......... The human took a step and could not be seen.... ok the end confused me a bit.

hehe expect that quite a bit, don't worry though it is all planned out and makes complete sense. Oh also this is the only part that will be written in first person but I wanted to set the scene with the human as the main focus for this first chapter, especially as she will not be appearing for at least the next two chapters.

So her house is disguised as a bramble of thorns?

Either way great story having your human being actively unnerved by the ponies acting human I felt was a nice touch but having her house there is slightly odd

Cool cant wait for the next update

I know I would be freaked out seeing any animal other then primates acting human. As for her house, well it is more of an apartment/flat, well most of her apartment/flat anyway. Lets just say how she got to Equestria is rather original but i wanted to leave all the explaining about that till later chapters so you will be just as confused as the Ponies when they find it.

Oh boy did this take a while to write though that is mostly down to Zecora and her manner of speech. Sorry this story is going to go so slow for the first few chapters, it should pick up come four and five. I have also added one of my favorite quotes from much later in the story to the main page - hope you like it as much as I do.

Cool

Well this took longer to type out then I thought it would but I like how it turned out. I have to admit I was a little scared when it came to writing about and for three of the mane cast just because everyone knows them so well and I don't want to get them wrong. Please please tell me if I slipped up. Next chapter should be a lot of fun as the ponies get to hunt down our little troll/human.

... Great. Now they think hes a troll. Well he might be, but not that kind of troll.

Well with all the mythical animals in Equestria i guessed that Trolls were likely and thus a pretty close match to us humans. After all if we have our horses and ponies why not Troll as our equivalent in Equestria. Don't worry though it should not be too hard for our human to convince the girls that its not a Troll...most of them anyway.

I think they will meet a troll all right...

"Its a Troll"

No.  Worse, it's a human.

That thing that Zecora made with the powder, is it some sort of powder bomb, intended to blind an adversary?

Great chapter, and I wonder just who it is that is talking to the human.  After all, I thought that she was alone.

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/discord.png

Well we can't expect our favorite Zebra not to be able to defend herself. As for our Human's conversation buddy...all shall be reviled at some point.

Well now Alice is going to have to MAKE them leave.

Hehe I'm finding Pinkie Pie a lot of fun to write for. Oh and if you are wondering what the banging was near the end of the scene, Alice was banging her head against the wall in a last ditch effort to try and come up with some way out of this 'situation'. Surprise surprise it didn't work.

Still at least our human now has a name so that is one question that has been answered. Anyone got any ideas on what else is going on yet?

I will put this on my read later list.

Trespassing and assault. Way to go, Elements of Harmony!

wut

The way you write is a little different... it's not necessarily bad, but sometimes it seem you should describe less in the narrative and more in the talk.   But other than that, this is great.   Will follow, follow very hard and close, do moar!!

>>11047431104743 I am glad my writing style has not put you off. English is not something something that I find easy (though it is the only language I know). However, as I am long out of education, I find writing fanfiction helps to keep me both in practice and improving. I found this chapter especially hard to write with so many characters to juggle. Hopefully I pulled it off as well as keeping everyone behaving realistically. (Plus I posted this before Stereo_Sub was given a chance to edit it, I just wanted to get it out for people to read)

I really liked this chapter, it continues to be a good story.

While the chapter was good, I did however notice some minor mistakes.

The question came out of the blue for the ponies and non of them were really sure what Alice was talking about,

I think that you meant to write "none" and accidentally forgot to add the "e" to the end.

I also noticed two or three instances in which you confused "then" for "than"  Just a reminder, "then" refers to time: This then that.  "Than" pertains to a comparison: Bronies like ponies more than non-Bronies.

I hope this helps, and keep up the good work.

Trolls are complete glutens? Well, I guess my allergies prevent me from eating them

>>11056471105647

You did well, i think there where no problems with understanding who was doing what, when or where. Maybe a little when Aj and Dash where going into doors and seeing the gore, but nothing really important.

Also, as for discord, i'm curious to see what you're gonna do with him in the story, i have seen many good stories going bad because there had to be the nightmare, or discord, or THE EVIL!!!1 thing to move the plot. But i would bet that you can pull it off without making something stupid, you seem to know what you're doing.

>>11069071106907, Thanks, I will fix them up right away.

>>11083401108340, The plot will move forward; the driving force however? Well that is going to be fun . Worry not, nothing is going to be forced into the story just to get some action or put people/ponies in danger. This story, surprisingly,  already has an end almost completely written out so, thankfully, it will not just peter out into a winding narrative without direction.

>>10497621049762

Humans are the worst trolls. Ever.

>>11069971106997, The joys of spellcheck when you can't spell

So the question is, is this an alternate version of Alice in wonderland? Seriously, this is confusing .

>>11108741110874 Now that is a question I can answer - no. I did choose 'Alice' because of the story Alice in wonderland but that is mainly because it gives me access to fun lines in later chapters and it was better then just clicking on a random name generator.

As for all the confusing things that have happened thus far, I think a few of them get answered in chapters eight and nine though you are all free to take guesses as to whats going on - I have given lots of clues so far

>>11109851110985 My next question is- Is Alice a troll. Is she the trolliest troll of them all?

>>11110111111011 Well that is both a yes and a no. The way things worked out in this version on the world is that magic, and those that could use magic, advanced faster then those that couldn't, so trolls in Equestria really are just a different branch of humans and visa versa. It was actually 'Gulliver's Travels' that originally inspired me for this story (though other then the bare bones it has nothing to do with it).

When Gulliver reached the country of the Houyhnhnms (sentient horses) he was confronted with Yahoos - humans in their base forms; creatures who only lived for the three 'Fs' (food, fighting and...) and were always filthy because they spent their days digging out diamonds from the ground.

>>11110691111069 Let me rephrase that... Is Alice a troll. Of the internet breed?

>>11110781111078 how could you think such a thing. Unfortunately poor little Alice really is stuck, lost and completely confused - no acting on her part at all. Her slightly 'cook-coo' moments can mainly be be chalked up to being on her own in a fantasy world for the past nine months.

>>11111041111104 True....Unfortunate though, I was looking forward to the humour...

>>11111151111115 Hehe just keep reading, Discord is actually a very big part in this story...in an unusual way.

>>11111251111125 OH GOD, HE'S GOING TO BE ALICE'S MAID!?!?!?!?!?

>>11111331111133 And now I am not going to be able to get the image of Discord in a French maid's outfit out of my head.

edit: never mind its already been done: He seems to like it to

>>11111431111143 Well, I suppose to be fair it wouldn't be too out of character for him

stalking time

Image: https://encrypted-tbn1.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcStGgWPIVWZ9TMLc3dX4JH6h_B3PoMhKZGwXgEt0krL_nsXMMP8XA

>>11085541108554 That they are.

>>11085411108541 You're welcome.  Glad to hear it.

You have no idea how much fun I had writing this

Go on, how many of you saw Celestia and Discord in the same chapter and thought I was going to go there

Interesting.... Very interesting. I'm curious what Tia will find when she gets to the disaster capital of Equestria.

Also, that's a take on Dislestia that I haven't seen before.

>>11185321118532 is that a good thing or a bad thing?

Hmmm... I'm guessing Celestia is going to find a mentally unwell human?

>>11185531118553 Good, I guess? It's definitely hinting at a more complex relationship than the usual marriage/special someone/familial bond that are the staple of stories where Discord and Celestia know each other better than just having fought a major war in the past.

Being different is never a bad thing in writing, as long as the readers can still follow you and aren't going "wtf just happen? imma go way nao."

And I'm still here, but I dunno if I count as part of the masses.

Well my curiosity has certainly been piqued, do continue please.

Interesting and great chapter.

>>11189661118966 I wanted to try and strike a bit of a love/hate relationship between the two, without any romance. It is not something I have seen really done much. The way I look at it (and without spoiling anything for future reveals) Both Celestia and Discord are very, very old - and Celestia has very few she can turn to when things get a little...much for her.

Excellent chapter. Now keep writing. I have to see where this goes.

You know, this is small enough for me to c/p into a G.doc and simply highlight the errors I find. Mostly missing commas, thus far, but your narrative style seems mildly off every so often. Can't quite pin why just yet.

I'll see what the future turns up.

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia.png

>>11377781137778 Commas are my worse enemy. I am improving, surprisingly, but I still struggle. Any criticism will be taken to heart and used to, hopefully, improve not only this story but others. Writing is not something that comes easy to me, but that is no reason for me to not try my hardest to improve.

Okay, fuck it.

Expect a review sometime in the next few days.

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Discord.png

Also, I didn't get a notification of your reply. Odd....

In any event, I'm going to start by saying this: You need a proofreader. Badly.

More thorough review to arrive later.

>>11379741137974 I shall start browsing around for a more full time proof reader. I do have someone who gives the chapters a look over when they have the time but they are busy with their own fic's at the moment (and I really don't want to take away their time) and so have only gone over the first two chapters. Thank you for taking the time to grind this fic up and see if you can find the gems within.

"As the dark one played with light, the light one sort out the darkness and only in the royal gardens did true darkness live."

sorted?

"No lights lit the way for the pale Princess as she walk through the greenery that was now nothing more then darker shapes within the night."

walked?

"Celestia noticed a few of her sisters children had shifted, so stopped to admire the view the position granted her. "

This might technically be okay, but it would be much less awkward with a "she" between the "so" and "stopped."

"Lets play in your mind this time instead. I am sorry to say have just not had time to clean up, the place is simply a mess at the moment."

'I am sorry to say I have just..." perhaps?

"Such insults! Here I am offing my help night after night and what thanks do I get?"

offering?

"You know you could ask Luna to join us on our walks one night. I am sure she could spare time from her busy scheduled, you certainly find time to visit your little pony friends."

schedule? Regardless there should be a semicolon instead of a coma after this word.

"If I'm mad then what dose that make you sol solis no viscus?"

does?

"Celestia tried to ignore the yellow flies that bit at her hide, they were not really there, but that didn't mean the pain was any less."

Again, this is okay but it is awkward. "...but that didn't mean the pain was diminished" perhaps?

Anyway that's all I caught. I hope it helps.

>>11450131145013 Much appreciated - I will clean those out.

The first one was meant to be 'sought'

Well, this is an interesting take on the relationship between Celestia and Discord. I think I might have seen something similar once before, but I can't recall for sure. I do know that I've seen the romance/family route dozens of times before, both done well and done poorly.

I do think that you've captured the element of chaos in Discord quite well and the interaction between Celestia and Discord feels about right.

Very interesting mix of plot lines, keep it up. See you next chapter.

>>12177551217755 Next chapter should be up tomorrow. There should be a few more plot developments and some 'slice of life' problems that need to be addressed, like simply getting comfortable around an alien sentient species (for both sides)

I'm liking this so far. It has a lot of potential. And a lot of pitfalls and clichés to avoid :P

Alice is acting a bit strange imo. If I had been evading predators in that forest for the better part of a year, I would be pretty wary of any species that approached me, cute or not. Especially after one of them attacked me. I'd also be pretty pissed that the species which I suspect might put me in a zoo (or worse) is now rampaging through my home (the only thing that reminds me of my world). Alice however seem pretty relaxed and accepting. Is she still dazed from Rainbow's attack?

Keep it up!

>>12240801224080 Yes, pretty much dazed. She is also a little forewarned due to George giving her a heads up - hence the mask thing she tried to put together. Also...Pinkie Pie is a little hard to fight against, she is just so darn nice.

George shall be explained (mostly) in the next chapter...and I am really quite proud of myself for keeping him hidden. For those of you who want a last ditch effort to figure it out before I do the big reveal here is a little rhyme:

Water never ran so thick,

A drop is always missed.

Impressions made on those we meet,

Forever will persist.  

>>12256771225677

Ehhhh, nope. Can't figure it out. My first impression was a voice in her head. Either the schizophrenic kind, but possibly also the scheming discordant kind ;)

The closest I can think of is some kind of animal, possibly one Alice saved?

"Why is it always Ponyville?"

Image: https://encrypted-tbn3.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQftYTL72YFeSYE_53BEhucJyT5E5OjD5wWJdK4_i_0hqP0Of35pQ

Question of my life.

This Alice woman needs to make those ponies take their lemons back. They break into her home, disrespect her wishes of being left alone (Twilight is really pushy with that magic. Sucks for Spike.) Rainbow is immediately hostile (typical for most other creatures, but she attacks Alice) and the elements expect to get away with it? Disgusting. Elements of harmony my ass. Hope when Alice's daze wears off, she resorts to dirty, pain inducing trickery on the ponies to get away. Because she obviously can't face pony superpowers head-on, and win. Unlike this guy. Fluttershy should take lessons from him.

Unarmed Badass Viking Commentary

I wonder if the story is on hiatus

>>17695201769520 Umm yes, and soon to be no

Don't be mad I just get distracted and then lose focus. Considering it has only been five months rather then my usual six month brakes I consider it to a good sign of how much I love this story

Thanks to everyone who has been patient, I hope I will not disappoint. The new chapter is almost done though it will go between 'Through the looking glass' and 'Consumed by Chaos', It was this that was causing me to stumble but I will go into more detail once it is up.

wrong chapter order...

>>20079262007926 nope, or maybe yes depending on if you read it before or after it was moved (I forgot to save the order). 'Fragile' comes before 'Consumed by Chaos' even though it was written after it.

I was a little confused as well.

Anyway, glad to see this story again.

>>20079972007997 I am sorry about the odd posting, as well as the time away, but things will return to normal now with chapters being posted in their correct order. Thank you so much for sticking with me so far.

"If you think this is just your average HIE then think again. With only the thoughts of getting back home our lost human will have to get to grips with the world around her, just as the world struggles with getting to grips with her."

Seems like an average human in equestria. No read.

>>20081692008169 *shrug* Fair enough, hopefully you can find a story that strikes your interest.

Don't care when,

don't care how,

a good story updated

and I need to read it NOW!!

>>20082312008231 Your comment brings a big smile to my face. Actually I am writing the next chapter at this very moment - time for George to shine.

I really like this story but what was with the Discord eats Celestia bit?

>>20083182008318 Just a little bit of creative symbolism. Neither Discord or Celestia are physically 'there', its more like a shared dream - except it is Discord that is in charge. The whole 'eating her' is more Discord wanting to be over dramatic - he is basically smothering her thoughts/dreams with his own, for a short amount of time anyway.

"Your not going to leave are you?"

You're. "Your" is possessive, "you're" is a contraction of "you" and "are".

>>20089022008902 Thanks for catching that one - I can't believe I missed it.

i dont know why but the chapters seems to be out of order for me i got one from august at the bottom with the more recent one above it

>>20098302009830 Not to worry, they were written out of sequence but they are in the right order. I was so excited and rapped up in getting to the whole, Discord and Celestia bit, that I cut a corner and paid the price with a great big mental block on getting the story back on track. After a five month brake I was able to look at the story with fresh eyes and see where I had gone wrong.

Strange didn't trigger my updated stories

That's odd, anyone else not get a trigger?

I received the notice about this chapter and chapter 7's update. Now if only I would see these update triggers more often, I'd be a happier reader. I actually had to go back and reread the entire story to this point to remember what was going on.

>>20133862013386  I am really sorry you had to wait so long. Hopefully now I can keep updating at a more normal pace. More George in the next chapter as well as the first big plot revel (I still can't believe no one has even come close to guessing what is going on - even with all the clues)

>>20134082013408

Oh, I'm fairly certain I have a pretty well thought out idea as to what's going on. Given some of the indicators made present by George himself, and the late night talk in the Garden of Statues. But I don't dare reveal anything further than that in the comments due to the spoilerific qualities of my ideas. Especially if I turn out to be right.

>>20134152013415 Fingers crossed that you are on the right path though don't be surprised if the twist catches you out. There might not be many original ideas left in the world (especially the world of fan fiction) but I think I may have one or two up my sleeve.

Oh wow, it updated! Nice to see this has started moving again! :D

I do have to wonder though... why do you write "yer" where one would generally write 'yeah' or 'yes?' I literally spent five minutes puzzling over the word when it showed up those couple times.

>>20136582013658 Thats my limited grasp on the English language...pity it's the only language I have. Thanks for spotting the mistake, I will work through the chapters and clean them out.

"Angel said it was non of the animals"

should be

"Angel said it was none of the animals"

You may want to acquire yourself an editor, or at least a pre-reader or two. There's a lot of proofreading issues, especially in where your dialogue intersects with punctuation. "Like this. See that period, or this question mark? Even though I'm 'saying' this, there still has to be punctuation." Also, I'm banning you from using the ellipsis. Like a lot of new authors, they're a crutch to you, and one that's ultimately holding you back.

>>20146202014620 Thanks for spotting that one, I will change it right away.

>>20151922015192 I have thankfully managed to get myself an editor today and I am currently trying to wrangle up a few proof readers to. English, unfortunately, is not something that comes easy to me but I am trying to improve. I finished school a long time ago so writing Fanfiction is pretty much the only way I have to keep getting better. Criticisms and directions are happily taken in and built upon. Ellipsis are, unfortunately, a hang up from my PbP role playing days.   

>>20153582015358 Heh heh! I had you figured for a text-based roleplayer. Hey, that kind of background has benefits: really good RPers tend to really get into the heads of characters, and know how to give them balancing traits, so they tend not to produce many Mary Sues.

>>20182292018229 Very true though i find it hard juggling so many characters all at once. Plus getting some of them to leave you alone through out the rest of the day can be a real pain.

Rodents of unusual size? Zecora doesn't believe they exist...

>>21268772126877 I have been waiting forever for someone to get that reference

Keep up the good work!