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Prologue
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Rainbow Dash zipped through the streets. Wind streaked through her mane, blowing the already mussy hair even farther out of control (if that were even possible). She accidentally knocked into Carrot Top, pulling along a cart of her family's signature crop, carrots.
"Oh, come on!" Carrot yelled angrily. "This happens like every day!"
"Yeah, yeah. I'll get you the bits eventually!" Rainbow flew on. She had important things to do today, like nap, fly, practice her tricks, nap, ask Twilight about the Mare-Do-Well, nap, and finally, nap.
"Oh!" thought Rainbow aloud. "The library is right over there."
Twilight yawned. Stumbling out of bed, she turned over to her mirror. "Blast." she cursed, "Where did my brush go?" She looked everywhere. Hmmm...the bed has sheets on it. The basket has Spike in it. Out the window has Rainbow Dash speeding towards me. The wall has- "a hole!" exclaimed Twilight, as Rainbow Dashed through the wall, neglecting the door.
The sagging roof, weakened by the large equine shaped lack of wall, collapsed. Two bookcases fell forward, dumping their load on the floor. The railing snapped, and the entire platform fell.
A single bookshelf stood. Alone, in the center of the library, the raised platform teetered precariously on the shelf. Spike, somehow still asleep in his crib, turned in his sleep. His foot pushed slightly, and a comb came out. Inexplicably floating down slowly, like a slow motion fly in a ridiculous cartoon when a car is on a cliff. "Nooo..." whispered Twilight.
CRASH!
As the dust settled, Twilight and Rainbow Dash lied in the middle of the tree, the top of a pile of debris, in a somewhat unfortunate and awkward position.
"Heeey Twi. So remember a few weeks ago, when you all dressed as the Mare-do-well? So I came to ask where you got the idea from." blurted out Rainbow Dash.
"Umm, before I answer could you get off me?" replied Twilight.
"But, I lik-" Rainbow Dash blushed, and stood up anyway.
"Thank you. Now, if I can find the way through this rubbish, I can..." Twilight murmured. "Aha! Here it is!" She levitated up a thick, huge, purple book, that looked as if it were clad in iron. "I read this a few months ago, and it just seemed like a great idea! Here, you can check it out now." Twilight hopped over to the desk, and shuffled around some cards and a pen. "So here you are, now you can take it home and read!" She dropped the giant volume into Rainbow Dash's hooves.
"Huh." Rainbow had gotten back to her cloud-house. She opened up the gigantic book to the first page. "Well it seems I won't be doing anything for the next few years."
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>(If that were even possible)
Should not be capitalised
>She accidentally knocked into Carrot Top, pulling along a cart he families signature crop, carrots.
Read that sentence, and then fix it.
>Mare-do-well
*Mare-Do-Well
>The sagging roof, weakened by the large equestrian shaped lack of wall, collapsed.
*Equestrian
*Equestrian-shaped
Maybe just say "pony-shaped" instead.
>"Heeey Twi. So remember a few weeks ago, when you all dressed as the Mare-do-well? So I came to ask where you got the idea from." blurted out Rainbow Dash.
Comma goes after "from", not a full stop (period).
>"Thank you. Now, if I can find the way through this rubbish, I can..." she murmured.
"she" refers to RD when I think you want it to refer to Twi.
Your dialogue paragraphing is broken. Dialogue paragraphs should be treated the same as regular paragraphs, so space them out like you've done with your regular paragraphs. Like so:
"Heeey Twi. So remember a few weeks ago, when you all dressed as the Mare-do-well? So I came to ask where you got the idea from." blurted out Rainbow Dash.
"Umm, before I answer could you get off me?" replied Twilight.
"But, I lik-" Rainbow Dash blushed, and stood up anyway.
"Thank you. Now, if I can find the way through this rubbish, I can..." she murmured. "Aha! Here it is!" She levitated up a thick, huge, purple book, that looked as if it were clad in iron. "I read this a few moths ago, and it just seemed like a great idea! Here, you can check it out now." Twilight hopped over to the desk, and shuffled around some cards and a pen. "So here you are, now you can take it home and read!" She dropped the giant volume into Rainbow Dash's hooves.
Please proofread your stories before posting them in future.
"moths" was actually an error copied over from the story. Perhaps I should tell the author to correct it - or would that be "too picky"?
I am helping here. Asking the author to follow basic grammar rules and write sentences that make sense is the opposite of "too picky".
I'll be straight and honest, it doesn't look like you've put much effort in this. You should spend more time editing away grammar and spelling mistakes before releasing a chapter. You would probably be better served with longer chapters as well, since very little happens in this chapter.
Also, a tip, about "PS Comment+rate pl0x.
PPS 5 stars pl0x": Adding things like this doesn't add much of anything, and mostly makes you appear unprofessional and desperate. Every author desires comments and high ratings, therefore pointing such a thing out is useless.
Your case is far from hopeless, and I think if you put in the necessary effort, you'll do great as a fanfic writer. . 
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