• Member Since 2nd Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Oct 2nd, 2016

Mr Tinkertrain


T

This is my first try on a fiction, so ... I don't expect it to be very good.

Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash stumbled upon ancient ruins in the Everfree Forest and accidentally broke the sealment of an evil being imprisoned in the ruins ... will they be able to stop it in time?

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 5 )

Interesting. Looks like it has potential, but work on spacing.:applejackunsure:

Not sure what's up with the upside down quotations, might want to fix that. Are you using a non-us keyboard or something? (spanish?)

Just to help you along, there's a saying with story writing:
SHOW, DON'T TELL the story.

If you don't know what this means, there's plenty of guides out there on this, google it. Don't tell the reader what happens in the fic, show them!

Story quote:
"Flying for the sake of it. She flew high up into the sky, enjoyed the wind rushing through her mane and wings"

Suggested alternative: (note the use of tense)
"Flying for the sake of it. She flew high up into the sky, enjoying the wind as it rushed through her mane and wings"

48735

Can you define "showing" when it comes to fiction? I have had someone tell me that, but I just gave him the middle finger and told him to toss off :coolphoto:

48659 The spacing should get better the more parts I'm uploading ... I hope.

48735 I'll try. As mentioned in my profile, construction happens on my own site, so ... I upload the next chapters here when I'm done with them. And to prevent errors, I let some people read it first. About showing and not telling ... I'm more a storyteller. But I'll keep your tip in mind, thanks.

The upside down quotation marks are because of my version of word, in which I'm writing.

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