While walking through the streets of Ponyville, Twilight bumps into Big Macintosh. She starts to develop feelings for him, but does he feel the same?
Chapters (2)
insertponynamehere
Joined 12th Nov, 2011 ·
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[pre-read first thoughts]
No he doesn't feel the same way because he loves Fluttershy
FlutterMac is the best Straight shipping aside from SorinDash
Also I support CarameLight as well.
[post read afterwards]
I do enjoy some FlutterMac myself, but I figured there was enough if it to read for a while so why not do something else.
Leave it Twilight to find a book on what to do... Well this is a good start for the story, and I always like to read more TwiMac. I do a soft spot for FlutterMac as well... and RairMac and MacDash. Any way good job ~Celestia's Paladin
[Post read] INCOMING INCREDIBLY LONG COMMENT!
Grammatical fixes -> "Wow, it's a beautiful day today, I might read on the balcony today." You overused 'today' get rid of one or both and put the today after the "Wow," and turn the 'it's' into an 'is'. So it could be one of three ways...
1. "Wow, it's a beautiful day, I might read on the balcony today." [not recommended]
2. "Wow, it's a beautiful day today, I might read on the balcony." [less recommended]
3. "Wow, today is a beautiful day, I might read on the balcony." [most recommended out of the three.]
Even after that you could change it up a bit, Twilight is a studious mare, she shouldn't get things like this off.
If you want to better captivate an audience, you could write it out the whole section from this:
Wow, it's a beautiful day today, I might read on the balcony today. She thought as she walked towards the boutique. She was right. There was not a cloud in the sky, an the outside itself gave off an uplifting mindset, that seemed to make everypony in Ponyville a happier pony.
She could see the roof of the boutique when she ran into something large, and red. All of her books went everywhere as she was sprawled across the ground. She looked up and saw Big Macintosh standing over her with an apologetic grin on his face.
“Ah’m sorry ma’am. Ah wasn’t payin’ attention on where ah was goin’.” He bent down and helped the purple unicorn get back on her hooves, and helped to pick up all of her books.
Twilight looked up at Big Mac preparing to thank him when she stopped and just looked. She couldn’t help but feel something for him. Wh-what is this feeling that I have? Is this what other ponies call, a crush? Do I like him? These thoughts were racing through her head as the red stallion looked back at Twilight, noticing that she was staring directly at him.
“Uh.. Twilight, are ya ok?” He asked.
She broke the trance, and replied, “What? Oh yeah I’m fine. Just... tired. I was up all night reading on the different spells that were used by Star Swirl the Bearded.” It was a lie. She needed an excuse, and that was the first thing that popped in her mind.
“Oh ok. Well, if ya need anythin’ else ah’ll be happy tah help.” She shook her head, and he was off back to the farm to finish up the daily chores.
To this:
The bookworm trotted along the dirt roads of Ponyville towards her destination. On the way there, she couldn't help but notice how pleasant the weather was today. The temperature was fine. There was no cloud in sight, and the humidity was of a pleasantly average level. Wow, today really is a wonderful day! I might take use of this excellent weather condition and finish my study out on my balcony after I get back from Rarit-. Her inner ramblings were cut short as she trotted muzzle first into something rather strong. She fell back on her haunches in a daze as she used a hoof to inspect her damaged muzzle.
"Was that a wall?" She thought aloud and grunted.
"Eeeenope, but not to far off it ah'spose." The mysterious obstacle said back to her. Twilight opened her eyes to find out who she walked right into. She was still half dazed so the only detail she could uncover about this pony was that he was male and was red... and big.
"Miss Sparkle? Are y'all okay?" The red farm pony asked with evident concern on his face. He bent down to her and noticed the state she was in, "Shoot, can ah have look at the damage?"
Miss Sparkle. Twilight felt a pang in her chest, located around the heart. She looked into his big green eyes, a sense of security washed over her. She nodded as she slowly took her hoof away from her nose. Big Mac knelt down on one knee to inspect her muzzle for any damage. He lifted his free hoof up and touched her nose and turned her head slightly.
"Looks about normal." He said as he moved his hoof away from her mouth and attempted to help her up. "Now might ah ask... Whah'd ya walk right into me jus' now?"
"I-I was walking to get to The Boutique..." She stammered. Why am I stammering? "A-and I wasn't watching where I was going, then I must of walked right into you." She finished plainly letting out a small chuckle. Big Mac smiled, it was a genuine heart-warming smile... And it worked, she didn't know how it happened but her heart started to pound.
"Fine by me... Jus' make sure y'all are keepin' track of where yer hooves are hitt'n when ya go for a walk." He said as he moved passed her, to get back to his farm. "Y'all might wanna come over later-on so ah kin' have a look at that nose o' yers. Now ah have some work on the farm that ah have to finish up on, shud be done around sundown, until then... Good afternoon Miss Sparkle!"
Miss Sparkle She felt it again, at the mention of her name her heart pounded harder and she began to heat up, but at the same time she was frozen, "O-okay..." She weakly stuttered out. After she was sure he was gone she let out a huge breath she didn't even realize she was holding. "What... W-What was that?" She said to herself as she continued walking. I couldn't think straight, My heart was pounding and the way he'd smile and say my name "Miss Sparkle..." She let out a sigh. "D- Do I have a crush on him?" She concluded.
This gives Twilight another reason to be with Macintosh after she delivers the blanky.
...
Wow... I'm writing too much... but that's how I roll... Feel free to use this... or not... Your choice...
...
...
...
(Pant pant pant) My poor fingers...
BTW: It's good over all, 4 stars, and I'll track it.
PS: I would like to reiterate that I am not a big fan of Twacintosh, so my comments may seem a bit exaggerated
.
58674
At least you are willing to give this story a shot even if you are not a fan of the paring.
58664 still waiting on that PinkieMac
but yes, I do like TwiMac, I will read FlutterMac if its just a sub plot, don't really think either character can work well in the spot light
Hrm... I will definintely take your points into consideration. First fic, so of course there will be problems.
Thank you I like Macinlight
most And please I know but Discoshy is my favorite Fluttershy paring 
It's very rushed and forced.
For a first attempt this is good, just try to slow down a bit if your going for a decent length fanfic, for oneshots it's alright but for something with multiple chapters its better to go slow
58865
Mmk. Like I said, new to writing so of course there will be problems
58928
Hey that is not a problem at all, plus the speed it takes for a paring to be cemented is something I've seen even experienced writers goof at. Plus since there is a lack of multi-chapter TwiMac stories there isn't much to compare with.
58674 auch! you seem like a very good critic to a certain extent!
anyway for a first shot i got to tell you its rather good and it feels nice if only a bit rushed
myself i know i overuse some words but i try my best to get into the feeling i want instead of going around beating the bush on some details that the readers mind will fill!
for a first shot and my first commentary: go ahead and dont lose hope, as you write more you'll get the hang of it!
! we already know that they will end up together so make us wondering how will they end up if you write this or that! 
just remember it isn't the destination that is important but the journey you make. so just make the damn journey good
58994
Thanks
And don't worry, this journey will be damn good!
It's a little rushed by thats ok. I still like it even tho I am a FlutterMac fan myself. Can't wait for the second part. And now heres Scootaloo a top of a tree.
59484
Haha I got a chuckle out of that
Expect Chapter 2 tomorrow, today has been a very busy day, so I didn't get to write much.
58994 Well yes, but if you were around to read Jabbing Point, you would know that is is much like a "below average" fic. It was Rushed, had bad Character development, and was just hard to read, but now, that I have revised it and turned it into Harmony, Nature and Anarchy, it is LOADS better.
The second try is always best!
59484
Correction: And now here's a chicken on top of a tree
Woah man, you got on the front page!
That's so awesome /)
(\
59807
Whoa, really?
*looks* Fantastic.
60140
Indeed, congratulations bronie you've done good. Oh and nice mustache
Good to see more Macinlight out there, there's really very little of it and it's the best straight ship (along with SoarinDash, Macindash, and AppleSoarin). Will stick this in my to-read pile.
Yay! More well written straight shipping.
60425
Thanks!
Twimac all the way! My personal favorite straight pairing. Fluttermac's okay, but this ship's rarer. I think I can count the amount of Twimac stories on one hand.
So keep it up!
twiMac? I've never seen this one but it intrigues me. A good opposites pair here. I look forward to more.
I admit, it is a tad rushed, which is to be expected from a beginner. Either your stories move too quickly or you write incredibly long-winded white elephants that never get finished. Of the two, the first is the lesser of two evils.
Apart from that, your writer's craft, interaction and form is good. I would strongly recommend using a prereader to find mistakes you would ordinarily miss, and to correct minor errors in form. I only started using one a little while ago, and it's made a huge difference.
Now, I would ordinarily make a rating, but I'm going to hold off in that until later. Keep it up. And remember: this was most likely featured for a good reason.
60537
I think it's the first of the two "evils"
And I'm currently looking for a prereader so if anyone would like to be one go ahead and send me a message.
fantastic
60652
Thank you!
60509
You haven't read TwiMac? You are missing out RK, there are a few here and on FFN
Wait a second There is a FlutterMac DAMN!!!
I was gonna make one but now it will be expected!!!
But i really like this fanfic Make heaps more Chapters
60846
I plan on it
Sorry for no chapter again, damn Christmas decorations and whatnot but whatever, I'll work on it over the night and have it by the morning!
60908
Ah... piece of advice on decorations set them up during Thanksgiving. Come on man I need my TwiMac
60939
Haha, family likes to procrastinate
And don't worry, you'll be getting your TwiMac soon!
It's a decent start so far. I'll put this on my tracking list. Can't wait to see more of it as it unfolds.
Nicely done, I'll have to ask for some shipping tips later xD
Looking interesting. I'll keep an eye on it
61005>>61070
Thank you!
60764
Nope, but it's an interesting 'ship idea. Rather nice, too...
Damn these Christmas decorations and trees. They drive me to not write
Currently working on the second chapter.
wow, nice touch on ma favourite shippin' couple, cannot wait fer more
59772 hmmm well second is always better since you have past experience! anyway i am just trying to motivate the guy here =)
and please DONT COME NEAR MY FIC!!!!!!!! lol just joking i just don't want you to face palm me with a big comment like that!
63334 You know what writing that comment did to me?
I have like another two stories to critique
.
... My poor fingers...
...
I still need a coke...
EssMan out.
63800 oh god.... oh... god.... i think i am going to jump off a building now!
anyway! to 62277 see! you fic is been skyrocketing and we wait eagerly for your next chapter!
kudos for your first effort and very nice work! (and hurry up with the second chapter)
63814
Well after working on them for a very long time, all the decorations are up. I got like 300 words into the new chapter before family is like "Oh hey look, MORE DECORATIONS!" and I was all like,
So today chapter 2? Yes.
65263 woow you just sounded like me this past 3 days... three. f***ing. days.
anyway dont stress i only have... 20 words
65303
Hahaha, nice.
By the way, this goes out to everyone, still looking for a prereader, if anyone is interested. Just shoot me a PM, and I'll give you the password.
lolwut.
And spy rarity with the backstab.
65713
Haha, yeah