I - Second Time's the Charm
Twilight Sparkle tried to relax in her wheelchair as Nurse Sweetheart’s skillful hooves undid her head wrappings.
“Almost done, dearie,” Nurse Sweetheart said with what Twilight assumed to be a warm smile.
Any second now, she would finally be reunited with the world after her month-long internment. She’d be able to see. She’d be able to read! The thought whirled in her head like planets in orbit. She nearly salivated.
“There!”
The bandages fell away in loose coils, and Twilight cringed, shielding her eyes from the blinding light. Sweet Celestia! Since when was the world so bright?
“Surprise!”
Twilight yelped, almost rocketing out of her wheelchair. All of her friends crowded around, beaming at her. Blowing into a party horn, Pinkie Pie filled the air with a high-pitched buzz and threw bucketfuls of confetti everywhere, most of which landed on Nurse Sweetheart. The nurse glowered at her.
“Oh, hey girls,” Twilight said, still reeling. Her eyes started to readjust, and she could properly make out her friends for the first time in a long while. It had been far too long since she had seen their smiles, and she could do no less than return one herself.
“How’re those eyes of yours there, Twi?” Applejack asked.
Twilight gingerly rubbed them. “They’re alright. It’s a little weird, though. I was kind of getting used to not seeing.”
“Heh, yeah, because you had somepony as awesome as me reading for you,” Rainbow Dash said. The others glared at her.
She looked between them. “What?”
“Anyways, Twilight,” Rarity said. “We’re glad to see those dreadful bandages finally come off. Can you see alright?”
“I believe that’s my line.” The crowd parted to make way for Doctor Stable, Ponyville Hospital’s chief physician. He gave Twilight a friendly smile and cleared his throat. “Can you see alright?” Rarity shot him a frown.
Twilight shrugged. “Nothing seems different.”
“No blurry vision? No irritation? Nothing’s too bright?”
Twilight shook her head all the while. “No, it was bright for a bit, but I feel perfectly fine now.”
Doctor Stable ‘hmm’d. He promptly whisked a pen from his overcoat and floated it before Twilight. “Without moving your head, keep your eyes on the pen, please.” Left. Right. Up. Down. To the tip of her nose, then back. He nodded. “Everything seems to be in working order. If you’re sure you’re feeling alright and you have no questions, you’re free to go. If you have any problems, don’t hesitate to call. Now, if you’ll excuse me, we’re a little busy today.” He regarded everypony with a nod and proceeded out the door.
Twilight attempted to stand from the wheelchair, but a hoof pressed her back down. “Hospital rules, dearie,” Nurse Sweetheart said. She began pushing Twilight toward the door, but Rainbow Dash shooed her away. The nurse huffed, but nonetheless allowed Rainbow Dash to wheel Twilight out of the hospital.
Birds chirped from their nests, and a cool breeze blew through Twilight’s mane. Though she had to squint against the sunlight, she couldn’t help but enjoy the nuisance, glad to have all six of her senses back in working order.
“So, what are you going to do first, Twilight?” Rarity asked as they made their way toward Ponyville. “It must feel so refreshing to finally be out and about.”
“I don’t know,” Twilight replied. “I think I’ll just go home and relax for today. Read a book with my own two eyes.” Rainbow Dash sputtered dismissively. Twilight giggled.
Rarity smiled. “I wish I could go home and relax, but I promised Fleur de Lis a magnificent gown, and it needs a few finishing touches before I deliver it later today.”
“That’s great to hear. From what you’ve been saying about it, I bet it’s your best work yet!”
“Oh, I would most certainly have to agree.” Rarity preened.
“Yeah, yeah, fancy gowns,” Rainbow Dash said. “Let’s get you home, Twilight.”
Rarity gave Rainbow Dash a look of horror. “Rainbow Dash, you can’t seriously be thinking of wheeling Twilight back to the library.”
“What? That’s what friends are for!”
“Rainbow Dash, do you have any idea how—”
“Raaaace!” Pinkie Pie yelled, rolling up in a wheelchair, forehooves raised in excitement.
Twilight laughed. “I don’t think that’s a good—”
“You’re on!”
Twilight looked over her shoulder at Rainbow Dash and her devilish grin. Twilight’s eyes shrank to pinpricks. “Oh, no. No. No, nononononoNONON-AHHHHHH!”
They blasted off in a streak of purple. Twilight felt her face yanked back by the force, clinging to her wheelchair for dear life as trees blurred past her. The wheelchair squeaked out unheeded complaints as the two barrelled down the road toward Ponyville.
“Rainbow! Slow down!” Her cries were lost to the wind. Dirt became gravel as they entered Ponyville proper, her brain rattling in her skull on the bumpy path.
“Ra-ai-ai-ai-ai-ai-nbo-o-o-o-o-o-ow!”
Ponies filled the corners of her vision with colorful smears, quickly joined by those who leapt aside in terror, their cries mere whispers beneath the wind’s howl. It ripped tears from her eyes, blurring her vision, yet she could see clear as day the building growing too big too fast. Rainbow Dash yelled a harsh expletive, and Twilight felt herself lurch forward in her chair. She craned her neck back, eyes wide. “Slo-o-o-ow do-o-o-o-o-o-own!!!”
Half of her brain had already accepted her fate and wondered just how much it would hurt to smash into a building at what every inch of her body told her was probably mach six, but the other, more rational half moaned over and over: not Sugarcube Corner...
The front stoop played the part of pole vault box, and the sudden stop launched both Twilight and Rainbow Dash through the saloon doors. Twilight could only hold in awe the length of time that seemed to pass before a thunderous crash of pots and pans rocked her senses. She laid still for a moment, spread eagle, watching the world spin.
When it ended its dance, she groaned, gathering herself up. Somehow, they had flown through the main room of the shop and into the kitchen, the doors still swinging frantically. A bowl wobbled past her before bumping into the counter and clattering to a rest. Rainbow Dash’s backside protruded from a hole in a cabinet door, where she struggled to pull herself out. And there was cake batter.
Everywhere.
A particularly large mound shivered next to Twilight. She looked at it with curiosity before a pair of blue eyes popped out at her. “Ahh!” Twilight cried, falling over backwards.
A wide smile appeared beneath the eyes, followed by a snort of laughter. “That was fun! Let’s go again!”
Twilight scrutinized the blob. “P-Pinkie Pie?”
“Well, duh!” The pair of eyes rolled opposite each other. “Who else do you think was racing you guys here?”
Twilight raised a brow. Race us... here?
“Uh, guys, a little help...?” Rainbow Dash’s voice echoed from the cabinet.
Pinkie Pie giggled, then zipped out from beneath the cake batter. It held her mould for a moment before sploshing to the floor. She stopped beside Rainbow Dash’s struggling hindquarters. “Silly, Dashie, you’re supposed to open the cabinet before you look inside. Like this!” She grabbed the cabinet’s handle and opened it, revealing the other half of a very upset Rainbow Dash.
“Just get me out of here before anypony sees me,” she groaned.
“Okey dokey lokey!” Pinkie Pie wrapped her in a bear hug and yanked, her friend’s body stretching out far beyond natural.
“Hgnh! Pinkie Pie!” Rainbow Dash managed to say from within the vice-like grip, eyes bulging like balloons. “Stop!”
Pinkie Pie let go, Rainbow Dash snapping to and out the other side, crashing rump-first into another cabinet. Head wedged awkwardly between her legs, she glared an inferno at Pinkie Pie.
Twilight, who had been trying to remove gobs of batter from her mane, sighed. Hopeless. She grumbled, but resigned to slicking it out of her eyes. Not even a minute out of the hospital...
“Hey, Twilight, I like the new do,” Pinkie Pie said, pointing at her mane. “New product?”
Twilight deadpanned at her. “Yes, Pinkie, it’s my new shampoo... it’s called ‘cake batter.’”
Pinkie Pie tapped a hoof to her chin. “Hmm, don’t think I’ve heard of that one before. Is it new?” Twilight groaned loudly and stormed for the exit. “W-wait! Where are you going?”
“Home!” Twilight yelled over her shoulder.
“Twilight, wait for us!” Rainbow Dash buzzed her wings furiously. The cabinet’s hinges gave out, and she rocketed face first into yet another cabinet. “Ouch!”
Twilight rolled her eyes and left the disaster zone.
≈≈≈×≈≈≈
Twilight’s walk home didn’t take long. In fact, it was the fastest she had ever walked home from Sugarcube Corner. A mane full of cake batter probably had something to do with it.
She barged into the library, slamming the door behind her. Her fuming subsided as she looked around, puzzled. She had never seen the library so clean, so perfect. Spike must have known she would be back today and made sure it was extra clean. If only he could maintain a similar level of spotlessness when she was around to appreciate and use it.
“Spike?” No answer. Must still be asleep. She rolled her eyes. It would be just like him to sleep-in when she wasn’t there to keep him in line. What if somepony needed to rent a book!? Oh well. At least she could take a bath without any interruptions.
A bookshelf on the far wall, for once, held an assortment of books and her calendar exactly where they should be. She took them in her magic and headed for the upstairs bathroom.
The morning sunlight streaming from the window had warmed the wood floor, reminiscent of her frequent trips to the spa: the hazy air, the lingering scent of shampoo, the cozy—wah!
Twilight slipped on something, but managed to grab hold of the sink. She righted herself and lifted her hoof to inspect the culprit: a bar of soap. She grumbled. How hard was it for Spike to remember to put the soap back where it belonged? Using the tray for his action figures during his seven-hour bubble baths was fine, but she had warned him of these kinds of accidents. She left it on the floor as evidence to tell him off later.
Twilight set the books aside and turned the knob on the bathtub. Water poured from the spout, quickly filling the basin as she added Super Sudds’ Bubble Bonanza. Steam wafted over its rim and filled the room with a comforting humidity that mingled with the bubble bath’s bubblegum perfume.
“Ahh... finally home. No more hospital food. No more crazy roommates.” She lifted a leg to step into the tub. “No mor—ahh!”
Hot! Hot! Hot!
She flailed her hoof, staggering away from the scalding water. Her back leg slipped out from beneath her, and out flew the bar of soap to ricochet off the tub, a little pink missile locked on target.
She saw stars. A plunk of water.
“Ughnh...” So much for a relaxing bath time.
One ice pack later, Twilight settled into the warm water and let out a sigh. Much better. She turned the faucet on again. Hot water rushed over her hind legs and made its way toward the rest of her. So much better.
She shut the faucet off and shifted the ice pack on her forehead. She wasn’t going to have two ‘horns’ if she could help it. “Alright, let’s see here.” She levitated the stack of books above her like a mobile. ‘Impressed’ would have been the understatement of the century for her regard of Rainbow Dash’s reading abilities. Well, speed reading, at least. She still had some hang-ups on pronunciation, but nothing easily overlooked.
Twilight had expected to fall behind in her studies, but Rainbow Dash proved an able reader. Surprisingly enthusiastic, too—something Twilight never would have thought about non-Daring Do books.
She brought her calendar to eye level, checking exactly where she was in her list. She blanked, almost losing grip of the books.
That couldn’t be right.
She double checked the rows of weeks. They had read Revolutions on Revolutions: A Theory on the True Nature of the Heavenly Bodies last week as planned, and Live, Laugh, Live: An Autobiography, by Hoodwink the Hoodwinker, the week before.
But she only vaguely remembered assigning The Breezie Offensive and What Came of It to last Monday, and Spike must have added How to Beat Your OCD In Ten (Plus One!) Easy Steps while she was in the hospital, whatever his reasons were on that.
Thinking back on her conversations with Rainbow Dash, they had only read the ones with some tangential relation to sex, drugs, and rock-and-roll. Counting off unread titles, they had covered barely half of the books she had intended.
Twilight groaned. She slid further into the tub, eye level with the water, and blew bubbles. If only there was a way to read all of them at the same time.
She perked up at the realization. That’s it! A grin swept her face. She grabbed a brush and went to work on the stubborn globs of cake batter. There was only one way to catch up, and she was determined to not end up in the hospital for it again.
≈≈≈×≈≈≈
Twilight emerged from the bathroom squeaky clean, books and calendar floating behind. She descended the stairs and into the main room of the library. “Now, where did Spike put you?”
Dozens of books glowed a deep purple before flying off the shelves to orbit her. She gave each of them a discerning glance as they passed. “Metamorphoses, metamorphoses... aha!” She brought a book for closer inspection, but frowned upon reading the second word in its title. She threw it aside, returning her attention to the solar system about her.
“Metamorphoses media... media... there you are!” All but one of the books fell to the floor in a collaborative thump. “Metamorphoses, Media, and Mimosas,” Twilight read off the cover of a rather large, musty book. She swept a path through the heap of books with her magic and trotted to the center table.
She laid the book down and leafed through its pages, searching for the all-too familiar spell. “Split, s, s...” She quickly sang through the alphabet. “A, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, elemenno, p. Q, r... s! Here we go! S-p, s-p, s-p... aha!” The pages stopped about halfway through the book, where two sets of eyes, one on top of the other, peered up at her. A chill ran down her spine.
Could she do this spell? It still looked awfully complex, and memories of a month spent in darkness did nothing to soothe the sudden anxiety seizing her mind.
She shook her head. Focus. Feel the magic.
Her horn started to glow, but fizzled out when dark images ran through her head. She bit her lip, glancing at the page again. Long flowing script of advanced magical techniques crowded out what little white space the pages dared allow.
She leaned away from the book, unsure if she could do it.
Looking around the room for some sort of motivation, her eyes landed on her schedule, and she puffed out her chest.
She stared down the book, but couldn’t help the small lump in her stomach. A few deep breaths. “Okay, Twilight, you can do this. Just remember what went wrong last time and don’t repeat it.” She gulped. “Second time’s the charm... Right?”
Twilight shut her eyes. Her horn glowed bright, rays of energy slowly snaking around her head in pulsing shades of purple. Focus. Remember the sequence.
Nerves split within her head, twisting, rewiring. Eyes remolded, reforming from the inside out. Concentrate.
A bright flash engulfed the room, and Twilight collapsed. “Oh, my hea—” She tensed. “Eyes!” The front door was straight ahead, but so was the staircase. She turned her head to face the stairs, bringing the back wall with a mirror into view.
She stood and ran toward the mirror. One step and she fell flat on her face. She staggered back to her hooves, legs wobbling, unable to reconcile with the sudden change in perception, and it was a long waddle to the mirror.
Sweat beaded on her brow by the time she found herself before it, tired but nonetheless proud of the accomplishment. She raised herself tall, grinning into the mirror—and, inadvertently, a bookshelf. From what she could see in her reflection, rather than a pupil and encircling iris in each eye, two stared back, smaller than normal, as if it had pinched off in some imitation of mitosis. “It worked!”
With a bit of concentration, she managed to swivel the askance pair to line up with the other, sliding another mirrored Twilight into view. The pair of her reflections then merged together, though one sat slightly above the other like double vision.
She clapped her hooves. “I can’t believe it worked!” To acclimate herself to what would undoubtedly become quite the time-saving spell, she rolled each pair of pupils around in her eyes. Dizziness set in, and she stopped to catch her balance, giggling.
Carefully, she shuffled to the middle of the room and levitated two books into the air, opening them to random pages as she focused on each. Both were easily readable. She let out a squee of delight.
“This is amazing! I’ll be able to catch up in half the time!” Wait. Half? Only half? Why not a quarter? Why not an eighth? She grinned mischievously, turning to the open book on the table.
She hobbled over and scanned the page. Nothing said she couldn’t split more. She could probably do it at least one more time. She stamped her hoof. There was only one way to find out.
Swept up in the high of scientific discovery, Twilight closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Concentrate. Waves of purple light shot from her horn and wavered through the air, again wrapping her head in a cocoon. Focus.
She could feel the magic doing its job. Nerves rewired, and eyes reformed, but something felt odd. What’s tha—no, focus. Focus! A strange sensation rippled down her spine into her hooves.
That wasn’t supposed to happen.
In an instant, the sensation roared to life, raging through her like fire. Oh no! She strained to control the magic, but it had a will of its own. It wrapped about her, mummifying her from head to hoof. She could feel herself shrinking, shrivelling, her bones and joints contorting into something unnatural.
That wasn’t supposed to happen either.
The light intensified as her magic condensed into a ball. It crackled with power, shooting out tongues of lightning that set fire to all it touched. Suddenly, it folded in on itself, becoming no larger than a speck of dust, before exploding. Front wall missing, the library lay in shambles.
That definitely wasn’t supposed to happen.
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This picture gives me flashbacks to The Spiderses
So I was all ready to sit down, ignore all distractions, and get to work on my own story that needs to be done in a couple days, when: Oh look! A notification--wonder what it-- ...damn it. Another twenty minutes of free writing time GONE. Lost in hilarity and enjoyment! I hope you're happy with yourself. Creating funny and creative tales like you do.
*applauds* Heh, this was very funny and very enjoyable. I'll be watching for whenever chapter 2 comes out. Good luck and keep up the excellent work, mate.
"Twilight Samsa awoke to discover that she had been transformed into a cockroach."
889743
Not a cockroach, no. But you do get a cookie for knowing your literature.
*sigh* Here we go again!
An interesting beginning thus far. I'll be keeping tabs on you. I offer a like, but I'll save my fav for later.
-Tricondon
Nice start, tracked.
891523
Ok, I need... I need you to work out an icon situation with Glassed, 'cause I..I, uh, just spent far too long being very, very confused.
891589
Na, I prefer messing with your mind. More fun that way.
-Glassed
891597
YOU'RE THE DEVIL!
891610
Psh, hardly. That guy works under me.
-Glassedon
889572 OH GOD
THEY'RE BACK
THE SPIDERSES
Th-th spidersess....
oh god... oh god...
Wow, I felt suspense as she tried the spells.
Spidersesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
891622
You, I, uh.
Uh.
There is.. and then...WAIT.
I got this.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuu
889743 I think he was supposed to be a dung beetle, actually.
889743 I recognize that from Spore.
Hmm someone been reading Kafka.
891687
4.bp.blogspot.com/-c1cf1ktgCPE/Tn32-7wCZ-I/AAAAAAAAAKc/aPAnDjEQ3UM/s1600/applejack+u+mad.png
-Triconglassed
Sweet Celestia does that spell sounds freaky.
889572 Oh The Spiderses. Good times, good times
891995
*hugs*
892130
chzbronies.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-brony-art-thou-mad.gif
-TricondonGlassed
892130
892140
Was there a reason for derailing my story's comment thread?
892144
I lack any semblance of maturity.
Either that, or I just like trolling people.
-Tricondon
The Flieses?
twilight hasn't learned shit!
....and we love her for that
On my read-later list JUST FOR THAT PIC.
And 892190 All of my LOLs.
That picture proves that you can't just put Twilight hair and eyes on ANYTHING and make it hot....
Spiderses.
892144
It was absolutely necessary.
On topic: Dash stuck in the cabinet is still my favourite gag
This reminds me of 'honey, I shrunk the kids' but with an added species swap twist. Me likey
Oh shi... That image...
That is one sexay fly.
encrypted-tbn3.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSSeEUODNv4EjTiY-VILkXQzHpEzlaJQSd7iBGgpYjVKZKr_1S9
Let us begin.
Did she accidentally read, and thus cast, two spells at once? Or did that just kinda happen, due to screwing with a spell beyond its intent? Or maybe I should take the title of the story literally and assume Twilight didn't realize the spell was supposed to work that way if you double it.
Is twilight a cricket now because if so then crickets are supposed to be lucky so maybe spike will want to keep her as a pet... also now that i think about it fluttershy will probably be the only pony capable of communicating with her at this moment.
892140 I JUST SPENT THE LAST THIRTY MINUTES OF MY LIFE SAYING "You mad? He mad." at the screen, caught in the hypnotic cuteness of Scootaloo and AB!
....Why would you do that to me?
899236
Because the hypnotic cuteness of Scootaloo and Applebloom demanded I share it with the world.
-Tricondon
889572
6.asset.soup.io/asset/2331/4486_dc3c.gif
899519 It was awful!
889572
I'm just hoping the opening lines to Chapter Two are the words "Everything was bigger, and eight."
905147
The opening lines of chapter two will be much better than that, I assure you. Much, much better.
905163
"Everything was bigger, and nine."
Dum Dum DUUUUUUUUM
This was great. I can't wait to see how the others react to Twilight
For One so smart she done something dumb
895407
The title was actually taken from a little real life story a while back, if you'd like to hear it.
940137
Sure, now you've got me curious.
Psst, yo Kafk... er, Corejo. Your review is done. Nice work on this mate.