Chapter 3
Hippophobia
DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit work of fan fiction. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic © Hasbro.
Chapter 3
Conrad's eyes snapped open and he sat upright in the spare bed he'd slept in the night before. Normally he wouldn't be up so quickly, but he'd been jolted awake by a nightmare about ponies made of wood trying to eat him.
It was only about 5 AM, according to the several clocks on the wall. The human climbed out of bed and slowly tip-toed down the hall, being careful not to make the floor squeak. Time Turner was still in bed, mumbling something about pears in his sleep. Conrad sneaked past as quiet as a mouse, and made his way to the living room.
He wanted to stop and admire all the intricate and fancy time-related devices Turner kept, but he needed to be out of there as soon as possible. He silently opened the bottom half of the old-fashioned double door, ducked out, and closed it just as carefully.
Once outside, he heaved a sigh of relief and wiped the sweat off his brow. OK, time to find some humans and get out of this little town of horrors.
He slipped into an alley and kept to the shadows. The town he was in, Ponyville as Turner said, was still asleep, save for one pony who lived in a tree. Their lights were on, and there were sounds of some kind of ruckus going on inside, and somepony shouting orders at sonepony else.
Better avoid that place, Conrad thought, and went in the opposite direction. He found his way to a large apple orchard, and immediately, his stomach growled at the sight of them.
He knew it was wrong to steal, but he was in a strange place with no connections and everyone was a pony. He could stick to the shadows and live like an untrained ninja thief, or go out in public and risk being trampled to death.
Eat apples. Feed worms. Eat apples. Feed worms. His stomach growled again, making up his mind for him. "Sorry, karma. Ninjas survive!"
As he stepped into the open, the light around him suddenly and instantly increased. Conrad stumbled and put his arms up. "I'm sorry, karma! I'll be a good ninja, I swear!"
When nothing happened, he openes one eye, and then looked east. The light was coming from the sun, but just a moment ago, barely the tip of it was over the horizon. Now it was more than half exposed.
"Huh..." Conrad scratched his head and looked at the sunrise which wasn't moving anymore. "Did I just... space out or something? Nah." He swatted a hand at the sun dismissively, and then jumped the fence, searching for the perfect apple for breakfast.
Time Turner groaned and rubbed his forehead. "Mmf. No, I told you, I hate pears." His eyes slowly drifted open and his dream faded away. He yawned and smacked his lips, climbing out of bed. Standing next to the window, he stretched his legs and cracked his neck. "Ah, good morning, Equestria. Time to go check on my guest."
He trotted softly through the upstairs hall into the guest room. "Rise and shine, Conrad. Want some break--"
The bed was empty, albeit half-decently made.
"Conrad?" Turner called out, "Are you in here?"
He went downstairs, but found no trace of him there either. He facehoofed. "Celestia's sweet flanks, he's determined to get himself killed!"
Turner galloped out the door and ran down Mane Street in search of any sign of the missing human. The light around him seemed to jump up to a higher brightness, but he chalked it off to simply being too preoccupied with his search to follow the sun's movement.
As he made it further into town, he passed Twilight Sparkle, who was audibly talking to herself about finding a friendship problem. He glanced at her for a second and blinked before carrying on.
After finishing off his breakfast and going for a brisk walk through the orchard, Conrad was feeling his constitution coming back. If he could just observe these ponies, maybe he could find some that were tame enough to approach.
He found his way to the barn he'd seen earlier, and thought he heard crashing noises. The human froze dead in his tracks when he saw a cyan pegasus burst out of the side of the barn, shake splinters of wood out of her mane, and then rush back in. She kicked, flew through, and even ripped huge chunks of wood out of their place with her teeth.
Conrad watched in wide-eyed horror at the one-pony demolition squad. Obviously she wasn't the one to go anywhere near.
A purple unicorn came by and stopped the pegasus with some kind of spell. A few minutes of talking passed, and Conrad tried to move in closer and hear what they were saying. Before he could hear enough to gather any useful information, the pegasus bolted up into the sky, then flew straight down, crashing into the barn so hard that it actually exploded with a mushroom cloud.
Conrad was blown back by the force, and flipped himself upright, being carried by the wind until his feet were on the ground again and he could run away at top speed. All the while, he was shouting every obscenity he could think of, each word drowned out by the resounding boom rolling around him.
He kept running along the outskirts of town, ignoring the few curious onlookers who watched him run by.
He finally stopped after fifteen minutes of solid running, a personal record for him. Collapsing on the ground, he gasped for air, looking like a fish out of water.
After finally regaining some of his stamina, he stood up and kept walking, hoping to get some more distance between himself and the kamikaze ponies.
Conrad found a small cottage on the edge of the forest Turner called the Everfree forest. Standing outside was a yellow and pink pegasus, but instead of demolishing buildings, she was slowly walking around her yard, stopping to nuzzle each of her little animals. She actually seemed rather cute, and squeaked shyly whenever one of her critters popped up beside her.
Conrad smiled as he watched her, but still hid in a tree just in case. The height obviously wouldn't stop a pegasus from reaching him, but at least it gave him enough cover that he wouldn't be easily spotted.
A loud, enraged growl caught his attention, and he climbed higher to get a look at the source of the frightening noise. A grizzly bear was trudging towards the mare, his face twisted in a murderous snarl.
The pony turned around and faced the bear, nonchslantly staring him down.
"No, get out of there, you little idiot!" Conrad said through gritted teeth the way someone would say to the moron who dies by going into a dark room in every horror movie.
"Fluttershy!" a familiar female voice called from behind.
Conrad looked over his shoulder and saw the purple unicorn from before. "Why is she here? Is she following me?!"
He looked back at the pegasus in time to see her dart under the bear and dive-kick it in the back. She grabbed its hind legs and bent its spine almost in half. The bear gnawed its finger, crying in pain and beating the ground. The mare payed it no heed and lifted it up, taking hold of its head and twisting it sideways with a sickening crack. The grizzly fell to the ground, no longer moving.
Conrad gaped and miraculously climbed down the tree without falling out. He sat with his back against the trunk and wrapped his arms around his legs.
"I am going to die here..."
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why hippo anyway?
wouldn;t equinophobia make more snese?
879068 Name one phobia with a name that makes sense.
879086
arachnophobia
arachnids = spiders :p
though to be fair hippo's re sometimes called water-horses
879137 .......... well... uh... shut up!
879137 See above discussion on the name.
I can see it, sitting with his arms wrapped around his legs, fetal position, rocking back and forth "Better safe than sorry, better safe than sorry...."
As soon as Twilight was talking about a friendship problem, I knew exactly what episode this was taking place in. And then I eagerly awaited all the misunderstood scenes.
... wait, if hippophobia is fear of horses... what is the fear of hippos called?
Haha! I'm very entertained by the way you write, and weaving the story into a familiar episode was a good idea--especially this one. Poor Conrad.
An HiE where the human avoids Twilight's Library? Blasphemy!
879927
"Hippo" = "horse" "Hippopotamus" literally means "river horse".
Probably hippopotamophobia.
883288 mother of god
encrypted-tbn3.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQoj5eDSrG33Y4ag4gq-xRe_gE9CVqCEaiunjazvv9Q9EyLMgRdRw
879086 Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia, that one makes total sense. Both the name and the phobia.
My personal favorite phobia is "Triskaidekaphobia", which I hear they have a shot for now!
The greek for horse is Hippos, which is where the phobia gets its name
He see's all these awesome ponies, with their power... and he is so awed and fearful, that he is about to.... HNNNNGH-
Just out of curiosity, isn't Conrad in slightest freaked out by Unicorns and Pegasi? I mean those are kinda mythological creatures, also lookie here! Magic! At least I think it's one thing seeing a talking animal... And it's a completely different thing seeing talking mythological creatures that use some whoosh magic and move stuff with their minds. I would probably question my sanity by this point if I were him (I know what I'm talking about, I question my sanity every 10 minutes
) I vote he goes insane and murders something! Yay, blood! 
That aside good story!
Lacks gore...
Does everything needs to be violent and have someone murdering something for you to be satisfied? --'
Let me think... Yeeeees!
Not this time! We will read this and we will enjoy it!
I hate it when you're in control!
I'm ALWAYS in control
Yeach, keep telling yourself that...
Ekhem, sorry for that, my other delusional personality always has to barge into my comments!
I'm not delusional! You're delusional!
(Twas a dialogue between myself and my other self if you didn't notice!)
Anyway keep up the good work man!
"Celestia's sweet flanks"
...um. Isn't that the pony equivalent of a human saying "By God's Almighty Endowment!"
@Gordon Freeman - cool name; ALSO: Xenophobia, fear of aliens.
...although in the case of ponies, I'd have to go with xenophillia.
879068 Phobia is greek, and so is Hippos (as in, say, Hippodrome or Hippocampus). Equus is Latin, and making things out of a mix of latin and greek is not kosher.
Ha ha, a phobic caught on No Friendship Problem Day?? That's a very dangerous day. XD
1008949 Big ol' God-titties.
It had to be this episode, huh?
889624 fear of the number 666
879068
shouldn't it be Equinophobia or hippophobia there are the same thing i looked it up
881103 *Yay!* Useless fun facts!
Yes
Their lights were on, and there were sounds of some kind of ruckus going on inside, and somepony shouting orders at somepony else.
879137 But...people who have arachnophobia are usually not necessary afraid of other arachnids such as scorpions, so the name isn't that fitting.
879068 It is called that because the name comes from greek mythology. The hippocampus was the first horse that was created by the god of the sea, Poseidon. He went on to create all of the other horses and horse like creatures, but the hippocampus was his favorite and was used as the genus term for most other equine races.