Gonna read this later, will edit this coment if it is good or not.

Thanks, this is ONLY the first chapter and my first story on FIMfiction so don't judge me 100% on this itself! There's more drama to come and it only gets better!

hhmm. seems good. well written

very nice. Good plot hook.

Thanks!

it seems like a good story not yet fabulous but still good all in all a great story i just dont like all the cursing just because to me it just seems none ponyish but alast a good story none the less

>>910919910919, Thanks I'm not yet done, though.. But the story is rated T so there is cursing. Thanks though

Freakin clif hangers

>>912601912601 You mad bro? JK Stay tuned... IT ONLY GETS BETTER!

>>919840919840

Dont go mad

Cliffhangers Cliffhangers Cliffhangers Cliffhangers Cliffhangers Cliffhangers Cliffhangers Cliffhangers

I'll die if another chapter isn't made *grabs 919840 and sceams MAKE MORE then runs off mad

>>922313922313 WOAH, okay don't worry got lots more coming.. I'm also in the process of writting a horror fanfic..

allright i read it, basically its not bad its quite allright, but as someone mentioned you need to expand the story a little bit. Also, the ending is little bit strange :/ But great for a first story, keep writting

its good, but its freaking short! Make it longer, seriously. Its nice story, LunaxDerpy, its fun to read, but its extremely short.

Thumbs up, lookibg forward for next chapter :)

>>928694928694 YAY Thanks so much.. but there is WAY more.

SPOILERS: Celestia falls for Derpy... Vinyl goes on a killing spree...

So, it's not quite ponyish but I think it's kinda fun. I loved writing this.

why such a short chapter still a fabulous chapter but it went by so fast none the less fabulous

>>934831934831 Thanks And yes, I'm sorry it's so short.... I will try to publish one more chapter here and I'm typing one for Friendship is Tragic, now.

You really should make longer chapter, but it was good nevertheless

Interesting twist on Derpy's history... For that have this

Image: https://encrypted-tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTd0Y4ebPgYo4q20AHnzHpdoY9-ZmhzENf4bCcnm6uPLuujExsFGA

>>935176935176 THANK YOU! but i dont like involving muffins in Derpy's history... I HATE MUFFINS

>>935167935167  I know, and thanks.

NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE SOOOOO SUPER LONG, SO NO COMPLAINING!

its good but sort need MORE

derpy likes MUFFINZ not Cupcakes! get it right but other than that little bit great story

>>964853964853 thanks but I DON'T LIKE MUFFINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so instead I made her like muffins with frosting

WOW! The sh*t just hit the fans.

PRINCESS FIGHT!

I do believe that my reaction may be summarized thusly:

wat

Well that was... interesting..

An utmost strange set-up. Characters seemed out of place, but I can take this as a crack-fic seeing as though it was also funny.

Really not completely my thing to read seeing as though there are many bits that I found unorthodox but it seems like you are trying hard and doing your best to accomplish the goal of this story.

So good job nonetheless, and continue writing if you are happy with it.

That's an interesting set-up, really.

It's well-written, though.

I have to admit, not my cup of tea. You do get a thumbs up, though.

>>11034601103460 >>11039661103966 Thank you for reading! And yes, thank you so much. I did work really hard. And I'm sorry if you think it's unorthodox, but it IS a fanfic, right? So it isn't going to have a perfect, correct format. Thanks soo much once again!!!

>>11059041105904 You're welcome!

Oh for the love of... Molestia no!

Image: http://i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/008/622/SAVE%20DERPY%20HOOVES%20.%20Derpy%20Hooves%20the%20mare%20we%20all%20know_434dd1_3267873.jpg

>>11112781111278 XD exactly bro. exactly.

i luv that pic

>>11113771111377 I can't believe you did that though, question do you follow Princess Molly's tumblr page? (Yeah its borderline NSFW but it's still funny as) They've actually started (Or finished no idea where the artist is going with this) a series of LunaXDerpy comic pages. I kinda like what you're doing but there is too much swearing and *shudder* molestation than I'm comfortable with. I mean look at this.

DerpyXLuna 1 Massive D'awwwww

DerpyXLuna 2

DerpyXLuna 3

Look how cute that is!!!

Why couldn't this fic be more like that?

>>11113991111399 I can't see the pic... can you give me the link?

and no i don't have a tumblr but i'll check it out. and i like me fanfic like this, so i wrote it this way bcuz i want Derpy to be the cute innocent mare, sorry if you don't....

question, do u like DerpyxLuna? THEN U SIR, ARE AWESOME!!!!

>>11114111111411 Put links to all 3

>>11114041111404 That's really cute tho...

>>11114201111420 Yeah, I love DerpyxLuna!

>>11118971111897 THEN YOU FUCKING ROCK! luv derpyxluna fans!!!

>>11124641112464 HELLS YES!

"Um... We could feed her to the dragons!"

And what did the dragons ever do to you?

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Pinkie_Pie.png

>>11151471115147 EVERYTHING xD

and we thank you back for bringing us this story

>>11257071125707 i will only thank my devoted fans enough, it is my pleasure to write for everyone and see them enjoy my works...

>>11257251125725 so you don't write for any other of your fans?

>>11257461125746 i editted that...

>>11257671125767 it still basically says the same thing as before just with devoted instead of loving

>>11259441125944 idrc that much

>>11260211126021 figured

>>11260301126030 yup

>>11260371126037 im guessing were both just volleying comments back and forth to see who will stop first?

>>11260691126069yes. yes we are

>>11260811126081 ok then just wanted to be sure

>>11260881126088 'kay cool story bro.

>>11260971126097 tell it again

>>11261121126112 No. not right now

>>11261181126118 why not?

>>11261291126129 'cuz I'd rather private message then spamming comments here

>>11261381126138 pff fine ill stop right...

>>11261481126148 thx

>>11262021126202about now

really am done now

This story is brilliant. I love DerpyxLuna. Both of those characters deserve a lot of loving. I look forward to your next update

>>11269271126927 I you bro. and thank you soo much.

Sorry. But this kinda killed it for me. If this is where it's leading then meh.

>>11472931147293 I don't know what you mean, but this isn't the climax of the story, so calm ur hooves. I am going to be adding many more chaps. This is a subplot, to my story. The "main plot" being, Luna trying to maintain a relationship with Derpy. and these are all the little complications getting into the path of them getting to this point in their relationship.

Sorry if you didn't like it... Thank you for reading though

>>11515641151564

It was just how quickly this all happened in this chapter. I know it said preview and such. But it made her character seem really shallow. Sorry. I will check back for the next chapter to see if it catches my attention again though. I don't give up completely that quick. So don't worry. Good luck!

>>11515871151587 Thank you. But here's some explanation on Derpy's character: she is very innocent and doesn't know how to experience feelings that deal with love, because she's never been loved before. She never has been so aroused before after she saw Redheart and she doesn't know the meaning of commitment either, so basically Derpy is clueless and makes a stupid mistake. Luna's character however is like this: she is wise and very used to mares. she has many bad habits and is trying to turn over a new leaf by keeping a steady relationship with the one mare she really thinks she loves. Derpy believes Luna and her, is all a drunken mistake. Luna thinks it means something. Redheart is a really slutty nurse who may have just fell in love at first sight with Derpy, who can't understand her own feelings.  I'm sorry if you think my chapters are too fast and rushed. I will update and edit when I get the time. I am just a writer who loves MLP and wants readers to enjoy her hard work, if you really hate it then don't dislike and crush my heart. I write for my fans..

Anyways,

Thank you!

-Sage <3

>>11516971151697

I never thumb down anything unless it's a real and true piece of soot. Also I never hate anything. Too much work. If I don't like something it's much easier to just ignore it. This however is not. It's just this last chapter is all. I liked the rest hence why I'm not giving up on it. Also with your explanation I think I may keep a little more attention to it as I'm now interested in Luna's reaction. So ya know what? I think you got that star back lol. Anyway Good luck again and may you have a good life.

Sincerly

-Your Brony God

the story went by pretty quick but really awesome.

more please.

>>12203051220305 Thank you so much! If you are interested in this or any of my other work please stay updated by watching me, if you want to. I will update soon

>>12204241220424 hahah well i am already following this story and the alternative version but both are really amazing.

>>929434929434 aww man, i red the spoiler on accident ;^;

>>16802211680221  

>>16908101690810

.--. MY FAV DJ IS THE DEVIL!!!

Btw its cloudsdale not ville

RAPE!

>>16927561692756 lol yus and i fixed that error i wrote this like loooooooooooooonggg ago and now im reading it going for more quality literature please read Zecora's Tears

>>17193201719320 mkk. i can has moar of this story sir?.jpg