Cute story! I enjoyed it.

Decent short story.  Good start as a writer.   Consider yourself lucky, I kind of want to see you grow as an author.

There were a few small mistakes here and there, but everybody who writes has those.  I liked the idea of jumping from the paragraph, it was cartoonish enough to be something that i'd see on the show.

I'm gonna follow ya to see where you skills take ya.

Foxxy Here With A Special TV Writing Offer:

You need to start indenting your paragraphs if you want to get serious.

You shouldn't type actual numbers, unless you really have to.

ei. Five Hundred > 500  ////  Seventeen Thousand, Ninety Three Hundred and Forty Two < 17,930,042

You kinda overuse the word Filly, ei "The filly Diamond Tiara"

My teachers tend not to call roll like that, "That kid Gabe Wilson? Is he here? Has anyone seen the kid named Gabe Wilson"

If youre serious at writing, make your page breaks all the same, and preferably in the middle of the page.

Other than that, it looks amazing. My first FIMFIC story was a collab so I don't really know what it's like, starting from scratch, but you did really well

-The Kid AskFoxxy

Ya the problem was with the whole paragraphs is that my tabs key is broken and my teacher said to me that any sentenve in dialouge is a new paragraph, I'll work on that a little.

But everyone who has read thank you so much, I tried to make this one happier then most things I write.. You may expect a small srk story from me now and then along with some romance, thank you all for reading!

About the filly thing I tend to use it because I always feel like the mane 6 dont know anypony even though Pinkie has greeted everypony... force of habit

this was a nice short story write more like it

>>882377882377 TEACHER????? For school? Maybe, you can reply. I usually like dark,  sad, and death stuffXi have a good extra sentence for the end of any story with a happy ending. "And, then, they got mauled by rabid dogs."

>>883413883413 I always use CMC. I fuse they're easier to make die.

Uhhh ya my teacher, we were put on the assignment to do a book, my main character died in the end... happy!

A very D'aaaaaaaaaw worthy story, but it ended faaaaaaaaaaaar too quickly. It set up for so much and the characters are all well written, but I must say I was expecting so much more to happen in the adventure.

>>13504881350488

This WAS my first story after all! But meh, thanks anyways!