“Pinkie, we’ve been traveling for, like, five minutes,” said Rainbow Dash, rolling her eyes as she and the other Elements of Harmony trotted after Pinkie. After a brief rest and a trip to a pickle factory to get a barrel for the partially liquified draconequus, they’d begun the long, arduous task of traveling back to Canterlot.
And Pinkie Pie, walking atop Discord’s barrel as it rolled along the road, had already asked if they were there yet twenty times.
“It feels like we’ve been going home for a month! No, more than a month!” moaned Pinkie, hiccuping as the barrel rolled over a rock and a muffled grunt came from inside. “How many episodes have come out between this story’s updates? Like, five?”
Rainbow Dash sighed and shook her head. “Less and less sense as time goes on.”
“Oh, hey, check it! It’s Rainbow Dash!”
The blue pegasus’s ears perked in an instant. She knew that voice. She knew it well. She began to look around frantically as her friends came to a stop. Then she saw them—the Wonderbolts.
“Wow, it is her!” said Spitfire, trotting out of the brush with Soarin’ and several other Wonderbolts. They looked like they’d been through a wringer—they had rope burns, a few black eyes, and a scorch mark or two. “Man, Dash, what happened? You look like you fought a dragon.”
Rainbow Dash sputtered for several moments before devolving into giddy squees.
“Uh, she has, sorta,” said Applejack, walking over and offering a hoof to Soarin’. His eyes lit up at the sight of her. “Hey, remember ya from the Gala.”
“Dude, I remember you! That pie was awesome!” laughed the easygoing pegasus—
Wait! He doesn’t have any wings! she thought.
Soarin’ noticed Applejacks eyes tracing his back. “Uh, yeah, lost ’em. You know Discord? That draconequus thing? Funny story: we ran into him, and he beat us up. Told us to tell you 'he stole him some wings and y’all could suck it.”
Fluttershy picked up the mace.
“So, yeah, when you guys beat him, wouldya mind getting my wings back?” Soarin’ gave a nervous, hopeful grin.
At that moment, a pair of wings fluttered down, beating like butterflies, and affixed themselves to his sides.
“Funny story: we already whupped him,” said Applejack, beaming. “Dashie here went hoof-to-hoof with him and beat the magic out o’ his cruddy hide. We all took turns—we got what’s left of him in that there barrel.”
“I will pay you all my money if you let me kick him a few times,” said Soarin’, taking a checkbook out of his uniform. He looked strangely serious for once. “All of it.”
Fluttershy set the mace down next to him.
“It would be improper for us to charge for such a thing,” said Rarity airily, opening the barrel with magic. Discord sort of poured out, slowly standing on shaky paws and muttering the word ‘rutabaga’ over and over again.
“Uh, good, because I’m broke,” laughed Soarin’, tossing the checkbook away and picking up the mace. “Hey, Disco-dude, remember that buffalo pie you sold me? You said it was made by buffalo! Well, guess what, it was poop!”
Applejack looked to Spitfire. “… did he … you know?”
“… ’bout half before he caught on,” sighed the lead Wonderbolt.
“I’m in here!” called Twilight, her voice surprisingly happy. This relieved Spike, who had feared the worst when he’d woken up without her nearby. He knew he shouldn’t always think she’d run away, but it was hard not to be afraid for her. As he scampered towards the door her voice had rung from, he hoped that she’d be in an okay mood.
As he entered, he no longer had to hope.
“Uh, Twi, is this a ball pit … full of books?” he asked, looking in shock at the pool of tomes and ledgers that filled the room.
Twilight laughed a clear, happy laugh as she swam the backstroke past him. “It’s a book pit!” she replied, diving in and vanishing. A few moments later, Princess Luna burst out nearby, shocking Spike so much he nearly fell over backwards.
“Ha-ha! Pit technology has evolved in such marvelous ways!” she declared, swimming over to the side and crawling out. “Tell me, dragon, what other types of pits are there? I have enjoyed the pit of balls, books, and mosh, but I will not rest until I have partaken in every pit imaginable!”
“… am I still asleep?” asked Spike, looking around in confusion. “Because this did not just happen.”
Twilight looked sheepish as she climbed out of the book pit, letters and punctuation dripping from her sides. “Uh, well, I was in your dreams for a little.” She shook herself dry, spelling out a decent draft for an essay on non-dimensional spells and their application in daily life. “Was that Rarity or a marshmallow?”
“… um …” said Spike, eyes going wide. Which dreams had she been in? He’d had a few private ones.
“Twilight! Luna! Good news!”
The timely arrival of Celestia saved Spike from explaining several things that no young male should have to talk about his mother figure with. The white alicorn’s wide smile could only have meant one thing, but nopony could say it for fear it wasn’t true.
“They beat the everliving buck out of Discord!” Celestia exclaimed, squeeing and clopping her hooves in excitement.
Luna and Twilight looked to each other and, as Twilight was now aware was mandatory for awkward reactions, beads of comically oversized sweat rolled down their temples.
Spike would have joined them, but he was a reptile and did not sweat.
Celestia cheerfully continued, “The Elements are on their way back with what’s left of him. It will take some time by hoof, so I’ve sent a group of guards to fetch them. It’s about the only thing my troops are useful for, anyways.”
From where he was hidden in the hall, the Captain of the Guard let out a loud groan.
“Okay, so anypony else?” Pinkie Pie called to the crowd as another remagiculated unicorn finished his turn at Wham-A-Discord. A number of ponies surged to the front of the horde, eagerly tossing their bits into Applejack’s outheld hat. “All right, then! If you brought your own mace or mallet or two-by-four, form a line on the left! If you need one, form a line on the right!”
After meeting with the Wonderbolts, the Elements of Harmony had been given a quick flight to a nearby town that Discord had struck. When they had arrived, Soarin’ and Rainbow Dash’s conversation about how good beating up Discord was for stress relief was overheard by a trio of dentists.
Ten minutes later, they’d started accepting bits for turns at Whack-A-Discord because it was getting too hard to turn the money away. Rarity had suggested giving it to charity, and everypony had thought that was a great idea.
Except Discord. But nopony cared what he thought.
“Uh, so, Miss Rarity?” The white unicorn turned from watching the throng to find several embarrassed-looking unicorns standing there, one levitating a ball of yarn scraps. “My name is Toothsome. I’m one of the dentists from earlier.”
Rarity smiled, nodding at the stallion. “Ah, I remember—I also believe you purchased a hat from me once.” He gave a feeble smile but seemed pleased to be recognized. “Would this be that hat? It must have seen quite the accident.”
“Ah, no,” said the unicorn, cringing. “This is a doll. Was a doll. But it wasn’t always a doll.”
Rarity winced. She could see where this was going.
“It was once a unicorn. She happened upon us after Discord hypnotized us … and when she wouldn’t give him her magic, he … he … he cast a spell on us. I think it was called—”
“Want-It-Need-It,” said Rarity, focusing her magic and accepting the scraps gingerly. She could feel a slight tingle in the threads—there was something in there, something with magic. “I’ve seen it before.”
“C-can you fix it—her?” asked Toothsome, looking disturbed. “A friend of mine could break the spell if she was whole.”
Rarity separated the pieces and begun to match the pattern. “Hmm … a little … actually, this shouldn’t be too hard.” She focused for another moment and began to knit and stitch—and in less than a minute, she’d repaired the doll, the material seeming to put itself back together. With a final stitch for a pair of button eyes, it was finished.
Oh no. She knew this pony.
A moment later, there was a burst of light.
Rarity gaped, stepping away from the reformed unicorn. “Trixie?” The blue mare looked shocked, unsteady, and disturbed. She took a shaky step, as if seeing if she actually could.
“Everypony clear the way!” she bellowed, turning and racing for the stage. “I’m going to show this beast exactly what an incompetent magician can do!”
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “… not the most terrifying threat I’ve ever heard,” she said as the blue mare forced everypony else off the stage.
“Oh?” cackled Trixie, levitating a box and a saw over. “Because I’m going to do the sawed-in-half trick, and I have never pulled it off without maiming a volunteer!”
“… oh my,” said Fluttershy, eyes widening as everypony began to cheer and Trixie slammed Discord into the box.