In the name of the almighty internet...

Image: http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_TkbcIBMy1Y/T2Ioh3r-T_I/AAAAAAAABGA/BAJcgUhFm7c/s1600/firstpost.jpg

Okay, in all seriousness, this is my first fanfic and I could really use all the pointers/educated criticism you can all give. I hope you all enjoy a simple prologue! It certainly wont be that way for long.

You made a good choice by making MLP nonexistent in this universe.

Lets see what you have to offer here...

Errr.. stories are actually more interesting without MLP in our world/universe. Anyway I like where this is going :D.

I concur with the above. I abjectly hate having stories where the fandom or the show come up in them. It never adds to the story having constant comparisons between the show and the 'reality'. It just makes me really annoyed. For making a point of omitting it that alone has earned you many points from myself.

>>863435863435

"god has given me these 20..."

*drops one of two tablets which breaks into tiny bits*

"... these 10 commandments!" XD

>>867646867646 Major Tom to IraqLobstah:

I second that.

I think I speak for everyone here when I say...

Image: http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/293/590/6f6.gif

my recently out of control car starring at

on that dammed and yet

simply the one day I dreams of since I was small

had to pick the most bizarre to just

1. Staring.

2. Damned.

3. Dreamed.

4. Umm... Most bizare time to, I believe?

Boeing777 huh... so this must mean its present day (or close to depending what year you put this in)

Watching...

Nice prologue, it sets the story up nicely. I like the pacing and the detail you put into the back-story of Anderson. From the tone I'm guessing that all of the detail is from personal experience Nothing wrong with that, but it makes it hard to keep the flow when you move to things that you don't have direct experience with.

I have one criticism and one suggestion:

Criticism: There are several places where you made changes and didn't smooth the text out properly. For example: I made went to brush my teeth . Be sure to re-read several times especially when editing.

Suggestion: While its in no way required, consider your line spacing. Adding an extra line between paragraphs may make it slightly easier on the eyes, especially during dialog. But that may be only my personal preference...

Anyway - Great story, I'll be watching this

>>869639869639  Ouchies, I did not see those mistakes and neither did my editor... Being the grammar nazi that I am I will probably go hang myself now

>>870164870164   Well, I actually made it my best effort to not include MY life into this character. I thought it would be a little egotistical to put myself in our hero's shoes . I will kindly take those criticisms and try my best efforts to improve my writing, I sincerely did not re-read as much as I should have because I got a little impatient to publish my first story () and my editor will be seeing some raining fire balls for not spotting those little errors either

In a nutshell, thanks, have a Fluttershy .

Alright, everything on my radar has been fixed . But I must address that ONE of you (im not mentioning names) made incorrect corrections and made me spend a good three minutes looking at a dictionary like an idiot .

  Now that this message has been properly conveyed in the form of text, I am going to continue the next chapter(squee )

>>871237871237

Just to clarify - I'm not referring to a self-insert when I mentioned personal experience. (I choose poor words there ) I mean that it sounds like you are personally knowledgeable about aircraft maintenance.  I really like that you go into the level of detail that you do, but that means that it's best to go into that same level of detail if you choose to describe other technical details of the story, otherwise it could unbalance the story.

I suppose this reads like a criticism, it's not ment to be... it's more like "I really hope this continues! "

>>871256871256 Ahh... It's most likely me T_T I'm sorry

>>871262871262

Not to worry! My OCD is just bound to force me to describe every incessant detail in a desperate effort to make sure the reader gets the same image that I have! Many details shall be addressed!

>>871432871432

  All is forgiven

thinking much clearer soon of I will bash

I chose thisperfect moment

making anypony smile a much as the possibly can and

Umm, not to be rube or anything

1. Or.

2. Forgot your spacing.

3. As and They.

4. Rude.

Darn... WHY DO I FEEL like those comments are pointed at me?

>>871933871933

sorry, small crowd. My editor is getting way too lazy, might have to cut him off.... And bake some cupcakes

>>871972871972 Great, Now to wait and see if the crowd grows... WHEN the crowd grows

>>871982871982

Thank you I love that kind of optimism

... Holy gasp on a stick batmare! Well... that's my randomness limit for the day. Not really but, close.

Hopefully he doesn't get caught in a landslide.

Don't forget to start a new paragraph each time you change speakers.

I liked his wake up call

One thing...

It doesn't quite fit for me, how you have them just blurting out their whole mini introduction, like they're the new kids in class. I'd expect them to give just their names and where they're from. Maybe something more like:

R: I'm Rainbow Dash,

T: I'm Twilight Sparkle,

P: and i'm Pinkie Pie!

T: We're from Equestria, and we're not even sure how we got here

After all, they've apparently never seen a human before. Why would they tell him all the info right away? I mean, yes, Pinkie's hyper, or something. That's why she gets the exclamation point. But they are operating with no information at all, and even a hyper person can get worried about things like that, and act more cautiously.

Wow, that was a real pain to put up. I was lucky enough to backup my writing in a word file, I tried to publish this chapter yesterday night and somehow I posted an empty chapter and lost all progress for a sec.

Well, thats all in the past now, forget I ever said that

Also, on a side note, I have a new slogan for Applebloom to use when she is selling apples. I am absolutely positive that this will increase sales dramatically. Ahem: "Buy some apples!"

Or play some Luna game!

Image: http://img.ponibooru.org/_images/dada45d430d28ad1903aa72891ed2ded/1827%20-%20apple_bloom%20artist%3Akloudmutt%20creepy%20fanfic%20grimdark%20nightmare_fuel%20slasher_bloom.jpg

Heh, good luck sleeping

>>873859873859

Hah! you saw the reference! Thank you so much, I was just dying to see that comment!

But yeah, you guessed the title of the next chapter by listening to Queen.

>>875745875745

Well, I was thinking with the same point in mind. Sometimes when I am really nervous, I somehow end up acting really childish-like. And Pinkie Pie does go through a slight depression phase in the next chapter

Sorry if I disappointed you, its a little hard to please everyone at once, so I resorted to referring to a small audience (that audience being myself). If I like it then I post it, and I will be happy if others like it too. This way I won't overload myself by making everyone's happiness my goal, it's not.(wat)

That doesn't mean I love my audience any less though, so keep reading!

Definitely a more comfortable read than the last chapter.

I have mixed feelings about having music links in the story. On one hand it allows for the music to play for appropriate scenes, but on the other hand it breaks the flow of the story as web pages are redirected or new tabs are opened or whatnot. In this case I think the link detracts from the story because the scene that included the music you reference is so short. Kryptonite is a popular enough song that just naming it will start the music running through many peoples heads.

>>882896882896

Yeah, I had the same feelings, but I didn't think it was a very popular song, much less remember the lyrics. So after a few minutes of pondering I decided to add a link that also allows the reader to see the lyrics (and potential importance) without having to go way out of their way

God, those pictures still mortify me. Now i'm going to have to sleep with the shotgun tonight. Oh and cool chapter btw. $875?! He must be broke by now.

>>883578883578

Fortunately, working as an AMT can pay pretty well. So good Samaritan Matthew might only need to save his pennies for a month or so

My advise to you, keep the shotgun under your pillow, pointed at the door. But make sure to keep an eye out for the windows, closets, the underside of your bed and behind the cover on your ceiling light. Sleep well

>>882743882743

Oh, OK. that makes sense.

I'm enjoying the story so far. Just thought I'd give a little input.

I like chapter 3, by the way.

>>884180884180

I'm sorry that this had to be cleared up in the comment section and not within the story itself. I'll try to be more careful next time

I noticed a big grammatical mistake that you seem to be making quite often. No two people or characters are supposed to talk in the same paragraph. When the speaker changes, you need to start a new one, even if it means having paragraphs that are only one sentence long. The way you have it now, I found it extremely difficult to keep track of who was talking at any particular moment. It might be a good idea to go back and edit that in. It won't take long- only a minute or two at most.

I didn't think your last chapter was too bad, other than having the same paragraph/speaker issue I just mentioned.

>>884974884974

Yeah, I see what you mean. I'll look into it. At least my errors are grammatical and not conceptual, that would take a whole lot more time to fix. Thanks for bringing this to my attention, I won't make the same mistake again.

Hey i got an idea from being insanely tired. What if one of the "Mane 3" asks him what they can do to make up for all of the money he's spent on them, i can thing of a way ;) if ya catch my drift.

Time to be a Nazi! ... or Picky more like it.

*Young Matthew looks at time piece, then at his father. Both wearing a small smile"

Oh god, you are serious

"huh, that actually might fill a few gaps in our understanding of physics"

"Argh! Two legs, how do you walk around like this?".

"There, put those on, I think we are going to go shopping for some clothes".

"Rainbow! watch your language! And please, don't ask such weird questions"

"Yeah, I just wasn't really sure. I think the others will want to know before it gets out of hoof"

for the three mare in disguise

1. Supposed to be an asterik at the end right?

2. Are you serious? ARE YOU SERIOUS?!

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_RageFace.png

3. Forgot to capitalise and missing your comma at the end.

4. Same thing as 5.

5. Look carefully at the end where ya missed your comma

6. Forgot to capitalise and your comma at the end.

7. Forgot your comma at the end.

8. Mares.

>>887789887789

No clop! This story is rated Teen and I don;t feel like going through the trouble of changing that!

>>888599888599

Well played ref, well played... I fix those eventually.

....Edit: Well, most of those corrections were made. I really meant the part of "Oh god, you're serious." part, it was a statement of disbelief that even I use every now and then.

Oh, I see. It's skateBOARDING. When I think of "skating", I think of roller blades or ice skates, both of which ponies already have. As a result, I would think the ponies would have come to the same conclusion. I was going to mention it last chapter, but by the time I finished reading, I had forgotten about it. It may be worth going back and clarifying that. Of course, if skateboarding is shown in Season 3, the whole premise of skateboarding lessons is eliminated.

Also, Rainbow Dash is out of character. She's showing too much empathy. In the show, she often has difficulty noticing the feelings of others. I doubt she would have noticed his sleeping trouble, even if she herself had been awake. She's not completely devoid of empathy, but when she does try to show it, she's not usually very good at expressing it.

Similarly, I could say Pinkie seems unusually gloomy at times, but she's Pinkie Pie. There's no telling what goes on inside that head of hers. She's admitted that even she is not completely sure herself.

The story could also use a bit more descriptive detail. For example, instead of *Heavy rain* *thunder*, it's usually recommended that you actually describe the sounds. The sound effects showing instead of descriptions are the biggest ones. The rest of the story could use it as well, but it's not absolutely necessary.

AHA! I noticed something, WHERE'S TWILIGHT?!   HAHA! She probably stayed up all night on the interwebs and found "the dark side".

>>889782889782

I will respond to that last bit first, It was a memory. The memory was purposely made vague because it's a memory, so it was meant to be mostly dialogue and I attempted to keep descriptive writing out of those portions.

Sure, I agree with you that Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie are out of character, but then again, they were never flung into another world in the show. Plus, Matthew potentially saved their lives and even blew off $800 for ponies sake. So I would not be surprised if things in one's character get mixed about in a situation like that. Hell, maybe even the one and only Rainbow Dash has to soften up a bit once in a while, she only really showed empathy once in this chapter.

As for the skating, skaters just call it skate and don't really bother with that last detail unless they are talking about the board itself and not the action. I'm basically saying that I will not pursue that topic.

>>889811889811

Maybe, I was just thinking that she went to bed.. Hopefully not clopping to humans, that's a little too weird and opposite for me. But hey, not even the author knows.

Well, let's just say it lets me see you are you read my work

"Sure, I could give you a few lessons. I guess it'll give you something to do while you're here"

"Um, you are very welcome"

"Nopony wakes me up like that.".

"Regular? then why are you riding the opposite way?"

"I don't see any ropes in here, but I'm sure we'll manage without those!."

I smile began to grow on Pinkie Pie's face

I began. everypony looked around the room awkwardly.

"and, they aren't exactly human either.",

I don;t need thanking for that.

Thanks me later

1. I believe you mean As.

2. Forgot yer comma at the end.

3. Same as 2.

4. Exta fullstop thre.

5. Forgot to capitalise.

6. Same as 4.

7. A. Wanna buy another vowel?

8. Don’t know if you meant or a comma or forgot to capitalise.

9. Forgot to capitalise at the start and extra comma at the end.

10. Don’t.

11. Thank.

Now then... fullstops... If I were to include those (?)mistakes I guess(?) where you put fullstops instead of commas there would've been more but imma let that slide... But yeah, there are those that are picky. Just lettin you know

Is it just me, or is this chapter not quite up to the quality of the previous ones?

I'm pretty sure I see what you intend for the dream sequence. It looks like you are going for pure dialog. But the way it is now doesn't quite work since you have some description in there as well.

Just a suggestion, but what about replacing the description with onomatopoeia? For example replace the beginning with:

krak-a-BOOM    

knock knock

"Hello? Matt! Are you in there? It's me, Ted!"

creeaaak

The ending would need to be reworded a bit too, perhaps something like:

...I'm worried for you is all."

"What, This phone?"

CRASH

"I need to be alone."

On a different note, this: I looked at the author, my eyes pleading for an explanation, but he just stared at me and shrugged

No... Please... just... no.

And a final note: Damn... Twi was a real bitch when he woke her up... never even apologized... (pardon the language)

Edit: Sure she has reason - but still... damn...

On the plus side - I still really enjoy the story, and that stargazing scene was beautiful.

>>894347894347

Arrgh, the product of me writing at midnight. Sorry about the shattered 4th wall there, I actually thought I only imagined it but apparently it slipped through. Maybe my one and only editor thought that bit was hilarious and decided not to tell me about it.

I for one think that the dreaming sequence is fine, the part where Matthew crushes the phone was supposed to be just him crushing it in front of Ted out of pure rage and agony.. So Matt's wittiness isn't there for a reason.

As for the Twilight thing... I was planning to leave the apology for later, but you caught me in the act. I was mostly trying a little harder to get Pinkie Pie a little closer to, well, Pinkie Pie. I'm glad you enjoyed that last scene, because I wrote it seconds before passing out from sheer exhaustion

>>894000894000

Once more, the product of me just being tired... And my editor giving me the okay a bit quickly. I'm really sorry about that, I just don;t know what went wrong

Zat vas... DA MAGICS.

Hey great story so far

loved the fact that you're actively dealing with the fact that twilight and the others aren't legal citizens

I haven't seen that in other ponies on earth stories

Be wary, for I am about to quote the famous words of some obscure fat person: 'MOAR!!! I WANT MOAR!!!'

Pretty good chapter. I really wish Rainbow Dash would have "Feelings" for Matt. But, are you up to the task of relationship writing?

This chapter does seem much smoother compared to the previous ones. I only noticed one thing, and it's likely due to my own recent research: "Cast" is an irregular verb, spelled the same for all tenses.

Your version of Pinkie is also developing nicely. She's far more philosophical than the canon version, but I find a thoughtful version to be a nice change. Rainbow and Twilight haven't gotten much screen time yet, and I look forward to seeing how you work with them!

Well... Time for future you to feel my pickiness today...

I no time at all

If you don't just spit it out and you haven't actually eaten any meat

"No, I'm sorry".

"Um.... No, sorry if I made you angry",

"I'm not angry, I'm disappointed",

Thank you, for letting me see that Matthew",

"Hey, what are friends for? I only hope Rainbow sees that soon enough",

"Oh, I just took a random novel from your collection, if that's okay with you",

"It's fine by me, I meant which book",

"Yes, it's a very good book",

"Dinner is ready! Rainbow, come down please",

"I hope you're okay with steamed vegetables",

"Yeah, I'll be right back",

extremely long distance in a very short time",

Which means that, theoretically, it's.

"What happened is that we may have an idea on how we came here",

"Yes, that point is perfectly clear to me",

took us to get new clothes",

"Um yes, yes I can",

"From what I can tell",

"But",

then I can make it take us back",

but I do not possess unlimited power",

what materials I will need, yet",

He has done nothing but try to stick by my side",

"Even when I was pushing him away".

"Thank you Matthew, for everything",

1. In.

2. Forgot your comma in the middle.

3-14. Check the end of each sentence.

15. It should be It Is.

16-27. Check the ends as well.

>>904399904399

I will be completely honest with you , I have been thinking about that for a while. I guess thats up to me to decide though, and up to you to read up through... Damn! I wish there was a Zecora face I could use!

>>904340904340

Thanks for noticing. I knew from the beginning that I was doing a story that has been done over and over again, I myself am almost sick of reading Ponies in Earth (PiE!) stories. So I have been actively trying my best to make it my own and revitalize the potential this subcategory of fim has. For example, I scraped the idea that Twilight is always the pony that was doing some massive and high-risk experiment when something goes wrong and her and her friends get transported to Earth somehow, Twilight deserves better than that because I see her as a whole lot more cautious and skilled to keep making those errors through hundreds of stories. I also focused on some issues that really were never addressed before (again, thanks for noticing) and I'm planning on much more drama. Keep on reading

>>905866905866

What the BUCK? I'll have to look into that.

Wait, there are skating in equestria.

Alright. Don't give me an answer...   I WILL STAND, STONEWALL JACKSON SHALL WAIT FOR HIS RELATIONSHIP INSTALLMENT! HIIIIYAAA!

>>908724908724

No, Scootaloo has a scooter-thingy. I have yet to see a pony that rides on a skateboard that isn't fan made art

Image: http://cheezburger.com/5364477440

for posting on impulse this is pretty good

Okay, I hate to sound like a dousche, but I cannot sugarcoat this.

Right now I can't make that many judgements, bmainly because you said you'd be getting a new editor, but if the next chapter is like the others, than Ill just let you know what you are missing. When you proofread. Honestly though, I really like how this has been going, and I hate to sound like a kissa** when I say that I love the way you have been writing this so far, its as if you write as legitimately as you speak.

For example, in the previous chapter, in your conversation with Miss Pinkamena Diane Pie, you wrote : "...passing the proverbial ball of conversation." Those metaphors and whatnot are getting more hilarious by the minute(or persay, by the chapter).

Another thing, this relationship thing with "Ted" is erking me. Now, he does sound like a pretty cool guy, but I mean, 3 creatures from different dimensions crossing over into the human world? Why would he be so non-chalant about it, of course he is Matthew's friend and would never betray him by turning the 3 mares in but I mean...he just sort of brushed it off like if it was a normal thing...than again, he is in the CIA, I can't even BEGIN to imagine the crap he sees everyday.

Fix this grammar, and keep updating, or I will come over there and make cupcakes......I do know where you live...

P.S.- I really am excited to see this exchange between the mares and Ted, it looks like awkward waters ahead! Heh, keep up the good work though, NOW! OFF TO CONTINUE "It Takes A Village"

Hmm... I'm wondering... Some extra spacing maybe? Dunno... I'm picky at the moment... Hope your new editor fixes your mistakes!

>>933796933796

I'm not sure if you noticed before, but it just seems to be that there are some people out there that find it easy to accept the 'out of this world' but hard to accept small inconsistencies in reality. Ted is one of those people that simply accepts the absolutely bizarre in an effective attempt to protect his sanity, a sub-conscious defense mechanism that Matthew would have wanted a few days ago.

WEEPING ANGELS?!?!? oh snap!!!

>>937495937495

Squee! I was hoping people wouldn't be pissed when I added that into the mix. I did that because I was truly oh so very tired of the "Twilight messed up an experiment" explanation as to how they ended up in Earth to begin with, it just so happens that I was watching a certain episode of a certain show when I was pondering on how to overcome that small obstacle.

>>937883937883had a lol worthy picture about said angels, but it gets uploaded wrong...

>"Ha, seems like it worked Twi, isn't that right my little Dashie?" I teased. <

This made me laugh but also frown because of the My Little Dashie reference you just made there   

YES FIRST! for the first time ever I am first!

now to actually read the chapter and then post my reaction

Stop being so awesome.

It's to much.

I am worried about the men in suits, and the fact that Pinkie and Twilight weren't mentioned when he got home, leaving me to believe they may not be there.  The plot has thickened admirably, keep up the good work.

Secret agent men about to abduct the ponies. PREPARE FOR ET! Also, I can see that Rainbow Dash and Human romance going on there. Nice work, matey.

Wait... Stiff wings? Flurried Rainbow Dash?

Image: http://img-cache.cdn.gaiaonline.com/58a9c503d2b608686a26decdb91adbe5/http://img.ponibooru.org/_images/d7ab44b333d1953d9b7b1c64bc916326/36727%20-%20animated%20ohmygosh%20rainbow_dash%20wingboner.gif

Rainbow got a wing-boner! xD

Best chapter yet! I think you're really getting the feel of this story.

I'm not putting the obvious conclusions to RD's "condition" that morning. Being aroused as one wakes is not necessarily due to present circumstances, and could easily just be a symptom of being away from home for an extended period. (Yea, probably isn't...)

As for the tags -

Human is a given

Slice of life - probably not, as this is not a story of "a day in the life"

Comedy - I'd say not. There is a bit of humor, some of it really good, but it's not the focus of the story.

Alternate Universe - I'm undecided on this one. This tag is often used for alt-Equestria, and less often used for inter-dimensional travel. There is the justification of it being a non-MLP earth, but I think that's not much of a reason for the tag.

Adventure - This story isn't quite an adventure, but it's getting closer to one as it progresses.

I really wish there was a "Drama" Tag... that would fit this perfectly.

This fanfiction has really bloomed from what I thought it would be in the beginning. 5/5 twists!

>>991500991500

Thanks, I've been waiting for a response like that!

I'm taking your tag suggestions into consideration, and I strongly agree with your 'drama tag' wish.

I've been re-reading my writing so that I could critique it better, and I can see some of my word-smithy skills improving as well . I have a big surprise for all of you readers when the ending comes along .

P.S.: I haven't decided yet on RD's wing boner (never thought I would ever have to say something like that), whether it's just one of those mornings or if it's something deeper than that, I have not decided, so it's up to you all to decide!

>>992149992149

My vote is make it mean more than just morning wood.

Also I love this! I can't wait for more.

>>992149992149 i don't want this to become a romance story, just sayin'

>>10121901012190

Well, I never thought I would have the chance to say this... But the only audience I'm aiming to please is myself . If you don't like where my story is headed, then you're free to hop off the proverbial boat. Sorry if I sound like a jerk when I say that, but it's true... Mostly

>>10130391013039 no, no i guess what i'm trying to say is that i'm annoyed at how many stories on this website that has a human and they just end up getting romanced together (i'm serious like 75% of all the humans are in a relationship (especially with twi, dash, and fluttershy) and it's kinda sickening) but i won't stop reading this story cause i enjoy it

>>10130671013067

I'm glad you enjoy it! But I'm not going to give any hints whatsoever as to what the future holds

What a twist!

oooh Intrigue

This is great can't wait for more

I hope they make it back okay. oooooo this is so suspenseful!

Dat Portal reference Just be glad that the cop didn't read your story either less he would uhh... No idea actually...

TED! NOOOOOO! But, who was the killer, and why was Ted's gun missing?! DAMN IT! YOU GOT ME IN SUSPENSE! SUSPENSE I TELL YOU! Also, on a side note, DAT PORTAL REFERENCE.

>>10146611014661

I was hoping that the gun thing would be obvious, sorry... Ted was killed with his own gun and the killer made it look like suicide

>>10165961016596 That situation would never fool anyone. The most basic forensics would show that it wasn't a suicide... Think about it, how can someone shoot themselves from the front while holding the gun? There's also things like muzzle burn, powder residue and bullet trajectory to consider.

This is less a plot twist and more a buck to the face.

>>10170761017076

True... Unless there were people pulling some strings on their puppets, directing the scene to make it look like what the please.

WOo new chapter and it's got the MiB of ponies!

This going to intersesting

*Says "Mister Anderson" in Smith voice*

Did Twilight and the others escape before capture? why would you torment me with this lack of knowledge?!

Thank goodness that cliffhanger didn't last too long!

The first part of this chapter was pretty epic, but it seemed to taper off at the end... Can't really say why, just seems to lack the emotional charge that earlier had.

I must admit I was expecting something like this but I enjoyed it! Awesome story!

So I'm going to go ahead and say that this story has been So Awesome! and hope you do a sequel so I can work out my eye muscles some more.

Will stay tuned. Although, I think it's better to ask my question now than to ask it once you post your epilogue...

Will there be another story? I enjoyed this one very much and I'm looking forward to any other 'works of art' you publish.

Other than that question waiting to be answered... DAT ENDING. Totally unexpected, did not know Celestia had powers very similar to the Grim Reapers... 0_0

Excellent

>>10406331040633

If by another story you mean to ask if there will be a sequel, then I'm sorry to disappoint you because I've been planning on ending the story at a nice point where the reader's imagination can take over.

BUT!

I will definitely continue writing more stories, I already have ideas for a one-shot and another story that will require more time to write!

The only problem being that summer is coming to an end, I have a calculus assignment to finish and school will be starting again soon ... I will try my best to stay consistent though, because a consistent reader deserves consistent material to read!

>>10420591042059

I understand, and I expected there to be no sequel.

I also was thinking about doing a story, but SCHOOL IS ONLY ONE WEEK AWAY FOR ME.

Anyways, good luck. I don't know if I could finish my story, but i'll try. They don't give much homework on the first week of school.

NO! How dare you kill off Ted Kimmel?! NO!

Oh and...what a Twist!

I loved everything but the very end - The retelling was great, I especially liked Fluttershy's catching the lie.

The only thing I didn't really like is how Matt and RD got together. Not that they got together, but that it seems just tossed in there to make Matt happier. Personally, I think I would have preferred to see them get together in a sequel. (hint hint )

Oh, who lives in a li-bra-ry over a hill; Twi-light Spar-kle!

ARGH! I almost pissed myself there, be careful!

>>10622281062228

I'm not sure if that was a positive or a negative comment...

>>10619791061979

Sorry! I'm not planning on a sequel, which is why I tied up all of the loose ends here. Besides, what else could I write about to keep the story going?

Not to worry though! I have had ideas for more stories simmering in my head for quite some time, so your entertainment isn't being taken away; it is merely being reconstructed

>>10622621062262

Neither am I!

I was kinda hoping to see the CMC's reactions to an adult blank-flank... That would be fun to read. Maybe as a bonus chapter or something.

>>10624331062433

I was planning on leaving that to the reader's imagination