Equestria Noir Case 1 "The Big Macintosh Case"

by Jacoboby1

Chapter 1:Rain

Equestria Noir

Case 1

“The Big Macintosh Case”

By Jacoboby1

Chapter 1

"Rain"

I never much liked the rain. I always felt it gave Manehatten this sort of eerie feel that I can’t stand. I was not looking forward to the fact I’d have to be walking home in this torrential downpour so late at night. Maybe I should sue the Pegasus Weather Company for creating this storm. Ah well, I can barely afford to pay the rent, let alone hire a lawyer. I sighed and turned away from the window and turned to the papers before me. Yet another huge pile of bills I’d have to worry about if I don’t get a case soon.

Where are my manners? I’m Private Eye or Private if you are so inclined. As you can probably guess I run a Private Detective Agency. (ha ha laugh all you want about the name) Sadly the only crimes Equestria sees often are robberies, arson from dragon raids and the occasional lost filly. As a result my talents go to waste on such ventures as the filly is usually found in some bakery gorging on cupcakes. Thus the pile of bills that is before me is a result of a lack of any real cases.

As you can probably guess by the last statement, my place is filthy. It only has one desk with the pile of bills on it and a small chair that I use whenever a client comes in. You could run your hoof across the floor and find almost a half inch layer of dust on it. I would clean it, but I can never get around to it what with bill collectors knocking on my door every five minutes wondering when the hell they were going to get rent. I usually tell them the same thing all the time. “When the crime rate rises we’ll talk about rent.”

The Phone rang as I was looking at the bills. My horn glowed a pale grey and the phone lifted to my ear. I know, strange for a private detective to answer his own phone but I can barely afford to feed myself, let alone think of hiring a secretary. I sighed and said the line I’ve practiced so often I could say it without thinking.

“Private Eye Detective Agency: Solving crimes in the blink of an eye. How can I help you?” I swear it was the worst pun I could come up with, but hey it got ponies’ attention. The voice on the other end was deep growly and obviously pissed.

“You still there Private?! I thought they evicted you months ago!”

“Good to hear from you too Shinebadge. What is it you need?” Police Chief Shinebadge is, or at least was one of the greatest cops I know. Granted being the best cop doesn’t amount to much in the peaceful land of Equestria but I wasn’t about to argue with him. The reason is because nowadays he’s pretty much a pencil pusher, filling out forms and occasionally pestering me about one case or another. Oh! He also has a lovely habit of hating my guts for walking out on the force years ago. Suffice to say we did not get along.

“I don’t need to hear that kind of sarcasm Private! I got-a-job-for-you.” he said the last words through gritted teeth. I got a small smile out of that.

“What is it you need Badge?” I said is as polite a tone as I could muster, although I’ll admit it did sound mockingly polite.

“I need you to pack your bags and head down to Ponyville. apparently there’s some kind of trouble down there and I can’t go down-there-myself,” said Shinebadge, again last words through gritted teeth. I was so getting a kick out of this.

“Ponyville? That’s in the middle of nowhere! Why should I leave good ole Manehatten for a job in Hicksville?” Hey not my word, that’s what everypony in Manehatten calls the town.

“There’s been a murder; some poor sap just got bucked in the face and they need a detective with some…expertise in the field.”

A murder…that rarely happens in Equestria, let alone all the way down in Hicksville. To say this peaked my interest was like saying “Dragons breath fire”. That and I haven’t had a vacation in over a year.

Badge spoke again in his hard growly voice, “You just head down there as soon as you can and make contact with a local by the name of Twilight Sparkle. She’ll inform you of the situation.” The princess’ little assistant? I guess that would be what would pass for law and order way out in the country, but I can’t believe I’d be given the case by a glorified bookworm. Let’s just hope she doesn't force me to read or write letters to the princess every week. Although I’d be lying if I didn’t find it interesting to have direct access to the princess, I’d have a few words to say about property taxes.

Badge again growled, I can never tell if he was doing it intentionally or if it was just how his voice sounded. Either way it’s scary to those not used to it. “I’ll send ya the tickets in the morning for the first train to Ponyville. And also…I gotta call from Larksong. She says she wants you to see her there.”

Larksong…the other incentive for going to Ponyville…I sighed and decided to go through with it. It was against my better judgment but if I was any good at making good judgments I wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place.

“Alright Badge you got a deal. I’ll take my usual fee, Plus extra for tickets.” I heard him stifle a curse over the receiver. My fee is…steep these days. Hey when you’re as poor as me you gotta do what you can to eat.

I put down the phone, it was getting late and I had to pack for the trip. I levitated my brown trench coat onto me as well as my grey Fedora that would provide minimal shelter from the rain. Rain…why does it always follow sorrow?

__________

I got back to my apartment late, tired, and drenched to the bone. The rain was absolutely murderous out there and I shook my head to get the water out of my mane. My apartment was about the size of an average pony’s bedroom with a small bed and table and kitchen all in one room. It might be considered a fire hazard, but hey, the landlord didn’t complain as long as I paid the rent. When I paid the rent.

I walked over to my bed and almost tripped on a file. My floor was cluttered with case notes, evidence, and the occasional *ahem* light reading. I kicked some space on the floor and used telekinesis to dig out my suitcase. It was a small suitcase but it held everything I needed inside. I started piling in gear such as chemistry sets, a camera, and other various items a private detective should never be without. I trotted over to my safe hidden cleverly behind a picture of the Big Apple itself. Inside was one thing I hoped never to use, but needed to bring. It was a six shot .32 mm revolver, not the most powerful firearm but it would get the job done if aimed right. I hated having to bring it but I’ve been shot at way too many times to consider not bringing it.

I levitated the gun into a small hidden pocket inside my trench coat. My brown trench coat had so many pockets in it you could hide something in it and nopony would ever know where to look, except me of course since I use it all the time. There was also something else I kept in the safe...a small picture of Larksong and my brother Tailspin. Larksong was smiling happily holding Tailspin on her back. Tailspin was laughing while enjoying the ride. It was one of the few happy times I can remember with the two of them together. I slipped the picture out of the frame and into my trench coat not knowing why I did so. Maybe I was just feeling nostalgic or something.

After everything was packed and I was finished wrestling with the suitcase to close I decided to hit the hay. I flopped on the bed in my clothes. I was that tired. My clock on the oven (the only clock that works in the apartment) said the time was 2 o'clock in the morning. This meant I had a grand total of 6 hours before the train left for Hicksville. I shut my eyes and fell asleep to the sound of Manehattan’s rain pattering on my window.

______________

The tickets came in my mailbox the next day buried under a pile of bills. I ignored the bills and put the tickets in my bags, and then I made my way towards the train station. Luckily the train wasn’t too crowded so I had a set of seats to myself (I managed to twist Badge’s leg for some second class seats).

I made a call in the train’s telephone booth and called Moren Stallion Filly’s Hospital. The mare whom answered it spoke with a warm motherly voice, “Hello Moren Stallion Filly’s Hospital, this is Nurse Jubilee.”

“Hellooo Nurse!” that got me a giggle on the other end of the receiver.

“I’m old enough to be your mother young man; you’d best learn to treat your elders with respect!” She may seem mad but she really enjoys it whenever I say that. “What can I do for you Private?”

“I need you to keep Tailspin in the hospital while I’m gone. I’m taking a case in Ponyville and I need somepony to look after him.”

“Not to worry Private, I’ll make sure he’s taken care of. Though, about the money you keep sending us...” she said, her voice laced with worry.

“I told you before Jubilee, no price is too high as far as my brother is concerned.” I said, my voice was dead serious.

“If you say so Private, I just want to make sure this isn’t hurting you too hard. Having to pay so much with so little improvement and good news...”

“I don’t care, if I have to sell my apartment, my clothes and carry my things on my back Jubilee. I just want to do everything I can for Tailspin.”

“Alright...take care of yourself Private and please try to stay out of trouble.”

“I can’t make any promises but I’ll at least try to not get shot at again.”

We exchanged farewells and I returned to my seat. Now that I knew that my brother was going to be okay I could focus on the task at hand. I pulled out my notebook and began looking over the case notes. I cast out every other thought in my mind. It’s how I am with cases. I set it all aside and focus until the case was solved or I was dead. Thankfully the latter has yet to happen.

I started with a little background on the place. Ponyville was founded back when my grandfather was a colt. It was apparently built close to a large apple orchard dubbed Sweet Apple Acres. Largely thanks to that orchard the town has thrived ever since. I’ve never been to the place myself, but from what I’ve read a lot of interesting things happen there. From attacks by Nightmare Moon to a visit by the ruler of chaos and the occasional dragon raid seem to make the town a popular tourist spot. But I wasn’t on vacation, I was doing my job.

My contact there was a gal by the name of Twilight Sparkle. I’ve read articles about her and the 5 other Elements of Harmony, and their adventures together. But what from I can tell from the profile Badge had given me she’s very close to Canterlot royalty and it didn’t hurt that she was…cute. Hence why I’d have to see her as soon as I got off this train. Suddenly after looking at the picture I wasn’t so daunted by the prospect of visiting Hicksville.

_________

The train came to a stop at Ponyville Crossing and I stepped off the train and breathed in the smell of fresh mountain air, maybe this won’t be so bad after all. I looked around hoping to find my contact. What I wasn’t expecting was to see a baby dragon holding a cardboard sign with my name. I’m not joking; a little baby dragon with purple scales and green spines was holding a sign with my name on it. He waved his little clawed hand at me in an effort to get my attention…he didn’t need to wave to get it.

He walked up to me smiling at me and said, “Hi there detective I’m Spike! Twilight Sparkle’s number 1 assistant!” I smiled a little. The little guy certainly didn’t lack for enthusiasm.

I tilted my head down at him and smiled. “Detective Private Eye, I trust you’re the one who’s supposed to take me to Miss Sparkle?”

“You bet! I’ve never seen a real live detective before! Though I wasn’t expecting you to be so…scruffy.” His eyes looked up and down at me taking in my appearance. I’m average size and build for a pony stallion with a grey coat and a short brown mane that was rather messy. My attire consisted of my brown trench coat and a grey fedora. I guess I do look a little scruffy...haven’t been able to afford a laundromat for weeks.

“Uh, lack of funds is the main culprit in this case Spike. But anyways, I need to see Miss Sparkle if you would be so kind.”

He nodded and turned around. “Follow me, she lives at the library.” He walked on into the town and I could feel the ponies looking at me. A detective in town is never a good sign in any part of Equestria. It meant the peace was being disturbed. Nopony liked the peace being disturbed but frankly I did, it kept food on my table.
Spike led me through town to a large tree that I would never imagine would have housed a library. It seemed almost cruel, having books which come from trees be kept inside a hollowed out tree. I guess my overanalysing came from lack of sleep.

Spike opened the door I noticed that almost everything was organized to a tee. All the books were cleaned recently and set in the shelves neatly. The floor didn’t have a speck of dust on it. I was almost tempted to knock over a shelf just to break this perfect picture of organization. Spike turned his head up and shouted up the stairs, “Twilight! The detective is here!”

I didn’t know what to expect…I’ve seen pictures of her certainly but they never did justice to anything. I’ve heard of her certainly, what with her being famous and all for saving Equestria not once, not twice, but several times. I guess I was expecting her to be younger or something. All I know is as the mare that was to be my contact in Ponyville descended the steps from her bedroom, time just…stopped.

She wasn’t drop dead beautiful by any means…she just had this simple beauty I can’t put to words. She had a fine magenta coat and a violet mane with what looked like a colored streak of magenta running down it. Her horn was short but noticeable. She wore it not like a hoof like most unicorns like me…but as a badge of honour. She turned her violet eyes to me and smiled with obvious relief. “Thank Celestia you’ve made it! I was afraid you wouldn’t come!”

For a second I was tongue tied staring at this mare of simple beauty. I shook my head to fix that and nodded at the mare before me. “Yes that’s me, Detective Private Eye, happy to be of service.” I tipped my hat to her as she descended the steps from her room. I’ll admit that I did that less out of politeness and more so she wouldn’t catch me gaping at her like a dragon would a diamond.

Twilight directed me to a small table and told Spike to get tea. I declined her offer. I was a detective and my diet consisted heavily of caffeine. Tea just wasn’t strong enough for me.

“So Miss Sparkle…” I began.

“Please, call me Twilight detective,” she politely responded.

“Twilight, can you please tell me what kind of crime we are dealing with here?”

Spike came by with the tea, I'll admit it was humorous to see a baby dragon in an apron but I held back my chuckle so as not to embarrass the kid. Twilight poured the tea into her own cup, the kettle glowing with a pale magenta aura. She didn’t even have to look at the kettle to pour the tea. That was some rather impressive work at least compared to my poor magic skills.
With tea poured Twilight spoke in a very serious tone. “Detective, the case involved here is murder, and I know the suspect the police are questioning.” I telepathically took out my notebook and waved my hoof for her to continue.

“Last night a Stallion was murdered in an alleyway over by the Post Office. We’re having the police look over the body and the scene right now.” I wrote down everything that came out of her mouth. Thankfully my writing was as quick as her speaking even as her voice started to quiver.

“The suspect is a friend of mine’s brother. His name is Big Macintosh, or Big Mac for short, he didn’t do it detective! I’ve known him all my time here and he’s never harmed anypony!” Tears were in her eyes. If this was how a pony as calm as her handled murder I’d hate to see how the family of both suspect and victim were. She took another sip of tea and wiped her eyes with a napkin. “Sorry, the whole town just doesn’t know how to handle murder, myself included.”

I gave her a small nod. “Murder isn’t natural Twilight. Nopony should have to suffer having a murder take place in their own backyard.” that was what I told everypony when murder was involved. I guess it gave them some small comfort in knowing this doesn't happen often.

“Thanks detective, I’ll take you to the crime scene.” she started walking for the door she held her head high as she did, so I guess that was her way of coping.

“Twilight” I said gently “I’ll get the guy okay? You don’t to worry yourself over this.” That was sincere although I felt my argument was a little weak. She smiled a little.

“Thanks, come on detective, we’ve got a crime to solve.”

I stopped short. “Wait. You just said…We...”

Comments

[dbanksischillin]

GET OUT NOW!!! IT'S A TRAP

[Authora97]

Good sir, you had me at Castle (from the description)

[Mendedchalice12]

Found one of your story and though I give it a try so far so good

[Stereoshock]

I have been passing up the story for awhile. Now its time to dive in head first. Lets hope there isn't a rock underneath

[Butterwings]

...Need moar , but k.

[peter]

Can't help myself. .32 mm? Calibers are percentages of an inch.

A 9mm is a standard size for guns that use metric. a .32 mm would be shooting very thin bullets.

Better than making the other sort of common mistake, and calling it something like a 9cm.

Beyond that. I'm here because your most recent story is a gender swap, which I love, but I figure I'd better start from the beginning.

[DeadpoolMLP]

"Hellooo Nurse!"
gotta love that Animaniacs reference

[Dude With No Life]

Rereading this. Again. It's addictive. Only one issue I've noticed. .32 mm wouldn't even be as effective as shooting needles, so unless he's packing a Gauss gun, you might want to drop the mm. It makes people like me itch.
Other than that minute thing. . .i cannot say enough good things about this entire series. You stop writing it, and I will hunt you down.
Love and Tolerance,
DWNL

[Vocal Chord]

I've always wanted to read this series. Mostly because I'm working on a non-pony-related James Bond-esque story on the side.
Unfortunately, I shall have to [read later], because, for me, it is between-math-and-chemistry snack time, and I've got the best flavor of Doritos in my bag.
1000 Alicorn Points to whoever guesses which flavor it is...
But seriously, this seemed like such a good series that I just had to add it to my reading list.
Cha for now~
VC

[DeadpoolMLP]

You know after rereading these for the umptinth time I've realized something.....private has to be the most well developed OC ever

[Titan Commander Sebaste]

You have my attention, i like a good mystery now and then!

[Insanecrusader]

5960821

See I find this like a hidden gem amongst the community.

I don't even think penstroke ever went this far with his original characters.

The stories run fluidly, smooth, dynamically!

Honestly each "case" is so thrilling to read! Each chapter ends with the reader unsatisfied, wanting to continue, like we are actually watching an episode of Castle (one of the prominent shows the author draws inspiration from)
to bad Castle ended on a low note. I was looking forward to more from it.

I'm also big suckered for ANY story revolving around twilight being a main character. After all favorite pony!

But to be 100% honest, I've re-read the first season of "Noir" more times over than any other including past sins (it's good but to REREAD IT IS SUICIDE FOR MY HEART, EYES AND MIND)

Why do I come back so many times? Because I like drama, I like action, mystery,

I used to watch csi Miami at my grandmothers place while she slept in the living room. And thus my love for murder mystery was born

[Gizmo Gear]

7563257 I read all of this before I joined fimmy!! And the first thing I did when I joined was write a blog to (try) to keep a date. So I have been a rabid fan of this one for awhile now. And I been waitin'!!

[Jahbraz]

Everyone, listen to Halo 3 ODST’s ‘Overture,’ and ‘Deference for Darkness,’ and you’ll know what Rain means.

Yet alone....