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Zaelex 21325

Joined July 2012
13 followers

    Zaelex's Stories (2)

    • Turning Point
      3 Pilots, one mission.

      1,240 words · 238 views · 17 likes · 0 dislikes
    • Beacon 428: Spirit of Fire
      The UNSC Spirit of Fire. A ship that went MIA. Where did it go? (This is a halo crossover)
      2,965 words · 815 views · 48 likes · 6 dislikes
    Source

    UNSC Spirit of Fire, a colony ship that went missing after the battle of Arcadia. What happened to it? The Spartans? Captain Cutter? More importantly, where is it?

    Characters will be added as they enter the story.

    For full understanding of this, have some knowledge of the Halo universe (Books), and of the events Halo Wars. (This includes the missions in the game, cutscenes, year, and of course, characters.

    For those Halo players who haven't played all of the games, here in the timeline in Chronological order:

    Halo Wars

    Halo Reach

    Halo Combat Evolved

    Halo 2

    Halo 3: ODST

    Halo 3

    Halo 4




    Tags: UNSC , Halo , Spartan , Marine , ODST , Human , Space.

    First Published
    8th Jul 2012
    Last Modified
    27th Oct 2012

    Comments ( 59 )

    #1 · Chapter 3 · 49w, 2d ago · · ·
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    I don't have time to read this right now, but I will read it when I have the chance so I will put this to read later list.

    #2 · Chapter 3 · 49w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Ok sir, you have my attention.

    THERE BETTER BE SPARTANS IN THIS. SPARTANS ARE BOSS.

    #3 · Chapter 3 · 49w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Wow.... A bigger fan of Halo than me. Let's critic your story.

    Complements: The names of the weapons are spot on and the potentialness is out of control. I admire you for making a story like this. With that much research, you must've been up all night.

    Critiques: The voice dialogue of two or more characters aren't supposed to be in the same paragraph. There were some spelling errors, like my story:ajsmug:. The setting and characters seemed a bit out of shape. This story is just like mine, it is a bit short,and it has spelling errors.

    However, since I am a Halo fan, I'll give you props on the setting and time of the crash landing. I'll also give you props on the different characters. From my advice, given from my fans:trixieshiftright:, is that it needs to be longer and more solid. But all and all, it is a great story with lots of potential and a somewhat solid plot. I hope you make more of these.

    #4 · Chapter 3 · 49w, 2d ago · · ·
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    This sparked my curiosity, yes I too wondered what happened to the crew of 'Sprit of Fire' Too bad Sergeant Forge died he was one of the best on board. But still if you could make longer chapters it would  be nice, except that I don't see major mistakes. All in all a good story hope to see more of this.

    #5 · Chapter 3 · 49w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>877689 Thanks, and will do, i'll try to make the next few chapters longer. These were to give the story a bit of a kick-off.

    #6 · Chapter 3 · 49w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>877713 no problem. If you need some hints on the dialogue situation, look at my story "Reality is Twisted" or some other famous fics.

    #7 · Chapter 3 · 49w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Seems legit, I'll fav so I can read later.

    #8 · Chapter 1 · 49w, 2d ago · · ·
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    In my 'professional' opinion, it seems like you rushed through this first chapter.  I'd be more than happy to be a pre reader for you and to offer my advice.

    #9 · Chapter 3 · 49w, 2d ago · · ·
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      Besides the usual signs of a crappy fic (short chapters, sketchy characterization, bare-thread cliched plot) the biggest sign that this fic sucks is the weapon listing in the first chapter. Usually whenever a fic offers such a detailed gun list it's a sign that the author doesn't have any idea what he's doing and is trying to fill up space. This also goes for long-winded equipment and vehicle descriptions, as well as the "original innovations" shoehorned in on a flimsy pretext (hand shields)

    #10 · Chapter 3 · 49w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>877701 I can put a name on every character in that picture except the spartan in the EVA helmet.  Who is he/she?

    #11 · Chapter 3 · 49w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>878116

    Not an EVA helmet.  That is the original Spartan-III, as described in the novel Halo: Ghosts of Onyx.  The book is completely contradicted by Halo Reach, though, so I have no idea which one is regarded as canonical.

    Anyway, why have there not been Halo Wars crossovers before?  Seriously, the game was better than most would think.  I will read this when I have more time.

    #12 · Chapter 3 · 49w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>878224 It looks like an EVA helmet...  :pinkiesad2:

    #13 · Chapter 3 · 49w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>878284

    It is called Semi-Powered Infiltration (SPI) Armour.

    #14 · Chapter 3 · 49w, 2d ago · · ·
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    "Some screenshots released by Bungie led to fans speculating that they would be able to use SPI armor in Halo 3. However, the armor was later revealed to be the MJOLNIR EVA variant. "

    #15 · Chapter 3 · 49w, 22h ago · · ·
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    >>877701 Would the Spartan in SPI Armour be Kurt 051?

    #16 · Chapter 3 · 48w, 6d ago · · ·
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    >>877689 By the way, I actually didn't research any of this. I just decided to make a fic, not expecting so many people to like it.

    #17 · Chapter 4 · 48w, 2d ago · · ·
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    I would like a mix between the two, a reasonable size and quality and a one or two more chapters to even out the update times. But if it comes down to a decision between the two, i choose quality.

    #18 · Chapter 4 · 48w, 2d ago · · ·
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    i always choose quality over quantity

    #19 · Chapter 4 · 48w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Quality over quantity.

    #20 · Chapter 4 · 48w, 2d ago · · ·
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    based on this chapter you should focus on quality :trollestia:

    #21 · Chapter 4 · 48w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Quality.

    Renember, there are a LOT of fic's on this site if you want to get noticed you have to deliver quality, if not you fic will dissapear in the endless sea of meh fic's.

    #22 · Chapter 4 · 48w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Maybe you can give readers both quality and quantity with some assistance.:twilightsmile: If you need a pre-reader/proofreader, let me know. I'd love to help out with this. For me, though, quality is much more important.

    #23 · Chapter 4 · 48w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Quality. I hate reading garbage I can hardly follow.

    #24 · Chapter 4 · 48w, 2d ago · · ·
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    I HAVENT SEEN THIS UPDATE IN FOREVER, If it takes this long for "quality" than I choose quantity!

    #25 · Chapter 4 · 48w, 2d ago · · ·
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    #26 · Chapter 4 · 48w, 2d ago · · ·
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    quality :pinkiehappy:

    #27 · Chapter 4 · 48w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Quality

    #28 · Chapter 4 · 48w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Quality with a slice of quantity would be my vote

    #29 · Chapter 4 · 48w, 2d ago · · ·
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    I'll stick with Quality for now. I hope that's not a problem. :twilightsmile:

    #30 · Chapter 4 · 48w, 2d ago · · ·
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    A happy middle road? If not, quality.

    #31 · Chapter 3 · 48w, 9h ago · · ·
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    >>878116 Aside from the Spartans(other than the Chief and Jorge) I know all of those characters(and I can guess a few of the Spartans).

    #32 · Chapter 4 · 48w, 8h ago · · ·
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    Both if possible, otherwise quality. I would rather read one gem a month (or less:fluttercry:) rather than a bunch of garbage thrice a week.

    #33 · Chapter 4 · 48w, 6h ago · · ·
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    I...........dont care....

    lol quality definately quality

    #35 · Chapter 4 · 48w, 6h ago · · ·
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    both? or quality :)

    #36 · Chapter 4 · 48w, 5h ago · · ·
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    Quality.  Now that that's out of the way, I have some criticisms.

    1)  Write out numbers.  The only exception being in proper names (F-15) and dates.

    2)  Pacing.  In chapter 2, it goes from nine A.M. to Midnight with absolutely no warning whatsoever.

    #37 · Chapter 4 · 48w, 4h ago · · ·
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    >>928593 Chapter 2, the first encounter with the problems keeping me from typing up Chapter 4. Seemed like a small problem before, hell of a large one now.

    #38 · Chapter 4 · 47w, 6d ago · · ·
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    Take all the time you need.  A story with as much potential as this needs to be treated with care.  I have faith in you.

    #39 · Chapter 4 · 46w, 6d ago · · ·
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    Personally, I prefer quality over quantity. I would also recommend having your chapters at a length of no less than 1,000 words each.

    #40 · Chapter 4 · 46w, 6d ago · · ·
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    #41 · Chapter 4 · 46w, 5d ago · · ·
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    'Notice' is best chapter!

    #42 · Chapter 4 · 46w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Wow, these chapters ARE short.

    #43 · Chapter 4 · 46w, 22h ago · · ·
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    Quality is always better than quantity.  I have waited months for some authors to update their stories and I have usually felt that it was worth the wait.  Of course, those were 10000-20000 words per chapter.  You know, there was one that was 43,000 words.  Anyway, I digress.  

    I'd rather have good chapters later on, then shitty chapters now and frequently.  

    #44 · Chapter 4 · 46w, 21h ago · · ·
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    >>1002665 Don't worry, the new chapters will be pretty long, considering the length of these. Maybe 1000-2000 words. Round the number of words in my other story, if I get a good idea of what i'm gonna do. Halo crossovers are not as easy to write as other games, considering that the last alien species they came into contact with tried to wipe humanity from the universe.

    #45 · Chapter 3 · 42w, 2d ago · · ·
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    this fanfic is awesome :pinkiehappy:

    #46 · Chapter 4 · 40w, 4d ago · · ·
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    >>878085 "Besides the usual signs of a crappy fic (short chapters, sketchy characterization, bare-thread cliched plot) the biggest sign that this fic sucks is the weapon listing in the first chapter. Usually whenever a fic offers such a detailed gun list it's a sign that the author doesn't have any idea what he's doing and is trying to fill up space. This also goes for long-winded equipment and vehicle descriptions, as well as the "original innovations" shoehorned in on a flimsy pretext (hand shields)" This coming from the guy who hasn't written any stories. In conclusion, you wouldn't understand.

    #47 · Chapter 4 · 39w, 5d ago · · ·
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    HALO WARS! YES!

    #48 · Chapter 4 · 33w, 4d ago · · ·
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    quality, all the time, but longer chapters wouldn't hurt.

    #49 · Chapter 5 · 33w, 3d ago · · ·
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    oh i liked this story :pinkiesad2: :raritycry: :fluttercry: :raritydespair:

    #50 · Chapter 5 · 33w, 3d ago · · ·
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    no

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