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Ever since Hearts and Hooves Day, Fluttershy has harbored a secret crush on Big Macintosh, but keeping it to herself has caused her to fall into a terrible cycle of depression. When she finally gets an opportunity to tell him how she feels, she jumps at the chance...though she may need a little help.
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*ahem*
FLUTTERMAAAAAC!
That is all.
Oh, and great story so far, too.
YES!!! FLUTTERMAC!!!! ALL OF MY INTERNETS GO TO YOU PORTMEIRION!
936557 Thanks! Nice to meet a fellow FlutterMac fan.
I shall be watching this. A decent Fluttermac is just what the doctor ordered on my count.
936667 Thanks for the internets, friend!
936722 Glad to be of service, and thanks for the comment!
Oh... FlutterMac. Joys.
Alright, I can see where this is going. Good writing and good start, I'll be watching this.
It's not a bad story overall you just should think about looking over your work for the next chapter. there are some grammer issues but overall good job.
937103 Grammar issues? I thought I proofread this quite thoroughly. Can you name some specific ones?
Thanks for the compliments, though. I appreciate the feedback.
937118I checked over it again and I couldn't find any glaring flaws. so sorry about that
great story still
937174 Thanks anyway. Glad you enjoyed it!
To all: more is on the way...at some point. I'm a rather slow writer, but Chapter 2 should be done sometime this weekend.
I like how this story is different from other flutterXmacs where she just walks up to him and some how they are intently in love, your story has a bit of subtly that makes it seem more real, good job
953411 Why thank you! I was worried that the romance wasn't entirely believable, but I'm glad you think it is.
All good things require effort. I like how Fluttershy is determined to do this on her own instead of another doing it for her.
953747 That's one of the key things I tried to address here. I think Fluttershy has really grown more confident over the course of the show, and I wanted this fic to showcase her character development. Thanks!
The diary part was....perfect...i dont think you could have done a more exact fluttershy! Be honest...are you secretly fluttershy?
955899
Eeek! I've been found out! *hides*
Seriously though, thanks. I often worry that I don't get the characters' voices properly, so your comment is really encouraging.
I thought that it was interesting how you had made Rarity read Fluttershy like it was written on her forehead.
956101 I like to think of those two as very close. Rarity probably knows Fluttershy so well that she can read her like a book when she needs to; plus, we already know that they spend a lot of time together in-canon, so she'd be likely to notice quirks and patterns in her behavior. Sorry if it seemed too...I don't know, convenient, but it just seemed to work when I wrote it. Thanks for commenting, at any rate.
No it works just fine. Its just that I didn't think that she would have really noticed since she was really focused on the dresses mostly.
956034 it was well deserved! The part where she started apologizing to her diary was....impeccable!
956192 Thank you!
I was quite pleased with that bit myself.
You're a shy pony, and the situation got out of hoof, yet you didn't totaly lose hope, good on you fluttershy
Fate always seems to conspire against us huh? No giving up though!
Time for the next round
daaaawwwwww
This was a triumph.
Finally, a good Fluttershy/Big Mac that is more than a one-shot. Seriously. I have found several excellent Twilight/Big Mac and Rainbow/Big Mac, but I still haven't found what I'm looking for (two song references in one comment?). This story caught my optic sensors, and is shaping up to be a great story.
997944 Thanks so much for the compliment! Actually, this originally was going to be a oneshot, but it turned out much longer than I thought it would. Now I'm really glad it did.
Sorry about the shortness of this chapter. Only one more to go, and I promise it'll be of a decent length.
What a good friend Dash is
Platypus? Eh, as long as one of them is a secret agent, I like the idea!
1035394 That wasn't intended to be a reference...but hey, if it works as one, no complaints from me!
I enjoy combing my My Little Platypus's fur. Makes me feel like a real stallion.
SPOILER ALERT!!!
(Drive-by critique/editing suggestions such as I do a lot of the time, depending more on my mood than the story. Questions about future events are usually rhetorical.)
I thought about asking Rainbow to tell
Rarity for me, but…no. I can’t do that. I have to do this for myself.
-Extraneous line-break.
fitting a dress onto a mannequin.
-Interested if you know of the fan-made word "poniquin" or "ponyquin" and what you think of it.
and frankly looked like it would be very uncomfortable and difficult to move in.
-Rare mistake by Rarity, or did she warn the client, or is she giving a subtle lesson to a client who wouldn't listen to her warnings?
Rarity probably knew best.
-Not necessarily, I could see her getting carried away in that manner, and Fluttershy does appear to know the technical aspects fairly well, even if she is a bit lacking on the aesthetic judgement.
“It, um…it looks really nice, Rarity,” she said.
-Technically true, but if the initial showing of the dresses in "Suited for Success" is an indication, Rarity might not find that to be enough... ironically if Rarity adjusted her behavior based on that previous incident, it might cause her problems here.
is holding a competition in Canterlot for new designers.
-Ah, that could explain it, if Rarity knows it isn't being graded partially on what the model thinks or what the judges think the comfort level might be. Also, if it is a private enough affair, then Fluttershy might even agree to model again. Granted the first fashion show in "Suited for Success" was with her friends, and it was more Photo Finish abusing her verbally to get the moe look and then getting mobbed in public that she minded in "Green Isn't Your Color".
I need two dresses to enter,
-Well, that could mean that Rarity and Fluttershy would model... gives Fluttershy a friend so she won't be nervous... and it would be interesting if Fluttershy ended up in the uncomfortable dress. I wonder if Rarity would notice a slight balding around the rub points? She does notice fine details I think.
but the deadline is tomorrow night!
-Well, Fluttershy could help with the sewing.
So I recycled and expanded upon our old Gala dresses.
-I see. I wonder if they really are the same sizes. It would seem presumptuous of Rarity to make something specifically fitted to Fluttershy without asking first.
Mine has been sitting around collecting dust for months now
-So is this fitted to Rarity, or is she just using that as an example since she doesn't know for sure if the others have been using theirs?
As if in answer to Fluttershy’s query, a voice rang out from an adjacent room:
-Ok, so no Fluttershy involvement unless the other Pony has an emergency and they ARE the same sizes.
“Rarity? Are you sure this is how I’m supposed to put this thing on?” The voice sounded rather surly,
-Rainbow Dash?
and bore a distinct accent which Fluttershy recognized in an instant.
-Ah, AJ.
This made things much, much more complicated: Applejack was a very close friend, but she was Big Macintosh’s sister!
-Yeah, that would be an obstacle (and thus a point of tension in the plot).
As if she weren’t already nervous enough, now she had this to contend with as well. Fluttershy frowned.
-And with a time crunch, asking for time alone with Rarity might be a problem.
Well, shuffled in is more like it – the dress was so absurdly heavy and ostentatious that she could hardly walk properly.
-Ah, so a systematic problem... I wonder if Fluttershy will speak up after the Element of Honesty does so? Although I suppose this may be more RD's sort of honesty than AJ's.
“How the hay is anypony supposed to move in this thing?!” she demanded, barely bothering to keep her frustration in check. “I can’t hardly move my hind legs without tearin’ this whole dress half to pieces.”
-No mention of the weight, but I guess that might not be an issue for AJ... or at least not one she would care to mention.
“I realize it’s not entirely comfortable, but anything less extravagant simply won’t do. If my designs don’t truly stand out, I’ll have no chance of impressing Scarlet Silk.”
-Actually, given that sort of name Scarlet may turn out to be the sort of designer whose designs mainly get worn in bedrooms. Nah... Rarity would know something like that.
The cogs and gears of her socially experienced mind whirred at a frantic pace; and then all at once the answer clicked like a lock.
-I wonder if she will blurt it out in surprise?
“Fluttershy,” she said in a soft voice. “This is about Big Macintosh, isn’t it?”
-Well, that is better than shouting, but the implication is still that AJ heard.
Rarity prepared to answer, but was cut off by a small, weak voice: “Yes.”
-I expect AJ to be "pleased as punch" (certainly AB only had about 5 seconds of "My brother?" in "Hearts and Hooves Day"). The only things I am less certain about is how long she will stare blankly and how loud she will be voicing her approval.
but she pushed the thought aside; right now, Fluttershy needed her help. She smiled as well, trying to tell her that everything was okay. “So how long’ve you been crushin’ on Big Macintosh?”
-Implicit approval not explicit. Interesting. And is she trying to help on nerves or method of approach?
“I coulda told you that,” Applejack said with a broad smile.
-Not seeing how this is relevant per se, but then again I guess that might not keep AJ from saying it.
He treats everypony he meets with so much kindness and respect,
-Second time she mention kindness, which makes perfect sense.
By this point, Rarity had taken hold of a pen and notepad with her magic and was scribbling down notes.
-I'm not sure if this makes sense, but I guess it does if she is trying to help Fluttershy come up with a script to rehearse/work from to reduce her tension.
“Even though I know I’m not.”
-Every time I see something like this from one of the Mane Six, it makes me want to hug the pony in question. Ex-Model, Head Animal Caretaker (including Winter Wrap-Up lead) for Ponyville, Dragon Tamer, Staremaster, one of the Ponies who put the "Revenio" in "Princess Luna Revenio", who were victors over the Arch-fiend Discord, correspondent with Princess Celestia Invicta, and, did she but know it, she whose scream would summon the wrath of nature itself to answer her (since she is more practiced and actually owned favors now, rather than merely being able to summon a swarm of butterflies to save her). She is special beyond belief... oh, wait... special to Big Macintosh, well, that can probably be changed with some effort (actually from a narrative perspective it is almost a sure thing).
I’m sure you’re special to him, he just doesn’t know it yet.
-Optimistic way to put it... or does she mean that Big Macintosh probably doesn't realize his own feelings?
“It’s simple, darling,” said Rarity. She magically passed her notepad to the pegasus. “Just tell him this.”
-Verbatum? Guess that works.
“You mean…that’s all I have to say? I-It’s really that simple?”
-Complexity is generally not needed for such things. I wonder if you have Fluttershy reading too many romance novels with flowery language?
No gifts, no ceremony, no clever pick-ups?
-I take it mares giving stallions gifts to win them is more common in Equestria than the equivalent in America where it is more the guys buying stuff for the girls except for birthdays and holidays?
Well…perhaps simple was the wrong word.
-Obviously. That would be true even if this weren't FlutterSHY we were talking about.
In love, as in all things, you must know when extravagance is appropriate and when it isn’t.”
-I wonder if the dresses will vindicate her judgement in this matter?
“I’m guessin’ dresses don’t count as things, right?”
-This is actually inconclusive.
-P.S. Regarding the previous chapter: I don't think that the Element of Loyalty would lead off a relationship with an offer of sex.
1037235
Oh. Oh wow, thanks a ton for the critique, I really do appreciate it. I'd like to go back and address every one of your points individually, but...wow, that's a lot. I'll probably go back and do a big sweeping series of edits once the whole story is done, and then I'll take all your suggestions into account. Thanks for all your thoughts - they really do mean a lot to me.
-P.S. That passage was meant to be taken as a joke; I thought RD made it clear that she was kidding, but I'll try to make it clearer still when I go back and edit it. Thanks.
1037424
May not be necessary. There was a bit of a time lapse between reading chapter 1 and chapter 2 for me, and I had entirely forgotten what Dash suggested, and I didn't keep re-reading when I went back to check.
A FlutterMac fic? *marks for later reading*
That was a clever idea of giving them something to bond over
Good Job
1037562 Oh my gosh! I'd be honored if you were to read my fic. I'm a huge fan of your work!
1038528 Thanks!
That cake sounded like if you took a bite, you would explode from chocolate over load.
1038777
I have...fans?
*squee!*
(Sorry for the double-post, my edit to the previous one wouldn't take)
I like how this is going thus far, I can see a lot of care has gone into writing it.
...And I would *so* totally watch a show called "My Little Platypus".
1042732 Thanks a ton! Your compliments mean a lot to me. This one won't be much longer, but I'm so glad you're liking it.
And yes, you do have fans. The two fics you've written are both among my top 10 favorites in the whole fandom.
1039844 It does, doesn't it? I'd love to try a bite of it myself, really.
*cough* you skipped chapter 5...
1051055
Yeah, I noticed. My mistake. It's fixed now.
Another excellent installment. An incredibly believable choice by Rainbow Dash, trying to help out Fluttershy with romance, but overstepping herself. Always like to see Rainbow and Fluttershy as best friends, and not as a couple themselves.
It's nice to see that Mac and Cheerilee can still be friends.
1051189 Thanks again! I like to think Rainbow and Fluttershy consider one another best friends, even among the mane six. "Hurricane Fluttershy" convinced me of that.
1051190 It is, isn't it? I think they'd get along really well, even if they're not romantically involved. They're both just so friendly.
Dang I love this story so far. And the random cafe employees was a good addition to the setting.
1051696 Thanks!