Soooo... just where does this take place? I am immensely curious. Otherwise. Good job!

Edit: I beat Troutking here! So Welcome to the Game. I shall now feed!

>>919675919675

One you cant feed off shit.

Two Im the greeter jackass.

Three Welcome to the game!

Four I just thought i needed four reasons.

Good job so far and Twig is a whore.

Bye!

His general location will be explained in the next chapter which should be up in a couple of days (story is mostly done, just some fine tuning and editing to do)

EDIT: chapter, the chapter is mostly done

poachers, discusting

I'm liking this one.

Looking good... Please continue

i am likeing this, i hope to see more.

I am liking and faving it now and reading it later.  Seeing as how it is highly enough compared to the dislikes anyway.  Maybe I will throw a few random ideas your way.

Damn. Murphy just doesn't like you, huh...oh, he hasn't given a name yet.

>>921282921282

Ideas are always welcome, if anyone wants to be a pre-reader just send me a PM as i will probably run out of my own ideas at some point and a different perspective can really help a story out.

I'm unsure of this story and will be reserving my judgement until chapter 3. That being said, it felt a bit rushed. Like our currently unnamed hero simply went from one situation to the next.

I hope I don't sound like a prick that just wanted to break down your story but that was my analysis so far. I wait with enthusiasm for the next chapter, but a side note I must include. Would your character be an elemental lord? Because if your picture is something to go by, that's what it looks like. Much luck to you in your endeavors across the world.

-Sturrn

>>921306921306  Okay before I read and forget what I am about to say I will say it now.  Have you ever seen a show or read a novel that uses the Criss-Cross perspective?  That asked the Criss-Cross perspective plays out that by using a particular area or world authors could build upon it in varying ways.  That said find and converse with other authors still writing the stories in the same verse and see if you can write it out in the same or near the same time-line (Stories completed could be used as information gathered from the Beings as myths and legends).  Having minor interaction with another author or at least encountering remnants of where their characters have been (I.E. seeing a battlefield being picked or cleaned could add perspective where the other author didn't convey enough because their character continued on).  Relics of forgotten gods/goddesses or servants of gods/goddesses could play to the imagination.  Another play on the Criss-Cross concept would be encountering the enemy of another author and vice-versa (Those authors can use your enemies created).  That is some of the stuff before I read (I am great at coming up with stuff and ideas but horrible at writing my own stories).  If you need any OCs you can take a look into my blog but make sure they are not being used by any other author that is writing in this verse.

>>921536921536

That is an excellent idea and i do hope at some point to try writing along side another author, but at the current moment the character is in an area where no other story has been yet but he will soon make his way to Equestria.

Now that I have read it it would be interesting if he gain the following of the changelings captured.  He can still give off love which in this case is sufficient to feed em.  He doesn't know entirely whats going on but now he has power to change the events around him (he doesn't have all the facts and could be manipulated but he can and should encounter true friends [The changelings could be the first of many]).

>>921331921331

I agree that the chapter was a little rushed but I didnt want him to spend three chapters just wandering without any sort of action happening. You are not being a dick at all, i enjoy the critcism as it will help me improve the story and as for what he is, a Elemental Lord sounds a little too powerful, so a golem would be a better description.

how do i put this........ I like the way you started this and I must say this is probably my favorite creature so far. Also I like the way you started it. i suck at being nice sorry

NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! WHY!?

Another event or 2 like this and he will outright hate pony kind.  Celestia and Luna would be screwed without their magic (Goddesses or not).   Maybe if you have him enter equestria at one point the first place he encounters is Tartarus (The prison for forgotten creatures and myths).  Him busting em out since not all are guilty of anythings since their ancestors where the ones imprisoned (Evolution in confinement could have happened).

Awwww.. Yeah. Ponies that are evil.

ok... This might be able to fit in with the pre-establisted world. Gilda said they enver explored south of the equator. Just put him near the south pole.

I said I would reserve my judgement till chapter 3 but I decided 2 would be good enough because I love this story already. Their part was really short but I actually felt for Copy and Duplicate and I love the name Diamant. I shall be reading fervently.

-Sturrn

>>934511934511

Aww, you so nice

damn that sux for Copy and Duplicate, I was looking forward to seeing them as companions

sweet story bro

>>935496935496 Does Diamant mean Diamond?

>>947794947794

Not sure if the name means anything but I did get it from diamond but I wanted it to be more masculine so I changed it a little bit

Its funny this story inspired me to write a fanfiction in the chess game universe

Mkay, I'm hoping they are closer to one off the most northern places in or outside off equestria... So then this can turn in to a real adventur fanfic

>>947809947809 The name reminded me of Spire, from Metroid Prime Hunters, because Spire is part of a race called the Diamont.

NOOOO NOT COPY AND DUPLICATE!

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Twilight_Sparkle.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Fluttershy.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Applejack.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Pinkie_Pie.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Rarity.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Rainbow_Dash.png

Well, in the interest of helping you improve your writing I'm going to critique a bit. (hope you don't mind. And remember, no matter how mean I may start to sound "it's for your own good". )

The thing I have the main problem with is pacing. This story went far too fast. One moment he's in a cage, the next he's suddenly talking to changelings who decide they're going to help him bust out.

"Just: card game *boom* end of the world"

You should add more detail. Were the bars of the cage rusty? what was the weather like when he woke up? Did the ponies have any obvious leader? Did the changelings not have their trademark "cheese holes"? Was the floor of the cage made of metal or wood? Were they on a road? Did he have any reason at all to choose the name Damiant?

These are some questions you could ask yourself (and answer)  about the scene leading up to and after the fight.

Well, I'll bugger off now. =3

-WW

I am happy you got another chapter up, keep up the awesome work!

Yippeee! Update! Oh no.... poor little Third.

I have a feeling i know where this is going

sweet chapter

i love this story! and damn that professor abuseing his child!

"What do you do when the world itself seems to conspire against you, where no matter how hard you try; you are constantly pushed back down?"

*Raises hand enthusiastically! Oh! Oh! I know!

Something about...kissing my ass good-bye...

Wow...Diamant is an absolutely badass.  Keep doing what you're doing, because it's working.

ME GUSTA

Seems good, but at the second paragraph when he regains consciousness you use the word "ground" three times in the same sentence. Sometimes this is ok with some words but here it just doesn't flow right. This also happens in a couple other places with other words that disrupt the flow. Otherwise, this seems to be quite a nice fic.

FIRST!!!

The flashback was kinda confusing until i reached the middle of it. other than that, the story is nice.

sry for a second posting, but would you consider a magic eater to be a type of golem?

>>10617801061780 NOPE

>>10618631061863

Yes I would, it is obviously made up for those who follow D&D and such but I didn't want him to only have his fists as weapons

>>10618961061896

Ok, I was just asking, due to probbly going to write a Chress game of the gods story my self. has a golem too, but would seem to be the first one to have a female one. been trying to read a few of the stories to get a hand one what I must write.

He should pretend to be a statue in a museum and start terrorizing guards that work in the night-shift

>>10618761061876 i just wanted to be first

well... that was fast...

>>10663401066340well to bad you were third

bar fight so far all chess game of gods fics i have read have had a bar fight

LOVE IT!!!!! I just read all of the chapters SO.... MUCH..... WIN!!!!!!

>>11119031111903 By the way your picture is HILARIOUS!

nice... bar fight.

Of course, what kind of chess game story is complete without a good ol' bar fight? You meet such lovely people there.

NNANANANANANA WERE ALL GONNA GET IN A FIGHT!

I see pain and stars in the pirate's near future

The Prancing Pony is too common a name in ANY universe...Not saying it's a bad one, just overused.

...I used it too.  

Anyway, nice chapter!

loving this.....

Image source: http://shadowblitz.deviantart.com/art/golem-60893817

Good story! Keep it up!

Right when I try to finish up my new chapter after 3 weeks of non-updating and 4 of my favorite stories update. Following that, I would say he gave him advice with just a hint of menace.

-Sturrn

he's the captain...  he's got to be a little crazy.

Wait... The way you made Magic Eaters work... HOLY CRAP!

Magic Eaters now remind me of Skarner from League of Legends!

How big is this biped?

Human Size?

Smallish Giant?

Giant?

>>11863441186344

I envisisoned him as a little bit taller than Celestia, maybe 7ft tall if she was 6 so smallish giant would be a good description

>>11863551186355

Oh, Ok

A little late, but is Red Eye a reference to Red Eye from FO:E? Took me a couple seconds to realize it, but I had to ask.

>>11922551192255

Not really, I just wanted a pony sounding name and thats what the name generator in my head spat out. No connection to Red Eye though, despite the similarity.

is it just me, or is everyone getting voices in their heads

>>14507101450710 I don't know about you, but I personally find voices in my head to be more advantageous than voices that come with bodies. They take up less space, there's no sound waves to be distorted by other mediums, and they can ALWAYS point out your failings (I.E. let you know where you need to improve).

So i guess glomping and eating the shit outa bigbirds magic was too much of a stretch for out protagonist?

Is it just me or is everyone losing limbs.

>>14509511450951 I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but I've noticed that quite a few CGoTG stories have some kind of "voice" ether at the beginning or later on

I get the feeling he can survive without oxygen. Also why didn't he just absorb the Rock's magic while it had him in its talon? Getting in a grappling contest with him doesn't seem like the best idea.

>>14510741451074

He can only absorb magic when he grabs them, palms down.

>>14511381451138 ..OK then, grappling contest is still out then.

>>14511381451138 He can change parts of his body into anything he can imagine right? Could he in theory turn the back of his hands into palms? Or some other part?

>>14510711451071 Indeed, I myself have fallen prey to this myself, but for other reasons, but to me it rather makes sense that this is so prevalent, mostly due to the fact that the human psyche is just enough to hold our thoughts together, with the addition of enhanced energy particles, especially over and extend period of time (i.e. infused with magic) it only makes sense that some of the more darker facets of one's personality or even some of the brighter ones would make themselves more affluently know to the person that they are a part of.

>>14511711451171

He's not that adept at his body yet, still used to being a human so his body can't change into anything too abstract yet.

>>14511991451199

My thoughts exactly!

I know one of the rules of the Chess Game is that they can't be human in Equestria. I can't help but contemplate this. To what extent must our bodies be altered or a minds conditioned before we have become something something no longer human? Anyone know if this is a thread in the CGotG group.

>>14509521450952 You're thinking about Mitt Romney

>>14597191459719

This is Radon18 and this is my favorite comment on the citadel.

dun dun duuun

oh you hope i liked it........ to bad.....

...I LOVED IT ...

>>10618961061896

D&D IS AWSOME

>>10661791066179

agreed

>>11119031111903

YESH BBBBAAARRRR FFFFIIIIIIHGGGGGHHHHHTTTT!!!!!!!

update?

MOAR!!!ONE1!1!!!ONE!!!

Well, I'm glad you're back, I missed this story.

MORE!!

But anyways great chapter

Great story can't wail for more

all i read was :Unbeknownst to the drugged stallion or the tiny filly that was kicking and screaming in the vice like grip of a diamond dog or the rest of their captors or the rapidly dwindling crew of the Lovely Mare, a lone figure slowly trekked its way along the ocean floor, the stone boots making a dull thump along

before i knew dia was back =3

                                                          MMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!

continue

Melee only? If I was a Magic Eater and told to think of a weapon, the first thing I would think of is a shotgun, or whatever Ben 10 does with Diamond Head. Oh well, you can't have everything.

>>21436442143644

When I first started writing, I did think about giving him the ability to shoot spikes and stuff like that but the more I wrote, the more overpowered he got. So I toned him down so he was kind of like the evil terminator from Terminator 2, just stabbing as slashing weapons so he wouldn't be able to run around and shoot stuff outta the sky.

Can you turn your hand into a cannon and stick a cannonball into it?

NEED MOAR NAOW