I loved it.

I wish the alternate-reality part had gone on a little longer though. It felt a little squeezed in at the end.

Awesome story!

very nice 1-shot

9k words man, nice

I quite liked the development of the plot here, and the writing flowed really well.

I had the strangest feeling that the alternative reality scene should have emphasized how much Rarity's friends meant to her, rather than just being Rarity distressed over the world being so different without her friends.  It would complete the inversion (spin? twist? improvisation?) of the premise of It's a Wonderful Life I imagined you were going for.

I also felt there was a small plot hole in that Rarity wished she had never met her friends, but she's transported into a world where they're also gone.  I still give this a thumbs-up for its fun and episode-worthy premise.

I noticed one mistake you made you said Pumpkin Pie and Pound Pie when it's Pound CAKE and Pumpkin CAKE otherwise this is pretty good.

>>871155871155>>870352870352

Thanks for the feedback. I will probalby try to revise and spit-shine it a little since it does also feel a little short and lacking in personal feelings, but I haven't found a way that would work for me yet.

>>871155871155

To clarify my train of thought on the plot hole: I first imagined the entire story, before writing the actual dialouge, and I couldn't imagine the words "I wish you never existed" to be plausible in any scenario. I still feel like it works, since Rarity's friends never having existed inevitably leads to her never having met them.

>>872406872406

Yes I did. Fixed now.

I think episode-worthy may be an understatement here.

Added the stargazing bit after the guard scene. I hope the story now moves more smoothly and it adds a little bit of depth instead of needlessly disimproving it. I'm especially interested in some feedback on that part.

Ilove it! The stargazing scene was pretty cool and definately adds emotion to it. I liked how you used the essence of the characters in the constellations and made it not super obvious. You get moustaches.

IMHO, the stargazing scene felt a little too sentimental for me, even in the spirit of both MLP:FiM and It's a Wonderful Life.  

You know the scene where Mr. Cake implies that Rarity is something of a barfly?  I would have liked to develop on that.  Since part of the dramatic power of  the "Pottersville" scene was how Bedford Falls was so much different had George Bailey not been born, I was hoping that part of the dramatic power here would be to show how much different Rarity is as a character without her friends.

I really liked this fic. You capitalized really well just how far Rarity's generosity will go, and how lost she is without her friends. There were just a couple of things that bugged me:

1. Rarity wished that she had never met her friends. So why does she end up in a world where her friends don't exist at all? Surely, they should still be there, just having never met Rarity.

2. I don't quite understand the whole alternate universe thing. Was it all a dream the whole time, or did Rarity actually go to such a world? She assumes when she wakes up that it was just a dream, but you never indicated after that whether it was or not.

>>902329902329

1. Basically, I wanted to create a reality where Rarity's friends didn't exist and then planned the dialogue. Having Rarity wish she had never met her friends seemed much more plausible than having her wish they never existed. In the end, never having existed leads to Rarity never meeting them.

2. The entire part was a dream.

Also, I should thank everony for their kind words, likes, and favorites, and so hereby I do. Thanks. Also thanks for >>896149896149 which gives me something to think about, which I can probably only apply to future stories, not this one.