I do kind of wonder what seal tastes like now.

>>893316893316  It's probably the oiliest, fattiest meat on the planet.

Finally!

Hmm... I am intrigued.  Putting this on the "Read Later" list (maybe I'll get to it this afternoon).  

accidentally hit the dislike button. nearly had a damn heart attack.

I think you succeeded with this piece. Or at least in the sense that you made the reader feel emotion.

I doubt I will be able to name or understand the ingredients of the emotional cocktail that this blissfully served me.

Beyond confusion, I can tell I enjoyed it. Keep writing, this was quite good.

The title and final message leave something to be desired in clarity and relevance.

Other than that, excellently crafted. Your prose is powerful and flows effortlessly. Your descriptions are spot-on for the most part, your imagery is vivid, and the emotions you convey are strong and convincing.

I enjoyed reading this.

A respectful tip to the hat for you and your editors.

Well you know what they say:

"Its a mad world."

Huh. Well this is rare. I'm completely stumped on what to say.

I guess... hmm, I enjoyed it, no doubt about that, but I have this creeping feeling that there was just something missing from it. Maybe it's just a lack of ability to empathise with the main character, or maybe it's more of a pacing thing. I also wonder if it maybe leans a little heavily on implied conflict, both with his conscience and with his kin, which feels a little too thin to support the premise.

I think I needed the end to justify the time spent getting there, and it felt a little hollow to me. On the flip side, I'm open to the idea that the feeling of haunting failure was the point. Thus, it's hard to tell whether it's just not my kind of story (I'm relentlessly fluffy inside!), or actually missing something. Definitely thought provoking though, which is never a small thing.

-Scott

Hey,

It's good. But it's a weird one. Somehow I get the sense it is supposed to be meaningful, but I don't see anything much of myself in the gryphon - any one of them - such that it speaks to the human condition, as meaningful stories usually do. Maybe I'm not the right audience? Anyway, I still enjoyed it, although it was sad.

JMH

Very orginal from a very different point of view.

Wonderful

You are on another planet compared to most writers on this website. There's so much beauty in your prose and you craft characters who feel deep, complicated and exquisitely detailed. My one issue was that the ending was a tad predictable, but maybe that's something only I found. Either way, bravo.

Engaging, gripping read. Nice visceral description. Very straightforward compared to "Glass Blower," but it's a completely different kind of story. Griffons also seem to enjoy apples, candy, pastries, and chocolate mousse. It's a wonderful thing to read your work here.

Hilarious. I could almost hear the Wah-wah-waaaah sound play as Aquilinas catches his sister with the skin. I laughed so hard I almost cried. Easily your best comedy yet, CiG.

I enjoy a good griffin story, but I'm not sure how to feel about this one.

To me, It didn't really seem to end. You had a lot of build up to murder and that's about it. Nothing really feels like it got resolved. It's not really a bad thing that it ended on a very down and bleak note. But when I first started reading the story I was expecting something different. To me, you set it up like this would be a story about change or something like that. To me I just ended poorly. I might be biased, but this certainly wasn't a story for me.

That said, I won't thumbs down this story. It's original, It's well written, and It's about griffins. All very awesome things. So I guess this story is in a limbo for me.

Oh, man, that was too good to be a one hit wonder... I need more!

>>932602932602

I know, right?  I'm still rolling from when the halls were vast and cold and empty.

>>930687930687

Imagine fat that tastes like fish and hazelnut mixed together.

Also, being part lion creatures, don't you think griffins would be social carnivores? Even eagles will be sociable when there is sufficient carrion or other food. Otherwise, great story.

I'm glad you posted that blog after this story, really helped shed some light on how emphasizing hunting over artistic expression destroyed the griffon race.

All good narratives revolve around characterization, setting, and theme. While I often find the first two discussed in comments, I can never get enough discussion about theme. A work without a theme is criticized, but it takes a lot of author intervention for readers to discuss what a story means, or what it says about people.

When I think about what griffons valued (hunting prowess) and its effect, I think about what people value (stories about ponies are stories about people). Money pops to mind first. Objectively, money has no value. But because of its use as a medium of exchange, it can be used to put value on anything. If you have time and resources that can be spent on something other than survival (if you're still reading this, you probably do), than it is absolutely necessary to have something like money to value things. Why? Because it allows people to put value on things like art and intangibles. It encourages diversity by allowing consumers to pursue other interests while rewarding producers for coming up with progressive ideas/tools/services.

In story, not even the meat that came from hunting was valued, just the technique in obtaining it. Hunting skill cannot be bartered (though training for it can, if pride is no issue), and without any means to encourage value in anything else, the griffons were doomed.

On the other hand, they became really, really good hunters. Cost them too much though.

I absolutely adored this piece. It was simply fabulous.

Speechless.

Beautiful. Truly, more beautiful than anything I ever put to paper or typed. I am no poet but, to my mind, this is like a fine work of art. Dark and smooth, flowing from point to point to the inevitable climax as a winding river to a lake. I might write more if it did not sound terrible. It really made me think too, not much can really do that.

Masterful. Well done.

This story was truly amazing.

Well written, poetic, reflective - almost a meditation - and stone cold. Masterful. Difficult, yes, but laden with power.

Terribly, terribly sad. Not because of dead ponies. Not because of dead gryphons. Because it is actually about Man.

Always good writing, Cold In Gardez.

>>933709933709

Honestly? I'm still chuckling from them going, "Walrus... PUNCH!"

Here, an illustrative video, if you'd like.

haven't read yet, but the intro looks promising

If this does not get featured, there's no hope left for FiMFiction.

What a gripping story. You just have to go to the end. The description of the combat and aftermaths was absolutely spectacular, and the ending delivered a heavy impact. It doesn't seem to, though, unless you put some thought into it, which can be a problem.

I think the best part was how the brutal slaughter Aquilas delivered was completely in-character, no objections. You executed that final action flawlessly.

I'll agree with an above comment; although it's not the best thing I've ever read (and, oddly, I may not favorite it), this better reach the featured box.

I came for the incredible art header.

I stayed for the epic story.

Yep, you can't remain a sapient being if all you do is give into the urges of a mindless beast.

Of course, a samurai would kick the shit out of the griffons, because they pursued art and music AS WELL AS honing their fighting skills!  

THEY were the apex!

Aquilas just completed the mental degeneration of his species.  

Plus, they killed all those poor innocent ponies.  I don't feel sorry for them at all.  Heck, I would have taken my own samurai sword (it's an old one, more than 250 years old. Slices through bone like a knife through butter.) and slaughter the lot of them myself in vengeance.

Of course, I think Gilda (she's a bully, not a psycho killer) and Gustave Le Grande would be rather horrified by this tale.  Gustave, in particular, as a gentle-hearted patissiere, would probably become physically ill upon reading it.  *chuckles*  I suspect there would be an out-cry and charge of 'anti-griffon propaganda' levied against Cold.  With a formal complaint to Celestia, protesting their noble race's portrayal as savage, brutal, uneducated predators of ponies.  

I should also point out how short-sighted the griffons' attitude toward herbivores was.  

Elephants are herbivores... and they kill lions with ease.  

Hippos are herbivores... which have been known to bite crocodiles in half.

Bison are herbivores... yet they ruled the Plains in the millions before 'the white man' arrived with guns.

And then there is man, an omnivorous creature that works with its hands, creating all manner of crafts.  And it has dominated an entire planet.

Yes, the griffons were not only monsters; they were also fools.  Natural selection will not suffer foolish creatures to exist for long.

>>939728939728

Good stories featured on FIMFiction? Now that's a laugh.

>>939419939419

>>933709933709

Stop stealing my fucking jokes.

>>941895941895

Try using them first.

To quote Futurama: "turns out it's man!"

Your stories always have this weird, primally surreal feeling to them, from goofy Michael Bay dicking around, to something like this that's going to leave me feeling ill for quite a while -- especially in the context of what you just blogged.  Suffice to say, this one's going to eat at me for a long time, and I'm not even sure what else I'm supposed to say here.

So yeah, you've left me speechless and queasy.  Thank you.

I Cried

Really good story

DAMN!

This was an amazing piece of work! Simply fantastic. I loved it very much. Excellent work.

Yes.

I can't say much else.

Yes.

Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but it seems to me this is a story about a character with a lot of potential who is unable to transcend the limitations imposed by his culture and family. The tension within Aquilas between his knowledge that a different kind of life is possible and his inability to leave behind the familiar is what drives the story forward. Since Aquilas can't break that tension himself, it ends up breaking him. The story also speaks to how a culture that values physical strength, domination, and predation above all other qualities is eventually doomed to self-destruct. All in all, a good story expertly told.

I'm curious: is this an alternate universe fic, or perhaps set in some distant future? We've only seen two griffons in the show so far -- a bully and a somewhat bombastic baker. While our two canon examples have no shortage of ego, as a species they seem to be a far cry from what's presented here. If Cold in Gardez meant this story to show a tragic possible future of the griffons, it makes me wonder what caused them to fall so far. Perhaps there's a story there as well?

Very good story. Absolutely loved it throughout.

Kudos goes to you on the amount of societal construction displayed here. You clearly define the feel of a society deprived of finer arts, having been lost to primal desire. This, I feel, is one of the major points that made me connect with the main character. He is clearly defined as being a gryphon different among all gryphons, in that he is curious about what his people have lost. His empathetic nature to the weaker society of ponies makes him much more relatable in comparison to the other characters, who exist solely as hunters.

The imagery in this story was also very well done. One can almost look around the stone halls of the aerie reading this story. In the same, emotion was also very well portrayed. I particularly loved his moments in which he is watching the village go about its existence. The moment in which he discovers the gryphons among the slaughtered ponies was also very well done. I particularl loved the wording on an angry buzzing sound.

Overall, an extremely well done story. Well done.

I freaking loved this fic, probably in my top 10

simply amazing!

Simply fantastic. Proud to say that this is the first griffin-oriented fic I've ever read. Kudos to you and your aides.

Thank you.

Thank you for writing this.

The contrast between this and your comedic Twilight stories couldn't be greater.

It's a bleak story, a cold story. The griffons' decline has taken them so far they no longer can even see the heights they've fallen from, save for Aquilas. And not even he can break free from the predatory obsession that has consumed his aerie and, in the end, consumes him.

If one's looking for a moral in this story, here's what I took from it: Those who pursue strength for its own sake, and disdain art, beauty and love as weakness, are fatally weakening themselves, just as those who cut away every connection so as to be free are shackled to their own loneliness.

Wow. This... Wow.

An incredible piece. A fantastic analysis of the consequences of sapience on multiple levels of the food chain. One can't help but wonder what Aquilas could have become earlier in the collapse of griffin society.

I'm really at a loss for words to describe this properly. Excellently written and thought out, a very meaningful story, but the ending took a while before it started to fit for me. It still feels a little odd... I don't know. It makes sense, but I'm still somewhat torn on this.

Much thought will be spawned of this.

I've read the story.

I've read the comments.

Most of what I wanted to say about this piece has already been said by the previous commenters. You know, the whole 'social deconstruction of the griffons, the struggle to relearn what your culture has lost but failing and as a result being sucked back into your original primitive state'

Yeah that. Everyone before has already deciphered that message in more depth than I could hope to achieve.

A very well written story. Much skill, time, and planning went into this and I think it couldn't have turned out better.

However, I do have one question.

Knowing that the griffons and ponies were once allies, what enticed the griffons to secede?

That is the only thing I don't understand. The blog you wrote connects with the message of this story very well.

War. Hunting. Very similar things when you think about it.

You have got a lot of talent sir!

Silver out!

I think I've sorted out what I tried to say before.

The description says "They made [the] choice [to be monsters] themselves; they chose their fate. And it was the greatest gryphon who sealed it."

The question I have is: Why?

I understand why Aquilas killed his sister(That part actually fitted very well), and even why he went back and killed the other Gryphons at the aerie. But why did he stay like that, a monster, a killer, when he could have taken a different path? Given how Aquilas acted in the rest of the story, and from the information given at the end, I can't really see why he ended up the way he did after he killed all the Gryphons. There is certainly an explanation, but I just feel it needs to be expanded on for the ending as a whole to fit properly.

Of course, these are just my personal thoughts, and I'm looking at it in terms of the story itself, not metaphorically as some of the other commenters appear to have been.

Took me long enough to get to this! Your darker stories are always so very powerful, Gardez, and this one was no exception. Fantastic work. I really, really enjoyed this, so thank you!

Keep up the incredible work. It is an absolute pleasure to read your stories.

Too late to add anything original, so I'll just say building (or at least continuing) a society on "it is our nature" was never going to lead to prosperity. Having their species' destruction lain directly at the feet of the personification of this ideal was nice.

Damn, that was excellent!

Wait you wrote this AND Naked Singularly, is there any direction your literary skills don't go?

>>10521671052167

You should check this out. I posted it under a pseudonym.

>>10546041054604

Finding out that was yours gave me a reason to read it, even though it's not my usual kind of thing. I'm in chapter 3, and it's very good so far.

I found this to be an extremely gripping story. I’m having trouble putting into words what I am thinking after reading this. A unique look into the griffons, and their slow descent into nothing better than mindless beasts when they could be so much more. Instead they chose the path of strength, and in the end whittled themselves down to nothing.

If I was not already watching your profile, I would have hit that watch button in a second after reading this.

I couldn't help but feel somewhat sad for the griffins that he killed because they had not been taught anything else, and culturally, they didn't see anything wrong with killing ponies even if they were senient. It's a shame that Aquilas isn't able to persuade any of them but instead flies into a rage and murders them.

However, he IS only acting out what he was taught himself. He's just following it to his logical conclusion. Since he's the strongest griffin, even though he's a male and males are smaller, then it makes sense from his cultural viewpoint to kill those weaker than himself.

The real conflict isn't between Aquilas and his culture, or between Aquilas and the other griffins, but it's between Aquilas and himself. I think that's the most interesting type of conflict to base a story on, an internal one.

Very good work here.

That was one of the deepest and most meaningful stories I've read in this fandom.

Also, considering you mentioned somewhere you're a soldier, and on multiple occasion stated that a good story should be about people (they may have hooves or talons, but they're still people), I can't stop to wonder if some of your military experience is reflected in Aquilas' doubts.

I...

Huh. That was an interesting read. It's the kind of read I wish had gone somewhere else, just because man, it went to a dark place, but that's the part of me talking that's rocking itself gently in the corner of my mind.

I wish I could put into words what I think of this story. It's really, really good, and I understand why, but I can't articulate it.

The diction you used was fantastic. I've heard a quote that goes something like, "The best stories aren't ones that tell us something new. They're the ones that put what we know into words." Excellent story, good sir. Have some mustaches.

Whoa, that was a masterpiece. At this point I'd usually give some reasoning about that, or cite something in the story I particularly liked or didn't like, but honestly... I don't know, I think the story speaks for itself it was really very good.

There're many reasons why I rarely read other people's fanfics.  One of them, I tell myself, is because I'll only be exposed to talents that are far superior to my own attempts at writing.

This story is the epitome of good.

I know that nothing is perfect, and that I'm easily impressed by stuff, but the characterization, tragedy, and poetic darkness of this fic appeals to my heart.  And, for a person who claims to have no heart, I suppose that counts for something.

First off, you never go overboard with things.  I wish I could capture the succulent minimalism of your decription.  Nothing is wasted in this story, and yet you apply just enough meat to give us nourishment.  You're also pretty dayum good with your one-liners and zingers.  No matter how many times you ended a segment with a tiny sentence or paragraph, I was always impressed.  I wish I could someday learn that fine balance of conveyance.  The best poetry is the kind that refuses to be dense, I suppose.

There are several layers of complexity and imagery to this story, which is a great recipe for awesome.  From the carvings on the aerie's wall to the sculptures Aquilas makes to the emphasis on changing seasons to the frequent visits Aquilas makes to the village: everything feels like onion layers wrapped around a scrumptious nugget of win.  It'd be nice if more authors made an effort to make their stories so sexy.  I know I've tried on occasion, but whenever I do it typically comes out ham-fisted.  F'naaa.

But the thing I loved the most about this story--aside from the world building--was the approach it took.  This is something that is unique to the world of fanfiction, I suppose.  Anyone who reads this has got to be an avid fan of MLP.  They know about the Mane 6, they know about ponies, they know about the childish slant that the cartoon embodies.  Now, you present us with a synopsis that is all about gryphons and starring an OC main character; what are we to expect?  Either the story is going to be a self-contained testimony within a niche of the show's established race, or--better yet--it's gonna serve as an angle through which to analyze and peek in on the element of the show we're all familiar with.

I'm very glad you decided to take the latter route.  What's more, I'm happy that you took your sweet time about it.  It was important to show the life Aquilas lived, the cold-hearted routine he was conditioned into, the white and colorless nature of his arctic hovel, and the attitude of his father, sister, and fellow fledglings.

Then to have that pelt showed off--which was absolutely my favorite part--and the color it displayed in all its life-altering hues; that's an example of what's so nice about grim dark.  It tugs at the heartstrings to have been engulfed in a cold and revolting setting and then to have that reminder of the cute and adorable elements that makes us so invested in the show.

I think people have the wrong idea about grimdark.  Perhaps that's because lemurs write it the wrong way so often.  But the glory of a depressing fic is not in the horrible violence that happens, but in the breaks from it, the glimpses of joy, the sacred pieces--like Aquilas sparing the pink pony--that make the darker tones all the more graphic and tragic.

The most beautifully poetic thing, for example, was when you described the "blood on the snow" as being the most lively detail of the cold, white wasteland within which Aquilas lived.

It's easy for me to praise fics, I suppose.  I rarely read stuff, and when I do, it's usually a good choice that someone else has directly or indirectly pointed me in.  I guess if there's anything I can pick at this story for, it's the nature of the other griffons with whom Aquilas associates.  Several of them come across as two-dimensional meatbags.  Granted, that's the whole point, I suppose.  I mean, you repeat "It's our nature" to the breaking point, and the griffons with their one-track mind epitomize that predatory mentality.  Still, for a while there, I almost thought you were taking on that "Avatar" angle--where, like, Aquilas converts over to the pony mentality and everything he does in defense of the ponies' sanctity is somehow excusable because the audience is expected to be on the ponies' side.  I say this because I could see Goshawk's death from a mile away, and it bothered me that very little attention was paid to Aquilas' guilt over Goshawk's death at his talons.  Granted, with the tragic way you ended the fic (adding several more irredeemable griffons to the pile), it made sense that Aquilas was heading in a cold and unfeeling direction.  Perhaps I was simply expecting more of a catharsis, as if he would learn something from the pony way of life.  But, as it would seem, that never happened.  Just like the last lines suggested, he reached the top of the food chain and yet became a slave to the bitter talents that brought him to that throne.

I read this because something had drawn me to your author name, but I wasn't sure where to start.  You appear to have written several stories of wide-ranging categories, and many of them of great imaginative scope.  In the end, I perused your blogs, and one blog in particular brought me to this fic.  I think you know the one.

I'm sure everyone can agree that an important part of being a writer is experience: be it experience in living, experience in suffering, experience in life, or experience in death.  I can't even pretend to imagine the nature of your experiences, but I'm glad that you were not only able to produce this story as a means of your personal reflection, but you were gracious enough to share it with us.  Maybe some day, for better or for worse, I'll gain enough experience to make something that would compare.

-SS&E

I really enjoyed this, hard, cold and very sad so... thanks.

Wow. I don't have much to say about this story, and that's a damn shame, because it is so good. Read the blog post that goes along with it,  and was entranced by your mastery of storytelling. Wonderful work on this story. It is beautiful in its execution, if dark an tragic in its content. I was in awe by the end of the work. You write extremely well, and this story is easily one of the best I've read on this site.

>>15319681531968

Well, that's quite a comment to respond to! Thanks for reading the story, of course, but especially for taking the time to write about how it made you feel.

I wrote this one while I was in Afghanistan. For the longest time, I didn't know what I wanted to write, only that I wanted something that tried to convey the brutal side of war and conflict in a way that wasn't too obviously a 'war' story. I think I went through three or four draft plots before the kernel for this story came to my mind -- what killing eventually does to the person who kills. Do they become desensitized? Do they enjoy it? Or does it turn them into monsters?

I had a bit of a rough time with this deployment, which is odd because I wasn't in any real personal danger this time around. It wasn't like that last deployment, where I went outside the wire several times a week. But for some reason I had a rougher time adjusting than I expected. Maybe it's the seeming futility of our current conflict and the darker side of it I saw this time around, but I was pretty down on the whole concept of war. Some of that shows through in this story, I think.

You pointed out one of my more common motifs -- the changing seasons. Almost every serious story I've written, and a few of the comedies besides, dwells strongly on the seasons or their changing. The darkening of the world in winter in The Glass Blower, the endless winters in The Wind Thief, the passing of seasons from summer into winter in Proper Care and Feeding, the spirit of summer in Maiden Flight, the summer solstice in First Light of Dawn, and the dual nature of autumn in Salvation. Weirdly, though, I tend to do this without thinking about it -- until I made this list right now, it never occurred to me how much I talk about the seasons. I wonder if it's a crutch or a device?

You also pointed out the short, simple sentences I often end scenes with. Although I've been reading and writing all my life, most of my formal writing training is in journalism, which emphasizes simple, declarative sentences. Even my paragraphs tend to be short, rarely more than three sentences each. Sometimes it's a struggle to even get that much out before I feel the need to move on. If there's one thing I wish I could improve, it would be the ability to elaborate on a point. Not always -- I still think shorter is better -- but sometimes you want to give your reader a bit more to go on.

Anyway, like I said, thanks for reading this one and Naked Singularity. If you have enough space for another, I'd love to recommend The Glass Blower. It's my favorite, and I think it would appeal to your style.

I've just read this. It's as powerful and moving as I expected, painfully tragic. Well done. I have more feels than I know what to do with and one day, maybe, I'll be able to match this.

For some reason, despite the Dark tag, I began expecting a happy ending after he started empathizing with the ponies.

Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. I knew as soon as you described the empty village what had happened, and what Aquilas would do. The griffin philosophy of "kill because we can" sure bit them in the ass, huh?

Terrific story great pacing and characterization. This also brings up a point many people fail to consider when developing culture (especially tearing it down): children will take the ideals to the logical conclusion. I remember an interview with John Cleese lamenting how the England he knew growing up is gone and people don't treat each other the same; yet he made a career of mocking and ridiculing that very culture he misses. Another example: old school feminists who fought for "sexual liberation", wanting to be able to do whatever they want (sexually) and not be judged for it, are now shocked that younger women are using that same freedom to justify making stripping and pornography simply career decisions. Such a course was not the intention of the elders, but children watch tend to be more true to the expressed values then the parents. Not sure how much sense I', making at this point but I hope I'm making some.

I shouldn't have doubted that for a second, anything written by you could be anything less than amazing.

>>893316893316

It tastes sort of like a steak except more fish like.

Also amazing work on this story!

Whooo...

Hardly a word out of place, and the writing wholly concentrated, with a minimum of wasteful details.

It's not just that it makes the pace as high as it can be without skipping important things, but also that after each sentence, you want to read the next - since every single one is vital to the story.

The imagery is similarly affected, I feel - with just short, simple descriptions, visuals are easy to remember and imagine the characters being in... and the mind takes care of any inconsistencies it comes up with on its own.

Aquilas being pulled past the breaking point and just becoming... empty, with no thoughts or emotions heard from him for the rest of the story, seems somehow much more appropriate than any justified rage or even single remarks like "Isn't this what we're supposed to be, father?".

Could imagine him just sitting out in the open after the deed was done, staring at nothing, wasting away... when everyone you ever knew is dead, there's nowhere left to go. Nowhere you'd want to.

It's all the more powerful because he went down the path he did - killing is what he knew, so kill is what he'd do. Trying to persuade the gryphons to change might have been a wiser choice even if he never stood a real chance with it, but... characters shouldn't be perfect, always making the rational choice. This was the more interesting path to take, and truest to his personality.

I'll definitely read more from you after seeing this.

More than anything right now...I wish there could be more. I wish that he could've been saved somehow, that things could've been different.  That someone could have cared or tried or understood...

I know the world does not work in this way but it is part of my nature to wish it did and to try and make it so.