Your grammar, spacing, and story is terrible fyi I only commented because you said not too.

>>10338121033812 Whoa that's kinda of screwed up I mean you can

toss in your hateful comments but try to be nice about, but I know

you can't ask for comments to always be nice and all but this was his first

story so why the hate

but still your first story is never going to be perfect but having bad comments

help you get better they show you where you messed up that way you can get better

i think its a good story and he should continue

>>10349551034955 thank you

....well i did "Nazi" that comming

i love this story and want to see more

>>10761981076198 thank you so much for loving it. i appreciate it

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN!!!

I'm shaking all over, Pinkie style!!

noo its over i have wated for this for a wile

conjuration, not conjugation

amzing story. I love it and hope to see more

>>11994231199423 over yeah right it's just the beginning my friends

good good you passed! i new that im an alicorn. i was testing you

boom! shotgun blast to the face!!!!

moar!

I have been dieing for my oc to come in this story but as the ass kicking is commencing, it ends with a cliff hangar, DAMN THY CLIFF HANGARS

Question time!: 1:will they become friends?

2:will the servant win?

3: will the duo that has been fighting end the fight and team up with the power of badassery, magic, friendship, and shit and shove there foots up this ass of the servant and send him back to hell where he came?

i don't know brain just shut the hell up and wait but great chap bro i can't wait to see what our oc's do

>>13627391362739 well man i've been making this fighting scene so intense that i had to split into two

well man more is coming out and he still got some fight left in him against the collared man but here's my question.

1:will he survive?

2: will twilight and her friends get there before angel is turned like the infected behind them.

3: will the servant win and your oc kill both angel and everyone else in ponyville.

oh god my head is filled with so much ideas for making these two fighting scene my head fills like exploding.

hey one more question what's your favorite part in this chapter. next is coming sooner than this one

My favorite part was how you described my oc but it be cool if both of our OCD were together fighting the servant and my oc would be perfect for RD

moar god damn it moar.

“No keep going I like it “rainbow dash said as she blushed and covered her mouth. i think she is turning into Lyra.

Awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>>16236841623684 thanks when making this part an idea popped in my head saying hey why not your character saving his favorite from certain death. well after all he does love rainbow dash right. and luckily he's going to be ok after a blast from that.

still thanks sorry if it took so long. me with college, work and having eye surgery well it tends to break you away from stories. luckily my roommate was cool and helped me write this as i focused on my studies and during my rest too.

Oh god I'm torn. I open up the first chapter and what do I see? ONE GIANT WALL OF TEXT!

Then I read the comments and I see a couple people here enjoyed it. Aaaargh, guess I'll read it then.

>>22957382295738 you could always skip the prolouge and read the first chap. the prolouge and read the rest of it. it's your choice.

Wow just wow this is a awesome story I can’t wait of the next chapter.

>>22965072296507 the next chapter is killing me but it's almost finished. trust me i spent almost all of time my free time working on it.

so how's single-hood treating you?

>>23009612300961 single hood? no i'm in a relationship.

The story so far is good.. but the grammer is awful. You do have my attention thew.

>>23531452353145 dammit i told them. sorry both my teachers and my roommate both said it's awesome but i knew something was wrong here. just couldn't make out which one though

read the entire thing today and i gotta say not bad but not great either. it is good because it seems well thought out with good back stories for each character but bad because your characters seem a little Gary sue everything just falls into his lap, the girls fall in love with almost immediately twilight does not eve know his name and kisses him AJ seems to have spent no time with him yet loves him and Celestia meets him and then proposes just like that. he seems to become to emotional attached very quickly and does not act like a survivor of a zombie apocalypse and more like a teenage girl. Sorry if i seem mean but i really do like the idea of the story it just needs some work, and an editor i find myself having to stop and translate what you are saying.

>>25831012583101 well you do know it's my very first story here in fimfiction. so yeah and to tell you the truth times flys in my book. sometimes depends on how long i'll make it. could go for a week, maybe heck a month or hell an entire year or so forth as i choose.

>>25886712588671 yes i know this is your first story and it is very good for a first time writing this kind of work. i did not want to sound mean just pointing out what i saw as you write you have been getting better and should do so i like the way the story is going, but it is never a good thing to just have reviews of just praise sometimes pointing out flaws can make an entire idea better in future writings.