<

Erudite Muffin

Joined February 2012
49 followers

Stories (1)

Blog Posts (1)

  • 110w, 5d
    Hello! 0 comments · 109 views

Defeated and separated from her beloved hive, Chrysalis finds herself at a quaint little town named Ponyville.  Fuming and down on her luck, she also finds herself in much need of love. But as our dear changeling queen discovers, love can come from the most unexpected sources.

*Currently undergoing fixes of numerous errors. Beware. You may wish to return and read later after correcting of errors.*

First Published
19th Aug 2012
Last Modified
19th Aug 2012

Comments ( 89 )

#1 · 106w, 2d ago · · ·

So, yah, cats! Hehe. :twilightsmile:

#2 · 106w, 2d ago · · ·

Interesting. Tracked.

#3 · 106w, 1d ago · · ·

This is gonna be interestin' to read through.

That was indeed a great story to read, love the ending :3 Great job!

#4 · 106w, 1d ago · · ·

Mmmmmmmmm. I do love my fics long...

#5 · 106w, 1d ago · · ·

All my yes. :pinkiehappy:

#6 · 106w, 1d ago · · ·

OH GOD xD

#7 · 106w, 1d ago · · ·

... especially the monster queen herself”—Chrysalis' eye twitched— ...

“By Celestia. Your right!” said the guard, mind blown. -> “By Celestia. You're right!” said the guard, mind blown.

but she had no fashion sense what so ever,”  <- whatsoever is one word.

“Honeydew dear, I’m afraid we’ll have to continue another time.” <- Honey Dew, dear,... ?

Perhaps living and working in a in what was very nearly sugar did that to a person. <- Say what?

“Bye Honeydew!” <- You started off Honey Dew, why change?

Some typos, some errors, but all in all not a bad story. Just one thing that really got to me towards the end was the amount of times you used the word 'meow'. Apart from that, well done.

#8 · 106w, 1d ago · · ·

Good one. Cat = win, heh but i like atleast somebody show some other vision than just pure hatred after invasion it was just wow i didn't predict that.

Only one bad side i find there... it's one shot

#9 · 106w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1115317

Thanks for telling me these typos. I meant for Chrysalis's alias to be Honeydew as one word, like Applejack.

I'll have these corrected in 10 seconds flat. :derpytongue2:

I also see what you mean by the Meows toward the end, it's quite jarring.

Thanks again for the input. Appreciate it! :twilightsmile:

#10 · 106w, 1d ago · · ·

Adorable!

#11 · 106w, 1d ago · · ·

That was really good.

#12 · 106w, 1d ago · · ·

This SO needs to get featured. I loved it so much!:yay:

#13 · 106w, 1d ago · · ·

Ahaha!  Ahh... I needed that laugh.  I might not be a cat person, but that story was nothing less than brilliant.  Sam and Chrysallis are a perfect match for each other!

Anyway, keep up the great work.  I'll be watching you.

#14 · 106w, 1d ago · · ·

You all sure know how to make a person feel loved. *wink* :derpytongue2:

#15 · 106w, 1d ago · · ·

:raritystarry:

This is the awesomest possible thing!

Well, maybe not, but it's pretty darn good.

#16 · 106w, 1d ago · · ·

Wow. :pinkiegasp:

You made me feel sympathy for Chrysalis while simultaneously allowing me to laugh at her misfortune.

...Kudos. :rainbowdetermined2:

#17 · 106w, 1d ago · · ·

Hi there!

Nice story! :pinkiesmile: If you're interested in some constructive criticism, I'd say that the overly elaborate descriptions make the story flow  a bit slow. You might want to cut down on the LUS too.

Also, a proofreader could help you with mistakes like their-they're, vein-vain, etc. If you don't have one, you can ask someone from this group. They're really helpful guys. :raritywink:

#18 · 106w, 1d ago · · ·

If she's getting love from one cat, what's to stop her from getting another, and another?

Chrysalis is going to become a crazy cat lady! :pinkiegasp:

#19 · 106w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1110544 this cant be it

there has to be more

what about the guards serching for the changlings

how will she handle civilian life

what will happen to the other changelings

will she be found out

we need answers to these questions

im sure the rest of the readers agree with me

#20 · 106w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1116487 on a side note

i like how rarity dosent hold a grudge towards her for what she did

#21 · 106w, 1d ago · · ·

I knew cats can make people to become nicer! Except Opal of course.

Disappointing it's only one shot story though. I'm very curious what will happen to these two as life progresses.

#22 · 106w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1117774

As Chrysalis would say, "Perfeeeccccttttt!"

>>1117806

What's LUS if I might ask?

>>1118135

It's funny, I asked myself that same question. So I tried to construct events to align in a way that our cat protagonist Sam would unconditionally love our dear changeling queen. I hinted to Sam over the course of the story have a rather depressing background. Sam is a street cat, been down on her luck almost all her life. A suffering destitute vagrant--that fished in dumpsters, was bombarded by the weather, had never heard of cleanliness. And when Sam coincidentally arrived to Ponyville at the same day, same time, same place as Chrysalis that began turned her fortunes around, well, love results. Love that transcended what Chrysalis looked like or how threatening she was.

>>1118408

Who knows. Maybe an idea will catch my fancy in the future. :twilightsmile:

>>1118700

Isn't it obvious? Sam the cat goes on to become Chrysalis partner in crime and forever loyal second in command after a ousting of all her old commanders to latrine duty. The feline subsequently proves her competence and ability much to the chagrin of Chrysalis's changelings, leading them to victory over the cat plebeian masses. :derpytongue2:

#23 · 106w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1118823

LUS stands for 'Lavender Unicorn Syndrome'. Check this for more information (be warned, it's a bit vitrolic). :trollestia:

You can apply it for more than just the character's names. (For example, I think there were a little too many "orbs" instead of "eyes" in the fic.)

#24 · 106w, 1d ago · · ·

Crazy Cat Lady me approves.

#25 · 106w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1118951

Thanks for the link! Informative and it helps explain some of the odd feelings of "that doesn't seem right" I occasionally feel while writing. A few of the things I try and keep in mind is flow and relevance, and he/she summed it up pretty spot on in my opinion. I didn't find it vitriolic though.

I'm kinda curious if there is a official term for it.  

But I have to disagree with you about the "orbs" and "eyes" part. Their are only a total of 8 uses of "orbs" compared to 69 "eyes" in this story in my attempts at warding off the extreme repetition of the word eyes. Though, still too many eyes in opinion. :derpytongue2:

#26 · 106w, 22h ago · · ·

>>1119274

Well, maybe, but halfway the story it just occurred to me that eyes aren't the only spherical organs. It made reading the story a bit more... entertaining. Though I guess it's my own fault. :pinkiehappy:

Btw, I don't know if there's an official term, I saw it mentioned as LUS everywhere.

#27 · 106w, 20h ago · · ·

>>1121516

Oh for Celestia's sake, now you got me seeing it. Hmm.. maybe there is a way to incorporate that fact into my next story...:derpytongue2: :rainbowlaugh:


#28 · 106w, 20h ago · · ·

I've got this in my Read Later list. Looks good, even though I hate cats. :trixieshiftleft:

#29 · 106w, 18h ago · · ·

This story is cute, sweet, adorable and honestly leaves me wanting more. It's nice to see a story that can capture and hold my interest without having a grand epic sweeping plot or by the moonlight romance or what have you, just simple daily life with a few laughs. This story is enjoyable, refreshing, and honestly has all kinds of potential for continuation. I certainly enjoyed it, and I wish you luck on any future endeavors you may have.

And to be honest, I sort of have a soft spot for cats. Sam seems just little too much like an r63 version of my own cat.


                    ~Signed, InfiniteBrony

#30 · 106w, 17h ago · · ·

The title made me laugh, and I was laughing the entire time. Well done, a well deserved like.

#31 · 106w, 17h ago · · ·

This is a pawsitiviely enjoyable fic.

You get 5 derpies out of five. Nyaa-t four.

:derpytongue2::derpytongue2::derpytongue2::derpytongue2::derpytongue2:

#32 · 105w, 6d ago · · ·

*grins and claps* Very cute stuff! Definitely following and would love to see more. If you ever need a pre-reader I'm happy to help.:pinkiehappy: My specialty is mostly grammar and spelling but I'm always happy to help rework stuff.

5 moustaches outta five :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

#33 · 105w, 6d ago · · ·

only two words:Sequel. NOW. :flutterrage:

Seriously this is awesome.

#34 · 105w, 3d ago · · ·

Cat people are crazy.

...I would know.

#35 · 105w, 3d ago · · ·

My cat approves! Well she would if she wasn't so lazy and sitting on the carpet! GET UP YOU!.

#36 · 105w, 3d ago · · ·

Very entertaining. Loved the humor style.

Wished there was more though, to be honest.

#37 · 105w, 3d ago · · ·

It's "just deserts," not "just desserts," for future reference. :raritywink: Unless you were trying to make some kind of a pun ...  :twilightsheepish:

#38 · 105w, 3d ago · · ·

Thanks once again everyone for reading! It was lovely fun to write it!

Also, hi Equestria Daily! :twilightsheepish: Pleasure to meet you! I hope you all of you enjoyed the story as well!

>>1153937

Well to be honest, it's a typo. But now it's definitely staying in! :derpytongue2:

>>1153822

Though it's not a sequel, another idea is already in the works. :twilightsmile:

>>1131444

Same as the above, I'm getting laughs musing my next story. Always a good sign! :pinkiehappy:

#39 · 105w, 3d ago · · ·

Oh wow, this is good! Can has sequel?

#40 · 105w, 3d ago · · ·

just reading this Honestly I see this made into animated episode...any one else feel like trying i would but sadly I don't have the technology

Just Saying :moustache:

#41 · 105w, 2d ago · · ·

Garbage writing that shouldn't be up on EQD. Pre-readers messed up bad with this one. Typos, grammar errors, they're/their mistakes, stuff that even an elementary schooler should know not to make. And this gets featured on EQD? Seriously?

I can't comment too much about the story itself, because I couldn't read past the first few paragraphs when I saw how terrible it was. Did you have a friend in the pre-read folks to get this through, or did you just bribe someone? Sheesh.

Call me nasty or whatever. I've been working to get my fics through their pre-read staff with both of my fics several times, and every time they shoot them down with just the kind of things that are messed up in this fic. So yeah, I'm pissed.

#42 · 105w, 2d ago · · ·

Let me know when you go through and revise all the spelling and grammar errors. They are a bit too abundant for me to enjoy the story. Also, as harsh as Isseus' words are, he's right. I am baffled as to how this got on EqD, as they've rejected stories that made much fewer mistakes.

#43 · 105w, 2d ago · · ·

>>1155049 and >>1155445

It may have made a ton of errors in the story, but by no means does this mean the story is garbage writing. Sure, a revision would be nice to fix them all, but it's still a very well done story. Also, it has over 13,000 words- if you typed up a story that big, would you expect no errors? Best to go with the flow for now, or wait for a revision- it's still featured because IT IS A GOOD STORY. Even if it has a lot of errors like that in it, it's still worth reading, and it has done well besides having the errors. If you aren't going to read the story due to errors I say you're missing out, but if you're going to hate on it due to the errors without finishing it and call it 'garbage writing' maybe you need to rethink what you read and how you read it.

#44 · 105w, 2d ago · · ·

>>1155049

I could not disagree more. From the perspective of another writer featured on EQD, this is exactly the type of thing I want to see there. It isn't perfect, but it was certainly charming in its way, and a clever story. :twilightsmile:

#45 · 105w, 2d ago · · ·

>>1155589 I'm sorry. I am just a huge dick when it comes to grammar because I can't concentrate on the story when there are really big errors on a constant basis. That's more my problem if anything else.

#46 · 105w, 2d ago · · ·

So many feels. I had a cat, once. It was a lazy thing, content to curl up in the sun and eat every so often. I absolutely adored that cat. Most important friend I had. He never liked me much.

His name was Sam.

#47 · 105w, 2d ago · · ·

Why, ain't this a little piece of brilliance. Loved it.

#48 · 105w, 2d ago · · ·

that was SO NICE. wow :yay:

#49 · 105w, 2d ago · · ·

"This Day Is Going To Be Puuurrrrr-fect...."

Good catch, good story, good plot, good job!  

#50 · 105w, 2d ago · · ·

All of my yes.

0 39194 125276
Login or register to comment