When a boy wishes he was in Equestria, a magical world of ponies, he gets his wish, but then finds out they have annoyances, such as orphanages. But getting adopted ain't that bad, is it.
And another OC self-insert story. Also, double space paragraphs. This chapter looks like an over-fed letter E.
underscore read later
lets see how this will go
So now I know how it feels to be first. This was fantastic. I was wary before reading. You read so many human fics and they blend together. Now I would like to know. How old was he as a human and what was his real name? Also, please continue with this story.
(Twi's innocent) - Scarlet Harvest
(Edit: Yeah, I'm not first.)
it was good, alittle short and really rushed but i like it
There's a major plot point I feel that I'm not understanding; was he actually passed out? The narration made it seem like he was just asleep, and it also gives the impression that he's perfectly healthy (i.e. not malnourished), so what right did a random person have to pick this sleeping child up, move him to a hospital, and hook him up to their medical equipment? How did she even get away with it without waking him?
And I know this is just the first chapter, but you've given your main character almost no visible depth. While you might have it in your mind exactly how he is, you've not done much to convey it. All I know about him as a person is that he's afraid of needles, and he seems to have a tendency to curse wildly — to a degree that situations at hand don't call for. I find myself entirely un-endeared to him.
Interesting story. Please, continue.
A few spelling errors this time. But a good chapter nonetheless. Keep it up.
pretty cool story dude i like that one line "Hey, you buckin' prick!!" LOL
I love this story so much cant to see what happens next
having trouble releasing the third chapter. Please be patient
I adore Colgate and this is fairly well written, but you need to give your character more depth. I'll fave for the d'aawwwww factor.
MAXIMUM D'AW LEVEL HAS BEEN REACHED! IT'S OVER 9000!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Over 400 views? Thank you Fimfiction, thank you. I will get chapter 4 out soon.
Nice work storm! Please get chapter 4 out I need to read it @_@
>>10885571088557 Working on it naow
Four-fiddy views Must hurry with chapter 4!
>>10777951077795 How did I get this comment. I didn't think there was any daw...
What. How dare she!?! Well, as long as you continue this fantastic story, it will be forgiven.
Keep up the good work!
>>11262011126201 I thought this story was horrible! Thank you for helping me get to 507 views!
There is plenty of D'awwww. You just haven't realized it yet.
Good sir, when I first started, it was a little "meh"ish. But it's really grown on me. I dare say chapter three has made this one of my personal "Favorite Stories That Are In The Works". I really do like it. Just keep it up, my good man.
Math, the bane of fun. This statement. I agree.
Anyway, another great chapter with a cliffhanger to boot. Keep it up!
OVER 1000 VIEWS
>>12905341290534 Nonononono. You have over one thousand cumulative views. People coming back and reading it more than once, so to speak. You actually have 421 individual views
>>12907431290743 So, i still have 1000 views
>>12907531290753 *shrugs* Depends on how you look at it, I guess.
>>13326021332602 I am certain that you will enjoy the next chapter.
>>13880721388072 Well, duh. You are a GREAT writer.
>>13882871388287 Well, I don't think I'm that good, but thanks for the praise
So I called her a bitch.
Yep, I called it.
Equestrian grammar. huh? Geez. sounds like it a total mindbuck,