What do you do when the world itself seems to conspire against you, where no matter how hard you try; you are constantly pushed back down? Do you stand against it as a lone light in the dark? Or do you too fall into the abyss and join the masses? This is the story of my life, or I should say this was the story of my life before it was taken from my cruel and heartless world and put into one that was just as cruel and heartless but with new rules and a new body. My attempt at a story in the Chess Game of the Gods ‘verse that seems to be expanding daily. Picture is not mine (three cheers to Google for the artistically inept)
Chapters (9)
Soooo... just where does this take place? I am immensely curious. Otherwise. Good job!
Edit: I beat Troutking here! So Welcome to the Game. I shall now feed!
919675
One you cant feed off shit.
Two Im the greeter jackass.
Three Welcome to the game!
Four I just thought i needed four reasons.
Good job so far and Twig is a whore.
Bye!
His general location will be explained in the next chapter which should be up in a couple of days (story is mostly done, just some fine tuning and editing to do)
EDIT: chapter, the chapter is mostly done
poachers, discusting
I'm liking this one.
Looking good... Please continue
i am likeing this, i hope to see more.
I am liking and faving it now and reading it later. Seeing as how it is highly enough compared to the dislikes anyway. Maybe I will throw a few random ideas your way.
Damn. Murphy just doesn't like you, huh...oh, he hasn't given a name yet.
921282
Ideas are always welcome, if anyone wants to be a pre-reader just send me a PM as i will probably run out of my own ideas at some point and a different perspective can really help a story out.
I'm unsure of this story and will be reserving my judgement until chapter 3. That being said, it felt a bit rushed. Like our currently unnamed hero simply went from one situation to the next.
I hope I don't sound like a prick that just wanted to break down your story but that was my analysis so far. I wait with enthusiasm for the next chapter, but a side note I must include. Would your character be an elemental lord? Because if your picture is something to go by, that's what it looks like. Much luck to you in your endeavors across the world.
-Sturrn
921306 Okay before I read and forget what I am about to say I will say it now. Have you ever seen a show or read a novel that uses the Criss-Cross perspective? That asked the Criss-Cross perspective plays out that by using a particular area or world authors could build upon it in varying ways. That said find and converse with other authors still writing the stories in the same verse and see if you can write it out in the same or near the same time-line (Stories completed could be used as information gathered from the Beings as myths and legends). Having minor interaction with another author or at least encountering remnants of where their characters have been (I.E. seeing a battlefield being picked or cleaned could add perspective where the other author didn't convey enough because their character continued on). Relics of forgotten gods/goddesses or servants of gods/goddesses could play to the imagination. Another play on the Criss-Cross concept would be encountering the enemy of another author and vice-versa (Those authors can use your enemies created). That is some of the stuff before I read (I am great at coming up with stuff and ideas but horrible at writing my own stories). If you need any OCs you can take a look into my blog but make sure they are not being used by any other author that is writing in this verse.
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That is an excellent idea and i do hope at some point to try writing along side another author, but at the current moment the character is in an area where no other story has been yet but he will soon make his way to Equestria.
Now that I have read it it would be interesting if he gain the following of the changelings captured. He can still give off love which in this case is sufficient to feed em. He doesn't know entirely whats going on but now he has power to change the events around him (he doesn't have all the facts and could be manipulated but he can and should encounter true friends [The changelings could be the first of many]).
921331
I agree that the chapter was a little rushed but I didnt want him to spend three chapters just wandering without any sort of action happening. You are not being a dick at all, i enjoy the critcism as it will help me improve the story and as for what he is, a Elemental Lord sounds a little too powerful, so a golem would be a better description.
how do i put this........ I like the way you started this and I must say this is probably my favorite creature so far. Also I like the way you started it. i suck at being nice sorry
NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
WHY!?
Another event or 2 like this and he will outright hate pony kind. Celestia and Luna would be screwed without their magic (Goddesses or not). Maybe if you have him enter equestria at one point the first place he encounters is Tartarus (The prison for forgotten creatures and myths). Him busting em out since not all are guilty of anythings since their ancestors where the ones imprisoned (Evolution in confinement could have happened).
Awwww.. Yeah. Ponies that are evil.
ok... This might be able to fit in with the pre-establisted world. Gilda said they enver explored south of the equator. Just put him near the south pole.
I said I would reserve my judgement till chapter 3 but I decided 2 would be good enough because I love this story already. Their part was really short but I actually felt for Copy and Duplicate and I love the name Diamant. I shall be reading fervently.
-Sturrn
934511
Aww, you so nice
damn that sux for Copy and Duplicate, I was looking forward to seeing them as companions
sweet story bro
935496 Does Diamant mean Diamond?
947794
Not sure if the name means anything but I did get it from diamond but I wanted it to be more masculine so I changed it a little bit
Its funny this story inspired me to write a fanfiction in the chess game universe
Mkay, I'm hoping they are closer to one off the most northern places in or outside off equestria... So then this can turn in to a real adventur fanfic
947809 The name reminded me of Spire, from Metroid Prime Hunters, because Spire is part of a race called the Diamont.
NOOOO NOT COPY AND DUPLICATE! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Twilight_Sparkle.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Fluttershy.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Applejack.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Pinkie_Pie.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Rarity.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Rainbow_Dash.png good story so far.
Well, in the interest of helping you improve your writing I'm going to critique a bit. (hope you don't mind. And remember, no matter how mean I may start to sound "it's for your own good".
)
The thing I have the main problem with is pacing. This story went far too fast. One moment he's in a cage, the next he's suddenly talking to changelings who decide they're going to help him bust out.
"Just: card game *boom* end of the world"
You should add more detail. Were the bars of the cage rusty? what was the weather like when he woke up? Did the ponies have any obvious leader? Did the changelings not have their trademark "cheese holes"? Was the floor of the cage made of metal or wood? Were they on a road? Did he have any reason at all to choose the name Damiant?
These are some questions you could ask yourself (and answer) about the scene leading up to and after the fight.
Well, I'll bugger off now. =3
-WW
I am happy you got another chapter up, keep up the awesome work!
Yippeee! Update! Oh no.... poor little Third.
I have a feeling i know where this is going
sweet chapter
i love this story! and damn that professor abuseing his child!
"What do you do when the world itself seems to conspire against you, where no matter how hard you try; you are constantly pushed back down?"
*Raises hand enthusiastically! Oh! Oh! I know!
Something about...kissing my ass good-bye...
Wow...Diamant is an absolutely badass. Keep doing what you're doing, because it's working.
ME GUSTA
FIRST!!!
The flashback was kinda confusing until i reached the middle of it. other than that, the story is nice.
sry for a second posting, but would you consider a magic eater to be a type of golem?
1061780 NOPE
1061863
Yes I would, it is obviously made up for those who follow D&D and such but I didn't want him to only have his fists as weapons
1061896
Ok, I was just asking, due to probbly going to write a Chress game of the gods story my self. has a golem too, but would seem to be the first one to have a female one. been trying to read a few of the stories to get a hand one what I must write.
He should pretend to be a statue in a museum and start terrorizing guards that work in the night-shift
1061876 i just wanted to be first
well... that was fast...
1066340well to bad you were third
LOVE IT!!!!! I just read all of the chapters SO
.... MUCH
..... WIN!!!!!!
1111903 By the way your picture is HILARIOUS!