Drake, a mysterious human who arrived in Equestria via a Hell Gate, dies due to unknown causes shortly after his arrival. However, with his death being witnessed by an ominous unicorn who is known for dabbling in the forbidden arts of soul collecting. Drake is revived by having his very soul placed into the body of a recently deceased dragon.
With the transportation having been possibly successful without any symptoms, that he knows of. Drake must now figure out the means of how he had gotten to Equestria, his cause of death, and these strange unknown memories that he keeps witnessing.
((Cover image is only temporary as of now, still trying to find something better))
Chapters (6)
*reads first two chapters*
Oh, thank goodness. When I saw the title, I totally thought you were going to use this.
7942715
Y'know what. I had a hunch that I had heard the title I used some where. But after doing some searches I couldn't find out where so I stuck with it, but after seeing that link, it's all coming back to me now. I recall the Super Best Friends also played that for a mystery box video.
This seems appealing to me. Continue please.
This seems interesting. Can you continue the story?
This, i need more of it
Up butt coconut up butt coconut up your butt with a coconut
Death! Forbidden Arts! Dragons! all this needs is a P-51 Mustang and you have my morning schedule.
i.ytimg.com/vi/tYlFQ_Cq99U/maxresdefault.jpg
7943402 I don't know what this is or where it came from or why it exists, but I like it.
When I saw this line I thought it was Doomguy. Oh well.
7943622 Sounds like it. I do have two doomguy stories
I'm getting a warhammer 40k vibe here.
Now this looks interesting
Keep up the good work
7943402 Flak Will take care of that!
Before I read it, what is the Dark and Thriller tag for ?
And how bad is it ?
7947282 I'm guessing the author thought he would make it look like a dark story, since death is basically something dark. And Thriller, I'm guessing that was so he could get his readers to get, like, excited.
Well damn this is very good i await the next chapter :)
7947282
7947409
I don't plan on making this your typical silly fun comedy or depressing style HiE if that's what you're thinking.
7948621
No worries. I wasn't thinking about that.
The fire fades....vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/darksouls/images/b/bc/Dark_Sigil.png/revision/latest?cb=20160615014940
Couldn't you have come up with something better than “Elysium”?
It's such an overused name.
I have a feeling like that mark is going to make transferring him back to his body a bit harder
7950583 Well when used describe a beautiful planet not really. Unless I decided to use Utopia Heaven.
7950583 this is from warhammer 40k
This story is not shit an, and you should continue to update it
Hmm? What sorta moment are we talking about? the "fun and sexy" kind or something else?
7953182 And this is why I've been requesting proof readers, I am terrible at finding my own mistakes
7953313 i might be tempted to help in that if my time allows for it. College and life may interfere but i think i might be able to help
No promises though
that dragon thatch gotta be lit
She killed the mood at such a rate that a necromancer cant revive it.
This is really peeking my excitement, keep up the good work!
This sentence is both past and present tense, should be past to match the story.
This chapter feels rough. I don't much like the unicorn referred to as "reaper pony" all the time. Splitting those two words up would be better as well as using her species. There are tense changes throughout the chapter that are a little jarring; would do this chapter good to have a lot of little minor fixes.
Sudden future tense.
This chapter, like the first, would benefit from a good editing. The use of nouns and pronouns without much variation gets old and repetitious to read. I like where the overall premise and plot is headed, but I feel the execution is hobbling the story a little.
"full"
Wasn't Emerald something of a fugitive? Having the setting be Ponyville does give easy access to a bunch of characters readers will be familiar with but it does not mesh well with the tone of the story so far.
I think there should only be one of these words, having three sounds repetitious.
Looks like two sentences collided here, gets the point across but is not clear.
Emerald changed gender here.
Emerald's motives seemed to have switched. She hired a mercenary crew to just kill a dragon so she could sell its parts and soul, she revived the marine to try and gain information, now she just seems to be helping without much of a plan. Her characters now does not match her character in the first two chapters. She also lives in Ponyville of all places.
7989107 The reason she's helping as of now is to gain the marine's trust which she would then exploit for knowledge.
Throwing a space marine into a body of a dragon and then proceed to interrogate it probably wouldn't go so well or anywhere for that matter.
7990618
Then don't let the dragon heal, keep it weak. She had so many opportunities to be mean and evil which would have gotten her the information quicker (to her knowledge) and with less effort on her part. It just seems that the Emerald on chapter 4 is not the same Emerald in chapter 1.
7990636
Then there would be no trust gained and then Emerald would probably not gain anything from the marine, if you haven't connected the dots its clear she is most likely using a facade. Yes she's criminal but she's also not one sided. Having her act as evil all the time wouldn't really give her any character except for her just being evil.
If she would've kept Drake, which she learned who was a soldier, weak and pathetic. She most likely wouldn't have gained anything from him and would've just wasted her time. Yet if she heals him, and "befriends" him, she could gain much more from him. She's a character, not a one sided villain.
Also keep in mind the story is only four chapters in, so its obviously not the end of it.
7991137
I would assume she is being two faced, but with how things are described I got the feeling she was having a change of heart. Any sort of character change in Emerald at this point just felt to sudden to me. I might have assumed wrong, but that is how I read the interaction so far. I was also a little put off by the proximity to Ponyville. Dragon hunting, mercenaries, and soul dealing witches just seem a little extreme for the setting. I was expecting some backwater town on the fringe of Equestria or even outside its borders.
I will continue to read the coming chapters and see how things turn out. Let me know if I seem too critical.
7991310
That be why I have the Alt. Uni tag m8
well it's a nice story so far and i'm definitely hooked.
i do have a few questions so far you don't have to answer them though.
first off his armor sounds a bit weird because the reflective glass helm i have never seen before on a SM, so i was wondering if you can show me a reference or if you can explain it too me.
the other thing is what Chapter of the SM is he from, altho tbh i will probably find out later in the story it's still interesting to think about and from my point of view i think he could be either a Space Wolf or one of the main chapters that fought against the Chaos spawn otherwise why would he be in the Warp.
welp keep up the good work and i'll be back for the next chapter when it comes out.
8129318
Well I'll tell you one thing for sure.
He's not from Warhammer.
loving this (story)!
I sense a purging of heretics...
Mimics.... in games be they chests, beasts or people, they are always annoying....
You think you found what you're looking for, but when you open it, kill it or talk to it, only to find a mimic......
Did you mean to make the pony at the end there to be a unicorn or a pegasus.
8158444 whoops, pegasus. Got used to writing Emerald must've made a mistake.
Before I read this, what is the Dark tag for ?
And how bad does it get ?
p.s. if you want a better image
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/295/art-for-fanfiction
8159734
If ya don't like death, don't read this. The story covers dark magic and some pretty evil stuff, it's not gory enough to be worth a gore tag or anything and as of right now it's relatively tame imo.
Also I already have the story on Art for fan fiction and I'm too busy saving up money to go throwing it out for pieces of art that I can maybe just draw myself. (I'm an amateur artist myself, but am too lazy to conduct masterpieces.)
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