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You were my best friend.
You know that right?
I can’t really remember if I have really ever told you that, and I feel like a complete jerk that I don’t, but you were. I buck myself now for not really expressing how much of a great friend you were, so that’s why I’m writing this now.
Actually I don't know if there are words that I can think of to describe how awesome you were Pinkie Pie. I mean, yeah, you could be a bit obnoxious and make no complete sense at times, but you were always fun and happy. I couldn’t really understand why you were always so happy, but then again, there were a lot of things I didn’t understand about you Pinkie. Like how you could pop out of the most random places, and how you could even keep up with me that time when I was trying to fly away from you so our friends and I could you throw you that surprise birthday party. It kind of always boggled me, but I realized why in time.
Man, I'm terrible at writing this stuff, this is more of Twilight's area, but I know it isn't about the letter, but what I have to say, so I'm gonna keep going, but I know it's going to get harder. Never stopped me before right? Anyways...
You were more than just some random pink party pony, but a mare with a big heart. I always admired how you could befriend almost any pony you met… or donkey. Yeah, that's right, I heard about you and Cranky, and to be honest, after seeing an old geezer like him and how he acted, I would never try to be pals with that guy, but it was cool of you to make friends with him. I guess that’s what makes you Pinkie. You seemed to have this ability to just bring smiles to other ponies, and I think that was one of the reasons you were always so happy. Now, I’m not good with all that deep stuff, and I might be wrong, but that’s what I believe. It’s almost like you lived off happiness itself, and it made you glow.
Not only were you just a pony that spread laughter and joy like some type of... well... you know, but you were always there for your friends, especially me. I remember the time when I first went out to try for the Wonderbolts. I was so excited and ready, that I didn’t tell any of you what I was doing. I didn't tell any of you for a reason. I was hoping that once I was accepted, I would surprise you all. Now that I look back, it was to also show off a bit, but who wouldn’t show off something like becoming a Wonderbolt? I was confident and more than ready, but you know the rest. Apparently, I wasn’t good enough, and I was rejected. Gosh, I don’t think any pony could understand how crushed and destroyed I felt... except you... to hear the words;
Sorry Rainbow Dash, but you just didn’t cut it.
Those words haunted me and I flew home as fast as I could, crying my eyes out. I wanted to be alone, and never see the outside again. I just wanted to stay on my cloud forever and accept that I was a failure, but you wouldn’t let that happen, right Pinkie? I don’t how you knew that I was upset, considering I never told any of you guys what I did, but I assumed it was your Pinkie sense or something. I hated how you would come try to make me feel better every day, seeing me cry like some small filly, but that was just because of my pride, but you were determined. It got to the point that you had me stay with you until I got better, and I have to tell ya, trying to sleep with snoring like yours is almost impossible, but it helped.
It helped knowing that my best friend was there for me.
But there’s something else that I wanted to say in this. Something I wish I would’ve told you when I had the chance. During the time that you took care of me, I started to see not just Pinkie Pie, my super cool best friend in the entire world, but I saw… more. I had a hint of that ‘more’ after the one night you heard me crying in my sleep and woke me up. I was having a nightmare one night, a nightmare about my one biggest dream falling apart, and my failure. It seems silly now, compared to what I later found out about you, but again, the Wonderbolts were everything to me during that time. You woke me up and I couldn’t help but let it all out to you. Something swept over me when I saw how worried you looked and I could only cry. I cried the hardest I ever cried, and you held me close to you, right against your chest. I don’t know how long I cried that night, but you didn’t complain, or get upset. You simply held me as we sat on my bed for Celestia knew how long, telling you that I was done and I wanted to give up. You put your hoof to my mouth and wiped away my tears, and the words that came out of your mouth were ones that I would never forget.
It’s okay Dashie. I know you’re sad, but you can’t give up on your dreams. You’re Rainbow Dash, the greatest flier in Equestria! You just got to keep going and keep on smiling!
They were simple words, but Pinkie, you have no idea how much they meant to me. They somehow had gone right to my heart, and lifted it from the darkness. I felt like I could smile again… and I did. Like I said, you had this ability to just bring smiles, even when some pony is at their lowest. It brought a warm fuzzy feeling in me, and it’s sappy, I know, but it’s the truth, but what you did next threw my heart in a total different direction.
You kissed me.
I felt your soft lips press against mine, and though it was only for a second, it was amazing. It made my heart stop and my head foggy, but I knew this wasn't a kiss of passion, but one of a mother to her filly, but it was still amazing for me.
I could feel this sudden rush of heat in my face that I was hoping you couldn’t see. I don’t know if you did or not, but I was hoping that you simply were ignoring it, or simply was just blind to it. I had hoped for the second option, though in a way, I regret it. That night made me realize that you weren’t just my best friend, but something more than that.
I learned that I actually had feelings for you Pinkie. Feelings I never knew I had, but it was a feeling of love.
Yes, I said it. The four letter word that would make me throw up anytime some pony talked about it, but that was when I never knew love, and still very young and dumb.
I loved you Pinkie Pie. I loved you with all my heart, but I was too proud and scared to tell you. I didn’t want to ruin what we had, but now I wonder if I would have made what we have, even better, if I told you.
So I’m sorry. I’m sorry I never told you, and it’s a regret I will have for the rest of my life, because it’s too late. It’s been too late for the past eight years.
I still think about you every day, and I still cry when I go to bed at night, wishing that you were with me, laughing and giggling with your adorable snorts.
It’s been a while, but the pain of you being gone is still fresh as if it happened just yesterday, and this morning was my reminder.
It was terrible for me Pinkie. All I could think about was that day.
The day you died. The day I lost my friend and the one I loved.
I woke up that morning, and I remember the sweet smell of cinnamon rolls, or maybe it was doughnuts, but I knew the Cakes must’ve started baking already, seeing that you were actually sleeping next to me, with your arms wrapped around my body. You should’ve seen the look on my face as I saw you. I probably had the biggest grin ever in history. My heart exploded in my chest, but only too soon that I realized that you weren’t snoring like you usually did. I tapped you, whispering your name, but you didn’t reply. I shook you, and you still didn’t wake up. It had gotten to the point where I actually had hit you, but yet you laid still. That’s when I realized it, and the feeling that my heart had earlier was gone, and it dropped into my stomach. It was a cold chilling fear for me, and I put my ear to your mouth and my hoof to your soft chest. I didn’t hear anything Pinkie. Your heart was still, and your body was cold.
I realized you were dead, and you died with me in your arms with a smile on your face… It’s so hard to even write about this as I can see you so perfectly laying there. I’m shaking but I have to write this. I have to write it for you.
You were rushed to the hospital, but I knew it was too late deep down in my gut. My heart shattered, too many pieces to count, and it seemed I died with you. All I could think about was why and how? You were young and seemingly healthy, and to just go like that was just… confusing. Everything was looking up, and then this happened. I needed answers and, well, I got just that, though the answer only made losing you worse.
You had a disease, one you told no pony about. A terminal illness the doctor called it. It was something to do with destroying blood cells and all that crazy medical talk, but it didn’t matter to me. All I got is that you died from a disease you had for a long time, a secret that you held onto, and I had troubled you with something so stupid in your last moments. Compared to what you had, my problem was nothing.
If I would've known...I don't know...I would've done anything to see if there was a way to get you better or something. I would've traded my dream so that I could still have you here. Even now, if I was given the chance, I would drop it all for you, but I couldn't understand why you would hold onto a secret like that.
I was broken Pinkie. I was broken and angry. I was angry that you never told any pony, but I think angrier that you never told me. It would only be later down the years that I might have known why you kept it a secret, but I was so upset, that I didn’t know what to feel really. I just lost my best friend, how was I supposed to feel?
But now, I apologize again. I apologize for being angry with you over something that really didn’t define you. I admit that I actually hated you for a time after that day. I hated you for leaving me, for making me realize that I might have loved you, for telling me to keep on smiling. I thought what you said was a lie. How could I keep on smiling after losing the very pony that made me smile? But one day as I cried myself asleep, a thought popped into my head. It was about the reason you were always so happy. It kind of confused me how some pony could be so happy, knowing that one day they were going to die because of some sickness, but I think I had an idea why.
You were sick and you knew it, but you didn't want to stay sad and defeated, so you rose up against it and smiled. You wanted to spread the smiles right? Why hate the world as others would've and let it bring you down? So you did the very opposite, and became the happiest pony I ever seen. Now that I think of it, when you said to keep on smiling, I think it meant more than what you were letting on, and it irks me that I didn’t see it before, but I was an oblivious Pegasus, and somewhat still are today. You wanted me to keep on smiling because you knew that one day you would be gone, and you still wanted me to smile. You wanted every pony to smile.
Everyone was hurt and just shocked when they learned of your passing but in time, it seemed every pony moved on and forgotten you, except for me and our friends. Twilight actually moved back to Canterlot, resuming her studies, but I think she just couldn’t be in Ponyville anymore after losing you, but she later became an Arch Mage of Celestia’s council from what I’ve heard, and she’s pretty darn good at it. She’s even writing a book about you. Rarity and Fluttershy were pretty upset and they started to spend a whole lot of time together, and they helped each other out, and you wouldn’t believe what happened between them from all of it.
They started dating. I guess all that time they spent with each other, comforting each other, made them see each other as something more. How things work huh? They are still together and plan on getting married here in a few months.
Now Applejack was probably the toughest one of all of us, as she was the one that tried to keep every pony’s spirits high, but she was just as hurt. I had caught her on the farm one day under an apple tree crying, and I mean like crying hard, cause I had never seen her so sad. So, I did what you taught me Pinkie.
I went to her and comforted her and took care of her, as we both needed someone to lean on. I had you but, well, you were gone. We talked hours on end until Luna’s moon came up about all the pranks you would pull, and all those crazy baking experiment’s you made. It was bittersweet, but it helped her. It helped both of us. It became a habit for us both after a while to talk about you under the stars, and talk about how happy you made all of us.
And guess what? It brought us closer, and I fell in love…again. At first it felt like betrayal to you, and it took me a while to tell Applejack, but I remembered the mistake of not telling you, and realized that you would want me to go for it. So I did, and she felt the same for me. You wouldn't believe how happy I was to learn she loved me back, but I also told her how I felt about you when you were still here. I thought she would be mad, but all she did was put her hoof over my heart, telling me that it was wonderful. You were my first love, and nothing could ever replace that. I still do Pinkie...
We're married now, and thinking of adopting some foals to raise on the farm. Can you imagine me with small foals running around? Heh, me either, but raising children with Applejack would be another dream come true, as you already know one of them already came true a few years ago, but I won't go into that, as it's getting really dark.
So here I am now, as I get to the end of writing this. Here I am in front of your tombstone as I cry, but not just because you’re not here, but also with regret and happiness. A regret that I never said how I felt about you, and happiness for what you have done for me and our friends.
Especially for what you done for me.
I look now as I read the words on your grave, telling me the message you have told me long ago.
Never stop smiling.
It’s fitting for an amazing pony like you. Even in death, you still want us to smile.
So I will Pinkie Pie.
I’m going to smile, because you gave me a reason to smile.
I’m going to smile for you, because that's what you always did.
More importantly, I’m going to smile for us.
With all my heart and all my smiles, I leave this with you now, as I know you will read it in that big party up there, and so you know that I haven’t given up, but done the opposite.
I know I’ll see you again one day, and we can pull all the pranks and throw the best parties again, and I can tell you all this face to face, but for now, I have a wife to get back to.
So,I’ll see you later Pinkie Pie.
You can bet on that.
Your friend and forever lover,
Rainbow Dash laid the letter on the headstone as tears ran down her cerulean cheeks. She turned and flew off into the night sky as her tears glistened in the luminous glow of the moon. She would never forget Pinkie, and never fully recover from such loss, but one thing was certain.
She would smile.
And she smiled for the rest of her days as one message stayed in her heart until the day she drew her last breath.
Never Stop Smiling.