Not a bad start so far, but your formatting could be cleaner. Remember, if a new character is speaking, it goes on a new line. Prevents confusion, and makes reading flow more smoothly. A few other small technical errors, mostly small typos, but nothing major.

You could also afford to slow your pace down a bit. Take some time away from dialogue and explain settings and events in a bit more detail. Not only will it make the world more vivid, but it'll make the story feel a bit less frantic.

Your characters are good so far. The Mane 6 and Mustang are all keeping fairly well to their personalities.

It does seem a bit surprising that no one has tried a FMA/MLP crossover yet. This one's off to a pretty good start, so I'll be sure to keep an eye on it.

well why the fuck not

tracked

Edward is going to beso pist off!!! It's going to be hilarius!!!

Very Interestink. i shall track this and enjoy it.

Hmm. I like it. And I am going to love Ed's reaction to being saddled (no pun intended) with the Mane 6. I can just hear him now:

"WHY THE HELL AM I BEING FORCED TO LEAD AROUND A BUNCH OF PONIES! DO I LOOK LIKE SOME ANIMAL CARETAKER TO YOU?!"

Lol, will be so epic. Tracking.

Brotherhood or original?

>>933893933893

thanks for the advice~ I'll do all that next chapter! And thanks so much for commenting/faving it, too! Such a big help! :3

>>939766939766

original

although, I've seen all of the anime/read the manga, but I wanted to put Hughes in this one~ I love that guy :3

>>933901933901

thaaanks~!!

>>934023934023 &

haha yessss

>>934599934599

lol

>>934194934194

thaaank youuuu~!!!

i saw that coming. wonder where they'll find her? wonder if she'll have flown to resembool (can't remember how to spell it) and runs into winry...either way, i look forward to the next chapter.

>>964513964513

hah, was it that predictable? ...okay, yeah, it was pretty predictable ^^'

But I'm kinda just makin' this up as I go, so I dunno where she'll end up, either~!

(and it can be spelled either "resembool" or "risembool" :3 )

I'll be updating weekly~!

>>964513964513 you have to realize that isn't just a hop skip and  jump away its a good day an a half train ride

even dash wouldn't fly that far because she was upset

>>964616964616

ya got a point there...she'd have to be going at sonic rainboom speed, eh? XD but no, seriously, I don't think she'd fly all the way to resembool, either ^^'

>>964616964616 i'm pretty sure that Rainbow can fly faster than a train....

Image: http://www.igorwaver.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/59.jpg

>>964831964831

well, although there's proof that she can in a few episodes...I still don't think I'm gonna send her out to resembool ^^' 'kay~? I mean, I just had a couple other places in mind(depending on how it goes)

cool pic, bytheway~ X3 very clever

>>964831964831 well then you can you your fancy mathematics to figure out that it would take about half a day to get to resembool flying at RD speed

either your to lazy to do a little thinking

or your just stupid

im just saiyan

>>964861964861

aha, well, yeah, I'm sure there's a way to calculate like that...

b-but please, there's really no need to argue over it~

>>964877964877 im sorry

>>964884964884

It's fine~ Thanks for all the input on that, though~! :3

Nice work. The dialogue and pacing are much cleaner this chapter.

Looking forward to more.

>>964546964546I'm kinda hoping Rainbow Dash does find Winry. Winry is pretty nice and could probly help the pegasus calm down.

>>965091965091

thanks~! I'm glad I did better this time

>>965231965231

well, I didn't say they wouldn't find Winry....

:3

>>965784965784le gasp omg

>>968819968819

heeheee~ :3

I mean, you can't make an FMA fanfic without that wrench-throwing mechanic of love and joy, am Ah right?

>>970078970078True, True. Wondering how Winry would react if Ed brought the Mane 6 to see her. Would she squeal like  alittle girl over seeing a pony, or would she just stare at Ed like, 'Are you seriously walking with multicolored ponies?'

haha I wonder too XD I could just her "WTF ED" face right now...until she met Pinkie's hyperness, Fluttershy's kindness, Applejack's countryness, Twilight's book-smarts, Dash's epicness, and Rarity's...uhmm...s-style.....of....style....SPARKLES. Yes. That is how it would go.

Probably.

lol idek

of course, now that I revealed that, I have to do something totally random and unpredictable~:D

O SHIT

>>995474995474

I know right? shit just got real, eh?

i am very interested.

>>996325996325

thanks~ :D

Dash met Winry after all, as you said, my friend~

>>997742997742 totally called it. i am the call master *shot repeatedly*

>>997860997860

yes you are, sir/miss~ XD

>>998213998213 that would be sir. sir/madame lol

>>998551998551

lolz you may call me a sir as well, sir~

MOA! I must know what happened!

>>10061391006139

I'll try to update more frequently! probably can get another chapter out tomorrow~

and thanks for faving! :3

>>10079131007913 Yay!

Wait, this has been up for a couple days? Dafuq?

poor envy, i'm gonna laugh at his expense big time. wonder what will happen to Ed and the others. wonder what will happen on spike's end.

excited for next chapter.

it's funny, my phone beeps when i get email notifications. it beeped 10 times in a row to tell me this story updated....10 freaking emails telling me just one chapter was added. it scared me.

Wait so who is Gluttony Eating?

you spelled began bgan

>>10129181012918

oh, well...I wnet through and corrected some stuff in chs 1 & 2 whenever I posted chapter 3, so that's why it says it was a couple days ago ^^' It just means that I updated those chapters a couple days ago(nothing major, just grammatical errors/spelling, so no need to re-read it~)

>>10129731012973

I know~ I'm actually making up half of this plot as I go along! :D I'll be able to post a new one soon, hopefully!

and really? 10 times? why it beep so many times?!?! that scares me too....O.o

>>10130291013029

oh, it's just random scientist #2 from the first chapter, nobody really important(he was the one who transmuted the mane 6 there in the frst place, by accident) ^^

>>10131291013129

gah! thank you for telling me that! ;w;

and thanks for faving!

>>10142171014217 it scared me too i was like "what sorcery is this?"

It's good, but Envy wouldn't go out that easy. He'd go down fighting. He fought Mustang to the end, and he's much scarier than Celestia.

>>10160781016078

haha XD

lol that's so funny~ I just saw Dark Shadows today and that was my favortie line~ "what sorcery is this?"

>>10164861016486

of couse he won't!

there shall be a fight...

at the very LEAST, there shall be fight

>>10197791019779 loved that movie.

>>10197791019779 Yay! I hope he can at least go into his true form. I mean that's on four legs.

>>10198171019817

ikr? lol johnny depp makes everything funny~

>>10200451020045

hmm hmmmm hmmmmm~

now there's an idea

I wonder what will happen to Spike now that he's devoured the stone. i also wonder when i will eat this pudding cup to my right that's been sitting there for 5 hours. meh, more curious about what happens next.

This chapter seamed really disjointed

the people and places seemed to switch with no warning

>>10842511084251

haha~ well obviously, there will be chaos

lol pudding...wait, what kind of pudding is it?

>>10842611084261

Gah, I know...

I was writing this late at night...er, well, later than ususal(I mean, everyone I know writes late at night)...anyway, I just couldn't find a good way to make it flow...so it got kinda jumpy with the scenes there ^-^"

>>10854941085494 Chocolate Vanilla swirl

>>10860451086045

DELICIOUS. ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS!

I swear to god if Hughs dies i'm going to find and skin you....

It was sad enough in the show...

>>11087381108738

Eep!

don't worry, I'm not gonna have him die in the fic! This actually takes place just a bit BEFORE his death, so no worries, my friend~!

I know, though, that part had me die a little inside too trust me, I want him alive here :3

>>11381011138101

Then there shall be no skinning of mans, thank you

....This is getting good!

...Just a question though...are we going to be seeing any if you catch my drift

Oh boy...this doesn't look good. Dash is in trouble. Greed is purple. Dash almost said Bitch, and for some reason i want to hug everyone!

Fuck ya Greed Spike

>>11626681162668

thanks~ and lol...? you mean...pairings...?

if so...I don't really do that...(although I may hint at a few~)

>>11628891162889

haha! this comment seriously made me laugh out loud...I freaked my cat and brother out O.o XD thanks~!

>>11646491164649

iknowright? clever, no?

i am so confused

i got confused. till i went back and read the previous chapter then i was all "i'm an idiot" and then i enjoyed the chapter

>>12566071256607

lol sorry, 'tis been a while since I updated...

but remember in the last chapter when they were fighting off chimera and Greed/Spike in the underground lab 5? then Dash went all Sonic Rainboom on Ed's alchemy and...flash of light....

yeah, they got transmuted to Equestria as a result of magic+alchemy, basically.

hope that clears somethings up

>>12566911256691

lol I know, I need to update more often....I actually had to go back and read the last chapter before writing this one thanks though, I'll try and make it less confuzzling ^^'

>>12580901258090 Well i figured out they were in EQ but it took me longer then it should have

>>12586071258607

no prob, I shoulda made that clearer ^^;