Looks interesting, I'll read it later and give some feedback :)

Good story, can't wait until the next part.

also, have a mustache

Awesome :3 Favorited and liked can't wait to see more

As I sort of mentioned, this is sort of an experiment for me to see if I can actually string a narritive together without riddling it with plot holes and spelling errors.  I hope the former I avoid, but the latter is inevitable.   Thanks for the time, guys.

This story is great so far.

The premise in particular is quite original. I'm waiting for more!

Well, the more I look at it, the more I need to go over this thing with a fine tooth comb, edit, format and maybe throw "chapter head quotes" up. If you seen them you know what I mean.  Again, if you read this, thank you for your time.

The word you were looking for is 'recognizance' not 'reconnaissance'.

There may be a few issues with misplaced words, missing words, and other writing hiccups, But the story is genuinely interesting to read.

Keep at it :)

This story is starting to look really good. Tracking keep up the good work

Alright, I'll admit that when I first clicked on this story, I was expecting an average ''Human in Equestria'' story.  I was wrong, this is actually really good.  Looking forward to more.

Thank you for giving it a fair shake and all. And, actually, "Not a normal HiE" seems to be a concensus, though I am not entirely sure what an 'average HiE' story would be.  Anyways, I hope to do one more chapter this weekend, and maybe some editting to.

Thank you for the time, guys.

Interesting premise, and I'm looking forward to reading more of it!  The introduction of your character to Equestria is pretty unique, and the emotions and reactions of the ponies met so far feels natural and flows easily.  

Some of the old english is a bit off, I can think of one part where 'is' was the correct word, not 'art' but the occasional grammar and spelling hiccup doesn't detract from this in the slightest.  

I'm very curious to see where this goes, and am on the edge of my seat waiting for the next update.  Please, keep up the fantastic work!

There.  This one was supposed to contain more but it had a very natrual breaking point and I really have to force myself to edit at some point.

Thanks for the time, guys.

This is pretty good so far, keep up the good work.

For what this is, it's horribly under-viewed. Really, I've seen worse fics with more views.

I'm really enjoying this so far; good grammar (from what I can see at least), well written conflict and characters.

Definitely not the usual Mary Sue HiE rubbish that is annoyingly hovering around.

Please do not stop this story.

I know it's been a couple days.  Still working on this.  The latest chapter needed a total rebuild though and the longest yet.  Hope to have it in a day or two.

~~

And it is up.  Sorta.   My self-declared editor will get to it, I am sure.

Anywho, thank you for your time, guys.

good start......aand i don't wish to read it anymore. good luck.

Lookit that; this story has forty-two likes. A successful HiE with the answer to life, the universe, and everything. I will read this later...

Edit: Oh, forty-three now. That feature box.

I can't help but think that this needs The Doctor to appear somewhere...

The start of this story is what sets this apart from other HiE stories.

Generic HiE story: Human protagonist falls through the sky, turns into pony, and meets Mane Six in Chapter 1.

This one: Turns into pony then harms main character. With a truck. In Chapter 1.

I love this story.

Make more.

Heh Big Mac rage quitting

You are a perfect example of a good author.  Other HiE fics are becoming so bland, but yours is so original.  I really love your writting style.  Keep up the fantastic work!

i would give it back to big mac... since you have no use for it.

but since you know nothing about him or where he works, i guess you could make an excuse not to.

you could give it to one of his friends and have them give it back.

but who cares big mac is a bad sport. even if he was kinda 'hustling' them.

I cannot wait for the next chapter.

I found it hilarious on how Big Mac rage-quitted.

And I wish I was that good at a poker face.

I love this story so far, and as I said before, I cannot wait for the next chapter.

Until this point in time, I've never believed that there could be such a thing as a 'good' Slice-of-Life/Human-in-Equestria story.

This... has proven that assertion wrong. At least for now anyway. It's still pretty early in the story. As long as it doesn't start shambling and becoming pointless. I do hope there's a set narrative and ending to the story already planned in mind, and that you're not intending to have this stretch on for like fifty chapters about all the aimless things Scriber does in Ponyville... because that's how potentially decent HiE fics become zombies.

But yes, this is pretty good. Not phenomenal, but it's definitely enjoyable. It has a good twist to the common HiE formula by making the main character basically an immediate enemy of the 6 most important ponies in town, and most likely the Princess of the Sun as well, and it's refreshing to see an HiE fic where the main character ISN'T already a brony.

In any case, aside from a few technical issues and a certain lack of tension at the moment, it seems pretty interesting to see where this will go. I do hope more conflict is on the horizon, and given that Big Mac will probably tell his sister about some no-good-dirty-rotten-cheat or something, I think we'll be seeing her soon.

Nice work.

...This doesn't bode well.

I think Applejack was the only one of the Mane 6 that didn't hate Scriber's guts. Wasn't friendly either, but was at least somewhat understanding.

Now though? Yeah, they'll all hate him with a passion.

At least the rest of the minor characters seem to like him.

I'm enjoying this, keep it coming barkeep!

It's pretty great so far, but I have noticed quite a few problems throughout the story.

First (and this is just my opinion), it seems odd that both Pinkie and Fluttershy didn't try to give him a chance to explain himself. You mentioned (and can see in the show) how forgiving ponies are, and I can't see two ponies like Pinkie and Fluttershy going off on him like that several times when you combine that with how Luna herself stood up for him. Yeah, I get they would still be mad, but I would figure that they would have at least given him a chance to explain himself after Luna herself told them it was just a mistake, and not him hurting Twilight on purpose. Again though, this is just my opinion, and I realize not a lot of time has passed in the story so far, so I guess the explanation will just come later.

The second issue I have (which isn't really opinion when you think about the characters doing it) is that the dialogue feels too stiff and formal for the situation in most of these chapters (especially this one). Mainly how most of the characters don't seem to use contractions. For a pony like Luna, this makes since; after all, she is the princess, so it would be more formal for her. For a character like Big Mac, this doesn't make any sense at all. Actually, for most of the characters, it still doesn't make sense. Consider this example of something BM says in this chapter:

"'Nope.  Deal me back in.  I am goin' to bring mah real game,'"

Do you see what I mean? The best way to find problems like this is to read the part out loud, and you can tell if it sounds right. In this case, you can just look at what he says. Using words like "nope," "goin'," and "mah," makes sense for a character like Big Mac, and it fits. Then, he suddenly says "I am" right in the middle of that line. Seeing that happen for most of the characters really threw me off while reading this story. Big Mac probably wouldn't say "I am," considering his character. Instead, he'd probably use the contraction I'm, since it is more informal which fits him. So, the line should be this:

“Nope. Deal me back in. I'm goin' to bring mah real game,”

See? That reads better because it's all informal, instead of having him suddenly turn formal in the middle of it before going back to informal.

The third problem (dealing with grammar) is that you have fallen for the same problem that way too many authors have, which is saying things like "must of" instead of "must've." Saying "Must of" isn't correct. There's no such thing. What you mean to say is "Must've," which sounds the same, but is actually a contraction of "Must have." The same goes for pretty much every instance in this story where you used a word with "of" coming after. It isn't "Should of," "could of," "would of," etc. Instead, it's "Should've (Should have)," "Could've (Could have)," "Would've (Would have)," etc.

Sorry for the long comment. Just so I'm clear, I am enjoying this story so far. It's a nice change from the usual crap that's put up on this site.

Big fan of the Dr. Horrible reference

It worked.  I went for it shamelessly.

I'm still enjoying this, but I seriously hope he actually tries to defend himself in the next chapter because as enjoyable as this story has been so far, all the conversations have pretty much been the exact same with one of the mane 6 going off on him without letting him explain anything, even though Luna herself defended him. Considering how the last chapter ended with him being followed, I'm hoping the explanation will finally come in chapter 10. Because if it turns out to be just another chapter of misunderstanding, then I'm just going to be annoyed. I bet it would still be great even if that was the case, but it would still be extremely annoying.

“You must be new here,” she returned without even looking.

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL.

“Hi, my name is... what?  My name is?  Who?”   I then hummed the musical ending to that and chuckled.  I doubt I could pass as a 'Slim Shady' and this was harder than I thought it would be.

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up,

please stand up, please stand up?

...Yeah...The mane six-er...minus Twilight who is in a coma, are starting to piss me off.  Do accidents not happen in Equestria?  Has no one ever lost control of something and hurt another pony?  They're not exactly in the wrong right now.  But if things go any further than this, the only thing left for them to do is basically harassment.  At which point, even though I love these characters to death, I would be all for Kerry/Scriber to just blow up on them.  Pointing out how everything they've done is worse than what he did.  IE, losing control of a vehicle and accidentally hitting someone.

Hm...That's actually a really good idea...I may use this in a story of my own sometime...

Edit: Or am I just reading this wrong?  Entirely possible I'm just angry and looking for something to bitch about...Still may use that idea I had while writing this though.

>>949722949722

The Elements are close like that. If one of my friends was injured from some unknown person, possibly due to reckless endangerment to pequestrians (sorry, had to make a pun joke about 'pedestrians' and 'equines.' xD), I would be a bit upset at said person. Granted, they ARE being a bit over-reactive...

Having been in the situation myself, let me tell you, it is hard to get past it, even if you can logically put it together.

The course though, has been charted and I intend to run this out in full.

Anyways, thank you for your time!

Not bad.

>>949763949763 He wasn't exactly being reckless though.

I do not recall if they know this.  So it is understandable.  But as someone above me, say two posts up from my first one, said "all the conversations have pretty much been the exact same with one of the mane 6 going off on him without letting him explain anything, even though Luna herself defended him."

There's being angry over someone hurting your friend. And then there's holding a grudge over someone's head because of something they couldn't control. This right here?  Not his fault in the slightest.

And yes, pequestrians is hilarious.  Good on you.  All the internets for you.

>>949816949816

In the words of M. Bison:

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSS. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSS!

...okay I'll bite - thumbed up and followed. You tell an interesting story, can't wait to see how it develops.

Om nom nom.

Moar.

I don't like how he adjusted to his change instantly, but that's really the only complaint I have. You've got me hook, line and sinker.

will read later since it is featured... nope, now.

I really like this story!

faved. (and you did deserve that feature )

I waited, and I was appeased.

I crave for more.  

I like it! Continue sir! Faith in the HiE has been restored.

However... The picture is disturbing, early-mid 1990s Silverado with a bodykit?! ಠ_ಠ

Morbid for Chevy-heads right there.

Hehe.  I needed a red truck that crashed into a tree without a human in the shot, and looking survivable!  After that list of requirements, even the mighty google has to stretch to accommodate a request.  I am kind of holding out the actual owner of that truck actually sees I am using the photo.

>>950653950653 Still liking the story with it though, it does flow with everything.

"I was going to be late I was going to be late for that job"

Uh...

>>952816952816

Thank you.  I am going to attend to that brain-fart.  The joys of self-editting, eh?

Woo update...

Don't go to the library.

No duh you were being followed.

Very interesting story so far, good work. Looking forward to future chapters.

Wait, why did Luna take Kerry back to his truck to sleep, and then tell him to abandon the only alibi he has for why he's not an attempted murderer? What kind of panic would him originally being another species cause, and how is causing a panic from having what is, to everyone else's eyes, an attempted murderer armed with his weapon in their midst? Why did Luna take no time to familiarize Kerry with Equestria before throwing him out? If she wants him to integrate, he'd need a crash course in Equestrian civics and everything else about before leaving him anywhere unsupervised... anything less and he can't adequately support his cover story of just being an earth pony.

>>955829955829

For the same reason Hamlet didn't kill his uncle in act one; there wouldn't be much of a story to tell.

>>956080956080

I guess that's fine. Just, please tell me that at least Celestia and the Mane 6 will be allowed to know. Otherwise, there's no possible way he could defend his actions to them. After all, that's pretty much the entire reason everything happened.

>>960687960687

Not telling.  At least, not until it does or does not occur in the planned plot that I may or may not have set forth for the character formerly known as Kerry.

Writing accents is tough.  If you see a way to improve it, it would be much appreciated.

Thank you guys for your time.

I enjoy how you write your accents.

And I loved this chapter, because after all of the hate he has succumbed to. Someone finally decided to be nice for a change.

Other than Big Mac, Merlot, Lyra, and Bon Bon.

But other than that I love this Fic, and I hope to see more chapters like this sooner or later.

This Fic is truly, "AWESOME!"

>>967893967893 it looks fine with me, and thank you for the chapter.

There is no right or wrong way to write accents imo. There are ways that I personally prefer. But again that's just my opinion. I prefer writing with a light accent to show that one is there, but it allows for the reader to decide just how far it goes when they hear it as they read. Writing with a heavy accent forces the reader to read in a heavier accent, which is a bit annoying, again imo.

Bravo. Good update.

>>967893967893 Applejack's accent was just fine... but do Canadians really say 'in hospital'? I thought that was strictly a British thing. Then again I've heard several other British vocabulary things from Canadians. In 'merica it's 'in the hospital.'

A good chapter all around, hopefully he gets his shut-eye this time.

Also, Element of 'Onesty <- lol

Finally the guy catches a break.  Do you realize how long I've been waiting for one of the six to let him catch a break?  Granted, I just started reading this recently, but when I caught up, it frustrated me to no end.  I'm definitely looking forward to more.

>>967893967893

I agree with esobelac, light accents are the way to go, especially since you have the benifit of a character who has an already well-established voice that your audience will use in their own head. Lots of folks around here seem to lay it on pretty thick with AJ, and it often becomes simply unreadable. Ideally, you want to write the accent in where it naturally would be emphaised. To that end, a character's speech pattern is a much better way to establish accent; Applejack doesn't just drop letters here and there, she speaks in a way that is quite distinct from everyone else, particularly with her vocabulary. Rarity is another good example, you want to use larger words and more succinct phrasing there, but too often people just toss "darling!" at the end of a sentence and it beomes grating.

e.g. "Just what do you think you're doin'?!" works loads better than, "'Jus whut do ya think 'yer doin'!?"

Fucking finally.  FINALLY.  A pony who spoke to him and it didn't end, or start, with them being completely pissed off and not listening to a word he's saying.

Sorry Fluttershy, but Applejack is now my favorite character.  For this particular story.  Still my favorite 99% of the time though.

that was a very enjoyable chapter

>>967893967893

>>968212968212

Ditto.

Woohoo UPDATE...reads,,,

finished reading...

YAY GOOD CHAPTER.

KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK

Such an awesome chapter. You're really good at capturing the moment with your words. Keep up the amazing work!

This story is so awesome

The whole concept of his entrance into Equestria having such great consequences couldn't have really set the story up any better.

And another thing, it's really a breath of fresh air to have a (completely!) normal person who has no idea about MLP implemented in these stories.  I'm tired of seeing video game characters, celebrities, and bronies diddle their way around Ponyville (Seriously, who even wants to read about Gordon Freeman NOT communicating with ponies?!).

Kudos on your superior grammar and spelling overall, especially with Applejack's dialogue.  When most people write, it always feels like they're stumbling over words trying to make it sound really hick-ish (or maybe I was just too absorbed in this story to notice, that might have been it).

Definitely watching, keep pumping out chapters

Damn man, I'm glad this fic has gotten as popular as it is; it's really good.

>>969563969563

To be honest, I never expected this sort of reaction to it.  I expected to be downvoted and relagated to the gutters of pony-related literature.  Either way though, I am going to keep writing this, and I hope you guys keep on liking it.

This is a pretty awesome bit of literature.

So get back to writing it!

I've read worse starts. Nice use of, whatchumacallit, in media res.

"Alberta and the southern stares"

Do you mean "states?"

>>982390982390

*swoops in and attacks the typo without mercy*

>>967893967893 Ye Gods, you are not joking. Writing the Apple family's accents is a tough job- especially since each one of them speaks a little differently from the rest.

Personally, I just save really accentuating the accent (ha! ) for words that would really stand out as the character tried to pronounce them, or where the "twang" is more noticable that most.

This was kinda of a rush in a few ways.  I definately wanted to get it out while the ideas were fresh in my head, so the editing might of suffered for it, and I have no idea how music translates to this format at all.  T'was a challenge, but if you see faults, point them out. It's the only way I'll learn.

Thank you for your time, guys.

.... I think im gonna stick with calling Mr.Long Name by my name for him, Roid Rage.

That was interesting.

Great update. Now get back to the writing board, slave!

I'll be watching the Olympics.

And then the whole bar buys Scriber a cider.

I like that you actually translated 'Horse Power' into German.

I also thought that the dream sequence was done really nicely as well; it didn't feel like it was forced in.

A few grammatical errors, but they don't really take anything away from the story.

>>993169993169 His name is actually Snowflake. Why Hasbro did that... I will never know.

That was amazing!

I eagerly await for the next chapter!

Nicely done!  Always liked David Usher's music.

The dream sequence was interesting and did a great job of highlighting the disassociation he seems to be feeling.  Very powerful, and an evocative description of the 'creature'.

And a quick note by the editorial police;

I shook my head.  “Not right now. I got some advice just too long ago. I want to digest it along with dinner.  But if there is no game, why are you here?”

Very good.  Can't wait to see what happens next!

>>996329996329

Image: http://i1.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/007/666/_57c8a1a431a592af806925e57258202f.png

>>993559993559 Hasbro be trollin', yo.

>>996842996842

Exactly.

Good chapter, can't wait to see the next one. I see what you mean by rushing this chapter, since this seemed more like filler than anything else, which isn't always a bad thing.

One problem I did notice is the same thing I mentioned in the last chapter; the fact that no one seems to be using contractions at all in this story. I don't think I remember seeing a single "Can't" or "I'm" or anything else. Seriously, even the bartender is talking like he's giving a speech at a college or something. If nothing else, I at least expected to see the bartender use contractions, but the only thing I noticed was a couple of times he said "you'll." It's really not important, but at the same time it's weird for me to see everyone from the princesses to the bartender speaking so properly.

Also, one thing I'm having trouble accepting is that he hasn't tried to get in touch with either Luna or Celestia. I can see why he would be worried with Celestia (since he hasn't explained himself to her, although I don't see why Luna wouldn't help him explain that it was an accident), but he doesn't really have a reason to not talk to Luna. If nothing else, he should be asking if there's anything he can do to protect his mind, because at this point he doesn't seem very concerned with the fact that his mind is being forcibly changed for some reason. In fact, I'd say that what's happening to him is just as bad (if not worse) as what happened to Twilight. She was hurt physically (which can heal) and he's being hurt mentally (which for all he knows won't change until he's home again). And yes, I do mean that he's being hurt. Sure, he's not in pain or anything, but does that really matter when your entire mind is being changed against your will? That's exactly what Discord did to the Mane 6. It just seems weird that he's not really acting all that concerned over it, or going for help.  

>>10009071000907

I may be putting words into Pings typing Archive, but I find it interesting he's not really going for help on it, and it makes for a fairly insidious subplot (side plot? underpoint?) Being hurt mentally is a lot harder to pinpoint than physically, even when you notice the change.  No matter how weird/awful/strange it looks from the outside, from the character's point of view the way he feels right now is 'normal'.  

I kind of see it as Scriber is sliding into a little bit crazy, not to mention a healthy helping of depression and dissociation.  Sure, the world is throwing a few curveballs into his psyche (the idea of being wired to sing in stereo disturbs me more than some of the others) but some of it might just be a wee mental break the character is having as a coping mechanism for being thrust into a technicolour world of 4' tall miniature horses in primary colours.

>>10012261001226

I get what you mean, and I think it's a pretty great plot as well. The only problem I have is that the guy does notice these changes and takes issue with them, but he doesn't really seem to care. It doesn't feel like a "My mind refuses to take issue with this because it's currently being twisted" way of ignoring it, but more of a "I see that I'm starting to mentally change. Huh, I'm sure nothing could possibly go wrong with that!"

If nothing else, he should at least be asking Luna by this point if there's any way he can stop his mind from changing at the very least. At most, he should be asking for a way to change back to his old body. Right now he's just doing nothing. It's not like he doesn't know it's a problem since he does think about it a lot (even in dreams), so it seems even more strange that he wouldn't bother even asking about it.

Times like this, I wish I could reply to 2 people at once.

The more I look at the outline I have, the bigger this whole story gets.  The biggest reason why he has not gone for help;  It's been 3 days, unless I have blown my count.  Stuff will happen; trust me.

I'll confess.

I dislike how this came out.  Maybe I am being my own harshest critic but this was soooo clunky.

Anywho, rather than take a third run at this, I got it to a somewhat tolerable state on my end and turned it loose with a request.  Flame it!  Seriously!  See a flaw, call it out.  Maybe the brute force method is what I need!

Thank you for your time.

Poor Berry.... Whats a lush?

woo! Nice chapter. I could have sworn most call her by Berry Punch though, or am I remembering wrong?

>>10428051042805

*runs off to check that*

*returns looking ashamed*

Thank you. Chalk one up to, "Did not do the research".

>>10427611042761

A lush is a slightly more polite way of saying drunkard.

>>10427401042740

If you're disappointed, you're doing some wrong AND right. Being tough on yourself can drive you to be a better writer, but it can also ruin the flow of the story if you try too hard. It came out decent/good in my opinion, so no worries.

I loved it!

I can't wait until the continuation.

But, I guess I have to play the waiting game.