Yes, it's a nice wee story. It strikes me that Celestia doesn't get much in the way of romantic stuff in stories (although that could be my relative noobishness with this site showing through) so it's nice to see her get a little attention

I in no way pretend to be a particularly good author, and I'm not sure what advice I can give regarding your storytelling, so I'll go with something I know: grammar

Jawohl mein kommandant, Grammar Nazi here! Just here to point out a few things. You are more or less ok, with the odd word here and there that could do with a capital letter. Try and use punctuation like commas more often, so as to break your sentences up into more easily manageable chunks. I noticed that a few of your sentences actually break onto different lines after a comma, although this is possibly less to do with grammar and more a simple input error. Watch out for that and other little things, and keep working on your phrasing. The smoother a piece of text reads, the easier understood it will be, and the more a reader will enjoy reading what you've written. Auf wiedersehen!

Is he gone yet? Good. Okay, other than that I got nothing much else. Here, have another moustache for the lawls

This is the image source

please comment if you liked or didnt like it? i want to know why, yes there will be a sequel

I loved it. But I am going to be honest with you I`ve read better but this pretty unique. I can't wait for the sequel. I love how short and to the point it was. But what I loved most about it was that it was about love and finding true love, that`s always been something I like reading about.

Great Story Keep up the great work!

Keep Moving Forward

very nice work, i must say...

>>928882928882

thanks might work on the sequal today some. had hardcore apathy....

>>928882928882>>905634905634>>900389900389>>

chapter 2

There's a few grammar errors here and there but overall this is a really good piece. Stick with it and you'll only get better

I don't really have much to add beyond what Cavmonkynick has said, it's nice and cute and cuddly

A very nice, and concise, story about love I thought. The only problems were the sort you need an editor to hep catch (godsk  now I do!).

Thanks for sharing it with everypony  

You're gonna be an awesome writer.

>>991183991183 thanks

Awww...so romantic. I really loved it.

Keep it up

Alright Celesita's Paladin here, Admin for the Protect Celestia group. Since I do try to read everything that gets posted into the group I read this. As >>897683897683 said it is not that often we see Celestia romance fics, or at least ones that aren't her with Discord, Chrysalis, or other female characters (not that there is anything wrong with the last one, I'm partial to Twilestia myself). So that is certainly a plus in my book, now if we could get some Celetosh... *cough* sorry.

Now Jet's inner grammer nazi did raise some points, you have work to do on the grammar. Capitalization, commas and so forth. It's not bad enough to distract from the story but enough to give me pause. I am part of a group that could give you some help, Authors Helping Authors.

Now I will press on and read the rest of the story.

>>18827201882720 thanks i hope you like it my boyfriend will be going through these later this week to help me

Cute chapter for sure, a bit young I think for Twilight to be dating (even if she is at that step yet) but I'm just guess that she isn't in her late teens yet, and I could be wrong. Some grammar issues but not as bad as the previous chapter.

>>18827521882752

i have her at like age 14-15

Alright... so StarSwirl and Celestia, haven't seen that before.  Good chapter, short to be honest and somewhat confusing with the jumping around. Grammar issues still there but better and not distracting. Only real issue I have is the explanation as to why she can't have foals (I can't believe that) but I understand why it's there, to show the depth of the love between Celestia and Starswirl. As Admin of Protect Celestia I deem this fic acceptable under the rules and charters of the group.

In the Name of Her Serene Majesty Celestia Everfree,

Celestia's Paladin: Ex Solis et Lunae, Provendtia et Prospartiea

Alright, I saw your request for people to read your story on the Writer's Group page. It's a nice concept overall, but I believe there is a fair amount of work that needs to be done grammatically before I truly enjoy this story. I can normally skip over errors, but there was just a little too much in here for me to be able to ignore them. I would recommend giving this a thorough read-through to make sure you've ironed out as many mistakes as possible. If you're still not happy with the end result - grammatically speaking - I would recommend trying to find a proofreader to go through your work and smooth out those errors. If you find yourself wanting a proofreader, here is a group that should be able to help you: Proofreaders and people willing to proof-read

This is a review brought to you by: Author's helping Authors

Name of Story: The Garden of Love

Grammar score: 9

Pros

It was A really sweet story.

Originality of Princess Celestia's first love

Loved the impatient Twilly

Cons

There were some issues with your grammar

You almost made me cry at this part:

“For as long as these roses live so shall my love for you Star…” a tear slipped down her cheek as she laid her head down in the garden so aptly named the garden of love.

Notes : I really liked this story. You have some things to correct though, starting with this tiny bit:

“Princess? Were you in love with Starswirl?”

I would suggest doing this perhaps:

"Princess, were you in love with Starswirl?Twilight asked her mentor, wondering if her guess was true.

This was just a part I wanted to improve although there are more to adjust here and there, nonetheless it was actually perfect.

Please help me by reading my story: Oh! For Love's sake!.

Here's the link: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/68389/oh-for-loves-sake

LOL! For some reason, I just knew it was him she was talking about^^ Dunno why but I just knew it^^

Discord sure is lucky that he was turned into stone after this... If the battle had gone on... well the music says everything.

Lets just say.... he'd been bucked majorly

Review from A-Ha (The group, not the band.)

Name of Story: The Garden of Love

Grammar: 5/10 (It's needs a little scrubbing.)

Pros:

Shipping. I like the fact that it is different. FancyTwi, and CeleStar. Whatever you want to call it. Not bad.

Fancy Pants youth. (Needs explanation of why Twilight and he aren't together anymore.)

Celestia backstory. Has some interesting points.

Cons:

Flashbacks are too clearly defined. I feel like you are trying to hit in the face with a giant neon sign.

You gave Celestia a last name. (Personal opinion)

You may have jumped the shark a touch with the dragon. (Personal opinion)

Notes:

You need to clean it up a bit as far as punctuation goes. I would use simple "****" to clarify time changes. Saying "FLASHBACK" just seems a little lazy and like we as the reader can't spot one when it happens. The premise is nice and I can appreciate the dragon can live a long enough time to constitute being a good partner for Celestia. I have one question/ problem: where does she keep him?

>>19281791928179

im gonna answer everythign in my next chapter and dont forget this it an AU so im not saying they will stay together but its different thatin cannon. yes she meats the mane 6 still but things are different with fancy. (he isnt high canterlot society)

Review part 2:

I dislike the whole "out of ten" system for grammar rating because it is very arbitrary. I have gone through and found all the errors I can find (no doubt I may have missed some) and found a percentage out of one hundred. 5.25% of your story contains errors. This may not seem like much but it is actually quite a bit for a piece of writing.

The biggest things I wish to draw your attention to are:

-Capitalization of proper nouns such as names and places

-Punctuation

-Indentation. The easiest way to do this so you don't have to hit the tab key a bunch is to right click>Paragraph>Under the "Indents and Spacing" tab>Indentation>Special>First Line

-Your (Of possession) vs. You're (You are). The second chapter contains most of this.

Also there is one continuity error that I failed to mention last night. In the first chapter, Celestia claims that Starswirl didn't feel the same way about her affections and they had a great friendship. In the third chapter, they are talking about having foals and proclaiming their love for each other.

>>19306091930609 It just occured to me that you said this is AU but that tag isn't listed on it.

>>19320781932078 that last part was left up to interpretation... loll